The Anti-hero of a Thousand Facelifts: a Ritmus in Rime

Anti-hero as Verso-Gilgamesh

Anti-hero as Non-Noah

Anti-hero as Opp-Odysseus

Anti-hero as Countra-Arthur

Anti-hero as Anti-Dante

Anti-hero as Con-Don Quixote

Hear Verso-Gilgamesh's cry...?

(This cuss...? No customary guy):

"What deeds to duly dare today...? 

Best beasts to best; first fiends to flay...? 

Perhaps one from 'Da Netherwoild'...

tho' chaps 'n' battle leather’s soil'd.” * 

(Is there one chance in hell he'd say, 

“Tomorrow is another day”...?) 

* Cf Gilgamesh, Part 6.

The forecast calls for major rain:
"...an atmospheric coup-de-main... 

a plu-sunami...” (end of quote). 
“D'ya think we'll need a bigger boat...?” * 
Non-Noah floats his brand-new plan. 
But deluge news o’erwhelms the man. 
He sighs, as skies turn grey from blue, 
“Might not my big umbrella do...?”  

* Anticipating Chief Brody in Jaws.

A hulk who sports a solo eye 

now irks this Herculean Guy. 

The giant scarfs Opp-Ody's friends. 

“it can't be well this saga ends. 

I’ll need a caber with a taper 

to finesse this crazy caper. 

Or, before the dude’s next chew, 

I’ll swipe his specs. That, too, could do.” 

This kin o' kings would be one, too,

so mulls what anti-heroes do 
to get their hands upon a crown: 
“Who'd buckle up best buckles down.” 
Then Counter-Arthur spots a stone 
from which a sword appears to’ve grown. 
“I might extract that from its bed...
or simply get a gat instead.”

An Anti-Dante Alighieri,

disembark'd off Charon's ferry,

tours some eight-plus rings of Hell:

"It's much like Russia's Kola Well." *

He claims he's searching for a girl,

one name o' Beatrice (or Pearl),

but in the end forsakes his spree:

"There's lots more fishes in the sea."

* The bottom of the Kola Superdeep Borehole

is still the deepest artificial point on Earth.

Some read of heroes’ deeds in books,  

of evils no true hero brooks.  

Contra-Don Quixote’s one.  

Romances...? Man, he’s read a ton.  

But Contra-Don takes things too far --  

until, that is, it’s time to spar:  

“Duress...? I guess I best say ‘Whoa!’  

Them giants might be windmills, no...?”