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Thursday, February 2, 2023

87 Aptronymic AlphaBettys

     Minnie Arcauld 

Though beginning with nary a stitch,
she paid heed to that Buffett guy's* pitch.
Now of Wall Street she's known as "The Witch."
Meet Millie Anne Ayre: this gal's rich!
 
To our gal 'n' her gig I would offer a toast:
To our pal, let us swig -- to one wholly engross'd
in North African tenderloin 'hoods where she's host. 
Come and raise high your glasses: To Barb Ayre-Ricoste
  
     Carrie A. Biggs-Tique
Ada Badde-Muschrume 
     Aurora Borre-Ellis

This next poetic anecdote 
concerns an ingenue of note
who, ruing roads, would rather float. 
Her aptronym...? 'Tis 'Rhoda Bote.'

Though seclusion can often occur,
living single some -- many! -- prefer.
One whose whole life is lived in longueur...?
Xaviera bin Lowen-Leigh -- 'tis her.

Did j'ever wonder how it feels 
to spot the hottest hautest deals...?
Behold this lass's fashion spiels! 
Meet influencer Nyna Cheeles.
 
     Diane B. Dunne-Whittet 
Circe Drecard-Wicke 
     Jude d'Phatt 
Alana Daye-Zwerk 
     Xena D'Kryme 

Another aptronymic dame, 
persona non this gal became.
She did in Yids -- nor show'd she shame.
'Barb Dwyer''s her Schutzstaffel name.

A flygirl from a bygone day,
she piloted Enola Gay,
skywriting in the air: V-J.
Her name was 'Ariel D'Splaigh.'

This chick is tough -- no bit o' fluff.
In manner gruff she brooks no guff.
She'll grab your scruff, assault your stuff...
...then stall. That's all, Yvette Enuff! 

     Faith ("F. R.") Fodders 
N. Janet Forrest 

Though violence she'll e'er abhor
and calls for concord (less or more),
she's no one's fool; she knows the score,
does Alice Ferrin-Luffinwore.
 
     Rita Goodbooke
Aurora de Greezepaynt 

She stands at the start of each game.
Once her gun's cock'd, with circumspect aim
Freda fires -- ever careful to maim
no one. ('Freda Gedd-Reddy''s her name.)

     Tanya Hyde 
Leda Horzta-Waters 
     Beth Hyde-Urthelph
A. Cindy Hohle

Who enlarges upon all she's been...?
Who seems not to know when to say "When!"...?
Who o'erdoes -- nor not just now 'n' then...? 
A. Bridget Hu-Farr does -- again!

     Tamara Issanoth-Urdaigh 
Gladys Ikenbee 
     Xantippe-Dee Izeburgh

What shade be she when she's at home...?
One rainbow-hued or monochrome...?
And which (X-...? Y-...?) her chromosome...?
Be 'Uma Jewby' still her nome...?

     Tillie Kauska-Mome
Y. Joanie Kent-Reede
     Billie Klubb
Amber Kerr-Pladder

So: what Renée (that snake!) did,
when little brother Blake hid
and country cousin Jake slid...?
Renée Kidd...? She ran naked.

     Aretha Laura Leeves 
Jane Linque-Phentz
     Zora Louza

Lectures on Lewis*...? Who's guru, who's wiz,
who's master practitioner, best in the biz
and top of her class...? There'll be no need to quiz:
Ms. Y. Isabel Leica-Bollingball is.
     * Carroll and Victorian Nonsense: An Introduction

"No fix'd address" label for Wanda...? A must. 
A wayfaring stranger...? Oh, isn't she just!
Her gypsy galoshes will gather no dust. 
Nom de plume on her passport...? It reads 'Wanda Luszt.'

     Lourdes Meischeppe-Hurd 
Alma Mottar 
     Manon Dee Moone 
Randi Marathon
     Angie Mymah

No slapstick side per likes of Skelton,*
never spied like Barbara Felton,** 
planet-savin' tools she's smeltin':
glacier prophet Isis Melton.
     *Comic Red   ** Agent 99 of TV's "I Spy" 

     Morven E. Nuff 
Fern Nin-Treeg
     Hedy Nach-Lauds
Brooke Noque-Warder
     Amelia Nayre 

Whom do the afternoon shadows affright...?
Who retires early, afraid of the night...?
Who, all atremble, must hide from the light...?
Little Miss Heidi-Nicole Zellar might.
 
     Cosette O'Watschmann 
Jane O'Phules 
     Ayn Ovatillitzova
Marge O'Dymes
     Sharon ("Cher") O'Lyke
Angie O'Graham 

     Claire N. Pressen-Deignger 
Nora Pligh
     Karen Pheeding
Ann O. Penn-Booke 

     Mrs. Sippie Rivers 
Rita Bess Sellar 
     Lauren Sophie Raye-Beeya 

     Faye Studor-Wall 
Denice R. Schott 
     Geri ("Hat Trick") Sind-Rome

Question'd, "Con I hov this donce...?"
she answers me with nonchalance,
"I haven't since the Renaissance."
Typical of Audrey Spontz. 

The need when paupers died...? 'Twere those 
who'd grasp'd the potter's field's MOs.
But none stepp'd up who did, God knows, 
till Roseanne ("Rose") San Rosen rose. 

     Fran Tiggly-Waven
Alba Tross 

     Adelaide Urdayte

"'Tis I, O Lord, who interrupt
to plead with Thou. Remove Thine cup
and overlook my mien abrupt!
Let's leg it, Lord," prays Harriet Upp.

     Vera Vayle-Ure
Allison Von Durland 
 
     Wendy Wynn-Bloze: Meteorologist
Agatha Wurlonnazt-Wring: Wall Street portfolio manager
     Amber Wayffs-O'Grayne 


A hu-u-uge Calvino fan, alright,
she'd read whatever he would write.
Says she, "Italo's outta sight!"
That's her: Ivana Winters-Knight.  

     Nana Yore-Bizness 

As more G&Ts flow'd,
I cried, "One for the road!"
But my waitress me "No!"'d:
She's Bea ("Trudy") Yerkode. 

     Babe Zinn-Toylenn
Yolanda Zmyland

"My cartoon ABCs," she's said,
"in children's books your kids have read
before come's time tots head for bed."
(Kids witty call her 'Ada Zedd.')

     (a work in progress)

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