Scarry Au Courant; or, DoowaldABC: an Abecedarial Double-Dutch Jumping Rhyme

 Doowaldeigh, doowaldeigh! What do some folks 

do all day...? 

 What's the actress do all day...? Feign she's straight, though 

plainly gay...?

 
 What's the banker do all day...? Mortgage homes though 

folk can't pay...?
 What's the colonel do all day...? Abuse his female 

attache...?

 

 What's the druggist do all day...? Endorse a bogus 

nasal spray...?

 What's the extra do all day...? Become her idol's 

protege...?

 What's the frat boy do all day...? Relax the ancient 

Roman way...? 

 What's the gringo do all day...? Routinely mispro-

nounce "Ole!"...?

 What's the horse thief do all day...? Traffic fossil 

equidae...?

 What's the intern do all day...? Scavenge off a 

patient's tray...?

 What's the juror do all day...? Payoffs from a 

witness weigh...?

 What's the Klansman do all day...? Pray black lives soon 

fade away...?

 What's the landlord do all day...? List which items 

don't convey...?

 What's the mayor do all day...? Do it Giuli-

ani's way...? 

 

 What's the Negro do all day...? Re-educate the 

KKK...?

 What's the orphan do all day...? Investigate her 

DNA...?

 

 What's the pontiff do all day...? Elect to look the 

other way...?

 What's the quisling do all day...? Fear the ball may 

ricochet...?

 What's the racist do all day...? Ape Emcee in 

"Cabaret"...?

 What's the strawman do all day...? Elaborate the 

shadow play...?

 What's the toady do all day...? Praise her boss's 

macrame...?

 What's the umpire do all day...? Misconstrue the 

double play...?

 What's the vegan do all day...? Eat three green things, 

come what may...? 

 What's the wastrel do all day...? Dream, "This, too, shall 

pass away"...?

 

 What's the X-Man do all day...? Draw comfort from his 

soubriquet...?

 What's the yahoo do all day...? Sweep the sty...? Re-

place the hay...?

 

 What's the zealot do all day...? Execute the 

VP, eh...?

 Doowaldeigh, doowaldeigh! That's what some folks 

do all day.

De Profundus; or, So Long, Morwenna! See Ya in Gehenna!

An exile held on Devil’s Isle, 
I’ll trek tonight The Final Mile. 
But first they’ll serve me one last meal -- 
for one who fasts, a major deal. 
For starters, there's a pewter pail 
they'll fill to full with golden ale. 
Then, garnish'd with fresh lemon peel, 
some jellied-eel-topp'd eland heel. 
Before I tread the dead man's aisle, 
before's engaged the voltage dial, 
I'm guarantee'd my choice of veal 
or roasted rack of Zeeland seal. 
As sounds the dinner bell’s last knell, 
“I’ve room for Jello,” I shall yell. 
I'll then make known my final will: 
“I've had, in sev'ral ways, my fill.”