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Monday, August 2, 2021

Texts Best Left Unread (Unpub)

Alumni donation solicitation letter and accompanying 
multiple enclosures on which my name is misspelled – 
each time in a different way -- and on which my assigned 
graduation class date is incorrectly indicated

Blog entry posted by Ms. Mittens, Aunt Hortense's 
uppity Angora

Credits following any of the last several Rocky movies

Doctoral dissertation rigorously detailing certain modal 
irregularities observed by the candidate in several 
medieval Frankish Kyries

Edda-like poem designed for freshman Medieval 
English Lit class entitled "Eigil's Eighty-Eight Epic Exploits"

Fortune cookie insert employing typeface designed 
to look like Chinese characters

Government warning label outlining penalties for 
its removal sewn onto new rumpus room throw pillows

Hate mail addressed to 'Current Occupant'

Instruction manual (in German) for my ex-wife’s deceased 
Uncle Carl's reel-to-reel wire recorder

Junk mailings mistakenly delivered to neighbor and regularly 
returned to me by him

KKK regional quarterly newsletter

Letter from Santa thanking young Timmie for 
“the yummy milk and cookies”

Message in half-empty Thums Up bottle

Notae bene

Original Sanskrit vegan recipes listing 99 things 
to do with chickpeas

Palimpsests

Quiz notes found in high-school yearbook from 1947

Russian translation of…anything

Secret decoder ring message detailing how to order 
secret decoder ring

To-do list of mine from last year jotted just prior 
to my second myocardial infarction  

Underwater-readable ransom note

Voyager golden record (facsimile) currently exiting 
the solar system 

Warning label on edible crayons manufactured 
in North Korea

Xmas Greetings from Topeka” family newsletter 
(in green ink on red stock) reputedly from 
cousin Bela’s black Lab.

You may already be a winner” direct mail envelope

Zen koan incorporated into geranium tattoo 
on blind date’s left bicep

 

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