"I call'd my aunt..." Name Calling; or, Deathbed Confession: An Abecedarial Nonsense in Meters & Rhymes

I call'd my aunt Aunt Tipodees. So solitary, she.
I call'd my brother Brother ‘Hood. Small-town, small-time, small 't.'
I call'd my cat Cat Astrophe. She ran amok when wet.
I call'd my dog Dog Matic. Such a narrow-minded pet!
I call'd my eyes Eyes Sosceles. Both lids show'd sim'lar droops.
I call'd my face Face Etious, fawning over nincompoops.
I call'd my grandma Grandma Laise. The darling hag lay sick.
I call'd my horse Horse Radish for that nag still pack'd a kick.
I call'd my ID I De Clare. I used it paying bills.
I call'd my jacket Jack Et Jill. I wore it climbing hills.
I call'd my ketchup Ketch A Plane. It perk'd up airline chips.
I call'd my legs Leg Humes. They look'd like runner beans…with hips.
I call'd my mom Mom Entum. She outran me. Fancy that!
I call'd my nose NoSeUm and pretended it weren't fat.
I call'd my otter Otter Reno, thinking he compos'd.*
I call'd my parrot Parrot Dice: so Eve-like (I suppos'd).
                   * As does Italian composer Ottorino Respighi.
I call'd my quiff Quiff Enedine. I felt addicted to it.
I call'd my room Room Maki: I ate sushi there. (You knew it?) 
I call'd my sister Sistern. Sis was fashion'd like a tank. 
I call'd my toes Toes Stadas. (I have Cantinflas to thank.)
I call'd my uncle Uncle Lected...or, Outstanding Bill.
I call'd my verses Verses Wade: I'll write of "Roe" until...
I call'd my weekend Weekend Do It! Optimistic me!
I call'd my xs Xs Stench. How blind can one guy be?
I call'd my youth Youth Ought So. I imagined it would last. 
I call'd my zs Zs And Desist! Then wept...and slept...and pass'd.