Peddlers

Mon père is a peripatetical peddler

from Saint-Semiosis-sur-Sea. 
With a purposeful heart Pap advances his cart

through each street, bleating, “Take it from me: 
I’ll supply you with hairpins 'n' buttons 'n' combs; 

I’ll provide you with scissors 'n' knives; 
I’ll equip you with wares to embellish your homes 

and to brighten your otherwise lives." 

Ma mère...? She's a chary, heretical peddler

from Saint-Semiosis-sur-Sea

who's decided God's dead, that we've all been misled,

but by Truth we'll, en fin, be set free.

She'll supply you with manuals, pamphlets 'n' tracts;

she'll provide you with trenchant accounts;

she'll equip you with books to embellish the facts

from her fav'rite sophistical founts.

Mon frère is a square arithmetical peddler

from Saint-Semiosis-sur-Sea,

one who vends from a box arm'd with jimmy-proof locks

(a magician friend vanish'd the key).

He'll supply you with numerals, zeros 'n' fractions,

provide you with pluses 'n' minuses;

he'll equip you with functions allowing transactions

more knotty than Thomas Aquinas's.

Ma soeur is a purely genetical peddler

from Saint-Semiosis-sur-Sea,

one who mongers her wares via markets 'n' fairs.

Former student of Mendel is she.

She'll supply you with molecules, proteins 'n' genes;

she'll provide you with DNA chains;

she'll equip you with diploids (whatever that means)

and her crib notes from sim'lar domains.

Her brother's another prophetical peddler

from Saint-Semiosis-sur-Sea,

he whose cart, as a rule, had been lugg'd by a mule,

but is now borne about by a bee.

He'll supply Tarot cards 'n' small lot-casting shards;

he'll provide you with crystalline globes;

he'll equip you with rods for determining odds

and those 8-Balls that expedite probes.

My niece...? An obese hypothetical peddler

from Saint-Semiosis-sur-Sea.

As her stock's very small, she needs no cart as all.

There's some merch the girl offers for free.

She'll supply you with theorems, axioms, rules;

She'll provide you with postulates new.

She'll equip you with schema as well. Only fools

are not ready for bed when she's through.

Ma tante is a haunted poetical peddler

from Saint-Semiosis-sur-Sea

who recites with a trill and who writes with a quill

and exists, in a word, sans-souci.

She'll supply you with verses in meters 'n' rhymes;

she'll provide you with sonnets 'n' ballads;

She'll equip you with po'sy from long-bygone times --

and her random rhetorical salads...

...whereas I'm but a shy alphabetical peddler

from Saint-Semiosis-sur-Sea

bearing wares in a rack that I tote on my back

which allows me, while peddling, to pee.

I'll supply you with Ws, Xs 'n' Zs;

I'll provide you with ashes 'n' wyns;

I'll equip you with lambdas 'n' thetas 'n' psis --

plus a futhark or two, for my sins.

The Clash Mash Rehash: an excerpt from "The Wigg'd Pig Papers"

PlaysWell's newest Nonsense comes from guest blogger

DFH, with additional materials provided by EAH and GFH and

a final edit by UP. To date, the whole contraption consists of

50+ verses. But watch this space: the ultimate number and

ordering of verses has yet to be determined.

The Preface:

Once The Nation's Nightmare's dead,

herein's what Hist'ry hopes gets said:

The Poem:

He truly was; he didn't only...PLAY DUMB.

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law wumb...

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won.

"I won in Fort Apache -- honest...IN-JUN."

Drumpf fought the law, and the ...law wun.

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won.

"Have a paper tow'l, wet Puerto...RI-CUN."

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law wun.

Drumpf fought the law, and the ...law won.

"Archives...? They're my personal po-...SES-SION."

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won.

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won.

He paid to "show'r" Obama's bed with...UR-UN.*

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law wun...

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won.

* Or urine.

Spooner sang, "The drole Thumpf whang's a...HITCH-WUN'...

Lumpf drawt the faw, and the...waw lun..."

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won.

Kelly drew Drumpf asking, "Where's my...DOON-GRUN*...?"

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law wun...

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won.

* A nod to political cartoonist Walt Kelly

and his nonsense-spouting Grundoon.

(Paraphrasing Carroll): "Snarks be...'BOO-JUN'.

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law wun...

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won.

His presidency...? Pre-paid golf va-...CA-TION.

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won...

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won.

His goal...? A white, elite, plu-christian...NA-TION.

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won...

Drumpf fought the law, and the ...law won.

He'd finalize that Hitler-spawn'd so-...LU-TION.

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won...

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won.

That Drumpf did nothing wrong's a psycho's...NO-TION.

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won...

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won.

He bought, then renamed 'Drumpf,' the Arctic...O-CEAN.

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won...

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won.

He shipp'd Latino immigrants to...GO-SHUN.*

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law wun...

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won.

* Ancient Egypt's Goshen, where

Hebrew "immigrants" were ghetto'd.

He craved his MAGA militants' de-...VO-TION.

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won...

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won.

His 2020 loss...? Antifa FIC-TION...?

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won...

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won.

He introduced 'covfeve' to our...DIC-TION.

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won...

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won.

That orange glow weren't kosher, just some...LO-TION.

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won...

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won.

His brother Fred Drumpf, Jr. binged on...BLUE NUN.

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law wun...

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won.

No soul dared call Drumpf 'loser,' tho' he...WAS ONE.

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won...

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won.

His mugshot: did Drumpf not look Churchill-...I-UN*...?

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law wun...

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won.

* Characteristically like Sir Winston; i.e., Churchillian.

His granddad ran a brothel in the...YU-KON.

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won...

Drumpf fought the law, and the ...law won.

Judge Luttig thought Drumpf could be tried for...TREA-SON.

I fought the law, and the...law won...

I fought the law, and the...law won.

His strawb'rry clump; his too-plump grump; just...POOR PUN...?

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law wun...

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won.

Truth Social Biden's people label'd...TRUTH SPUN.

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law wun...

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won.

He loved "great statesmen" like Attila...THE HUN.

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law wun...

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won.

He raped....while he upheld anti-a-...BOR-TION.

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won...

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won.

Jean Carroll...? "Not my type, nor's Nancy...REA-GUN."

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law wun...

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won.

"Al Capone had Nitti. Where's my...ROY COHN...?"

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law wohn...

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won.

Ivana died; he planted her on...TEE ONE.

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won...

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won.

"I PhD'd...? At Oxford and the...SOR-BONNE."

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law wonne...

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won.

Born on third, he claim'd to've hit a...HOME RUN. 

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law wun... 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won. 

Drumpf; "I won. I'll prove it: hold a...RE-RUN."

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law wun...

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won.

Drumpf demanded everyone's a-...'TEN-SHUN.

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law wun...

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won.
 
Thoughts of brunch at Rikers made his...BOWELS RUN. 
Drumpf sought the loo, and the...loo wun... 
Drumpf sought the loo, and the...loo won. 
 
Fani’s probe weren’t even close to...BEIN’ DONE. 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won... 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won. 
 
Mar-a-Lago's lava cake...? Best...BAR NONE! 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won... 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won. 
 
Drumpf made Tucker donate to Drumpf's...SLUSH FUND. 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law wun'd... 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won. 
 
“Grabbin’ P words”...? Locker-room talk...SUCH FUN! 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law wun... 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won. 
 
Drumpf' was tot'lly gaga for his...PAL UN.* 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law wun... 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won. 
 
Drumpf was not six-three, tho' was one...GROSS TON.
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won... 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won. 
 
Drumpf misspent more lucre than did...EN-RON. 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won... 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won. 
 
“Bleach,” he claim’d, "will cure it – bleach and...HOT SUN.” 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law wun... 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won. 
 
Drumpf, a daughter-dater, loath'd his...FIRST SON. 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won... 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won. 
 
Drumpf's administration play’d the...BIG CON. 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won... 
drumpf fought the law, and the...law won. 
 
Melania...? A robot. So was...BAR-RON. 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won... 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won. 
 
Was late at County Courthouse down in...FUL-TON.
Drumpf. He fought the law, and the...law won... 
Drumpf. He fought the law, and the...law won. 
 
His hands were tiny, leading to frus-...TRA-TION. 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won... 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won. 
 
If he'd win, he'd grant himself full...PAR-DON. 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won... 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won. 
 
No knighthood for tno knave who'd call the...QUEEN "HON." 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won.

Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won. 
 
Drumpf's "a stable genius," like pal...POOH-TON. 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won... 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won. 
 
Drumpf sold Nation’s secrets to some...SUL-TON. 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won... 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won. 
 
Drumpf claim'd Stormy said he pack'd a...LONG GUN. 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law wun... 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won. 
 
He cheated on his entrance tests at...WHAR-TON. 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won... 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won. 
 
He were an even bigger crook than...NIX-ON. 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won... 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won. 
 
His face was rusty orange, like his...RIGHT BUN. 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law wun... 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won. 
 
Who oink'd, “I’m your Annointed One" now's...UN-DONE. 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won... 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won. 
 
None call'd him “Sir” once he got snuff'd in...PRI-SON. 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won... 
Drumpf fought the law, and the...law won.