What If...? A Doggerel for the Dog Days

Were Christmas revels program'd on the 25th of June, 
might not such Christmases prove less than white...? 

If Christmas were rescheduled to July the 5th, high noon,

might surplus sparklers savage Santa’s flight...? 

If “Jingle Bells” were carol’d on the 4th or 5th of May, 
might Blitzen diss the hue of Rudolph’s nose...? 

If August 27th replaced the late December day, 
might Santa need to don some summer clothes...? 

If April 1st were designated "Fooltide" ("Yule de Fools"),

might gifts be of the gag variety...?

Might Claus replace his reindeer with a team of 20 mules...?

(A 20-mule-long sleigh I long to see.)

Were September 25th the day when Christmas gifts got gifted,

might "Back to School" sales get delay'd a week...?

If December 25th to March the 23rd were shifted,

might "The First Noël" get sung in ancient Greek...?

Were October's final day be call'd, instead of Halloween,

'Navidad,' 'Weihnachten,' 'Nollaig' or 'Noël,'

might tenenbaums get swapp'd, exchanged for sundry items green --

perhaps a past-its-sell-date baby chanterelle...?

Were February 25th New Christmas, driven from December

to a month with sev'ral fewer days,

might Santa opt his famous North Pole toy shop to dismember

and to manufacture toys in cheaper ways...?

Does November's final Thursday seem more apropos of turkey

than of fruitcake, Pannetone or Christmas goose...?

Still, if dinner without Grandma's green bean casserole feels quirky,

you have yet to learn the meaning of 'abuse.'

If January 25th my Christmas holiday'd become,

I think I simply couldn't stand to wait

that extra month: "Such putting off...? 'Tis nothing short of dumb!

I move we keep the once and future date."