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Thursday, October 10, 2019

Humphrey in Hell: a Constrained Rewrite

     (Day 9) 
Fred C. Dobbs: "If you're plannin' on smokin' them cigars, 
you'll need matches. Where's your matches...? Let's see 'em."
Gold Hat: "Matches...? We ain't got no matches. We don't
need no matches. I don't have to show you no stinkin' matches." 

     (Day 736) 
Fred C. Dobbs: "If you're as poor as you claim, your serapes 
would be full o' patches. Where's your patches...? Let's see 'em.
Gold Hat: "Patches...? We ain't got no patches. We don't need
no stinkin' patches...  

     (Day 82,054) 

Fred C. Dobbs: "If you'd just come from Ash Wednesday services, 
your foreheads would be smudged with ashes. Where's your ashes...? 
Let's see 'em."
Gold Hat: "Ashes...? We ain't got no ashes…

     (Day 9,998,976,001) 

Fred C. Dobbs: "If your compadres were actual members of the 
Italian Socialist Party, they'd be Fascists. Where's your Fascists...? 
Let's see 'em.”
Gold Hat: "Fascists...?”

     (Day 6,392,875,620,395,847) 

Fred C. Dobbs: "If you keep insistin' on sashayin' around in them 
skimpy two-piece bathin' suits, you'll need pageants. Where's 
your pageants...? Let's see 'em...
Gold Hat: “…” 

    (Day 83,492,736,574,839,283,759,293)

Fred C. Dobbs: "If you're really Muslims you’ll need hajjes. 
Where's your hajjes...?" 

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