A Version of Straw or A R T S Variations: A Constrained Anagram

A version of 'straw' drawled dans rural UK – or

some Sunnis, of whom one is labeled "Uday."   

     [STRA or SART]

Sister Tee-Anne, my parochial school third-grade teach-... (the ol' bat) – or

some "mice" (see 'S' RAT*)    

     [SR. T. A. or RATS]

A "s(m)art" reassembly (its order's reversed!) – or

a heav(enl)y body (Let's hope she don't burst!)   

     [TRA'S, i.e., S'ART  backwards, or STAR]

Certain tin coins, known to net but small worth – or

some vocables sung 'round the day of His birth."    

     [Both TRAS, or, "TRA"s -- 'tra-la-la's]

A half man/half goat – or

the 19th lab rodent (See RATS*) in experiments needing a coat.

     SAT'R (sat(y)r) or 'S' RAT – i.e., 19th in the series

More than the single aesthetical skill – or

to take into "custodie officielle."  

     [ARTS or AR'ST (ar(re)st)]

Imperial Russia's ex-ruler (so-called) – or

"Tough Twinkies, Herr Sun God! (You've heard not? He's bald!) 

     [TSAR or T.S., RA!]

The Student Achievement Test taken for Russe, or

the road from Caracas to Chile's caboose.

     [RSAT or RT. SA (Rt. South America, i.e., some trans-American highway or other)]

Aromas and odors, some scents and a smell – or

Art (Fish 'n’ Chips) Treacher's ol' paterfamil-'.  

     [AT'RS (at(ta)rs) or A.T., SR. (A.T. Sr.)]

The past participle of "reest" -- viz., "to balk" (lingua veterinarian) -- or...

Rastafarian.

     [RAST or R'STA (r(a)sta)]

Early to rise – or,

according to one or another criterion, categorize.  

     [AST'R (ast(i)r) or AS'RT (as(so)rt)]

Electroshock gun, used precipitously – or

Brit sailors (named Jack, serendipitously).  

     [TAS'R (tas(e)r) or TARS]

A half man/half goat running 'round...in reverse (cf  SAT'R above) – or

the end of this verse!

     [R'TAS (i.e., SAT'R  (sat(y)r) spelt backwards]

43 Errors in Alphabetical Order inAlphabetical Order

A is for:
'a little' under 'the weather'
'a man' after 'me own heart'
'are you' following 'me'

B is for:
'bassoons sound' lower than 'flutes'

C is for:
'conducting my' post 'mortem'

D is for:
'down' behind 'enemy lines'
'desire' under 'the elms'

E is for:
'eggs' over 'easy'

F is for:
'far' above 'Cuyoga’s waters'

G is for:
'get thee' behind 'me Satin'

H is for:
'H' before 'B-U-T'
'hitting' below 'the belt'

I is for:
'i' before 'e (except after c)'
'it’s right' under 'your nose'
'I’ve got you' under 'my skin'

J is for:
'June is bustin’ out all' over 'all over the meadow and the hill'

K is for:
'Kilimanjaro’s' higher than 'Mount Everest'

L is for:
'lies' just below 'the surface'

M is for:
'mind' over 'matter'
'move' over 'darling'

N is for:
'no one arrives' later than 'George'

O is for:
'one flew' over 'the cuckoo‘s nest'

P is for:
'please sing' on top of 'old smoky'
putting 'one' over 'on Boehner'

Q is for:
'quit' prior to 'getting caught'

R is for:
'relaxing' apres 'ski'
'right' in front of 'my eyes'

S is for:
'she‘s walking' behind 'you'
'shred' ahead of 'lettuce'
'sit' in back of 'the bus'
'starred in' ante 'maim'

T is for:
'the' preceding 'is a paid political announcement'
'thyme' after 'time'
'two years' before 'the mast'

U is for:
'up' above 'the world so high'

V is for:
'van Gogh's' over 'the top'

W is for:
' W thinks he’s' above 'the law'
'well' above 'the speed limit'

X is for:
'Xaviera’s' leading 'man'

Y is for:
'yet wave' o’er 'the land of the free'
'you’re' above 'suspicion'
'you’ve got me' in between 'the devil' and 'the deep blue sea'

Z is for:
'ziggurats found' atop 'underground tombs'

Molecules Not Occuring In Nature: A Periodiotic Table

  
Molecular Anarchy:  No  Mo  



Molecular Brews:  Re  Al   Al  Es

Molecular Bachman:  S  H  Uut   Uup

Molecular Barney Frank:  Ta  K  Es   No  K  Ra  P

  

Molecular Colbert:  S  Te  P  He  N

Molecular Cavities:  Co  Ca  Co  La



Molecular Democracy:  I    V  O  Te



Molecular Extravagance:  O  P  Ra  H

Molecular Elf:  Cl  Au  S



Molecular Fruited Plain:  Am  Er  I  Ca

Molecular Fruit Loop:  La  Dy  Ga  Ga 



Molecular GOP:  Fe  Ar



Molecular Herb:  Ho  P  S



Molecular Isles  Er  In



Molecular John:  B  Ar  Li  Co  Rn



Molecular KKK:  Ni  *  *  Er



Molecular L. A.:  La  La  La  Nd 



Molecular Motown:  W  O  Nd  Er



Molecular Newt:  Li  Ar  Li  Ar

Molecular Nobel:  Dy  No  M  I  Te



Molecular Obama:  Y  Es  He  Ca  N

Molecular Oprah:  W  In  F  Re  Y



Molecular Potus:  Ba  Ra  C  K

Molecular Paradise Regained:  No  Re  Pu  B  Li  Ca  N  S



Molecular Quitter:  Pa  Li  N



Molecular Rathskeller:  C  He  Er  S

Molecular Reverend: Al  S  H  Ar  Pt  O  N



Molecular Standard:  Am  I  B  Lu

Molecular Sultan:  Ba  Be  Ru  Th

Molecular Stockyards  C  H  I  C  Ag  O



Molecular Tijuana:  Si  Si  Se  No  Ra

Molecular Toast:   S   La   In   Te



Molecular U:



Molecular Veritas:  In  V  In  O

Molecular Vibraphone:  H  Am  Pt  O  N



Molecular Walker:  B  Uus  H

Molecular Wall Street: O  C  Cu  P  Y



Molecular X:



Molecular Yardbird:  P  Ar  K  Er



Molecular Zappa:   Mo   Th   Er

31 Statements About A Sans Serif Alphabet: A Constrained List

The twenty six letters: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
The six one-stroke letters: C I J O S U
The three four-stroke letters: E M W
The eight two-stroke letters: D G L P Q T V X
The nine three-stroke letters: A B F H K N R Y Z

1 Only one of the six one-stroke letters [ I ] is made using no curved stroke.

2 Only two of the three four-stroke letters [ M W ] are made using all diagonal strokes.

3 Only three of the 26 letters [ E M W ] are made using four strokes.

4 Only four of the eight two-stroke letters [ D G* Q P ] are made using one straight and one curved stroke.

     * The letter G can be, and is in some fonts, made with two strokes -- a 270-degree curved stroke followed by a short horizontal stroke. The editor regrets that a font employing such a two-stroke G was unavailable for this post. This caveat applies throughout these notes. 

5 Only five of the six one-stroke letters [ J U S C O ] are made using a (partly or fully) curved stroke.

6 Only six of the 26 letters [ I J U S C O ] are made using only one stroke.

7 Only seven of the nine three-stroke letters [ H F N K Y A Z ] are made using no curved strokes.

8 Only eight of the 26 letters [ V T L X P G* Q D ] are made using only two strokes.

     * See asterisked footnote above.

9 Only nine of the 26 letters [ B H F N K Y A Z R ] are made using only three strokes.

10 Only nine of the 26 letters [ I J U S C O E W M ] are made using either one or four strokes.

11 Only ten of the twelve three- or four-stroke letters [ H F N K Y A Z E M W ] are made using no curved strokes.

12 Only eleven of the 26 letters [ B D G* Q P R J U S C O ] are made using a curved stroke.

     * See asterisked footnote above.

13 Only eleven of the 26 letters [ V T L X D G* Q P E M W ]are made using an even number of strokes.

     * See asterisked footnote above.

14 Only twelve of the 26 letters [ B H F N K Y A Z R  E M W ] are made using either three or four strokes.

15 Only thirteen of the 26 letters [ B H F N K Y A Z R D G* Q P ] occupy the left half of the Strokes chart.

     * See asterisked footnote above.

16 Only thirteen of the 26 letters [ V T L X I J U S C O E M W ] occupy the right half of the Strokes chart.

17 Only fourteen of the 26 letters [ D G* Q P V T L X I J U S C O ] are made using either one or two strokes.

     * See asterisked footnote above.

18 Only fifteen of the 26 letters [ H F N K Y A Z V T L X I E M W ] are made using only straight strokes.

19 Only fifteen of the 26 letters [ I J U S C O B H F N K Y A Z R ] are made using an odd number of strokes.

20 Only sixteen of the 26 letters [ I J U S C O V T L X D G* Q P B R ] are made using either one stroke, two strokes, or three strokes employing curves.

     * See asterisked footnote above.

21 Only seventeen of the 26 letters [ B H F N K Y A Z R D G* Q P V T L X ] are made using either two or three strokes.

     * See asterisked footnote above.

22 Only eighteen of the 26 letters [ B F H N K Y A Z R I J U S C O E M W ] are made using either one, three or four strokes.

23 Only nineteen of the 26 letters [ B D G* Q P R V T L X I J U S C O E M W ] are made avoiding only three straight strokes.

     * See asterisked footnote above.

24 Only twenty of the 26 one-, two or three-stroke letters [ I J U V T L X B H F D N K Y G* Q A Z P R ] use at least one straight stroke.

     * See asterisked footnote above.

25 Only twenty one of the 26 letters [ W E M I V T L X B H F D N K Y G* Q A Z P R ] are not single-curved-stroke letters.

     * See asterisked footnote above.

26 Only twenty two of the 26 letters [ B H F N K Y A Z R V T L X I J U S C O E W M ] are made avoiding one straight and one curved stroke. 

27 Only twenty three of the 26 letters [ A B C D F G* H I J K L N O P Q R S T U V X Y Z ] are made using fewer than four strokes.

     * See asterisked footnote above.

28 Only twenty four of the 26 letters [ A B C D E F G* H I J K L N O P Q R S T U V X Y Z ] are made using no more than two diagonal strokes.

29 Only twenty five of the 26 letters [ A B C D E F G* H J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z ] are made using only a single straight stroke.

     * See asterisked footnote above.

30 All twenty six of the 26 letters [ A B C D E F G* H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z ] are made using one, two, three or four strokes.

     * See asterisked footnote above.

31 There are a total of 61 strokes -- straight or curved or both -- used in making the 26 letters.

Minnie Misses Her Marx (July 17, 1886): A Constrained Rhyme

Before there was a Herbert Marx (barnstorm your zep, O Herbert Marx!);
before there was a Milton Marx (bedpost your gum, O Milton Marx!);
before there was a Leonard Marx (eyeball your chick, O Leonard Marx!);
before there was an Arthur Marx (restring your harp, O Arthur Marx!);
before there was a Julius Marx (you’re such a grouch, O Julius Marx!);
before all five was Manfred Marx…

Hold!

Tocsins tolled. ‘Twas oh-h-h, so cold. (Was Manfred Marx’s fate foretold?)
Five Marx of silver; one of gold, one soul whose tale’s till now untold.
Day one, young Mannie’s jumping sharks (Min never scolds her Manfred Marx),
tho' Mann's unstrolled through city parks (Min never holds her Manfred Marx).
This tale, tho' droll, of Manfred Marx now’s told. Min weeps as Mann embarks.
Altho' Mann leaves on Min his marks, he leaves for good, does Manfred Marx.
With Pip and Joe he’ll know no larks (misunderstood be Manfred Marx),
nor speed read books of Muriel Spark’s (misunderstood, he: Manfred Marx),
nor hunt, with Lewis Carroll, snarks (misunderstood, wee Manfred Marx),
nor search with Jones for long-lost arks (misunderstood, see…? Manfred Marx).
He’ll split no element’ry quarks; he’ll walk alone through dawns, through darks.
Was ever cold, was Manfred Marx. Was never old, was Manfred Marx. 

Where Are the Marx Siblings? A Constrained Alphabet

      Where’s

AARPo, Biko, Croucho, Drummo, E-e-e-eek!o (christened Echo), Freako…

Geeko, Hyde-‘N’-Sikho, “I'm Uniqu'o,” J'maican Rummo, Keeko…

Leeko, Mozambiq'o, Numbo, “Ouch!”o, Poucho, Quixotico…

Reeko, Sharpo, Twyla Tharpo, Uomo, Jr., V.I.P-po...?

Where is Whippo? Where's Xanthippo? Where is Yummo? Where is Zeeko?*

(Not to mention Manfred,** Groucho, Harpo, Gummo, Zeppo, Chico.)

     * 'Zicko' is routinely substituted for 'Zeeko' here in anticipation
of a matching "short-i" pronunciation of the final line's 'Chico' --
one heard, and apparently preferred, in many quarters.