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Thursday, December 31, 2020

Omen or The Emigre Dragomen's 24 Prognostichs: Some Nomen's Omens, Complete (4 x 3 x 2 x 1 = 24) & In Strict Dactylic Hexameters

'Ev'rything' -- nom'native singular neuter -- 
in Latin...? That's 'omne.
'Draggin' yer feet with respect to them chores, be ya...? 
Best to git on 'em     
Who got the last round of Belgians...? You say you did...? 
Next round's on me!
Land of 10,000 lakes whistle-stop, is it...? 
Oë, MN.     
Twin'd, in the southwestern desert, with Oë...? 
That's Oë, NM.
That poem of yours...? It's (like) totally nonsense! 
(Your poem's a noem.)

Who question'd Socrates, "Tell me: is arete 
teachable...?" Meno.
'New,' its m silent (remember...? It's just like 
'mnemonic'): that's 'mneo.'     
Faucets -- for bathrooms, for kitchens 'n' shower heads...
whereverMoen.
Let me admonish, advise and explain. I.e., 
please let me mone!    
Hamlet (it's likewise a river) in Hants (read 
'in Hampshire'): that's Meon.
Norse, when compell'd to spell 'something
with silent Greek m, may spell 'mnoe.' 
     
French football manager born in the '50s...? 
Just one: Albert Emon.     
In "The Wizard of Oz," someone falls in a hog pen...? 
Was that Auntie Em...? No.
'Mongst abecedarial eons, which one follows L...? 
Eon M.
One of some thirty-six ancient Egyptian divisions...? 
That's nome. 
Yahoo Finance boasts a media network. 
Hire EOMN.
Domain names need regist'ring; web sites need hosting. 
And thus there is Enom.

You want height-adjustable table base tech...? 
That's electric...? Call Enmo.
Norristown Area High School Alumni 
(well, some): NMOE. 
God bless Nick Meo! Nick seeks better patient care, 
tweets @nmeo.
Tell me the name of that gas which fills tubes 
used in signs...? Is it 'neom'...?
Slumberland visitor...? Undersea vision'ry...? 
Both well-named Nemo.
Emigre dragomen's 24 portents...? 
"Amen" to each omen. 

Tuesday, December 29, 2020

In Handustan, Illustrated

Lord Rajher Manorbourne, explorer,
wars on foreign shores. (The horror!)
Weeks he wends au caravan
to, lately, land in Handustan. 

Lord Rajher and Russell



















Says Rajher, "More's the merrier!"
So joining him's his terrier,
dubb'd Russell: one ear black, one tan.
Best friend of man...in Handustan.

Who likewise lurks at Rajher's side...?
Fist-Hugh, tann'd Handustani guide,
a whiz in Bible and Quran.
He'll quote you verse...in Handustan.

Harry ("Krishna") Fist-Hugh

 


His valet, Freitag, jack of all,
displays his many-color'd shawl.
Although he'll tell you, "I'm yer man,"
he's Rajher's man...in Handustan.

Lord Rajher's man Freitag



















(More "In Handustan" to come, 
including additional images; 
a work in progress.) 

Bennett Cerf Redux or Go, West!

Of widely known Wests...? Here's a trey: 
there's Kanye, Cornel...and there's Mae.
Kanye's Rajah of Rap.
Cornel's teeth show a gap. 
And everyone understands Mae.

Of Wests...? Here's two hers and a him:
there's Jessamyn, Kimber and Jim.
Jess's novels...? Persuasive.
Kim's pictures...? Pervasive.
And everyone understands Jim. 

 

Monday, December 21, 2020

Repost: Haik You!

Haik Yous to come:

Haikubsenklibs 

Haikungfu 

Haikuiperbelt

Haikufic 

Haikurtcobain 

Haikuwait 

Haikumquat 

Haikungpao 

Haikucinich

Haikuchen

Haikudos

Haikufu

Haikugel

     Haikuneiform

Ancient Middle East.
Earliest writing system.
Logo-syllabic.
     Gilgamesh epic.
Surpassing all other kings.
Ozymandias...?
 
     Haikushner

Madame Tussaud puss.
In-law. Scofflaw. Clapperclaw.
Keeps kosher at home.
     "Mr. Ivanka."
Fail'd to pass his background checks.
Whoopee, Cushioner!

     Haikugat

Gigolo music.
Waldorf after World War II.
Cugie pens cartoons.
     Fancies chihuahuas.
"Holiday in Mexico."
Abbe...? Meet Charo!

     Haikool

Menthol cigarette.
70-millimeters.
Brown and Williamson.
     Willie the Penguin.
Filter Kings & Super Longs.
Cancer of the lung.

      Haikualalumpur

Jungle...? Meet tin mine!
‘Lumpur’...? Local word for “mud.”
Twinn'd city...? Dubai.
     Say it in Malay:
Wilayah Persekutuan
Kuala Lumpur.

     Haikublaikahn

Genghis's grandchild.
Shi ying shao jing zhi lan feng.
Spring on Fragrant Hill.
     King o' the Mongols.
Or, A Vision in a Dream.
Porlock Persona.

     Haikukla

Fran(ces) Allison,
Cecil Bill and Beulah Witch,
Ollie and Fletcher,
     Madame Oglepuss:
Kuklapolitan Players.
("Puppetry!": Putin.)

Friday, December 18, 2020

Repost: Earth From Space

She were born in Debaqqamee, Handustan,
to tough nuts (two) from Lower deBoome --
or so I’ve been given 
to understand, driven
by works from the ballpoint of Hume.

She were rais’d in Toronto, Ontario,
with a household of Canada geese
who, engulf’d (past-due bills), 
soon bequeath’d their best quills
to a paperback writer in Greece.

As a child, 'midst the mists of mid-dimnights,
when Sargassos flow iciest cold,
she would slip from her bed, 
slip her slip o'er her head
and let rip: skinny dipping (I'm told). 

Tuesday, December 15, 2020

Repost: The Junior Senator From Idaho...Not!

Jim E. "De Ranty"!
He can’t be shush’d, can he…?
Because, as does Dante,
perverse vigilante,
James frames the world slanty
while, like some bacchante
well-oiled on Chianti,
he pads through his shanty
(Where…? Not Ypsilanti.)
lamenting, in chanty,
1, fortunes too scanty
(like those of Tom Canty...?),
2, gigs penny-ante
(like Armand Asante...?)
3, (laws non obstante)
all obstacles anti.
Jim has to recant (he
is too Corybanty,
too Oscar Levanty,
so rarely Hugh Granty)
before, like Mame (Aunty),
he sheds bra 'n' pantie
and, gone gallavanty,
mounts one final rant:
“Ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-eeee…!”

Sunday, December 13, 2020

Repost: Watch Out!

Watch 'ape,' a word, becoming 'bird' -- 
or 'coach-and-four' – or 'darkroom door.'
Catch 'elm,' a term, becoming 'firm' -- 
or 'gapers' block' – or 'hearty hock.'
See 'inch,' as gloss, becoming 'joss' -- 
or 'kinderdijk' – or ‘Lyle likes Ike.’
Mark 'mayonnaise,' though not a phrase, 
become ‘not nuts' – or ‘oars or butts.'
Observe as 'perm' (a hairstyle term) 
becomes 'Quran' – or 'race Ron ran.' 
Note 'stuff' (a noun) becoming 'down' -- 
or 'undersea' -- or 'VIP.'
Attend as 'word' becomes '(e)x-Kurd -- 
or 'yelp 'n' yell' – or 'Zinfandel.'
(Those language buffs get down ‘n’ dirty. 
Heads up! Best to watch the wordy!)

Repost: Judy-Su-Do-Ku

     (Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty...) 

Su-Do-Ku! Su-Do-Ku!
Pseudo…? No. That’s s-o-o-o untrue!
Su-Do-Ku: all-new, a coup
(A-hoo! A-hoo-hoo!)
True, people choose to Su...Nu…
(Few refuse to Su-Do-Ku.)

Zoot suits Su. Sioux Jews Su.
Fu Manchu and Toto, too,
Su-Do-Ku. Let's Su-Do too 
(a-hoo), we two (a-hoo-hoo).
Cool dudes enthuse to Su...
forgo a cruise to Su-Do-Ku.

"So I Su! So me sue,"
broods Jude. "Who'd be you to 'pooh'…?
So, soak you! I pursue Su-Do-Ku -- 
I do (a-hoo-hoo).
All through our zoos gnus 'Su,' 
pay beaucoup dues to Su-Do-Ku."

Su-Do-Ku's apercus…?
Arithmetic! Eremetic! Whoop-de-doo!
Zut! Doh! Whew! Let's Su-Do-Ku 
(a-hoo), let's do (a-hoo-hoo).
Nope, 'taint no news Jude Sus: 
any excuse to Su-Do-Ku.

Su-Do-Ku! Su-Do-Ku!
Dr. Who Sus, Passepartout Sus, Baby Roo…
Su-Do-Kus. Let's Su-Do too 
(a-hoo). Who knew (a-hoo-hoo)…?
You got dem blues…? Eschew dem brews! 
Refuse dat booze! Youse gotta Su-Do-Ku!

Who knew yours true'ld Su-Do, too!
Alphabetic…? Nope...yet thetic! Su-Do-Ku!
Su-Do-Ku…? We'll Su a du'! 
I'm through (a-hoo-hoo).
But, 'fore I overdo, and croon "adieu!" 
(T'who…? Sue d'O'Koo…?)...

     ...I'll cope with losers' moues,
enduring pseudo-Su-Do-Kus...
     ...we've nowt but fear to lose:
just don't abuse our Su-Do-Kus…
     ...be youse Hebrews or Druze,
just form two queues for Su-Do-Kus…
     …put on those blue suede shoes
and lose those Charleston Chews…
     …peruse those bloodless coups,
the ooze of cordon bleus
     …eschew les pas de deuxs,
pass through new peer reviews…
     …taboos and deja vus...
     …of Su-Do-Kus...
     …ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh!

Saturday, December 12, 2020

Were Abe Apache'd

     Would parallel universes wherein victims were 
assassinated not by their own murderers but by 
those of other assassination victims play havoc 
with the biography of (say) Cher...? 

     Were
Abe apache'd 
by Michel' Angiolillo
nor never by John ne Wilkes
Booth...
     would Cher's
claques ordain raves,
one-eyed jacks remain knaves 
and would Fox schlock jocks [shock!] stock Drumpf’s
“truth”…? 
     Or were
Bhutto bid "bye-bye!" 
by "By'" De La Beckwith
and not by Baitullah Meh-
sud...
     would Cher's
tikka taste great,
and that dal that doll ate
allow bowels to behave as they
should…?

*  *  *  *  *

     Were
Cermak cremated 
by Carlos the Jackal
instead of Giuseppe Zan-
gara...
     then would
Cher be a boy,
and Ros'clare, Illinois
reappear south of Guadala-
jara…?
     Or had
Namba Daisuke
deliver’d the deathblow
to "Dimebag" -- nor not Nathan
Gale...
     would Cher's
star cease to shine,
and their Great Wall of Chin-
a fall, breach’d by our Santa Fe
Trail…? 

*  *  *  *  * 

     Lived
Evers 
by "By'" De La Beckwith uncheck’d 
dead instead at the hands of Ted
Eike...
     then would
Cher's raven tresses
be rank, tangl’d messes –
hanks yank’d thanks to Bono's bal'-
laika…?
     Or if
Fossey's found flay’d 
by Lynette "Squeaky" Fromme
as some surrogate Zig'ranyi-
razo...
     would Cher
find herself wed 
"goin' out of her head" 
not to Sonny but Teddy Ran-
dazzo…? 

*  *  *  *  *

     Were [gasp!]
Ghandi garroted 
by Violet Gibson
and not gruesome Nathuram
Godse...
     would Cher's
esse get grounded,
her ens grow less rounded,
her glamour seem far less "fa-
cadesy"…?
     Or were 
two  U. ‘n’ Q. Hussein 
hung out to dry by
John Hinkley and not Task Force
20...
     would Cher's
dreadful duets –
i.e., "Benn' 'n' the Jets" 
cease...outpaced by (say) "Pastures A-
plenty"…? 

*  *  *  *  *

     Had I-
zamo been iced 
by Kalid Islambouli
instead of Jean-Bedel Bo-
kassa...
     would there
live, on this ball,
simply no Cher at all…?
Like...is, Cher-wise, earth tabula
Rasa…?
     Or were
JFK's jugular
jabb’d by Jovanovic,
not pinko Lee Harvey
Oswald...
     would con-
ditions take place
leaving luncheon plans -- based
on Cher's plot to serve hot vichys-
soise  stall’d…?

*  *  *  *  *

     If King's
karma
(get kill’d by Khalid Sheik Mohammed
and not by that kaffirphobe
Ray)...
     would wind 
up ringing true,
then who'd channel Nehru…?
(Good bet: Cher'd channel Morgan Le
Fay.)
     Or would 
lies -- Huey ("Kingfish") Long's 
late been laid low, 
led  to slaughter by Lawrence of
Britain --
    lead to 
looming o'er Weiss
a new broom...? (Hold that rice!
new groom!...? One with whom Cher’s more
smitten…?) 

*  *  *  *  *

     Had both
Milk and Moscone
been murdered
by Mountbatten's murd'rer McMahon, not
White...
     perhaps
Chastity's Mum'd
be a big bunch less bumm’d 
and poor Chaz'd be less jazz'd, more forth-
right!
     Or if
Gabri'l Narutowicz
(nail'd by E. Niewiadomski) 
were nixed by
Nidal,
     would Cher's
navel -- informal 
look more paranormal
and warrant success de scan-
dale…?

*  *  *  *  *

    Had Or-
lando been off'd 
by one Lee Harvey Oswald
nor not by Contreras and
Townley...
     would Cher
sound more like Callas  
(or less like George Halas)…?
And would the world turn "upside-
downly"…?
     Had Fran-
cisco Pizarro 
been put down by Richard Paul Pavlik, 
not D'ego Al-
magro...
    would fans
roar, "Cher's a whore!"
(Crude Columbians!Or
would her fan base within Bogo-
ta grow…? 

*  *  *  *  *

     Had S'if
ad-Din Qutuz
had his quintessence quash’d
by Pham Phu Quoc, not Baibars the
Mamluk,
     betcha
Bono, E. Presley,
Greg Allman -- or ('speshly) 
Tom Cruise never'd give Cher one
damn look!
     Or if
George Lincoln Rockwell'd 
been really rubb’d out 
by Jack Ruby nor not by John
Patler...
     would Cher's
final "Farewells"
be, well, final…Hell's bells!
Could our lass be less tot'lly a
tattler…? 

*  *  *  *  *

     What if
Anwar Sadat
had got slaughtered 
by Sirhan Sirhan, not Khalid Islam-
bouli...
     would dys-
lexia (Cher's)
prompt the Gilbert LaPierres
to treat Cherilyn any less
cru'lly…?
     Or if
Doctor George Tiller'd 
been took out by Henning von Tresckow 
and not by Scott
Roeder...
     would've 
Bono not died…?
Or, would Paul Revere's ride
turn out badly…? (Bet that would have
show’d her!) 

*  *  *  *  *

     Or were
A. Uwilingiyimana 
undone by unknowns,
not Bernard Ntuya-
haga...
     would Cher's
stage name be Tori,
and would her life story
seem less like an Icelandic
saga…?
     Or were
Hendrik Verwoerd
victimized by Vittor'o Vidali, 
not D'mitri Tsa-
fendas...
     maybe
Cher or her sister,
both bumm’d by some blister,
might unearth some Valtrex to
lend us! 

*  *  *  *  *

     Or were
John H. Wood, Jr.,
wiped out by Dan White,
not Chas Harrelson (Woody's be-
getter)...
     would a
diff'rent Chaz Bono
(she’d "Yes!" -- though she don' know)
love life as a "Chuck" so much
better…?
     Or if
Malcolm X hadn't been
x'd out by Heyer and Bradley 
but X-twenty
three...
     would Cher
cease selling off
all her memorabilia,
willing her best stuff to
me…? 

*  *  *  *  *

     Or were
Tohir Yo'ldosh
yadda-yadda'd by Felix Yusupov, 
not drones (you know
who!)...
     would Cher
trample no gypsy,
nor thieve near Poughkeepsie…?
P'raps not: But, chaps...what would Cher 
do…?
     Had Giu-
seppe Zangara
zapp’d Yasuda Zenjiro,
not some uyoku dan-
tai...
     then would
nobody care
about anything "Cher"…?
Ergo: there, but for Cher, might go...
I…?

The Losts: An ABC

     The Lost Ark Careless Hebrews lost the Ark  but Jones, a gentile, found it --  along with half a dozen nasty  Nazis runnin' 'ro...