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Tuesday, December 25, 2018

Out With '18, In With '19

Though our losses outnumber our wins
and our forfeitures outpace our pins
and our outs have the jump on our ins,
once again, the megillah* begins.
     * Some mss show "Armageddon" here.
Which reading will prove definitive? As Lucky
says in Waiting for Godot, …"time will tell...
quaquaqua…"

Monday, December 24, 2018

Two Poems

Love Poem 

Do you love me?
Yes.
Do you?
Yes.
Do! 
Yes! 

Lust Poem

Speak now
or forever
hold your piece!

Wednesday, December 19, 2018

Eggcentric Artists

Classeggs: Coroet, Caviareggio, El Greggo, Leonardo d'Oeufinci, Meggalangelo
Romanteggs: Ceggsanne, Eggkins, Roedin, Monegg, Toulouse-Lautregg, Van Eggogh, Deggas 
Fresh Eggs: Jeggson Pollock, Robert Roeufsenberg, Lucian Fried, Aleggsander Coddler, Joan Miroe, Roy Leggtenstein, Norman Roeckwell, Salvador Dalegg, Marc Cheggall, Rene Meggritte, Dieggo Roeufira, Friedegg Kahlo, Pablo Peggasso, Georges “Eggo” Keefe

Tuesday, December 18, 2018

Shakespurious or First-Night Folderol

New drama traces production mix-up surrounding “Get Out Drumpf Vote” support package and "Get Out, Drumpf!" impeachment ballot initiative: 
“Ass You Lick” Kit

In this slapstick comedy, self-styled King of Beasts tweets on and on -- and on -- about all and nothing. 
Simba, Lyin’

Leading actor unleashes pre-dawn tweet shitstorm as sports teams shun Rose Garden photo ops. 
The Trump, Piss’d

In a one-hander, evil Treasury Secretary skims sizeable stash, then exits stage right. 
Mnuchin Do But Nuttin’

Series of tableaux portrays protagnonist's despicable offspring. 
Rich Heirs? They're Turds

Tragedy strikes as golden toilets simultaneously back up in Drumpf Tower bathrooms. 
King’s Johns

No synopsis available for: 
Kinky Leer, Oaf Fellow, “Cor! He’s All Anus!” or Comedy of “Hair”rrors?

Monday, December 17, 2018

Graphic Proof


TEMPORARY
PERMANENT 
TEMPOR  RY 
PERM  NENT  
  E MPOR  RY 
PERM   NEN
    MPOR   RY
P  RM  N  N
     M  O R RY
    RM  N  N
         OR  RY
    R   N   N 
         O       
          N  N 
            O

26 Stupid Things (Albeit Using 140 or Fewer Characters Per Tweet) Characters Have Tweeted Moments After Their Deaths: an ABC

Aamon...? Grim! 
(Who'd dance with him...?)      

But, as I'm here, 
eBay my bier! 

Curse the dark 'n' 
Philip Larkin! 

Di- (I fear I 
see) -es irae.

Enough's enough! 
(Putsch came to 'shuff.'*)
     * As in the Bard's “shuffle off this 
     mortal coil,” not "Shuffle Off to Buffalo." 

Feelin' very 
“Alighieri.”

God's call'd Bel. 
She's black as well. 

He kindly stopp’d* -- 
'cuz out I'd opt.
     * Cf. Ms. Dickinson’s #479. 

I died. Mom lied. 
Ironicide! 

Jus' like they tol' ya: 
no magnolia.

Kiss good-bye yer 
ass, you liar!

Less is more...? 
A metaphor.

Memento mori. 
(Now who's sorry...?)

No sound...? No sight...? 
No shit! "Good" night*...?
      * As in D. Thomas’s “Do not go gentle…”

Off blocks, my chips...? 
Apocalypse!

Pride had shit 
to do with it.

Quite warm for May...? 
The hell, you say. 

Ripley said... 
(But Ripley's dead.) 

Suspend the search! 
Arrivederch!

To be I'd not. 
So: off the pot.*
     * As in “shit or get off…”

"Up, up and a-"...? 
Propaganda. 

Very well: 
so this is hell. 

What the fuck! 
Of all the luck. 

X marks the spot. 
(By god, it's hot.) 

Yes or no...? 
Is that stuff snow...? 

Zeus...? Hello. 
(But I must go.) 

Whoever's Up I'm Up For

Who antes-up post dealing cards, sings backup for the Stones, 
bats cleanup down at Camden Yards and digs up ancient bones? 

Who loves his Lear 'n' Lewis* -- nearly eats 'em up? (Guess who?) 
Whose queries lead with follow-ups when interviewing you? 
     * Edward 'n' Carroll 

Who'd rather fool with fuckups than with grownups, as a rule? 
Who's, sadly, prone to hiccups and's call'd "Hikkieup" at school? 

Whose teachers scold, "Don't interrup'! Stop jumpin' up! Sit down!"
Whose fav'rite lay's "La Marseillaise" -- not "Knees Up, Mother Brown"? 

Who lines up at the Hippodrome? Who mops up at the mall? 
Who neatens up his room at home, then owns up to it all? 

Whose old kit bag he'd pack up long before he'd risk a "quackup”?
And, when traffic tickets rack up, who'd with Captain Jacquie shack up

[If this goes on, I must throw up: this warning's on the up-'n'-up.
And guess who's left to vacuum up? Who's lent -- for rent -- his wickiup?] 

Who, when he'd give a gal some bling, would never gift a Xuping* ring? 
Who yacks it up? And, fin'lly, who zips up his fly outside the loo? 
     * Xuping is a Chinese manufacturer of cheap imitation jewelry. 

Sunday, December 16, 2018

Pirates of the Absurdean or Don't Call Me Ishmael!

Call me Ivor! Aye! I liv' 'ere, near the Guadalquivir River. 
I'm a reaver ("...an' smokes reefer," whines me wench, nor don't beli'v' 'er).
Long Sean Silver, Jen E. Diver, Herb "Hurt" Hoover and the Beaver, 
with yours truly make a fiver: each a thief; each a survivor. 

Sails this slaver out o' Dover christen'd good ship Mike L. Deaver 
under Captain Nigel Haver. We'd resolv'd to wave 'er over.
"All aboard be down wi' fever," hoots "The Hoov." "We'd best to leave 'er." 
Only then d'we spy the silver. "Trove!" trump I. "By Jove, I never!" 

Sean palavers: "Gotta have 'er!" "Hand 'er over," shouts the Beaver. 
"Shiv' me timber! Stand! Deliver! Silver salvers? I'm a craver,"
joins in Jen. (Har-r-r-r! Heaven save 'er!). "Trays trey? Treasures they'd best give 'er," 
urges Edward, son o' Cleaver, "for she'll not not take 'em wiv' 'er."

(a work in progress)

Friday, December 14, 2018

A Decade of -Insanities

(1: ABC)   

There's Anaïs Ninsanity, Black and Tansanity,
Anne Boleynsanity, East Berlinsanity,*
Blue Vein Blintzanity, Louvain Blitzanity…
and ('xcuse my "French") cuisine's Coq au Vinsanity.** 

* Some mss show 'Bowlin' Grinsanity' here. 
** Not to be confused with the NBA's Vince Carter's 
signature "Vinsanity."

(2: DEF)    

There's Dark wood tintsanity, Eastwood, Clintsanity,
Errol's (and kid sister* Beryl's) Flynnsanity --
who, it turns out, proves Flynn's evil twinsanity.
Freddie Prinzanity's Flower'd Chintzanity.

* Some mss show 'hid sister' here, a reference 
to the fact that no record of Flynn's having a sister, 
kid or otherwise, seems extant.

(3: GH)    

There's Gunga Dinsanity, Gilbey's Ginsanity, 
household Hintsanity, Harlequinsanity,
Ho Chi Minhsanity, Hester Prynnesanity.
(Question: who's not question'd Hannity's sanity?)

(4: HI)    

There's Hail to the (Washington, D.C.) 'Skinsanity,
Watson's Jim, Papp and Huck'berry Finnsanity,
Rumi the dervish's In-a-spinsanity…
and -- all too often -- Idi Aminsanity.

(5: IJ)    

There's Ivan Pninsanity, Junior Mintsanity, 
Jim DeMintsanity. (His? Mint insanity!)  
Basil and Sib's Fawlty Towers, the Bates Motel, 
Saracen's Head and Jamaica Innsanity.

(6: KL)    

There's Ed "Have you met my son Keenan?" Wynnsanity,
too little Lena or Ken Olinsanity;
Senator Levin notes no Levinsanity, 
still...there's Loretta (and Mooney!) Lynnsanity.

(7: MN)   

There's Merrill Lynchanity. (No Nell Gwynnesanity?)* 
"Not by the hair of my chinny-chin"-sanity. 
(Here, out of order, is Prince Repninsanity,
father to Ivan.** (It’s next-of-kinsanity.) 

* Nor much Geisel's Grinchanity, except seasonally. 
** Ivan Pnin -- cf verse five above.

(8: OPQR)   

There's Osamma binsaahneti, Qui-Gon Jinnsanity,
Tony Quinnsanity, Pisner Quintsanity,
Rollingpinsanity, Rin-tin-tinsanity,
Rembrandt van Rijn- (mispronounc'd as "Rin") -sanity.

(9: STU)   

There's Surat-al-Jinnsanity, Lau's Shaolinsanity,
seven-fold (more, surely!) deadly Sinsanity,
Belgian cartoonist Hergé's Tintinsanity
And (with a stretch) there is Ulstermansanity. 

(10: VWXYZ)   

There’s Vitaminsanity, Violinsanity,
triple Winsanity, Xanthosinesanity, 
Yang and Yinsanity, Howard Zinn sanity.*
Hey...let's head home: take my Zeppelinsanity 

* Historian Zinn authored an essential text, 
"The People's History of the United States," 
a must-read.

Scouts Horror

American kids learn a Boy Scout must be 
trustworthy, loyal, helpful, 
friendly, courteous, kind,
obedient, cheerful, thrifty,
brave, clean and reverent.

Republicans elected a Potus demonstrably
lying, faithless, injurious,
backbiting, ill-mannered, cruel,
obstinate, pessimistic, cheap,
cowardly, filthy and rude.

God help them…and us! They’ve inaugurated
President AntiScout, Troop 666.

Twice Seven Self Refs

     The self-referring...
...Old Testament theologian: Isaiah-Lot of Babel 
...black-ink artist law-suit defendant: So Su Me E   
...pop culture one-hit wonder: Flash N. DePann   
...Civil War reenactment Rhett Butler impersonator: Frank Lee Meideere    
...mafia enforcer: Arthur E. Cantry-Fewse 
...New York waterfront longshoreman: Ike Hood-O'Haddklasse  
...Greta Garbo fan-club recording secretaryIvan "Toobie" Hull-Owen 
...religious zealot: Theo Lodge-Hickle  
...French national "M Congeniality" contest runner-up: Merce E. Beaucoup  
...all-around sonofabitch: Upton O'Goode  
...amateur psychologist: Itzak ("Ray") Zeevoilt  
...novelty floor lamp manufacturer's rep: Major O. Ward  
...failed eighteen-wheeler operator: Asa Lee ("Pat") deWiel
…sub-Saharan real-estate developer: Barron Wasteland 

Texts I Won't Read

Alumni donation solicitation including enclosures wherein my name's misspelled and my assigned graduation date is incorrectly indicated
Blog entry posted by Ms. Mittens, Aunt Hortense's uppity angora
Credits following any of the last several Rocky movies
Doctoral dissertation rigorously detailing certain modal irregularities observed by the candidate in several medieval Frankish Kyries
Edda entitled, in English, "Eigil's Eighty Eight Epic Exploits"
Fortune cookie insert using what are assumed to be authentic Chinese characters
Government warning label outlining penalties for its removal sewn onto new rumpus room throw pillows
Hate mail addressed to 'Current Occupant'
Instruction manual (in German) for my ex-wife’s deceased Uncle Carl's reel-to-reel wire recorder
Junk mailings mistakenly delivered to neighbor and regularly returned to me by him
KKK regional quarterly newsletter
Letter from Santa thanking young Timmie for “the yummy milk and cookies”
Message in not-quite-empty Thums Up bottle
Notae bene
Original Sanskrit vegan recipes for 100 dishes to prepare using chickpeas
Palimpsests
Quiz notes discovered in high-school yearbook from 1947
Russian translation of…anything
Secret decoder ring message detailing how to order secret decoder ring
To-do list of mine from last year jotted just prior to my myocardial infarction  
Underwater-readable ransom note
Voyager golden record currently exiting the solar system
Warning label on edible crayons manufactured in North Korea
Xmas Greetings from Topeka” family newsletter (in green ink on red stock) from cousin Bela’s dog
You may already be a winner” direct mail envelope
Zen koan incorporated into geranium tattoo on blind date’s left bicep

A Text-Based Countdown

 ...approach but do noT ENter…
           …author Anais NIN Enjoys a certain...
       …one ought to wEIGH The options…
        …yes, Adam, yeS,EVE,No, Abel...
                …si, Fidel, SI,Xavier, no, Raul...
                …but only iF IVE not been assassinated…
…reports that some oF OUR aircraft are missing…
      …into the river wiTH REEl and rod…  
                  “…but thaT WOuld be wrong,” adds the President…
        …place several ON Each doorstep…
      …through the maZE,ROund the fountain…
                                                              …and on into orbit.

Thursday, December 13, 2018

A Dollop of Didymorphs or What All Makes the Whowho Who's from Wherewhere Do the Whatwhat?

What all makes an aye-aye run amok in Aka’aka?
Only you...attacking Angang Angang with your mock maraca.
And what all makes a Berber whose abode's in Bora Bora
brew big bamboo bowls of balm for beriberi? Hoigh, begorrah!

What all makes the chimachima chef at China China
choose to can chill'd cups of couscous consomme to cure angina?
And when silly dik-diks from The Syndicate for Dada
into doodoo're dump'd, why’d other syndic diks do next to nada?

Why in hell did ELEL, playing Echuca Echuca
deign to discharge el'gans el'gans from a Baby Blue bazooka?
Sure, the demon Furfur farms his fam'ly's farm in Fofo Fofo.
Yet, why's Fifi, frighten'd, fret? He's not her real foe, just her faux foe.

At the Gogo, goofy Gigi's gone all gaga over Gaga
'cuz that lady dances cha-cha to her Melakartha raga.
And for 'Aku Aku,' 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang,' 'dodo,' 'Dada,'
who in hell says, “hubba-hubba”? These days, hades shades say, “ha-ha!

And is it Isis who’s so isolated? Is it? Is she?
Or else is it yogi Maharishi? (Rishi's so damn chichi.)

(Full explanatory footnotes – I’ll admit it: we both need 'em -- 
are on their way, as is the rest of the poem: a work in progress)

Jojo   Jubjub bird   Jay Jay the jet plane 
Koko   Lady Kaka 
Lulu   Lili 
Muumuu   Mimi   Mama    
Nana   Nene “No, no!” 
Oh, oh 
Papa   Pepe   Pago Pago 
Quisquis 
Rah rah 

So so   Sese   Sen sen 
Tsetse   tom-tom   ta-ta   Toto   Tutu   Tintin   Tora Tora   Tico Tico
U
Velvel
Walla Walla   Wahawaha 
XX
Yoyo    yadda-yadda   Yum Yum 
Zsa Zsa   Zizi  

If I Were Elite

If granted but a single wish, I'd wish I were elite. Were I elite, I'd float a yacht; indeed, I'd float a fleet.  Were I elite, ...