Runcibl'd Spooner

You've reach'd a parting of the ways.
Just one you now must choose.
Croaks Lawn Care worker M. Francaise,"
"Comb grassplots...? Je refuse'!"
      (The Road Not Taken 
& The Toad Not Rakin.')
     Moral:
Ape Yogi: when you meet a fork,
take it! (How I ♥ New York!)

"Gone with the Wind" Wannabes

Jawin' Wid Amin: 
Conversations with the 
Ugandan Dictator About 
Life, Love & Whatnot
by Gaby "Mugabby" Mitchell
"'Idiot Idi' 
your critics have call'd you,"
Ms. Gaby Mugabby 
addresses Amin.
"Show me those shitheads," 
the dictator dictates.
"They've exited -- they and 
their fam'lies -- the scene."
"So, Id': have you anyone 
new in your life...?"
pivots Mitchell. "New soulmate...? 
New girlfriend...? New wife...?"
"I confess I've no time 
for careers of such kind...
what with slaughterin' subjects
post robbin' 'em blind." 

Dawn at de Winter's: 
A Rebecca Prequel 
for Young Naïfs
by Daphne du Mitchell 
Here, Manderley calls to mind 
Sunnybrook Farm.
Here, Danvers is ducky, 
nor does none no harm.
Here, Maxim's a barefoot boy
riding his bike.
Here, wife number two's
but a two-year-old tyke.
And Rebecca, before
Daphne's novel is done,
is seen taking the veil:
Bec's becoming a nun!

Gun Wit That Wins: 
Antic Firearm Anecdotes 
for Successful Public Speakers
by Maggie "Magnum" Mitchell 
(Forward by C. Heston)
"A funny thing happen'd 
while making my way toward
the range: I got shot  
by a rogue NRA board..."
"A rabbi, a priest 
and a heat-packin' minister
into a bar stroll 
(one dubb'd The Bar Sinister!).."
"Take my wife...please, 
but git mitts off my guns,
'cuz my Second Amendment..." -- 
plus hundreds like puns. 

Gownwyth: a Twin: 
The New Morality Play 
for the Younger Reader

by Morganette le Mitchelle
In Arthurian days, 
Sir Gawayne sires twins.
(Just imagine the hijinks 
enjoin’d by those sibs!)
Squire Gownwyth (the male child) -- 
a dwarf for his sins --
needles Gwinfrith (the female) 
with fibs he ad libs.
Younger readers who fish through 
the 50-cent bins
may this volume unearth. 
(Should you do, do shout "Dibs!")

Goin' With a Houyhnhnm: 
A Cross-Cultural Dating Manual 
for the Twee ‘Tween
by Jonathan "Swifty" Mitchell
'Tain't no cinch datin' horses, 
no matter your class.
They'll remind you (your parents 
who’re Yahoos) how grass
grows sufficiently green 
in those pastures where graze
colts with few'r "foalish features": 
“'Tis but a brief phase,
this -- your passion for ponies – 
which, doubtless, shall pass.”
(Never let on 'tis known 
you've walk'd out with an ass.)

Kong Mit Der Kind': 
Filmdom’s Gargantuan Gorilla 
Joins Hitler Youth
in German, with parallel English translation, 
by Frau Eva von Mitchell
Who's the chimp wearin' lightning bolts 
on his lapels...?
And black jackboots, size 600 
sextuple Ls...?
Nene...? An ape-steppin' goose...?
Nein! A goose-steppin' ape --
one who's sued by Ms. Wray 
for some statut'ry rape.
Now, with swastikas, Tyr runes --
the whole damn megillah --
Large-Lemur-In-Love's 
gone all Girl-Guide Gorilla.

Jong With Derwent: 
Fear Of Flying Author 
Pens Book Containing 
Private Pencil Sketches
by Margaret Mitchell 
(channeling Ms. Jong)

Drawin' Theo Wynne: 
Van Gogh's Caricatures of 
His Arles Next-Door Neighbor, 
Most Suitable for Framing
by Simone "Schama" Mitchell

Yawn, Widdl' Winkie: 
Twee Tales for Toddlers' Naptimes 
by Nanny Mitch

Corn With That Weiner?: 
Hot Dogs & Other 
Cuisine Characteristic of 
the Old Confederacy
by Magnolia ("Auntie Bellum") Mitchell

Pawin' Misty Wynde: 
Confessions of a Serial 
Sex Addict (Inflatable 
Companion Not Included)
by Anonymous as told to 
Truman Capeeshell

G'won, Widow Prynne! Or,
The Scarlet Alphabet: A Restoration-
Era Romance/Coloring Book
by LaVyrle Mitchell-Chiqlytt

Cordwainer's Window: 
The Science Fiction 
of Paul M. A. Linebarger
by Arthur C. Mitchell and 
Marsula Le Guin

Canning with Vin:
A Gastro-Geek's Guide 
to Preserving Fruit in Spirits
by Julia Childe-Mitchell

Brawny the Wimp: 
Bounty Towel Icon’s 
Fragile Twin Tells All: 
a Graphic Novella
by Anon as told to M. Mitchell 
(ill'd by Moe Reese-Endaque)

Pawn'd For a Fin: 
Making Big $$$ in the 
Short-Term Loan Business 
by Illona "Sharky" Mitchell

Go, Hawn! (Whither Wynn?): 
Goldie’s With Us Still, But 
Whatever Happened to 
The Perfect Fool"…?
by Goldie Mitchell 
(as told to Robert Osborne)

World's Shortest Word Ladder

SEAN > Delete S > SEAN > EAN > Insert B > BEAN

Spoon-a-Lagoon

Mar-a-Lago:Goon Motel.
MAGA-Lardo: Spooner Hell.
     -moral:
Bal- or a- or im-:
'tis all the same to him.

Some Who Lived Here

Some who lived here 
loved to lav.
Lafe, who lav'd here, 
lived to lave.
Some who laved here 
loved to leaf.
(Lief, who leaf'd here, 
lived to loaf.)
Some who loaf'd here 
loved to luffa.
Liv, who luffa'd, 
lived to love.
Some who loved here 
lived to laugh.
None who laugh'd here 
loved to leave.

Brushes with Fuller or The Buckyball Doesn't Stop Here Anymore

Afghanistan's amokyball! 
Alack! Iraq's badluckyball!
Why...? Donald's Bride of Chuckyball 
eats Disney’s Donald Duckyball!)

Bolles (Enoch) bowls Enochyballs.
His pinups...? Freakin' f***yballs!
Grand Opera’s Alma Gluckyball 
greets Watson’s Jim 'n' Huckyball.

They'd wallow In the muckyball
sans muck…? That’s Just their luckyball.
A Sauk Chief, Keokukyball, 
beats Iowa's lameduckyball...

...whilst Larry Fine's muklukyball 
heats Curly’s “Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk!”yball.

"We'le lunnin’ out o’ ruckybarr," 
breats Chinese Peking Duckybarr!
“'Quack, Quack!' (A doubre cruckybarr...?)
Prease...wish it 'Rotsaruck!'ybarr."

Some sorry sadass'd schmuckyball 
tweets Sherwood's Friar Tuckyball,
who, barfing his upchuckyball,
pees visiting Urukyball.

Ask not, "Which bird goes 'cluck!'yball…?" 
"Eet's hot, ees Juan's X-Puckyball…?"
Nor "Salmagundi’s yuckyball…?" 
(Jeez!! Seize not ‘z’s from ’szzchuhckqeebawll’!)

Socksrates: A Pseudo-Psyllogism with Accompanying Portrait -- Another Composite of Verse & Image in the Ongoing Series "Men of the Cloth"

"Socksrates"
Cotton compression socks 
and chemical marker on canvas
16" x 20"

Socksrates! Socksrates! 

Rocks it in the BCEs.

Orthotics...? Not the expertise 

of Socksrates!

Socksrates! Socksrates! 

No drachma-by-the-dozen geez.

The unexamined life displeas-

es Socksrates.

Socksrates! Socksrates! 

“Know thyself!”’s among Sock's pleas.

Ditto “Let not fascia freeze!" 

(Br-r-r-r-r-r... Socksrates!)

Socksrates! Socksrates! 

Mocks PlateHo* Sock's analyses...?

Herr 'Arristweedle** disagrees 

with Sock's spondees.

Socksrates! Asks Socksrates, 

"Hey, Plateho! Pass that pithos, please."
Still, Doctor Socks possesses keys 

to subsequent philosophies.

     [And now. allow a brief reprise:]

Socksrates! Socksrates! 

Rocks it in the BCEs.

Orthotics...? Not the expertise 

of Socksrates.

 

     * A younger contemporary of Socksrates who 

recorded much of his mentor's teaching. His portrait, 

in Crayolas and paper plates on 16" x 20" canvas, 

appears in the Textile Museum's exhibition 

"Men of the Cloth."
     ** Later Greek philosopher 'Arristweedle's 

portrait, also appearing in that show, is in acrylics 

over a Donegal wool sport coat mounted on 

16" x 20" canvas.

Song of the Bluegrass, Red State Voter

Senator Collins to Leader McConnell

as Sue saunters Senate halls: “So!  

On this witness thing…? You’ve got my vote. But…I want you to 
do me a favor tho’…”

Senator Romney to Senator Mitch

(Mitch be Mitt’s Senatorial bro):

“Re: ‘no witnesses,’ Mitch...? Count me in! But…I want you to 

do me a favor tho’…”

Lisa Murkowski to Leader McConnell:

“l’d not -- for the world! -- be your foe.

As to witnesses, let's us be friends. But…I want you to 

do me a favor tho’…”

Me…? I’d interrogate Leader McConnell:

“I’m hearing this phrase ‘quid pro quo.’

Now I’ve got one for you. Your sweet Senate gig…? Through! ‘Less you 

do me a favor tho’…”

Poetrait of Ulysses Poe

More than wordsmith,

less than poet.

Poetaster…?

Don’t you know it!

The Cheese Stands Alone (But Not Before Spilling the Beans)

Gautama the Buddha briefs Pablo Neruda.
Etudes from Neruda clue Hebrews in Judah.
Judeans have words with one very old Gouda.
The Gouda confesses to you.

The Mother of Jesus files pleas with a rhesus.
The rhesus reports to that chap who makes cheeses.
(What doesn't asphyxiate finally frees us:
the cheeses reveal this to you.) 

The Devil's boy Lucius advises Confucius.
Confucius makes mention to Lyndon LaRouche. (Is
it true that "LaRou," in a sequence of swooshes,
tells you…? Nope: it's roux who does…nu…?

Reeseceipts With Her Spoon: An Anticipant Resume with Accompanying Portrait -- One Composite of Image & Verse in the Ongoing Series "Material Girls"

"Reeseceipts With Her Spoon"
paper purchase vouchers, chemical marker, colored pencils
and a plastic tableware utensil on canvas
16" x 20"

She’d play Mays in September,

play Aprils in June.

She'd play even an August:

Reeseceipts With Her Spoon.

She’d play Eva Peron.*

(She once play’d Lorna Doone.)

Would she play Mrs. Lovett,**

Reeseceipts With Her Spoon...?

     * In "Evita"

     ** In "Sweeney Todd"

Play Eliza in “Hamilton” 

she would...and croon.

Play Christine in “The Phantom”*:

Reeseceipts With Her Spoon.

     * He "...of the Opera"

She'd play Lady Macbeth,

Kate in “Zamung die Shrew'n."

She'd play Juliet, too, would

Reeseceipts With Her Spoon.

She could play Rose in "Gypsy"
though rather'd play June...
or "be great"* as Louise, would
Reeseceipts With Her Spoon.
     * As sung in "Everything's 
Coming Up Roses" from that musical

Mother Cour-…AND the children…?

The whole damn platoon!

One aspiring starlet's

Reeseceipts With Her Spoon.

(More "Reeseceipts" verses 
to come: a work in progress)