Three lines per verse explicate three perverse protagonists per verse. Enjoy! And while you're at it, enjoy the rhyme scheme: ABA, BCB, CDC and so on. Mr. Alighieri would approve , as would, it's hoped, Mr. Perec.
Said Aramis, "Porthos! I'm p.o.'d at Athos!
He's pilfer'd my purple panache, for Pete's
sake.
I but multiply Ps: Athos bathes in feign'd
bathos."
Said Adam to Eve, "Don't go b'lieving no snake!
Even schoolboys don't trust tales some serpent,
some asp or
some reptilian tells. Nope: that rascal's a
rake!"
Said Balthazar, "Melchior! Steer clear of Caspar!
The bloke's gifting gold to some boychik. You
know
ev'ry bloke who gifts gold most gods label a
jasper*?"
* A rustic; a
hick; a suspicious character
Said Curly to Larry, "Show no love to Mo.
He's intrusive; he's crude. He's
abusive; he's rude.
Give Mo pokes? That's
"pokay"! As for hugs, just say 'M'no!'"
Said Donny to Walter, "I'm drugg'd
with The Dude.
He's wa-a-a-ay wasted on
weed. Dude abides...in a trance.
If he's late for the tournament,
tell him, 'Get screwed!'.")
Said Evers to Tinker, "First,
Chance has no chance!
Moving Frank from home plate to
first base? Seelee's folly!
Though such switcharoos seem first-rate -- at first glance.
Said Fran to her Kukla, "I
fear for our Ollie.
He's backing -- alas: do you
think I'm too picky? –
up Penniman* singing 'Good Golly,
Miss Molly.'"
* Richard Penniman aka Little Richard
Said Goofy to Donald, "I'm sick of young Mickey:
that rodent's robustless. That
murine's sans mettle.
'...ridiculus mus.'* In a
word: Mickey's icky!"
* Roman lyric poet Horace's "Parturient
montes, nascetur
ridiculus mus" translates "Mountains will labor.
What's
born...? A ridiculous mouse!"
Said Hansel, chastising the Witch,
"Getting Gretel
to gorge on ginn'd gingerbread --
(thanks: I'm full up) –
you've deflated her fitness and
fuck'd with her fettle."
Said Ignatz to Krazy, "With Offisa Pupp
I've an off/on relationship:
Pupp's quite contrary
on weekdays; come week's end,
Pupp's quick to bark 'Yup!'"
Said Jesus to Joseph, "Tell
Mom (nee Ms. Mary):
those calling her 'Mrs.' or 'Miss'
commit error.
She's neither yet both*...while
I'm slap-happy -- very!"
* At issue is the Catholic dogma
of the virgin birth --
a concept the young Nazarene seems to have difficulty
swallowing.
Said Kate, "Too late, Jaclyn. I'm fed up with Farrah,
whose hair's hanks forever flip
thither and yon –
"far(ra)'" less "the
athletic one" -- far more chimera!"
Said Leia to Luke, "Cast an
eye upon Han!
Since the Force has deserted him,
so has The Knack:
Mr. Solo's no Vaughn,* nor is Han
my Don Juan."
* Robert Vaughn portrayed Napoleon Solo in the 60s
TV thriller "The Man from U.N.C.L.E."
Said Manny to Mo, "He's a madman, is Jack,
selling gear shifts for Fords --
automatic and stick –
telling customers, 'Should they not work, bring 'em back.'"
Said Nora to Asta, "Who's pickl'd? It’s Nick
(though, if ask'd, he insists,
'I'm not sotted, just sleepy,
and epigrammatic.') In fact,
Nick's just thick."
Said Olive to Popeye, "I'm
sick about Swee'Pea:
both you and I walk; Swee' does
nothing but crawl.
While your arms appear weird,
Swee'Pea's crawling's just
creepy."
Said Peter to Mary, "Appalling! That's Paul."
Though he crack'd my guitar, I hear
no 'culpa: mea.'
(A Martin...? A Cort...? I no
longer recall.)
Said Quixote to Sancho, "I've dump'd Dulcinea.
Her murmur's too macho; her upper
lip's hairy.
She colors that hair using tar
from La Brea.
Said Ron to Hermione, " How
d'you bear Harry...?
He keeps casting spells though
I've begg'd him to stop.
What was once my pet gerbil's become my canary."
Said Snap to young Crackle, "I'm hopping mad! Pop's
added chalk to our Krispies. (He's
also pour'd lime in.)
Here! Hold the cad down while I summon
some cops."
Said Theodore, "A-a-a-a-alvin! So simple is Simon!
While we're far from
fat, he insists, 'I'm the thinnest' – er-
roneous, surely...but back to my
rhymin.'"
Said Underdog, "Cad!
Tell mad Simon Bar Sinister:
'Cast from your eye that
malevolent glint!'
(If he'll not, I'll
be forced my quick fix to administer.)"
Said Vic to young Bullets, "I'm bumm'd out by Clint:
he's become the most overweight
whale in our pod.
Why he's pack'd on those pounds I've no tint of a
hint."
Said Wynkin to Blynkin, "He's nasty, is Nod:
See the shoe he suggests for our
sailing? So scruffy!
Plus, going with Nod's plan will
leave me ill shod."
Said Xander to Willow, "I can't believe Buffy.
Does vanquishing vampires take
more than a minim...?
I tell her it can't, but the girl
gets all huffy."
Said the Yahoo to Lemuel, "Why won't the Houyhnhnm
desist with his wash tub 'n'
ironing board?
Tell him cease and desist or I'll
tackle 'n' skin him."
Said Zaphod to Arthur, "I'm fed up with Ford.
He would none of the galaxy leave
unexp-_______*…
("Seems this time the tank's
empty of rhymes," Zaphod
roar'd.)"
* '-loited? -loded, -osed?
-anded, -ected, -edient? -edited?
Can the tank, indeed, be empty of
rhymes? (Or, for
that matter, of metrical patterns?)
