Royals Fill Phil's Royal Phil: a Nonsense Rhyme (from What A's Not For)

Phil's flautists -- four flutes -- include pairs of galoots,
noble guys in from British Guyana.
Phil's sections of oboes consist of ex-hobos --
ones knighted by Princess Diana.

Phil's strings -- viols and 'cellos? Bow'd silly by fellows
whose grandsires were barons and earls.
Phil's bass clarinet's a blasé baronet.
There's scant room in Phil's woodwinds for churls.

Phil fields tympani -- three! -- each a Spanish Grandee.
Are they gifted? Senoras sigh, "Si!"
Phil's contrabassoon? She's a mounted dragoon
who once duel'd with Don Dirk of Dowdee.

For performance on snare, Phil books charges d'affaire
missing limbs lost in Greek civil wars.
Phil's third tambourine was a Kurdistan Queen.
(Matinees, Pearl performs on all fours.)

In on Spanish guitar sits a kin of the Tsar:
Yuri high-tail'd it, pre-Revolution.
Phil's baritone uke is a former archduke.
(Morrie's mom's Dutch; his pa's an Aleutian.)

Phil fans consorts of saxes around an arch'd axis.
Sopranos? Counts! Tenors? Contessas!
And on German celeste: me! (Along with the rest,
I embody Phil's motto: "More Less Is.")