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Tuesday, June 12, 2018

"Q: Won't an age of anxiety sap all sobriety...?" The 'Of' Cliche as Q&A: A Constrained Nonsense Alphabet in Rhyme

Q: Won’t an age of anxiety sap all sobriety?
A: Not if society practices piety.

Q: Who would dare to say y'all ain’t the belle of the ball?
A: I know no one at all with the requisite gall.

Q: Why’s the cream of the crop rarely land at the top?
A: Though some may make that stop, most eventually drop.

Q: Is one foolish to wed on the Day of the Dead?
A: Nonsense! Somewhere I read: “Even stiffs scruples shed.”

Q: Looms the edge of the end just around yonder bend?
A: If so, heaven forefend: we’re in deep doodoo, friend.

Q: Knows the meaning of ‘poor' ev’ry father of four?
A: Yep! It’s budget’ry war keeping wolves from the door.

Q: Might great gaggles of geese pull the plug on world peace?
A: Sure, so text the police: “Make that ‘gak-gak-gak’ cease!”

Q: Do the Analects tell of the Harr’wing of Hell?
A: They do not. (Still, don’t yell: they Confucius treat well.)

Q: Can the Island of Io sustain, in its bayou (Hey! this ain't Ohio) a crane with one eye? 
A: Oh.

Q: D’you suppose you could cram Mason jars of (say) jam into cyclotrons, ma’am?
A: Yes, if less than a dram.

Q: Might the King of the Khyber, with help from a “nighbor,” untangle this fiber?
A: Nope! King’s an imbiber.

Q: Should a pastoral band play my “Lay of the Land”?
A: Yes…unless they’re so-o-o-o-o bland that their bassist’s been canned.

Q: “Holy Mother of Mercy!” exclaimed Walker Percy. “What happened to Circe?
A: (She’d moved to New Jersey.)

Q: His query though haute is too short (and I quote): “What’s afloat in the moat?”
A: (Praise be! Nothing of note.)

Q: If her next oath of office she takes with a cough, thus: “A-h-h-h-hem!” – who’s pissed off? Us?
A: Let’s not board the Scoff Bus.

Q: Has Vern of Versailles earned his piece of the pie?
A: Sure. (And there but for “Why can’t the English?” go I.)

Q: Who’s Quixote of Queens?
A: Don’s that don, by all means, stashing billions of beans into taper-fit jeans.

Q: Which new rules of the road disallow being towed eating pie a la mode?
A: None in binary code.

Q: What think Freudian shrinks of the smile of the Sphinx?
A: Most draw psychical links to the fact that it drinks.

Q: Tell me: who takes the crown as the talk of the town?
A: Ethel Isadore Brown. She took nowt lying down.

Q: Why’s the U S of A always wind up this way?
A: Though I rue the cliché: ‘cuz its feet are of clay.

Q: Which – Vern's vat of Vouvray or my cage de au lait – contains vitamin K?
A: Neither, to both's dismay.

Q: Once the flags get unfurled, do the diatribes hurled leave one’s hair firmly curled?
A: ‘Tis the way of the world.

Q: Where’s the Xyst of Xi’an? Where’s the Yak of Yaiku? Where’s the Zorse of Zagreb.
A: In no typical zoo.

"'No Hint Has Clint'? Long out of print in Flint..." The Rain in Spain Constrain'd Yields Strains Insane: Nonsense Phonetic Exercises in Rhyme

TCM screened Pygmalion last night. The film version portrays more of the phonetic exercises Professor Higgins puts Miss Doolittle through than does the My Fair Lady musical version, though not enough. Not nearly enough. 

"No Hint Has Clint"? Long out of print in Flint.

Their goal in Seoul? Control their ozone hole.  

Who'd mull a scull through Dol?* Their chances? Null!

    * Dol-de Bretagne, France 

Hugh Grant's in Hants*, romancin' his great aunts. 

     * Short for Hampshire in the UK 

The luge is huge in Bruges, not Baton Rouge.  

My stays in Hays*? Unphased by Les Malaises. 

     * In Kansas 

The snow at Meaux*? Aglow! (How apropos!)  

     * In France

In Gaul, their Wal-Mart's all of ten feet tall.   

Sri Ram from Guam? A prominent imam. 

It’s sad how bad the haddock tastes in Chad. 

A push through Kush could smush my tender tush. 

The myrrh from Ur's imperfect -- that's for sure. 

You'll learn: in Cerne, they've furniture to burn. 

The sleet in Crete? Replete with cream of wheat.  

When snow in Stowe don’t show, you mustn't go.  

Some jakes in Aix house snakes, for heaven sakes!  

Men yearn in Berne to spurn the joint return.  

Few males in Wales raise snails in painted pails. 

Toulouse's Jews: abusive to Peru's?  

The grease in Nice displeases Suisse police. 

Who'd dance in France with pants-less Philo Vance?  

Sid spit in Split, admitted it, and quit. 

In Perth, they've earthy mirth -- for what it's worth.  

Will hoi polloi in Troy employ no goy?  

In Ghent, I lent some gent my last month's rent.  

Which dome in Rome was home to Ethan Frome? 

The sky o'er Rye* is dry. (I wonder why.)

     * In New York 

Pre-teens in Wien* are frequently unclean. 

     * Vienna, Austria 


Locations beginning with these initials remain unaddressed: E I J L O Q V X Y Z

The Losts: An ABC

     The Lost Ark Careless Hebrews lost the Ark  but Jones, a gentile, found it --  along with half a dozen nasty  Nazis runnin' 'ro...