From "The Porch o' Geese" (Needs finish)

     I. From “Oh, Hell, Dolly!”
 
The quality of mercy is not strain’d:
your doll's left knee must, surely, Miss, be drain’d,
lest Dolly live to joint discomfort chain’d.
 
     II. From “Christopher Rodney King 

Saying His Prayers”
  
Friends, Romans, countrymen: lend me your ears!
I'm loath to shun thee, then tend Eeyore's tears:
Pooh’s, too…? Can't we just get along, my dears…?
     
     III. From “Bill (Not Tell) Mispells 'Marcel’”
 
Buff'lo Bill's defunct, who used to ride...
"Enough!" goes Will; he thrusts his Proust aside.
"Not Dr. J.,* Marsell (sic): Mr. Hyde!"
  
     * One Henry Jekyll, not the NBA’s Julius Erving

     IV. From “The Accident-Prone Tourist”
 
Midway on the journey of our life...
skid (a wrong right turn...?) and shove your wife,
whose gams docs grant a gurney. (Troubl'n' strife!)

     V. From “Missin’ ‘im A’ready”
 
Now I lay me down to sleep: I pray,
somehow, some way around this creep I may
detour, and -- dammit! – ditch this dweeb, okay…?

     VI. From “Recess or Recession…?”
 
Nel mezzo del cammin di nostra vita.
Huge debts…? Don't tell! I'm into Kraft Velveeta,
whose pleth'ra plumps pair’d pockets of my pita.
 
     VII. From “Autumn Hazing”
 
The force that through the green fuse drives the flower,
of course, with blue-green genes, arrives quite sour.
(Good God! This gunk grows grues'mer by the hour.)
 
     VIII. From “‘The 'I'm Dead!’ Zone”
 
It is the bes’ of times; it is the worst...
my biz be "mess wid rhymes": it’s dis 'head' first --
then 'ped-', then ‘bread,' then ‘thread,' 'then wed'... (I’m curs’d!)

     IX. From “November Song”
 
Sing, goddess, of Achilles' ru'nous wrath.
"Cape Cod has, Love, grown chilly: do the math!
Hull hath no heat; the Heath, however, hath."

     X. From “Gee! O. D., Dammit!”
    
Because I could not stop for Death, he kind-
ly does. Why should I drop the meth I find…? 
Fee, fie! My fix…? Unfound. Fuck! What a bind!
 
     XI. From “The Raven & the ProdiGuy”
    
Upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered,
my son -- damn kid! (and queer) my pile he squander’d.
(Though Blitz'd I've been before, till now not Donder'd.)
 
     XII. From "Leave 'E(l)m Alone!"
    
Though much I've travell’d in the realms of gold,
as such, I have not winnow'd elms this old.
(Dutch Elm Disease...? I wish I'd not been told.)
 
     XIII. From “Semi-Sonnets For Seniors, Verse 90”
 
Gather rosebuds while ye may, Old Timer!
Her wrath, thou knows, is vile. Ye'd play the rhymer
but dis the Muse: indeed, ye'd nickl' ‘n' dime 'er.
 
     XIV. From “Same Again!”
 
Do not go gentle into that good night...?
You've got to. An', when gin's this flat, you're right
to've skipp’d the black ‘n’ tans: pour Black & White!
 
     XV. From “Hughie The Hun & The Menagerie”
 
If you can keep your head when all about you
keep toucans, sheep, rye bread, a mawl...then shout, Hugh...!
(We'd hoped to hear much more from you -- you kraut, you.)
 
     XVI. From “A Magus Among Us”
 
I must go down to lonely seas again,
nor trust no clown who'll only sneeze (cayenne!) 
whilst foolin' with his brew-fill’d fountain pen.
 
     XVII. From “The Ballade Of Long Lizzie”*
 
To be or not to be: that is the quest.
Who's she…? Our hottest B-girl -- Liz: the best...! 
Cures common colds, catarrhs...she'll rub your ████ chest!
 
     * One of the Rippers canonical five victims. 

For more on Liz, cf. "Pin One on the Ripper" below.
 
     XVIII. From “Peegiad, Canto LIX”
 
Onward half a league, on half a league... 

Our swan's (don't laugh) intrigue; our calf's fatigue...
...show'r God's felicidad 'pon Señor Peeg.*
 
     * Senor Beeg Peeg, that is, porcine CEO 

of Hogmalion.com
 
     XIX. From “Pin One on the Ripper”
 
Is this a dagger which I see before me…? 
I'll "kiss" each hag or witch, banshee or whore -- me,
vile Stride* -- with such a shiv! Who'll dare ignore me…?
 
     * Elizabeth Stride, one of the Ripper's canonical 

five victims. For more on Elizabeth, cf. "The Ballade of Long

Lizzie" above. 
 
     XX. From “Burn, Bubbe, Burn!”
 
Whose woods these are I think I know. Her house, side porch,
her goods, her car (a pink Toyota) dowse, then torch 
I would -- with gas I'd burn the lot. I live to scorch!
 
     XXI. From “Scarlett's Pimp…? Or Nell's…?”
 
The quality of mercy is not strain’d...
So, Doll: Let's see yer purse. Mein Gott! 'Tis stain’d...
Yer nylons...? Torn. Yer whol' expression's pain’d!
 
     XXII. From “Gnutopia”
 
In Xanadu did Kublai Khan a state
of panda, cuckoo, gnu and swan create.
(Who dwells in Lower Hutt can well relate.)
 
     XXIII. From “Quiet, Basquiat!”
 
I saw the best minds of my generation
guffaw as, bless’d with gloves (size ten) and Haitian
snuff boxes, many left my island nation.
 
     XXIV. From “Clothes Whores”
 
O do you know the muffin man…? In muf-
-ti new -- behold! -- Sir Muffin pans such stuff -- 
whilst Madame Muffin just can't get enough.
 
     XXV. From "Here Comes the Judgement" 

Gonna take a sentimental jur-

-y drawn from Quaker men. I'll then, rest sure,

appeal your case, acquittal to secure.   
 
     XXVI. Be aware. Stay soft and round. Let go...
 
     XXVII. Nothing could be finer than to be...
 
     XXVIII. Let's go then, you and I, when evening's spread
 
     XXIX. Tommy, Tom the piper's son; he stole...
 
     XXX. Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved...
 
     XXXI. Mary, Mary, quite contrary; how...
 
     XXXII. Oh beautiful for spacious skies, for am-...
 
     XXXIII. Shall I compare thee to a summer's day...?
 
     XXXIV. On either side the river lie long fields...
 
     XXXV. Of man's first disobed'ence, and the fruit...
 
     XXXVI. I will arise and go to Innisfree...
 
     XXXVII. Drink to me, but only with thine eyes...
 
     XXXVIII. The curfew tolls the knell of parting day...
 
     XXXIX. Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone...
 
     XLI. Had we but world enough, and time, coy la(y)-...
 
     XLII. All hail to thee, blithe spirit! Bird thou weren't...
 
     XLIII. I wandered lonely as a cloud that floats...
 
     XLIV. Tyger! Tyger! Tyger burning bright...
 
     XLV. The boy stood on the burning deck; his feet...

Mister Speaker (Unpub)

God’s own truth! But, can ya stand ‘er…?
Let’s find out. Meet Speaker Candor!
Artless, frank. (G’won, grab a gander!)
Speaks his mind. (Would Candor pander…?)
Plays it straight. Ain’t no glad-hander.
Tells no lie nor spouts no slander.
Unequiv… No gerrymand'rer!
[Fact: the man’s a salamander.]

SummitThree (6.12.18) (Unpub)

I. Quick Study (pace Lewis Carroll)  

Despot Dum and Despot Dee

agreed to hold a summit

'cuz desp'rate Dum's approval nums

Dum daren't permit to plummet.

Crows Dum, "Within that first brief min,

if Dee's for real, I'll feel it.

It's splinter’d (The Peninsula):

trust ME! I've chi to heal it."

II. Naming Rights  

"Rocket Man v Racket Man"

The NYT may name it.

"The Day of Reds' Dictato Heads"

Fake News may choose to frame it.

"Summit Samba re: La Bomba": 

Which Post won't defame it…?

Despite which tag, will Drumpf not brag

that he, some way, will game it…?

III. Worst Case

"Some are called but few are chosen":

Jesus said it first.

"Summer cold…? You’re blue! You’re frozen!”:

Mother’s scolding, vers’d.

"Summit call'd to feud o'er Chosun":

Dear! I fear the worst.

On the Road (Unpub)

As I was driving toward St. Ives,
I pass’d a guy with seven wives.
(Imagine what a Hausfrau drives.)
Each “better half” held seven hives...

     each subdivided, using knives.

Each bride had sliced ‘em into fives,
the bees sent fleeing for their lives,
each executing seven dives... 

     (if spook’d, an insect truly strives:

it’s how each at-risk hive survives --
in last analysis, it thrives)
each dive a writhe of seven jives...

     set free, each, from confining gyves.

Gyves, jives, dives, lives,
fives, knives, hives, drives –
plus just one guy -- though seven wives.

So: how few travel’d to St. Ives…?

Stifle Thy Children! (Unpub)

Admonish all thy anklebiters!
Bridle thy bambinos!
Chaperone thy cherubs!
Dominate thy dwarfarinos!
     Educate thy elvervolker!
Fetter fast thy fidgets!
Ground thy gamins! Guard thy gremlins!
Govern all thy gidgets!
     Hog tie all thy half-pints, then
indenture thy infantae!
Jail thy junior jackanapes!
Kibosh thy kiddies, kan’t ye…?
     Lock up – or down – or in -- thy lambkins!
Muzzle up thy moppets!
Nail thy Nips! O’ersee thy offspring!
Playpen – please – thy poppets!
     Quell thy quints! Rein in thy rugrats!
Silence – sh-h-h-hush! -- thy sucklings!
Tailor-tune thy tadpoles
(lest they turn out ugly ducklings)!
     Unfree thy urchins – urgently!
Thy varmints…? Vit! Vamoose!
Wind down thy whippersnappers –
else each “whipper will” run loose.
     Xenoblast thy xiphomorphs! 
Indeed, yoke all thy young!
Fin’lly…ziplock all thy zysters!
If you do, my rhyme I’ll bung.

Film-Flam (Unpub)

     1939 The Wizard of Oz
It’s Oz: the monkeys soar, the wizards roar.
You’re not, young Dot, in Kansas anymore.
 
     1939 Gone with the Wind
More ante-bellum “wham-bam, thank you, ma’am!”
Quite frankly, Yankees just don’t give a damn.
 
     1941 Citizen Kane
What nonsense! “Rosebud!” signifies a sled…?
To wit, Kane’s lit. “Rosé, Bud!”’s what Kane said.
 
     1942 Casablanca
Though famed for Ilsa’s bid, “Again, Sam! Play it!”
the question bides: did Ilsa even say it…? 
 
     1950 All About Eve
A bitter Bette hits the stairs, takes flight:
“Make fast those belts. This bodes a bumpy night.”
 
     1954 On the Waterfront
Steiger’s Chas “The Gent,” while Cobb’s the jerk.
Mauldin’s priest goads Marlon’s brash Young Turk.
And Saint, god knows, as good as goes berserk.
(But who’s that dude who crows, “Let’s go to work!”…?)
 
     1979 Alien
“Aliens!!” cries poor Sigourney’s team.
(‘Tis space. Out here they cannot hear you scream.)

How Much Farther, Father...? (Unpub)

Fa 

Far  
FYR:
Fare
Farsi
FARC
Fa-Re
Furball
Far out!  
Farflung
Fariends
Fär Elise
Farkin’ A
Fargo, ND
Farfetched
Farsighted
Felicia Farr
Fartypants
Farde Grofe
King Farouk
Islamic fard
Farmerettes
Too far gone
Brett Fa(v)re
Faroe Islands
Far and away
Farmaldehyde
Faraday’s Law
Farley Granger
Farrah Fawcett
Fahrenheit 451
Farro the grain
A bridge too far
Louis Farrakhan
George Farquhar
Farallone Islands
The Far Pavilions
Admiral Farragut
Far be it from me.

La dolce far niente

The Far Next Time
Phar Lap the horse
Faro the card game
“Violets for Your Far”
Faraoh Tutankhamun
Lawrence Farlinghetti
Allen Hoskins’s Farina
Farmington University
The Farmer in the Dell
The Far Hundred Blows
All’s far in love and war.
“Farm follows function.”
“Fareign Correspondent”

“The Faraway Mountain”

Jimmy Nelson’s dog Farfel
“Who would fardels bear?”
A happy land far, far away
L’horrible fardeau du temps
“Once more into the faray…”
“Over the hills and far away” 
Alice Waters’s farm-to-table
Far from the Madding Crowd
“…in a galaxy far, far away…”
“Far score and ten years ago…”
Faramir in “The Lord of the Rings”
The Far Horsemen of the Apocalypse
“Far on the ringing plains of windy Troy”
“The only thing we have to far is far itself.”
You mustn’t yell “Far!” in a crowded theatre.
“Don’t far ‘til you see the whites of their eyes.”
“Send in the Clown”’s “…don’t you love farce…?”
“There are fa(i)ries at the bottom of our garden.”
Fa(r)ther of Modern Chemotherapy Dr. Sidney Farber
“Far at last, far at last, thank God Almighty I’m far at last.”
“It is a far, far better thing that I do than I have ever done…”

 

Lack of Footwear & Other Disgraces (Unpub)

     The cobbler's children without shoes 

is hardly the world's sole calamity.

Arrestees’ angels…? No “adieu”s.

Brewers’ babies boast no brews.
Commandos’ chickadees…? No coups.
Debtors dickenses…? No dues.
Emoters’ enfants…? No “Et tu…?”s.
Flouters’ floor apes…? No “F. U.!”s
Grumeti gremlins grok no gnus.
Hostesses’ heirs…? No “How do!”s.
Iceman’s issue…? No igloos.
Jesters’ juveniles…? No jeuxs.
Klezmers’ kids…? Nope! No kazoos.
Lav sweeps’ lambs lay up no loos.
Milkmen’s moppets mint no “Moo-oo-oo!”s.
Nudges’ nippers nab no “Nu…?”s.
Ooglers’ offspring own no “Oo-oo-ooh!”s.
Pess’mists’ putti pot no “pooh!”s.
Quizkids (Q’s): some As; no Qs.
A rascal’s rug rat rates no ruse.
Sous chefs’ shavers stir no stews.
Touristiques’ toddlers…? No Toulouse.
Uhura’s urchins…? No Urdus.      
Voyeurs’ very young…? No views.
Wu Zaos’ womb fruit win no Wus.      
(e)Xecs xeroxes…? No xus.
Yes-men’s youngun’s…? No “You, too”s.      
Zebus’ zipsters…? Zen…? No: Zeus!

Thirty-Six Views of Mounting Foolishness (Unpub)

     Being 36 Nonsensical Statements 

About One Sans-Serif Alphabet

1. The twenty-six letters are: 

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

2. The six one-stroke letters are: 

C I* J O S U

     * The serifs appearing at top and bottom of 

this letter are inconsistent with the style of this 

sans-serif alphabet and must be disregarded 

in evaluating these statements.      

3. The three four-stroke letters are: 

E M W

4. The eight two-stroke letters are: 

D G L P Q T V X     

5. The nine three-stroke letters are: 

A B F H K N R Y Z        
 
6. Only one of the six one-stroke letters

[ I ]
is made using no curved stroke.
 
7. Only two of the three four-stroke letters
[ M W ]
are made using all diagonal strokes.
 
8. Only three of the 26 letters
[ E M W ]
are made using four strokes.
 
9. Only four of the eight two-stroke letters
[ D G* Q P ]
are made using one straight and one curved stroke.
 
     * The letter G can be, and is in some fonts, 

made with two strokes -- a 270-degree curved 

stroke followed by a short horizontal stroke. 

The editor regrets that a font employing such 

a two-stroke G was unavailable for these views.

This caveat applies throughout the set of 

statements. 
 
10. Only five of the six one-stroke letters
[ J U S C O ] 
are made using a (partly or fully) curved stroke.
 
11. Only six of the 26 letters
[ I J U S C O ] 
are made using only one stroke.
 
12. Only seven of the nine three-stroke letters
[ H F N K Y A Z ]
are made using no curved strokes.
 
13. Only eight of the 26 letters
[ V T L X P G* Q D ]
are made using only two strokes.
 
     * See asterisked footnote above.
 
14. Only nine of the 26 letters
[ B H F N K Y A Z R ]
are made using only three strokes.
 
15. Only nine of the 26 letters
[ I J U S C O E W M ]
are made using either one or four strokes.
 
16. Only ten of the twelve three- or four-stroke letters
[ H F N K Y A Z E M W ]
are made using no curved strokes.
 
17. Only eleven of the 26 letters
[ B D G* Q P R J U S C O ]
are made using a curved stroke.
 
     * See asterisked footnote above.
 
18. Only eleven of the 26 letters
[ V T L X D G* Q P E M W ]
are made using an even number of strokes.
 
     * See asterisked footnote above.
 
19. Only twelve of the 26 letters
[ B H F N K Y A Z R  E M W ]
are made using either three or four strokes.
 
20. Only thirteen of the 26 letters
[ B H F N K Y A Z R D G* Q P ]
occupy the left half of the Strokes chart.
 
     * See asterisked footnote above.
 
21. Only thirteen of the 26 letters
[ V T L X I J U S C O E M W ]
occupy the right half of the Strokes chart.
 
22. Only fourteen of the 26 letters
[ D G* Q P V T L X I J U S C O ]
are made using either one or two strokes.
 
     * See asterisked footnote above.
 
23. Only fifteen of the 26 letters
[ H F N K Y A Z V T L X I E M W ]
are made using only straight strokes.
 
24. Only fifteen of the 26 letters
[ I J U S C O B H F N K Y A Z R ]
are made using an odd number of strokes.
 
25. Only sixteen of the 26 letters
[ I J U S C O V T L X D G* Q P B R ]
are made using either one stroke, two strokes,
or three strokes employing curves.
 
     * See asterisked footnote above.
 
26. Only seventeen of the 26 letters
[ B H F N K Y A Z R D G* Q P V T L X ]
are made using either two or three strokes.
 
     * See asterisked footnote above.
 
27. Only eighteen of the 26 letters
[ B F H N K Y A Z R I J U S C O E M W ]
are made using either one, three or four strokes.
 
28. Only nineteen of the 26 letters
[ B D G* Q P R V T L X I J U S C O E M W ]
are made avoiding only three straight strokes.
 
     * See asterisked footnote above.
 
29. Only twenty of the 26 one-, two- or three-stroke letters
[ I J U V T L X B H F D N K Y G* Q A Z P R ]
use at least one straight stroke.
 
     * See asterisked footnote above.
 
30. Only twenty one of the 26 letters
[ W E M I V T L X B H F D N K Y G* Q A Z P R ]
are not single-curved-stroke letters.
 
     * See asterisked footnote above.
 
31. Only twenty two of the 26 letters
[ B H F N K Y A Z R V T L X I J U S C O E W M ]
are made avoiding one straight and one curved stroke. 
 
32.Only twenty three of the 26 letters
[ A B C D F G* H I J K L N O P Q R S T U V X Y Z ]
are made using fewer than four strokes.
 
     * See asterisked footnote above.
 
33. Only twenty four of the 26 letters
[ A B C D E F G* H I J K L N O P Q R S T U V X Y Z ]
are made using no more than two diagonal strokes.
 
34. Only twenty five of the 26 letters
[ A B C D E F G* H J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z ]
are made using more than a single straight stroke.
 
     * See asterisked footnote above.
 
35. All twenty six of the 26 letters
[ A B C D E F G* H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z ]
are made using one, two, three or four strokes.
 
     * See asterisked footnote above.
 
36. Finally, there are a total of
61 strokes -- straight or curved or both --
used in making the 26 letters.