Cartoon Caption Contest

[  ] "Well, that's four vowels done. Just one to go." 

[  ] "The boys in Marketing suggest we call it 'fire.'"

[  ] "The idea came to me while I was relaxing at the cave." 

[  ] "...And it'll never go flat."

[  ] "A pair will run you 99 bucks...plus a tenner for installation."

[  ] "Now that you mention it, I am a bit peckish. Why do you ask...?"

[  ] "And here's the beauty part: when it rolls is gathers absolutely no moss."

[  ] "Everybody loves two of 'em but nobody can stand a third."

[  ] " It's nice. But will it work with the square peg your brother-in-law invented...?"

[  ] "The giant in the next valley ordered it...says it's for his girlfriend."

[  ] "It's made out of rock and it rolls. What would you call it...?"

[  ] "_____________________________________________."

                                     (your caption here)

More Gals & Gigs: Additional Instances of Nominative Determinism

      Aptronyms both apt and nimble

     Journalist covering new Trump campaign

Grace Hunderphyre

     Qanon follower 

Eileen Tudor-Wright   

     Female Rabbi 

Mavis Bea Amitzva

     Restaurant salad bar purchasing agent 

R. D. Choque-Hartz

     Lesbian rodeo cowgirls

Andie and Elle O'Plaigh

     Pioneer in development of television technology

Kath O'Dreigh 

     Millenium sect leader

D. Essie Raye

 

     Psychotherapist

Penny Foyer-Thawtz 

     Oldest High-School Diploma award recipient  

Faye DeComp-Leigh

     Local politician recently defecting to GOP 

Annie Portina-Storm

     Retired vaudeville song-and-dance sister act 

Shelby Qumm 'n' Rhonda Mauntyn

WoLaLy: EYES, EARS, NOSE

     The word ladder:

EYES > DYES > DOES > DORS > MORS > MARS > 
EARS > BARS > BASS > BOSS > LOSS > LOSE > 
NOSE

     The WoLaLy:

"Blind 'ayes' may have it, mind. But how fare eyes

of wine-dark hues or blues in spun-dried dyes 

which fall on more than orb of Cyclops does...?"

Thus queries blondined Brit Diana Dors.

(Her drift, in Latin...? "Mihi lucrum mors." *)

Yet Di's from Venus, whereas I'm from Mars,

so loathe to lend my muted mutant's ears.

     * To me, death be reward.

     (a work in progress)

     The Colloquy

WoLaLy's orthography is determined in a manner reminiscent of the 

spelling method employed by certain fans of France's OuLiPo when 

referencing that influential literary movement.

     OuLiPo is shorthand for 'Ouvroir de litterature potentielle. WoLaLy 

is shorthand for 'word ladder lyric.'

     A word ladder is a series of words created by altering one letter in 

the spelling of a beginning word to form a second word, then changing 

one letter in that word to form a third word, and so on until a final 

word is spelt, leaving a series of words.

     An example: SOUP > SOUS > NOUS > NOTS > NUTS. 

     (The letter struck through is the letter altered; the letter in bold 

is the letter substituted for the letter in that same position within the 

word previous.)

     A WoLaLy consists of a series of lines, the final word of each line 

being one of the word ladder words taken in order. 

     A WoLaLy can also consist of a series of rhyming distichs, the final 

word of alternating lines being one of the word ladder words taken in 

order and the final word of the other line in the distich being a word 

which rhymes with that particular word ladder word. The word ladder 

word can end either the first or the second line of the distich. 

     When rhyming distichs are being attempted, the final word in each 

odd-numbered line of each distich in order is one of the words of a word 

ladder taken in order.

     In that case the final word of each even-numbered line of each distich 

in order is a word which rhymes with the final word of the line just above. 

Thus rhyming distichs are formed.

     Instead of appearing as the final word in odd-numbered lines of each 

distich, it can appear as the final word in even-numbered lines; in either 

case, the distichs generated are rhyming distichs, though, to repeat, 

rhyming lines are not an essentiol component of the WoLaLy.

     The meter of the lyric varies with each individual poem.

     The total length of the lyric depends, of course, on the total number 

of words in the source word ladder and whether or not distichs are 

a feature of the scheme.

Gals & Their Gigs (aka Rhondas & Their Rackets, Connies & Their Callings or Debbys & Their Dodges)

OCCUPATION:
Journalist podcasting about craft beers, wines and spirits
NAME:
Scheherazade Ogg-d'Ettbitter

OCCUPATION: 
Rights advocate for regional LGBTQ communities
NAME:
Freda B. Ewen-Mee

OCCUPATION:
Climate Activist Treasurer in local Hitler Youth  

NAME:
Hannah Greene-Goebbels

     (more Gals to come: a work in progress)

The Idylls of Ubu: Cantos VIII, IX & X: RBI BIO, RUB 'YAT & URB OUI

(a work in progress)

The Idylls of Ubu, Cantos VI & VII: ROB YOU & BRA ORB

(a work in progress)

Runcibl'd Perispooner

Streaming's such a racket -- it's costin' me a packet. :
Pay-Per-View ::
(Me): Don't y'all smell gas...? (You): Don't be an ass! :
Vapor! Phew!

Wordplaythings IV: The Party Game

Grab your 

scissors, 

cut out your 

favorite 

MAGA-

mendacity 

conversation 

balloon text

and pin it 

nearest to 

whichever

cavity it 

sounds like 

it's issuing 

from.

Wordplaythings III: The Deep (State) Dive Into Donald's Toy Chest

     What's globular, plastic-coated, titian-topp'd  and balder than a cacklefruit...?

It's Drumph's MAGAgic Hate Ball, 

resembling nothing more nor less than one 

alarmingly porcine ball -- whether spit-,

sour-, soft-, odd-, low-, scuzz-, scum-, 

butter-, puff-, moth-, foos-, hair-, golf-,

sleaze-, base-, dirt-, screw-, slime-, goof-, 

curve-, black-, cannon-, knuckle- or 

racquet- racket- is entirely your call.

Just ask your Hate Ball a yes-or-no 

question, then shake it three times and 

turn it upside down to read the answer 

appearing in its bay window, an answer 

always expressed, of course, in only good

words -- indeed, "the very best words."

A small selection of 

MAGAgic Hate Ball Answers:

"GRAB

'EM BY THE

PUSSY."

"JEB LIKES

ILLEGALS BECAUSE 

OF HIS WIFE."

"THEY'RE 

MURDERERS, THEY'RE

RAPISTS."

"I HAVE

DOUBTS HE WAS BORN

IN THIS COUNTRY."

"MIDLER IS AN

EXTREMELY UNATTRACTIVE

WOMAN."

"I HAVE A GREAT

RELATIONSHIP WITH

THE BLACKS."

"BAN ALL 

MUSLIMS ENTERING

THE US..."

"HATE

IS WHAT WE

NEED."

 

"LAZINESS

IS A TRAIT OF 

BLACKS..."

"I

LOVE THE POORLY

EDUCATED."

Wordplaythings II: The Barbie Doll

 

THE KLAUS BARBIE
EINS

THE KLAUS BARBIE
ZWEI

Wordplaythings I: The Smurf

 

SMURFY'S LAW:
If stuff CAN get smurf'd up,
stuff WILL get smurf'd up...
and always in the
smurf'd-upest possible way.

WoLaLy: SOUP to NUTS

These verses concern (if their accents don't droop)

crumbling crackers 'n' rusks into alphabet soup.

Biscuits (Triscuits 'n' Carr's) are the hardtack I choose.

(Scores -- and more! -- y'all can score with a fistful of sous.)

Them Premium Unsalted Tops...? They'll do, too

(as will Late July Classic Saltines, entre nous).

Munch Crunchmasters! They come in hundred-pound lots,

ever term'd "de rigueur" by our planet's "have-nots."

Ergo, biscuits be basics -- no 'if's, 'and's or 'but's.

(Thus my meal, like my song, starts with 'soup,' ends up nuts.)

 

     * Crackers can be called biscuits in the UK.

M&M's X 2: Four Graphic Marks

 

     In the column to the left 

appear four graphic marks

incorporating the letter M.

     The first represents a

single stylized M atop an

image of a stack of pages.

     The marks were designed 

by illustrator Uly Poe during 

one of his former lives.

     The second represents 

the letters MB contained 

within a graphic rule.

     Poe can no longer recall 

the names of the clients who 

commissioned the marks,

the third of which appears

to portray the letters MC.

     That one is followed by a 

mark introducing the letters 

MW which appear to provide

the data in an economic bar

chart.

     None of the four contain 

milk chocolate, nor do any

feature a thin candy shell.

Clerihews for Uly's Friends & Relations: an Ongoing Series

Adrian Boyer

channels Tom Sawyer --

though instead of lighting out for the territories,

he's heading for Florence, Italy where he'll doubtless enjoy encounters which will make for some intriguing stories. 

Sebastian Boyer,

a reticent warrior,

is nonetheless able to punch out some miscreant's lights

if that scumbag should dare to endanger Seb's fam'ly (although Baz prefers to steer clear of such fights.

Hungry Jazzmen: a Graphic Mark

Poetaster Poe Computes or Wonk at Work

 

You Say "Potato" and I Say "Capsicum Annuum": a Sound Limerick

     In most cases, your second reading 

     will likely prove the poet's intended one. 

Linnaeus! Linnaeus! Linnaeus! 

Carl can knee us...filet us...decry us:
un-unsnarl'd, each expression

breeds one gnarly mess -- 'n'

I loathe how in knots our tongues tie us.

Ubu, Rah! A Nonsense Cradled in a Flapdoodle Nestled in a Poppycock

On the Isle of ArUbu, renown'd for its scUbu, where blows the HaboUbu -- 

where flows a cerulean deep blue DanUbu -- there Winnie-ther-PooUbu, 

with Honey-ther-BooUbu and rapper Ice CUbu, promotes JiffyLUbu's

"We patch innertUbus!"...all re-deconstructed by Goldberg the RUbu.

     (image to come: a work in progress)

The Idylls of Ubu, Canto V: OUR BAY

     Canto VI: OUR BAY

     (Guanabara, San Francisco or Fundy...it all depends on who "our" refers to.)

     (a work in progress)  

The Idylls of Ubu, Canto IV: YORUBA

      Canto IV: YORUBA 

Your Ma's Yoruba...? Good for her! My Ma's Heruba, that's for sure.

And as for me...? Myruba, pure. Our two Ourubas we endure.

Do we embrace Theiruba...? No! Now, Ándale! Arriba!! Go!!!

Our furlough in Aruba's due...nay: overdue! I'm psych'd. (Aren't you...?)

     * A West-African ethnicity common in parts of Nigeria, Benin and Togo.

The Idylls of Ubu, Canto III: IOU RUB

     Canto III: IOU RUB

Although I owe but cannot pay, I'll live to pay another day.
You can't pay either...? Join the club of deadbeat cads! Ah-h-h-h, there's the rub,
for ev'ry club imposes dues (I don't suppose that's breaking news),
and you drank yours at Jarry's Pub on payday last. Hah! There's the nub. 

Poe at P&P

 

   On the poetry shelf at Politics and 

Prose bookstore in Washington, DC, 

recent volumes of the Nonsense 

verses and illustrations of Ulysses 

Poe appear between works by Sylvia 

Plath and those of Maya Popa. (Missing

is his title One, Two, Many! Perhaps

somebody purchased it.) Poe's volumes

can be found as well in the store's

humor section, adjacent to the collected works of Amy Poehler.

The Idylls of Ubu, Canto II: RUI BOU

      Canto II: RUI BOU   

Hachimura downhill runs, a-scorin' buckets and "and one"s.

Within the Liga ACB, would Rui be "El Bou...?" Could be.

     * Power forward for the NBA's Lakers. * When a player dribbles past defenders while heading towards the basket in order to score, she is said 

to be "going downhill." * Making a basket is "scoring a bucket." * A single 

free-throw awarded after a player is fouled while successfully scoring a 

basket. * The top professional basketball division of the Spanish basketball 

league system. * "The Ox" in the Catalan language. *Do we smell trade 

rumors...?

The Idylls of Ubu, Canto I: UBU ROI

 

King Ubu today
(after Jarry's illustration)

     Canto I: UBU ROI

     Alfred Jarry's word for poo...? 'Twas 'ubu.'         (Ev'rybody knew.)

  Ubu Roi offended all who that night sat in Al's   famed hall.

  (Brits employ'd a diff'rent word, translating 'Ubu   Roi' 'King Turd.')

     Fat, dishonest, greedy, cruel -- a cowardly   mendacious fool --

  Herr Ub' der Boob blends Modern Man with traits   of Tân 'n' Taliban.

  When Ubu hits, the fan base farts non-stop...and   modernism starts.

     * December 10, 1896. * Which is not to say in London's Albert Hall, of course, nor one 

particular hall of fame, and certainly not any hall owned by Jarry himself, but instead in the Theatre de L'OEuvre at what's today's Theatre de Paris. * Except for a lack of reference to hair color (or hair at all), this list of the several character traits of King Ubu doesn't fail to bring to mind a similar one matching up item for item with that of a twice-impeached 

ex-POTUS. * Tân is short for Viet Tân whose activities promote non-violent 

political change in Vietnam. (Without a caret over its a, 'Tan' might also refer 

to the dreaded Black and Tans, brutish British recruits enrolled in the Royal Irish Constabulary during the time of the Troubles. The Vietnamese organization is outlawed there, where it's considered a "terrorist force." (It seems one man's \

shoe bomber is another's freedom fighter.) 

     (a work in progress; additional cantos will be displayed in separate posts)

     

A Clothespin Before Ozmosis

 

A Dual Citizenship

Of all girls from the Urals named Mindy
who could speak classic Greek (also Hindi),
one gnome purr'd Homer's sagas --

perform'd 'em as ragas! -- 

and bore on her forehead a bindi.

Min'd increase links to Greece -- think Bysshe Shelley --

yet stay'd also in thrall to New Delhi,

Patna, Goa et al., 

snarfing horta and dal,

great cuisine she'd late seen on our telly.

As a teen, when a green candy-striper, 

she'd use mops to sluice slops from my diaper. 

[Spawn'd in Sparta, her niece -- 

dubb'd Siddhart'a in Greece --

got tagg'd Iphigeneia in Jaipur.]
     

Part Athenian, part Hindustani,

she could balance those halves -- plu-uncanny!
Spotted practicing yoga
though lacking her toga...?
That's Min, Greco/Indian nanny!

DRT

DON'T READ THIS!

Dance Steps From Memes PC&S

In the night of the heat
where you live on the street
you advance then retreat
as you follow the fleet
never skipping a beat
(lather, rinse 'n' repeat)
of this suite of these sweet 
sixteen metrical feet.

You're one dancin' machine,

so begin your Beguine

at the Stage Door Canteen

where it's hard bein' green

(can't you see what I mean...?)

if you know where you've been.

(Has there e'er made the scene 

any sweeter sixteen...?)

Some folks feel it's defeatist

and not the upbeatest

to ask whose feet's fleetest

between each elitist.

Mine aren't the petitest. 

albeit the neatest...

(This list's the completest:

so which sixteen's sweetest...?)

Old Guy Rhymin': Prelude, Poesy & Precis

     Prelude 

     "Take care of the pence; the pounds will take care of themselves."

          -- William Lowndes, British Secretary of the Treasury, 1696-1724

     "Take care of the sense; the sounds will take care of themselves."

          -- Lewis Carroll's Dutchess to Alice in Through the Looking Glass

     "Take care of the tents; the towns will take care of themselves."

          -- Persian polymath, poet and purported pavilion producer 

             Omar Khayyam

     "Take care of the hence; the hounds will take care of themselves.”

          -- A. C. Swinburne, who writes, “When the Hounds of Spring... “

      "Take care of the bents; the bounds will take care of themselves."

           -- tbd

     "Take care of the drench; the drown'ds will take care of themselves"

          -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge, who in his "The Rime of the Ancient 

             Mariner" writes, "...And all the boards did shrink." 

     Poesy 

Appalling chords did plink...? 

Our Steinway sounded out of tune.

Who'd haul ass towards the brink...? 

Louise 'n' Thelma shoot the moon.

     King Saul wields swords of zinc...? 

Them Philistines be in a fix.

Post gall, I pour'd in ink...? 

My Colorverse/digestive mix.

     A stall at Ford's, d'ya think...? 

So, where will Honest Abe get shot...?

Why're y'all green gourds dyed pink...? 

'Cuz green's too cool while pink is hot.

     That moll affords a wink...? 

The gangster's girlfriend's mighty fine. 

"And all the hordes did stink...?" 

Indeed, a glitch in rhyme saves line.

     Précis

-pall- chords plink, haul towards brink;

Saul swords zinc, gall pour'd ink.

Stall Ford's think, y'all gourds pink;

moll -fords wink, all hordes stink!

"Ill"ustrations in Iambics

My father's Uncle Titus 

has osteoarthritis.
The triplets -- Keir, Ken, Korey:

Doc's verdict...? "H. Pylori."

     My mother's Aunt Louise 

caught Legionnaire's disease.
With next-door neighbor Sidney, 

it's cancer of the kidney.
     My sister's in a coma 

with multiple myeloma.
A distant cousin -- Cyrus --  

contracted West Nile Virus.
     Some rabid rats gave rabies 

to Biddy and her babies.
And, though I feel like hell, 

I'm he who they call 'well.'