A Merry Houellebecq Ecqsmas

       Few keep
Ecqsmas as houelle as M.
Houellebecq.

     “Jingle

Bouelles,” “Silver Bouelles,” First No-
ouelle, “Decq 
     Houelle the 
Halls.” Little Drummer Boy.”
“Twhouelleve Days of Ecqsmas”: Oy!

     (Nor does he curse:

never “Helle!” -- just “Hecq!”)

You'd Chase Nice Views

You'd chase fun views of northern lights? 
Aurora Borealphabet.
You'd waste one -- two! -- licentious nights? 
Explore a Bacchanalphabet!

An ABC with sage brush in its hair? 
View Chaparralphabet!
An eighteenth-cent'ry-age salonnière? 
You'd tap De Staëlphabet.

Who’d brave an ABC with cheese 
taste tests an Ermanthaalphabet.
Who’d crave a futh of females? He's 
obsess’d! (La Femme Fatal'phabet)

This ABC knows war is hell. Ye gods!
Guadalcanalphabet!
Miss Abie's Seafood Smorgas/Deli? “Mod
Squad” Dahl’s Halalphabet.

Armenian? Cyrillic? Greek?
In Internationalphabet.
Our Montreal Québécois geek 
employs -- enjoys! -- Joualphabet.

Where letters flourish under stress 
one finds Kilopascalphabet.
Where letters nourish one, repress-
ing calories? Lo-calphabet.

Where’s “Para toda mal y para 
toda bien!"? Mezcalphabet.*
This proto-ABC's from way-back-
when: Neanderthalphabet. 
     * The Mezcalphabet roughly
translates its motto thus: "Tis good
when things are goin' great; still 
good when things are not first rate."

Its E's for 'Earp.' Its D's for 'Doc.' 
Its O's? OK Corralphabet.
"Outstanding...and they're mild..." – 'cept up
your nose: the vile Pall Mallphabet.

You favor glyphs o'er runes and letters?
Quetzalcoatlphabet.
You savor stiffs who moon their betters? 
Have a go at Ralphabet!

For barnacles and salps...
and oysters, too? Sublittoralphabet.
South Africans? Alas, there's just
one choice for you: Transvaalphabet.

Type 'h, t, t, p, colon, double slash...' 
Get URLphabet.
If you love tables round and knights who clash,
you’ll love the 'Val'phabet!

Mmm...mmm...an ABC in cans
of Campbell's soup? Warholphabet.
Oh-oh! Another -- in Iran's
"encounter group": Xalaalphabet.

In southern climes, y’all take yer time 'n' all...
to drawl y’all’s Y'allphabet.
An ABC for Jerry, Izzy...all the Zals? 
It’s Zalphabet.