On Which Brain Are You Drawin'? A Nonsense ABC

One draws on her Apartheid brain,
another 'pon his Birthright brain.
Yet no soul wins but one who grins...
and draws on her/his Cockfight brain.
     O, left brain, left brain, left brain:
"Rock of Ages for me cleft" brain!

Ike draws upon his Dwight brain;
"Tricky" tries his Erudite brain.
Then Dick perps a con, one drawn upon
his Plumbers' Fly-by-night brain.
     O, left brain, left brain, left brain:
"Bound 'n' blinded, dumb'd and deaf'd" brain!

Every warm Gemutlichkeit brain –
each so-o-o-o trumps the Hitlerite brain.
For, who'd not term 'sick' Herr Adolph's pique
with folk of Isra'lite brain? 
     O, left brain, left brain, left brain:
"Lefty's left -- left me bereft" brain!

Jonathan draws on his Jacobite Lite brain
while Kimberlee draws on her "'Knee' (sic)*- say'n' knight" brain.
(Scan both if you'd find a bi-cameral mind:
Plu-parietal probes show both linked at the lobes.)
And, as neither's too bright, both prove less than polite
as they draw on their "Luddites: Unite!" brain. 
     O, left brain, left brain, left brain:
"C-'d, F-'d, bass-'d 'and treble-clef'd" brain!

* The famed Python knights actually say "ni" of course.

Joe's drawing upon his McCarthyite brain,
so we're secreting our Neo-Trotskyite brain.
How Joe'd love to indict us (at least to affright us),
thus stifling our Overly recondite right brain. 
     O, left brain, left brain, left brain:
"Deft Klephts Lev'rage Clever Thefts" brain!

She (Juliet) draws on her "Portuguese Plight" brain.*
Her Romeo on his quint'ssential Brit's "Quite!" brain.
Harsh words are exchanged. Both act daffy, deranged,
crying, "Sof'! Wha' laght thru'..." as each drawls on his Right brain.
     O, left brain, left brain, left brain:
"Do-si-do and all'mand left" brain!

Wien sets alight the Skintight brain,
which heightens the Transvestite brain.
O, wigs! O, gowns! O, Tinseltowns:
ignite the Urban limelight brain! 
     O, left brain, left brain, left brain:
"Old Dutch Cleanser, Tide and Dreft" brain!

Scan your (very) full o' shite brain:
has it turned Walpurgis Night brain?
And the enemy? Bonhommie-free,
her lark's "'X' marks the 'spite'" brain! 
     O, left brain, left brain, left brain:
"Marlen' Dietrich'd, Hild'gard Neff'd" brain!

You're still drawing on your Yesternight brain?
Best engage your "-geber (Zeit-)" brain,
vis-a-vis your Dionysius the Areopagite brain...

* One so-called Portuguese plight routinely encountered has been expressed as, "Pode ajudar-me a levantar o carro com o macaco?" which roughly translates, " Who here's gonna help me to jack up my car?"

On the Outs A Nonsense ABC

Aborigines wander the Outback.*
When it’s bedtime, they’re out like a light.
One’s a cat in a hat. Catch and put out that cat!
We can chat once that cat’s out of sight.

*Notably during their Walkabouts

Don the Drumpf takes his dumps in our outhouse.*
“Are you out,” voters shout, “of your mind?”
(Will who denigrates him end up out on a limb?
Nonsense: Drumpf’s out to lunch, all shrinks find.)

* Formerly called the White House

Elephants hang out outdoors.
Did they not, they’d go out of their wits.
Certain frogs, tres outres, will go out of their way
to tout only an outfit which fits.

Gregarious gnomes seem outgoing.
Often, hermits are outcasts, no doubt.
And ice lollys are fun. (Can ice pops be outdone?
I think not: such “improvements” are out.)

Aren’t jesters at court now outmoded?
In the US that jury’s still out,
sound decisions outweigh’d by a South KKK’d.
White supremacy’s what they’re about.)

Are not lesbians out of the closet?
Where’d be Lincoln without ‘Honest Abe’?
Does not Lutwidge cry out, “When a boojum’s* about,
let the toves and the mome raths outgrabe?

* A dangerous breed of snark made famous by Charles Lutwidge Dodgson

Nursing nuns by machines are outnumbered,
making outpatients’ outcomes prove poor.
And the outlook looks grim, since the chances are slim
that nun output improves anymore. 

(As you can see by looking below, this is a work in progress.)

Out of the blue or your mind out of gas etc

Outpost outpatient out perform outpouring

Out qualify

Out run outrigger

Out sick outsourcing

Outtakes

Outu

Out vile jelly out vote

Out weigh out west

Out x

Out yonder

Out zone

This Day in History 10/21/17: A Curry T'd Up is a Curry T'd Off

During a losing effort against the Grizzlies, the NBA champion Warriors' Steph Curry is ejected after overreacting to being called for a technical.  

‘Tis sad how hoops lives not up to its promise.
Its bones stand tall; its skin, withal, shows squamous --
as notes below the Welshman Dylan Thomas:

"The force that through the green fuse drives the flower...":
Was not said pressure loosen’d to empower
the ref who of Steph urg'd the early shower?

Scott Wall, that ref, ain’t black, nor Steph’s not white.
Still, notwithstanding such, was Curry right
to "not go gentle into that good night"?

Who’s quick to say, “That’s round ball nowadays”
would skirt these issues which the NBA’s
official rules – nor Dalton’s law! – won’t raise.

Donald Digs Dictatoheads

I’m “Oh My God!” for al-Assad, though Adolf’s still my boy.
“Il Duch” (Benito)? Neat! Though cats call’d Castro never cloy.
(Ceausescu? Him I’d rescue. See? My minions I'd deploy.)

I dig Duterte’s dastardlys and Erdogan’s eclat.
Francisco faded wa-a-a-a-ay to soon. I love Gaddafi’s hat.
(I’m into hats: my hair’s a hat.) Hussein’s hat’s where it’s at.

I’m into Idi. Id’s a sweetie! Uncle Joe, as well.
The Jongs (-il, -un) and Kraprayoon: you boyos bang my bell.
Hey, Leonid! (I miss ya, kid – more since your Sov’ets fell.)

My man Mugabe! (Hey, there, Bobby: keep Zimbabwe swingy!)
My pal Nikita’s senoritas let you grab their thingy!
The two Okellos? Lovely fellows. Pol Pot? Kinda clingy.

Nguyen Ai Quoc? Hey, Doc: you rock! Say! Have you met Raul?
Sese Seko’s on the take? Oh, well: he’s no one’s fool.
Tafari (who became Selassie): that man’s born to rule.

The Urbans, Popes? You’re not the dopes some make you out to be.

Vargas? Win? Good friends you’ve been – like mother’s milk to me.
Nor can I say too much today about my buddy Xi.

Yo! Yayah Kahn! Yeah, you’re “me mon.”  If you can’t do it, who?

And Mao Zedong? No, folks aren’t wrong: I cherish chairmen, too.
And I’ll outdo ‘em all – each poison pol – before I’m through! 

This Date in History: 12/12/'2012 The Speaker & the Fiscal Cliff

Get on with it, John (post-election activity).
Don’t take us over the fiscal acclivity.
Tether your tears. Void your ploys: they’re too cute.
Spare us a fall from the feared fiscal butte.

Don’t risk our dough. Being broke’s such a drag.\

Don’t cast us down from the damned fiscal crag.
Mr. Speaker: to tweak ‘er you’ve had since last June.
Do look ahead: it’s the dread fiscal dune.

A tax hike – is that all the government TARP meant?
Disgraceful! We’re facing the fiscal escarpment.
The President’s deal? Take it! No time for stalls.
Mr. B: steer us clear of those grim fiscal falls.

How dare you proclaim we’re the world’s greatest nation?

We’re poised to go over the fiscal gradation.
No Dem will not dub you “Congressional Chump”
if you don’t walk us back from the harsh fiscal hump?

Tax billionaires? Buffet says that would be fine.

But first inch us away from the fiscal incline.
Can’t caucus chums swallow the debt-ceiling pill?
Such would walk us away from the fiscal Jocks Hill.

Have you eyed not the most recent Rasmussen poll?
Read! And weep! Then clear keep from the feared fiscal knoll.
Don’t make of this issue a partisan wedge.
Please! Talk us down – now! -- off the foul fiscal ledge.

Your gavel you’ll keep if you’ll use your cabesa
And spare us a fall from the Great Fiscal Mesa.
True medicine, John, not financial placebo
will ease this disease, the acute fiscal Nebo.

Abandon us not. Neither pooh-pooh or pimp us.\

How dumb to go tumbling down fiscal Olympus.
You won’t heed our pleas? Must we others’ aid seek?
Oh, don’t let us go over the bleak fiscal peak…

That peak which provides to perdition a launching pad.
Don’t let us suffer the fierce fiscal Quinderdad.
Dunce! Can’t you once be just “one of the guys”?
And refrain from this bane, this corrupt fiscal rise?

I’m warning you, Johnny, this cliff’s no chimaera.
Don’t stall, lest we fall from the fiscal Sierra.
Maneuvering must be immediate…or
we might trip, and so flip o’er the tall fiscal tor.

You motioned to Mitch, “Let’s give F.C. a whirl.”
No!! No one should urge the unsafe fiscal Ural.
Support some heights, sure: some might prove “muy bueno.”
But veto all vaults o’er the fiscal volcano.

We’re altophobes all. We’ve a fear of the tall.
We’d not hit (much less fall from) that weird fiscal wall.
The Recession Bell’s rung. The Depression Bell’s ringin.’
Arrest our descent from the fiscal Xiao Hinggan.

You need to announce with your mouth full of moxie,
“No falls from the fiscal…” (don’t faint) “…Yagradagze.”
Your seeing us through this will earn you thanks…and a
caress -- if we miss it: the fiscal Zaranda.

We’re fed up with hillocks, with hummocks and hills.
With tors and Zarandas we’re stuffed to the gills.
We’ve had it to here, whether curb, slope or shelf.
If you’d risk fiscal cliffs, better go by yourself!

The Canon Contracted or Who Xrays Your Zucchinis: an Abecedarially Constrained Nonsense in Prose (a Work in Progress)

Anon’s The Epic of Gilgamesh

Anonymous Babylonian cuneiformist describes Enkidu’s friend Gilgamesh horning in, jilting kismet. “Let ‘Mesh nix oblivion, please!” “Quite right,” spouts trickster Utnapishtim. “Vanquish whosoever x-rays your zucchinis.”

Homer’s The Iliad

Achilles balks. Cries “defrauded!” Exits fray. Gigantic horse is jury-rigged. King loads mercenaries: No one panics. Quorum ransacks splendiferous Troy until victorious warriors x-ray yahoos’ zucchinis.

Homer’s The Odyssey

After battles conclude, Daneans, enthusiastic for getting home, initiate journey. Kirke, Lotus-eaters, Maelstroms, noting ominous quest, remit spoilers, troubling Ulysses’s victory-lap while x-raying yokels’ zucchinis.

Anon’s The Old Testament

Adam’s bitch caves, departs Eden. “Free Goshen,” hollars Israel. Jews kill, later, many neighbors over promised quarters. Rabbinical scribes Torah-rize until voice warns, "X-ray Yahweh’s Zucchinis!”

Hesiod’s Works and Days

Almanac by cultivator depicts examples from Greek husbandry. “Idleness jaundices, kiboshing love, marriage: No one profits. Quick riches sully those un'cultivated,' venal wastrels x-raying yes-men’s’ zucchinis.”

Aesop’s Fables

Aesop, borrowing classic depictions (epics, fictions, 'grues,' howlers in journals, koans, legends, myths), noting one point, quaintly rerenders stories. These, unusually vivid, well x-ray yonder zucchinis!

Thomas Mann’s The Magic Mountain

Alpine blizzards chill Davos’s environs, freeze-drying gentleman Hans. Invalid Joachim? Kaput: Lung malady. Naphta opines provocatively. “Quiet,” rails Settembrini -- too vehemently? Weimar x-rays young zucchinis.

Marcel Proust’s In Search Of Lost Time

All because cattelyas don’t ever fade, Gilberte, having initiated jealousy kissing little Marcel, needles Odette, pretty quickly ruining Swann -- thereby undermining Vinteuil's waltz “X-raying Yourbeletieff’s Zucchinis.”