Search This Blog

Tuesday, September 28, 2021

Her Cicada-Pole-Dancing Tattoo (Past)




     I 

My Sweetheart stands five foot plus two.
Her cheeks...? Chapp'd. Her bangs...? Bird's-egg Blue.
But the item she bears 
that's the top one she wears...?
Her cicada-pole-dancing tattoo. 

Here...? No flash -- no motifs of her crew,
no starr'd bars, no Miss Liberty's moue,
no Love's darts piercing hearts,
no black-magical arts --
just original skin -- through and through:
her cicada-pole-dancing tattoo.

     II

In Cashew, New Hampshire, I'm grocer.
(One can groce here until one grows old.)
A brand new cash register late I've acquired
to keep fives, tens and twenties controll'd. 
     To keep up with the news of my town
I subscribe to our local gazette.
The New Cashew Register keeps me inform'd
and enlightened. It's ne'er fail'd me yet.

     III

OuSiLiPo's the name proposed 
by Poe* to designate
the workshop setting silly lit 
parameters to date.
     Its namesake's France's OuLiPo --
or so thought we adherents.
Turns out it was Posillipo**
and its absurd appearance.

     * Ulysses Poe, composer 
of nonsense literature.
     ** An affluent residential 
quarter of Naples.
 
      (more nonsense to come: a work in progress)

Mr. Misogynist's Book III (11)

Annie...? Turn'd tranny. 
Aretha'll prove lethal.
Blanche bought the ranch; 
meanwhile, Beth's got bad breath.
     Crystal's a pistol. 
Coleen...? Ex-marine.
Danielle's gone ta hell. 
Dana...? Dana's near death.
 
Emma...? Unfeminine. 
Edie is seedy.
Fern...? Slow to learn, 
and Francine's just thirteen.
     Ginny...? Too skinny. 
Gail's not made bail.
Hazel's voice...? Nasal 
and Hal's an ol' queen.
 
Irma's from Burma. 
Ida...? None wider.
Judy's caught cooties 
and Jane's just a pain!
     Kate screams, "I'm late!" 
Kyra's crack'd mirras.
Lakshmi lacks knack, see...? 
Lorraine...? Best refrain.
 
Misty's facisti! 
Maryah...? Pariah!
Natalie...? "Fat"al. 
Noreen's best not seen.
     Ottile...? A schlemiel! 
(I can’t help how I feel.)
Pilar is sub-par
and Paloma's a Green. 
 
Queen still makes scenes -- 
Queen's cousin's made dozens!
Ramona's a lonah. 
They sent Rae away.
     Sorcha...? She'll scorch ya' 
while Sal's not a gal.
Tori...? Weird story... 
Tess insists that you pay!
 
Una’s a goon, 
a maroon, a buffoon.  
Viv will not give you 
the time of the day.
Willemina...? 'V’ya seen ‘er...? 
Xanthippe...? Cheap chippy! 
Yardley...? Not hardly! 
And Zelda..? She's gay! 

Mr. Misogynist's Book II (11)

Alice shows malice.
Annette's still in debt.
Bianca...? Nein, danke
Twin Bridie's untidy.
     Claire chews her hair.
Condoleezza's wed Jesus!
Dodie's a toad.
Date with Dot...? (Godamighty!)
 
Evelyn...? "Devil in-..."*
Elsie's unwell, see...?
Flavia's obvious; 
Flo...? Flo's a 'ho.'
     Gladys a fad is.
Twin Grace...? About face!
Hannah's bananas
and Helen's "no go."
 
     * "...-carnate" is believed meant.
 
Inez wears a fez
and Irenie's a meanie.
Juno's a bluenose;
twin Joy's now a boy.
     Kahtya will rot ya.
Kunegunda...? We wonda... 
Lola...? Ebola! 
And Lynn I annoy! 
 
Morgan...? A gorgon.
With Megan, you're beggin.' 
Nora’s a horrah!
Noelle isn’t well.
     Orly feels poorly;
Ondine makes a scene.
Polly'd prove folly
and Pam looks like hell!
 
Qadiri...? I'm leery.
Her twins have three chins.
Ruby's a booby
and Rose picks her nose.  
     Sigourney's so-o-o corny!
Twin Sydney...? One kidney. 
Trish is malicious;
Tawanda...? Lord knows!
 
Uta: mui puta;
her sister's got blisters.
Verna I'd spurn.
Veronique is a freak!
     Wanda we’re on ta,
while Wilma might film ya!
Xanthippe...? Still hippy – 
a geek...though unique.
 
Yasmin...? A "has-been."
twin Yentl is mental.
And Zasu...? Malaise you
had best do without.
[Each sis in this listing...?
Too weird, I'm insisting.
The evens...? Uneven. Odds...? 
Odder, no doubt!]

Monday, September 27, 2021

November the First (Past)

Last evening some kids buzz’d the bell at my door.
What follows…?  Their names and the costumes they wore:
Alfie appear’d as an ash-cover’d ghost.
Beulah me “Boo!”’d in her snood of burnt toast.
Calvin came clad in a coat of chain mail.
Doug dress’d as Roy; sister Dot dress’d as Dale.
Eve’s ev’ry inch…? Either ecru or yellow.
Freddie’s fun fat suit made Fred “one stout fellow.”
Gillian's get-up...? The garb of a ghoul.
Hans was a haddock. (He haul’d his own pool!)
I is for Ivy, in indigo draped.
His jock strap Jules wore. (And, like Darth, he came caped.)
K is for Kent, in a kilt…and that’s all!
Lil…? Like a look-alike Lucille Ball.
M is for Miles, his mug (mostly) was mask’d.
Nellie came naked; yet, nobody ask’d.
Oliver’s outfit was Oil of Olay.
Pam’s pink pajamas were papier-mache.
Q is for Quinn. As Quixote…? Not quite…
Rudy arrived as The Radical Right.
S is for Sal. Her serape…? Surreal!
Tim wore a tux of titanium steel.
U’s for Ulysses, in underwear. (Ugh!)
Vince wore a vest – and our vicar’s old rug.
Ward wore a worsted wool waistcoat in white.
Xan sported x-rated socks. Such a sight!
Yul wore a yashmak of yellow-stain’d sheets.
Z…but by that hour I’d run out of treats.

'-on'sense Forms (Past)

"Allez vous-en!"sense. Above and beyon’sense. 
Butter pecansense. Beauty salonsense. 
"Clap off, clap on!"sense. Corporate bondsense. 
Dropp'd her batonsense. Dishwater blondsense. 

Eleanor Bronsense. Ever so wansense.
Fleming's James Bon'sense. Fashion's beau mondesense.
Gulf of Omansense. Gamba, Gabonsense.
Hilary Hahnsense...? Havin' you onsense. 

"I'm on the johnsense”: it's the Sechuan!sense.
Jaffna, Ceylonsense. Jordon's Ammansense. 
Karaboudjansense. Sam's Kublai Kahnsense.
Lemon chiffonsense...? "Let's get it on!"sense.
 
Madeline Kahnsense. Martin's "Right on!"sense. 
Nudniks named Jonsense need to move onsense.
Over the pondsense. OBE Fonzsense.
Pink put uponsense. “Puri or naan…?”sense. 

Quiet flows Donsense. Quote your Qur'ansense. 
Ron-ron-ron-ron-ron-ron-ron-doo-ron-ronsense. 
Sine qua nonsense. "Sloopy, hang on!"sense.
Trumpeter swansense. Thither 'n' yonsense. 

Uncle Hassansense. Up before dawnsense.
Vicki loves Seansense. Virtual yawnsense. 
Westhaven, Connsense. Will it catch on...?sense. 
Xenon from Bonnsense. Xerox ten chonsense. 

Yaki udonsense. "You're puttin' me on!"sense. 
Zen…? That’s Nipponsense. Zamora's Don Juansense.
(The poet who wrote this…? He’s long dead and gonesense:
he's left it to you to pen new forms of nonsense.)  

Fractured Foreign Frases (Past)

     A cappella:
Collaboration 
between 
cartoonist Al and 
jazz singer Fitzgerald

     Ad nauseam:
Any TV commercial 
that makes you want to 
throw up

     Lese majeste:
A totally apathetic king

     Ab initio:
A monogram 
tattoo’d on someone’s 
external oblique

     Al Dente:
The name of the 
garage monkey 
who pounds out all of those dings
in your '17 Chevy Silverado 

     Annus mirabilis:
What to call your bottom 
when you can see it by twisting 
in front of a full-length mirror

An Inconvenient Futh (Unpub)

I. Re: 26-letter, 5-vowel alphabet (“VV”) in which 
letter Y is treated -- initially -- as a consonant.

     Disposition 1

If the vowels of the alphabet as it is known today ("VV")
are seen to line up in a vertical column when the full 
complement of 26 letters is arrayed in rows in order from 
left to right, the beginning portion of the resulting array 
appears as in fig. 1.1:

fig. 1.1

                                  

 





In order for the next vowel in the sequence, letter O, to 
line up directly below the earlier vowels and thus continue 
their columnar alignment, the letters of consonantal dyad 
M/N must interrupt the established pattern and position to 
the left of letter O -- the subsequent letters reverting to 
the earlier patterning, as appears in fig. 1.2:

fig. 1.2


 







A similar repositioning occurs when the following two 
letters, the consonantal dyad S/T preceding the vowel U, 
are reached, with the continuing series of letters reverting 
once again to the earlier-established columnar alignment. 
The final two letters, the consonantal dyad Y/Z, position 
directly below the earlier M/N and S/T dyads, and the 
final array appears as shown in fig. 1.3:
                                                                                                                 
fig. 1.3












The resulting array exposes several troubling gaps in an 
otherwise nearly perfect 6x6, 36-letter -- or, rather, a 
36-position -- grid. The flaws in this array, though the 
array possesses some positive characteristics, are clearly 
displayed in fig. 1.4

fig. 1.4


 








As fig. 1.4 reveals, the array of this first disposition is 
asymmetrical and fails to account for fully 10 missing 
letters, including, significantly, a missing vowel. More 
importantly, the vertical column of vowels skews left -- 
a so-called “progressive tendency” likely to prove 
problematical later, as have such tendencies during past 
attempts at alphabetical reform. When this asymmetry 
is corrected by providing additional positions for currently 
unrevealed letters -- by providing, in fact, an entirely 
new vertical column positioning to the left of the array 
as it appears in fig. 1.4, such that the vertical vowel 
column now appears at the center within the array -- 
the resulting array is as appears in fig. 1.5:

fig. 1.5












This adjustment, however, exposes the existence of an 
unprecedented 16 missing letters, among them the still 
unaccounted for vowel. (It may be helpful to note here 
that an array which posits a six-vowel universe -- i.e., 
one in which the letter Y is treated as a vowel (the so-
called “VIV” or “Six-Vowel Universe”) -- reveals a 
disposition configured as appears in fig. 1.6:

fig. 1.6

 
 









Although the missing vowel noted in the five-vowel array 
is now accounted for in this new six-vowel array, there do 
remain 16 missing letters. Where are these lost elements? 
Why are there so many? No simple answers to these 
questions and others have as yet presented themselves, 
but perhaps an entirely new disposition, if it doesn't posit 
some answers, may at least address the questions.

     Disposition 2

In this revisionist disposition, the first nine letters of the 
current alphabet are displayed in a single horizontal row 
in order from left to right. The resulting pattern is beautifully 
symmetrical, consisting of a primary triad disposed in three 
monads of vowels (A/E/I) interrupting two triads of consonants 
(B/C/D and F/G/H), as is shown in fig. 2.1:

fig. 2.1







If the remaining 17 letters of the current alphabet are positioned 
from left to right in a horizontal row beneath the first row, this 
second row also proves symmetrical, appearing as a kind of 
proportional expansion on the structure of the first row in that 
it displays, among other units, two monads of vowels (O/U) 
which are elements, along with three flanking pentads of 
consonants (J/K/L/M/N, P/Q/R/S/T and V/W/X/Y/Z), in a 
higher-order, five-element grouping, as is shown in fig. 2.2:

fig. 2.2



   
 




This second disposition, though its implied 17x2, 34-element 
array is not perfect (critics of a Chomsky persuasion have 
suggested it to be pluperfect, but these have not, in the 
final analysis, proven credible – nor have their theories), 
may be considered an improvement over Disposition 1 in 
that (a) its construction reveals only eight missing letters 
(four on both the left and right flanks of the top row) -- and 
no missing vowels -- and that (b) it displays a telling series 
of parallelisms, as is revealed in figs. 2.3 and 2.4:

fig. 2.3


 









fig. 2.4











Of particular note are the pentadic resonances displayed in 
fig. 2.3. -- the lower row consisting of a group of three 
consonantal pentads interrupted by a pair of vowels -- the 
O/U dyad -- to form a higher-order pentad of elements -- 
the three lower-order pentads and the two vowels -- and 
the upper row consisting of a single pentad composed of the 
three vowels and the two triadic consonantal groupings 
mentioned earlier -- and the analogous triadic resonances 
displayed in fig. 2.4. The final full disposition appears as in 
fig. 2.5:

fig. 2.5









One improvement over Disposition 1 exhibited by this new 
disposition’s solution are a reduction by half of implied missing 
characters, from 16 to 8. But can this disposition be improved 
upon even further?

     Disposition 3

Returning to a predominantly vertical five-vowel columnar 
arrangement, the characters are arrayed leaving gaps as 
space holders to allow a perfect array to unfold, as is shown 
in fig. 3.1:

fig. 3.1


 









Though the left-leaning tendency of the now vertical column 
of vowels (resulting from the abandonment of the centered 
vertical column of vowels, regardless of the number of 
characters) continues problematical, the overall order displayed 
is commendable. Still, there do remain the four missing 
elements. What are they? Where have they gone? The latter 
question may be unanswerable at present. As to the former, 
they must prove to be new graphic signs, possibly representative 
of new sounds. What new sounds they might represent, and 
whether those sounds might be vowels (an eventuality which 
would call for an entirely new disposition) or consonants -- this 
question, too, may be at present unanswerable. But more than 
a few candidates offer themselves for consideration as 
representatives of these new signs. One solution is to create 
these new letterforms from graphic materials already provided 
by the so-called central vowels -- i.e., the second, third and 
fourth vowels (E, I and O) -- namely, the circle, the vertical 
stroke and the series of horizontal strokes. Fig. 3.2 displays 
several examples from possibilities employing these materials:

fig. 3.2


 





Inserting these new graphics into the spaces provided yields a 
new alphabet -- a 30-letter array (five vowels, 25 consonants) 
disposed in a 6x5 grid appearing as in fig. 3.3:

fig. 3.3


 









But, as mentioned earlier, the names and the sounds of these 
letters, and any others like them, remain yet to be determined.

II. Re: 24-letter, 6-vowel alphabet (“VIV”) in which Y is treated 
as a vowel.

     Disposition 4

Continuing to anticipate that, as the letters are disposed in 
horizontal rows in order from left to right, the vowels will align 
themselves in a vertical column, the newest disposition appears 
as in fig. 4.1:

fig. 4.1


 








The consonantal dyad M/N then moves from its original position 
in that array (fig. 4.1) to the vacant spaces at the end of the last 
row of the array created by the exhausting of the letter sequence 
of the original alphabet, as in fig. 4.2:

fig. 4.2


 








The consonantal dyad S/T similarly repositions to spaces left 
vacant in an implicit seventh row, leaving space for an implied 
vowel to position beneath the vowel column. This disposition 
appears as in fig. 4.3:

fig. 4.3


 











One procedure for avoiding the necessity of creating for the 
new seventh row several additional new letters (or, alternatively, 
of discovering lost ones) -- letters voiced with new sounds and 
employing new orthographical functions -- is to eliminate 
entirely this newly created row in which the consonantal dyad 
S/T currently positions. Spaces in which to insert the S and 
the T can be located within the array -- e.g., the functions of 
letter F can be performed by the PH letter combination, thus 
allowing the elimination of letter F and the replacement of it 
by letter S. Further, the functions of letter J can be performed 
by the letter I, thus allowing the elimination of letter J and the 
replacement of it by the letter T. Eliminating these two letters 
and replacing them with S and T reveals an array as is shown 
in figs. 4.4 and 4.5:

fig. 4.4


 











fig. 4.5












This new array displays a 4-row, 6-column, 6-vowel, 24-letter 
alphabet (the vowels are in boldface) and a set of mnemonics 
useful in committing to memory the new letter sequence for 
all familiar with the early sing-song rhyme (researchers are 
currently developing a new sing-song rhyme using these 
mnemonics to replace the old):
                                                          A  B  C D = ("Cab D")
                                                          E  S  G H = ("Sheg") 
                                                          I   T  K L = ("Klit")
                                                          O  P  Q R = ("Porq")
                                                          U  V  W X = (" Wu15")
                                                          Y  Z  M N = ("Mynz")

This new alphabet provides all the functionality of the current 
26-letter version -- and, perhaps more importantly, displays 
a very attractive regularity. As the positive and negative 
aspects of each of these dispositions continue to be reviewed 
and evaluated, an examination of the alphabet from an entirely 
new perspective, that of its characters’ graphic shapes, may 
prove timely.

III. Re: 26-letter, 7-vowel alphabet (“VIIV”) -- a digression

     Disposition 5

Using the five fingers of the left hand (amputees and readers 
repelled by shameless puns are advised to disregard this digression) 
as a kind of “digital” computer, and disposing the traditional 
26-character alphabet in a continuing sequence vertically into 
five-unit subgroup columns, retaining the first letter in each 
5-character column and eliminating from consideration letters 
two through five in each column, an alphabet is created which 
possesses a new order, as is shown in the figure below:

     (additional figures to come: a work in progress)

Note the regular -- almost! -- distribution of vowels in this 
disposition. No vowels appear in the second half of the alphabet; 
all appear in the first half. In fact, every second character in the 
first half is a vowel, the single anomaly being  the letter K 
within this so-called left vowel hemisphere. The arguably inevitable 
conclusion -- that K is a vowel -- has been disavowed (disavoweled?) 
by a narrow but not insignificant majority of responsible critics, 
while the researcher originally drawing this conclusion, along with 
all supporters, has been, not inappropriately, disemvowled.
It must be noted, by the way, what has not gone unnoticed by 
many researchers: That this disposition is capable, prior to the 
elimination of expendable letters in the lower columns below the 
retained alphabet, of doing double duty as a word search game, 
four from among a host of solutions to which (i.e., ‘chins,’ ‘snide,’ 
‘snot’ and ‘swag,’) are indicated by the figs. below. The overall 
theme for such a search (if it exists) remains
undetermined.
 
Any further inferences to be drawn from this digression must be 
postponed for the time being.

IV. Re: 13-letter (5 vowels, 7 consonants) alphabet: An Inconvenient 
Futh (an “IF” and/or a "butt")? 

What about an alphabet designed, rendered and organized based 
on the shapes of its component letterforms? What might be the 
advantages and pitfalls of such an alphabet?

First, some preliminary observations.

There are, in the current 26-letter alphabet, a multiciplity of stroke 
characteristics exhibited. Strokes can be seen as straight or curved. 
Straight strokes can be seen as vertical, horizontal or diagonal. 
Regarding characters with multiple straight strokes, the strokes 
can be of a single quality (i.e., vertical only, diagonal only, etc.) 
or be composed of strokes of more than one quality (i.e., vertical 
and horizontal, vertical and diagonal, etc.). (Imagined characters, 
exhibiting the qualities indicated in the various column headings 
but not appearing in the current 26-character alphabet, appear in 
shaded boxes. The letter M may appear in either of two categories.)
 
Further, there are, in the current 26-letter alphabet, a multiplicity 
of symmetries exhibited.

4.1 The Five Strōkularities of the IF, consisting of:

     4.1a: The Fifteen Invariants:

          I. The Four Pure Diagonoids or Diagonoid Only (diag. I)* 
{X, M, W, V}

          II. The Five InvariBlends or Diagonoid + Horivert (diag. II) 
{Z, A,Y, K, N}

          III. The Six Pure Horiverts or Horivert Only (diag. III) 
{T, I, L, F, H, E}

          * M and its invert W are together herein treated as 
diagonoids, even though occasionally their graphs, as expressed 
in one or another particular typeface, do not consist strictly of 
pure diagonoid elements. The abbreviation ’diag.,’ of course, 
designates the various diagrams below and is not to be confused 
with the diagonoids.

     and 4.1b: The Eleven Arciformants:

          IV. The Eight ArciBlends or Mixed Arci/Invar (diag. IV) 
{G, Q, R, B, D, P, J, U}

          V. The Three Pure Arciformants (diag. V) {S, O, C}

4.2 The Seven Symmetricals:
     4.2a The Omnisymmetrical
          (The “O” Subgroup)

     4.2b The Duplasymmetrical
          (The “HOXI” Subgroup)

     4.2c The Vertisymmetrical
          (The so-called "Hoxi/ViewMyWat" -- “HOXI/VUMYWAT" Subgroup)

     4.2d The Horizometrical
          (The so-called “Hoxi/DavidBeckham” -- “HOXI/DBECK” Subgroup)

     4.2e The Diagometrical
          (The so-called “Cream Cheese” -- “LOX” subgroup)

     4.2f The Diag/Revertrical
          (The so-called “Hoxi/Achoo!” (“Ox/SNeeZe”) Subgroup)

     4.2g The NoNoNometrical
          (The so-called “FaGs & JaPs & QueeRs” -- “FG/JP/QR” 
Subgroup)

4.3 A Sidebar: Quartal and Octal Torque
 
4.4 The “Thweet Thirteens”
 
4.5 The Thweetest Thirteen:

ABC = CAB; DEF = FED; MJONUZY = NYJUZOM; or,
Cab Fed Mo' NY Juz! an Inconvenient Futh
A   B   C    D   E   F    M   J   O   N   U   Z   Y
C   A   B / F   E   D / M   U   J   O / Z   Y   N 

(to be continued; a work in progress; 
explanatory figures will be inserted soon) 

Losts & Founds: An ABC

     The Lost Ark Careless Hebrews lost the Ark  but Jones, a gentile, found it --  along with half a dozen nasty  Nazis runnin' 'ro...