"My claim? Names of Jameses, through historyspeak..." Rhymes with 'Jimmy the Greek': Constrained Nonsense

My claim? Names of Jameses, through historyspeak,
in due time wind up rhyming with ‘Jimmy the Greek.’

Who is James, King of Scotland, but Jimmy Antique?
Who is Jimmy Durante but Jimmy the Beak?

Isn’t James Joyce the novelist Jimmy Oblique?
Ain’t the Good Book’s James Lesser just Jimmy the Meek?

Isn’t Bond…James Bond…aka Jimmy the Chic?
(As for Susan Saint James, ain’t she Jim So-to-Speak.)

Who are Jones, Beam and Watt? Aren’t they Jimmy the Clique?
Who’s the Godfather (James Brown) but Jimmy the Shriek?

Isn’t James Beard the chef Jimmy Bubble and Squeak?
(When he’s sautéing onions, he’s Jimmy the Leek.)

Isn’t James Earl Ray actu’lly Jimmy the Bleak?
Shouldn’t teamster James Hoffa be Jim Up-the-Creek?

Isn’t James the Fat (Mor Stewart) Jim Chubby Cheek?
Harvard’s James D. G. Wood? Who but Jimmy Critique?

Jimmy Carl Black? Who but Jimmy the Freak?
And James MacNeill Whistler’s just Jimmy Technique!

John Lennon’s real name? Jimmy Eight-Days-a-Week.
(And somewhere there stands a James taking a leak.)

In Melbourne, ’07, there’s Jimmy the Streak.
Isn’t fashion’s James Galanos Jimmy Boutique?

(Jamie Harris the glass artist’s Jimmy Lalique
and each blackbird you see might be Jimmy Cacique.

Some note: “Jimmy Marlu’s not Jim Martinique,
but I think Lizha James might be Jim Mozambique.”

Jesse James assumes names: ain’t one Jimmy the Sneak?
And the West’s Edwin James: ain’t he Jim of Pike’s Peak?

Flautist James Galway passes as Jimmy the Squeak.
Author P. D. James has to be Jim Hide-and-Seek.

(Or perhaps P.D.’s actu’lly Jimmy Mystique.
Jimmy Shergill of Bollywood’s Jimmy the Sikh.)

Isn’t James Earl Jones oftentimes Jim Vaderspeak?
Surely Javans are fond of their Jimmy Batik!

And there’s, somewhere, some Arab called Jimmy the Sheik.
(None are easy to find. Still, to find you must seek.)

Isn’t Baldwin, occasion’lly, Jim Fit-of-Pique?
James Kisiki of films: Jimmy Diabolique?

Dennis James, bodybuilder: not Jimmy Physique?
(Ain’t Ezekiel aka Jimmy the Zeke?)

Where’s the card-playing James known as Jimmy Bezique? 
One more James whose geek name rhymes with ’Jimmy the Greek.’

"Piper Spighpin and others..." Dames & Days of Xmas (Illustrated Images)

PIPER SPIGHPINN

GISELE LAYEN

MAE D'ZAMILKEN

CAL ("INGA") BERDZ

GOLDA WRYNX

FRAN CHENZ

TUR ("DOLL") DOFFS

LADY STANZING

LOURDES-LEE PING

REGINA PEARTREE

"How did words originate? What theories chart their birth...?" In Theory or The Corey Lewandowski Approach to Language Origin: A Constrained Nonsense Rhyme

How did words originate? What theories chart their birth?

In bow-wow theory, Man apes sounds all ‘round -- for all he’s worth. 
In pooh-pooh theory, Man responds to worry or surprise
or pain or fear. (Says pooh-pooh theory, "That’s how words arise.")

In ding-dong theory, Man reverberates with Nature’s tone.
(Of all these theories, ding-dong seems most largely overblown.)
In ta-ta theory – one the linguists know as yo-heave-ho – 
Man’s tongue mimes gestures made while he hoes yet another row.

In la-la-theory, Man’s inspired by playfulness and love.
But one new theory’s superseded all of the above.
In womp-womp theory, language starts when certain soulless men
poke fun at children’s suffering. It’s happening again.

"Tommy Tuna and others..." A Further Five Poissons of Interest (Illustrated Images)

TOMMY TUNA

NEWTON MINNOW

PIERRE TEILHARD DE SHARK

THE BLUEFIN BROTHERS

ELON MUSKELLUNGE