Shades of Big (A Dash of Nash)

    Our elephant's quite big.

 

  

     Herr Melvin Belli's elephant's belligerent and big -- 

    enough to carry 'roun' our town that very feral pig.

   

  This cellar dweller elephant is big -- quite big enough 

 (and debonaire enough), to share The Spirit of La Mer, 

  his ninety-five-foot Paris-built twin-masted, square-rigg'd brig...

 

  ...whereas Ms Keller's* elephant's quite big enough as well...

  for, tho' 'tis thought a rarity, she's careful e'er to guarantee 

  that's ever kept in best repair our fairground's whirligig...

     *Ms Helen Keller, of course.

...but enough's enough!

Early On One Xmas Morn; or, Sing a Song of Seven Sibs: a Yuletime Mime in Uly Rhyme

Imagine The Cotton Top Sanctified Singers, featuring Frankie "Halfpint" Jaxon, performing for you a holiday gospel song transmogrified by the  

alternative lyrics from Ulysses Poe which are set out below. 

     I. 

Early on one Xmas morn 

Were Santa's seven siblings born

In Bethle'm's barn, with yarn for floor'n,'

Well-swaddl'd in a manger's corn.

Early on one Xmas morn,

Soprano's angels roar'd, "Bu'n giorn'!

Hey! Honk that Hallelujah Horn! 

Say: let's thy rumpus rooms adorn."

     II.    

Early on one Xmas morn 

Were Santa's seven siblings born.

Weak wusses: weep no more, nor mourn!

Nerd naïfs need not live forlorn. 

Early on one Xmas morn, 

Tenshis* deplor'd, "Tho' native-born,

They're unicorns, we could have sworn -- 

Those thread-bare Norns seem, sadly, worn."

      * 'Tenshi' is an angel in Japan.

     III. 

Early on one Xmas morn 

Were Santa's seven siblings born.

Soon, Santa, Sr., named 'em: Bjorn 

'n' Li'l Jack Horner; David Corn...

'n' Elmore "Rip" Torn; Jason Bourne

'n' Stormy Daniels (femme de porn)...

...'n' Drumpf -- his golden forelock shorn --

Who proves in Santa's side a thorn.

     Have a merry Xmas...if you can keep it.

                     -- Benj. Franklin modified

On Beyond Edward: Vier ala Lear

     Up the Duff 

You who've read about Derry down Derry:
Read, instead, of Miss Carrie from Gary!
Carrie skipp'd Indiana 

and tripp'd to Savannah.
No fun run, but (yes!) necessary.

     Scary Stuff

Have you heard not of Derry down Derry...?

Plu-absurd, too's, his frere...and he's hairy:

Having cut himself shaving,

this nut now's stark-raving.

He's bleedin'! Please: heed 'n' be wary!

     Bit o' Fluff 

 You who've read of ol' Derry down Derry:

 Read, instead, of a fairy named Mary!

 Mary haunts our back garden 

 near vaunted East Arden.

(Our Mary is arrogant -- very.)

     Two's enough 

 Most who visit ol' Derry down Derry

 wouldn't miss it -- his chokecherry sherry.

 Quaff a tumbler or two:

 laughs and mumbling ensue.

(After three, even thee may prove chary.)

Plans

 Plan B...? To die young. Lo! Thou loiter'd too long.

(Burning all oeuvre save juvenilia: wrong...?)

 Plan B...? Exit early! Thou linger'd too late.

 Thou shalt die an old-timer of nine, at this rate.

 Plan A...? Eighty-six'd. Thou ne'er languish'd nor loll'd --

 thou, alas, hit the gas when thou well might have crawl'd.

 Plan A...? Down the drain. Best a lounge lizard be. 

(Does Plan B guarantee a solution...? Thou'll see...)

Carpe Diembryo! Yeggi's BEiword; or, The Names of the Roes

Epigrammist Yeggi Beaurra 

tells la dansoeuf A. Pavlova,

tells Venetian Casanova, 

tells Grand Slammer Sharapova,

tells six scientists from "Nova," 

tells paisanos near Padova... 

...even tells the God Jehovah: 

"Ya'll ain't ova till yall's '-ova(h)'."

Dilemma: A Decad of Provocative Similarities

               Orange Julius                                Orange Jesus

1. Born in a fresh fruit juice stand,      1. Born in a hospital nursery,

Los Angeles, CA, 1926.                       Queens, NY, 1946.          

2. Partly named for roamin' Jewish      2. Partly named for treasonous 

cigar-store owner from Butte, MT.        Jew done in by Roman brutes. 

3. In later years, often pair'd with       3. For years, always seen   

chocolate pastries from Dunkin.'          dunkin' Big Macs in diet Cokes.

                                           

4. Uses base of vanilla mixed with       4. Abuses male bachelor base

batches of egg whites.                        advocating white supremacy.

5. Contains no alcohol.                       5. Disdains alcoholic brother.

6. From original stand, distributes       6. Favors bleach injection for 

medicinal tonics and Bible tracts.         COVID; doesn't own a Bible.

7. In 1967, sold off to International     7. For 67 years uses layers of

House of Pancakes.                            carrot-hued pancake makeup.

8. Claims in adverts, "I'm not              8. Tells perverts, "I am your  

just your vitamin C solution."              justice; I am your retribution."

9. On top is piled a frothy shock          9. On his toupe he heaps a 

of golden spindrift.                             pile of shocking gold spindrift.

10. His century of persistence ends     10. His uncensored existence  

up a great example of adhocracy.        ushers in end of democracy. 

A Carpe Diembryo! Eggstra: Orange Jesus & M.E.G.G.A

There now arose a clutch of roes

who hated all things lawful.
They, unashamed (and M.E.G.G.A.-named),

"Make Ev'ry Good God-Awful."

A martinet they'd aid, abet:

he sov'reign power seizes.

His hands, though small, gals' pu**ies maul.

They call him Orange Jesus.

Carpe Diembryo! Two More Eggcentric Ovaviews

     Standegg 'Ova'tion

 Applause, applause

 from raucous paws.

 The reason was...?

 'Twas jus' because.

        Oval Oeuffice*

 Whose egg can you see

 nigh Herr Don's churlish blights...?

 Nuts go -- loud! -- till he's jail'd.

(Still, the fault's the far right's.)

     *Site of the roesolute desk (?)

Carpe Diembryo! A Clutch of Eggcentric Ovaviews

     Great Eggs

 

Sam Dieggo, Josegg Reggo;

roebust Jack (Egg) Leeson;

add on Ronald (né Meggdonald):

great eggs are increasin.'

*   *   *   *   *

     Lay'd Egg

Hark, "Lay'd Egg" O'd'Eiva! Hop a-

board your gelding Belle.

They'll cheer as you appear atop a

nag au naturel...? 

*   *   *   *   *    

     Hegg

Len* thought Aleggsander

posed as Carl 'n' Bob's Deep Throeat.

But chegg your Wikipedia:

Mark Felt shall get your vote.

    *Len Colodny, along with Robert 

      Gettlin, in their book Silent Coup.

*   *   *   *   *

       Eggraine

Uther's wife was Arthur's mom

and dwelt at Camelomelet,

the castle keep at royal court.

(It weren't no modest "homlet.")

*   *   *   *   *

 

       Egglebert

 Herr Humperdinck with ink 'n' pen

 an op'ra writes. What's in it, then...?

 One witch...two kids...a candy house...

(The work's conducted first by Strauss.*)

   *Richard Georg Strauss, i.e., 

     in Weimar, 1893.

*   *   *   *   * 

     Eggon 

Shiele's life...? 

A rank, impoeufect mess.

(My guess is: 

blank eggceeds quite like eggcess.) 

*   *   *   *   *

 

     Eggamemnon

 
Eggamemnon went to Troy --
but not to ride the camels:
His eggsploits artisans deploy
on antegg Greek enamels.

*   *   *   *   *

     Eggnes Moorehen 

She hits her mark. She says her line.

She's ready for her closeup.

Through early scenes, Kane's mom does fine.

Then ovoid Orson grows up.

Carpe Diembryo! A Begger's Dozen Eggcentric Ovaviews

      

     C.EI.EGG

     No top-notch incognito cop

     nor ten-o'clock teen coeufew'll stop
     this orn'ry ovoid covert op

     retrieving his sub roesa drop.

  Ceggles

  Attend this uniceggle's wheel: 

"Gol-oeuf-gol-oeuf-gol-oeu."

(That's when, wise unicegglists feel,

  bad eggcidents occoeur.) 

 

 

   

    Elleggton

    Whoe'er be headin' uptown

    should tegg the Grade A Trains.

    For years, big band jazz fans have foun':

    Sir Duke sure entertains!

        Eggdysiasts

   Some use a pole.

   Some use a chair.

   Some use a fan.

   All wind up bare.

       Homelette

   Sheggspeare's moody 

   melancholy Dane,

   a dude construed as lewd... 

   ...and quite insane.

       Eivan Dreggo

  This Roosky 

  traded jabs with Rocky.

  When he speaks,

  it's jabberwocky.

      

        Armeggeddon One

 

  "Good Lord! Jeh'ova'h's 

   Witnesses:

   Must I submit to 

   witlessness...?"

      Kegger

     Koeufoeuffle

      Poeufume

 freggrance

     ScRambo

 

     Henhenge

Let's plan a veggcation. 

Let's megg it forthwith.

I'm eagger to fathom  

the meggalith myth.

 

       SEigfried & Roey

Meggazine: Another Carpe Diembryo! Eggstra

Eustace Tillegg

Carpe Diembryo! Three More Eggcentric Ovaviews:

    To view an image at a 
    larger size, click on it.

  Aeggis 

  One notes, on close inspeggtion:
  PosEidon sports p'roe'teggtion.
 (That shEild he holds...? Hardboil'd.
  Eggressors thus be foil'd.)

  Leggos

  Construction toys

  for girls 'n' boys.

 (I'd rather get

  an ereggtor set.)

  Kyolchs 

  These "b'roe's" be Kyolchs.

  They're dreadful folks.

  Their souls are coals.

  Their yolks are cokes.

Carpe Diembryo! Three More Eggcentric Ovaviews: Rova & Other Eidiocies

   To view an image at a
   larger size, click on it.

 Rova

 Rova's a cove 

 christen'd Karl:

"Supremacy egg-white...?

 Je parle."

 

 Yolka

 His word order...? Odd. 

 A joke, Yolka was,

 who misplaced the Force

 post his third menopause.

     

 Omegga

 Marking not begginnings,
 it's erggo marking ends.

(Further ref'rences to eggs

 entirely depends...)

  

Carpe Diembryo! More Eggcentric Ovaviews: Teggs & Teggst

    To view an image at a
    larger size, click on it.

   The Eggs o' Jesus: An Exegesis; 

   or, The Long Good Friedegg

 

  "I Am the Wayvo, the Truth and the Life," 
   Lord Jesus onetime said,
  "who died for your sins (and, just for grins,
   made sure you all got fed)."

   Tegg I

   Jimmy 

   Wales

   never 

   fails.

 Tegg II

 Page 'n'

 Brin's

 immortal 

 sins.

  Harum-m-mpfty Drumpfster

 "It's my wayvo...

  or the highwayvo!

  (If not I will deport your ass

  to shithole Sarajevo)."

Ukiyo(lk)-e: A Carpe Diembryo! Eggstra

HokusEi Soeufing The Great Huevo Off Kaneggawa
An eggcentric example of Japanese ukiyo(lk)-e art

Carpe Diembryo! Another Pair of Eggcentric Ovaviews: Rotten & Rottener

   To view an image at a
   larger size, click on it.

   A Rotten Limeregg

   T'were two veggetarian yeggs
   eatin' nothin' -- but nothin'! -- but eggs.
   When them leghorns stopp'd layin,'
   the pair commenced prayin':
  "O Lord..." (But their story lacks leggs.)

   Ineggsplicable...? 

  "Egg bin Ein Berliner,"

   Der Fuehrer's said to've said.

   JFK, too, bray'd that way,

   an' now both dudes be dead(!)  

Carpe Diembryo! Another Pair of Eggcentric Ovaviews: Zeggs I & II

    To view an image at a
    larger size, click on it.

   

   Zig-Zegg I

   Zig-Zag lines...? They're short 'n' sharp,
   like pirouettes by Twyla Tharp.
   But Zig-Zegg lines finesse that norm.
   All's said 'n' done...? They're oviform.

   Zig-Zegg II

   As seen above, I's tend to curve.

   The scoundrels start off straight, then swerve.

   But Zig-Zegg II's aren't lines at all.

   They're rolling papers, ya'll, withal.

Carpe Diembryo! Three More Eggcentric Ovaviews: Adoeuf & Other Heroes

    To view an image at a 
    larger size, click on it. 

    Adoeuf 

    

    This other Adoeuf's being tried;
    his hEinousness had horrified
    the world. How many millions died
    as Eiggman preggticed ovacide...?

Kurds 'n' Huevos...?

Who's first 

in Eggypt's sultinate...?

'Tis him: 

Egg Saladin* the Great!

     *Saladin was of Kurdish ethnicity.

 Proeteggtion

 One's sexual

 impromptus quondam

 egg one on:

"Engegge a condom!"