("Soundbites," recorded years ago, somehow again seems as timely as ever.)
Sunday, 2/1
In the opinion of Senior ABC White House
Correspondent M. Massing Mighteejet, events during February may serve to verify
a distinct impression experienced by a majority of the journalists covering
this administration ---namely, that, in the words of reporter Mighteejet, “Day
by day, hour by hour, something is abandoning the Bush White House” -- though
no newsperson has as yet been successful in determining precisely what it is
that has gone missing.
(...a, b, c, d, e, f, g,
h, i, j, k, l, m, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v, w, x, y, z...)
Monday, 2/2
“With recent focus squarely upon individuals whom administration spokespersons had earlier dubbed, somewhat generically, as ‘terrorists’ but now routinely refer to as ‘Saddamites,’” New York Daily News reporter Samme Ming Jestmight asked the President, “Can the Bush White House be fairly characterized as now ignoring a secured Afghanistan...?” President Bush’s hands gripped his podium firmly as his crisp answer shot back:
“…ex-Nazis have worked,
if quietly, in bin Laden’s jungle camps...”
Tuesday, 2/3
Mindful of recent GOP criticism that some press-corps hardballers were “too rough on this president,” Chicago Tribune reporter Jasmine M. Theggemist tossed Mr. Bush one of her famous soft ones. “How about those White Sox, Mr. President, and last week’s five-game series?” Spotting the lob, the President, though reportedly not an informed baseball fan, responded authoritatively.
“…by winning all five,
the Sox jumped quickly into first...”
Wednesday, 2/4
Fielding Times correspondent Jetmist G. Enigmamesh’s query regarding Attorney General Ashcroft’s crackdown on pornography in the military, and having been assured that his response would remain strictly “off the record,” the President grew testy.
“…if he’d just quit
ravin’ how he saw six black MP’s gams…!”
Thursday, 2/5
Pressed by CNN White House correspondent Genghis “Timmie” Jetsam for his reaction to GOP suggestions that there possibly be an intelligence-gathering role for either of the First Daughters during a second Bush administration, the President offered what might well be viewed as the reaction of a typical American dad.
“…a quiet kid joining
film clubs will video her pals…”
Friday, 2/6
Ashcroft clung to reporters’ minds again today. Veteran NBC news anchor Meg “Meg” Sinthetijams’ question alluded to the Attorney General’s notorious distaste for the unclothed female body. Referencing the First Lawyer, who stood throughout the proceedings to the President’s far, far right, Mr. Bush appeared to suggest that neither Ashcroft nor the administration as a whole was prepared to assume a new position.
“…for he’ll keep mockin’
even quite bad jugs…”
Saturday, 2/7
Asked by Washington Post columnist M. G. “See-me-in” Tightjams as to what contributions a second Bush administration might make in support of the arts in America, and whether such contributions would involve any celebrity spokespersons, Mr. Bush paused to consult prepared notes, then proceeded with only a few stumbles, pauses and mispronunciations.
“…I plan a homage for a
quintet of bad OJ flicks…”
Sunday, 2/8
Veteran war correspondent Smig E. “The Jet Man” Smig, currently at work on a chronicle of the Bush family dynasty, bluntly queried George W on the life-style changes the younger Bush has experienced in transitioning from a former president’s erstwhile ne’er-do-well scion to the current Commander-in-Chief. Assured that these particular reminiscences would not appear in Smig’s forthcoming “kiss-‘n’-tell,” the current President allowed his nostalgia to wax freely.
“…fed up shaggin’ bimbos,
I just drink cola…”
Monday, 2/9
Reminded by Desert Storm veteran reporter M. J. “Sting ‘em” Steigeham that recent polls show the President’s approval rating among American forces stationed in Iraq to be eroding daily, the always-forthright Steigeham wondered aloud if the administration possessed a strategy for turning those numbers around. Addressing no one in particular, Mr. Bush pondered in the form of a seemingly rhetorical question what are rapidly appearing to become his administration’s diminishing options.
“…bad time for the fake
camp jingles…?”
Tuesday, 2/10
In a recent feature article on prominent Lone Star families, Town & Country’s Jane “Gems” Mightistem queried First Lady Laura Bush regarding what hobbies her husband engaged in, besides playing golf and clearing brush, to unwind from the pressures of being Leader of the Free World. Before the president’s wife could respond, Mr. Bush himself jumped in to field reporter Mightistem’s question, whereupon he coined his
now-infamous “B.J.” reference.
“…on a fine old ranch,
chaps make ‘Big Jam…’”
Wednesday, 2/11
Appearing as keynote speaker at his ninth Republican fundraiser in as many days and speaking at the Sons of the Highlands’ twice-yearly “HaggisFest,” the President was asked by emcee and generous GOP contributor Gingham J. Testesmime to comment on the administration’s strategies for returning approval ratings, which continue to plummet, to their earlier two-digit percentages. Borrowing a line with local resonance from Glaswegian stand-up comic J. “Jimme Eggtits” Shane, a performer virtually unknown outside Scotland, Mr. Bush assumed his best attempt at the Scottish funnyman’s burr and drew over a minute and a half of sustained laughter from a seemingly appreciative audience.
“…if a bad joke be nigh, kick
a pram…”
Thursday, 2/12
“Bingo, Pinball, Fungo Bats in Oval Office” and “Visiting Big Leaguers Elude Secret Service, Take ‘Seventh-Inning Stretch’ in Lincoln Bedroom” were two recent LA Times headlines referenced by that paper’s sports columnist and future Hall-of-Fame Triple-A ballplayer Jessi “Mitt” Hammenegg as the former relief catcher turned sportswriter and broadcast color man repeatedly probed Mr. Bush for back story. Attempting to lighten the mood, the President played dumb.
“…a game of pinball hid a
jock…?”
Friday, 2/13
In a series of follow-up questions to those of the preceding day, LA Times columnist Hammenegg pressed the President further. No longer able to dodge the plucky sportswriter’s relentless barrage of queries, Mr. Bush chose instead to deny the rumors outright – perhaps hoping somehow thereby to call into question Hammenegg’s facts.
“…no game of ball can
hide a jock…!!”
Saturday, 2/14
As John Ashcroft’s support of the Patriot Act has continued to negatively impact his fitness-for-office ratings in many national polls, Mr. Bush has elected to distance himself from his controversial attorney general. Asked by People’s political correspondent Smite Hemming-Gasjet for the ultimate insider’s take on Ashcroft and American sexuality, the President assumed what some pundits are characterizing as Bush’s “Will Rogers demeanor,” while many neo-cons are voicing concern about the “potty language choices” made by the President and are suggesting off the record that Bush’s characterization of Ashcroft is a subtle signal to the administration’s Christian right supporters that this attorney general is very likely on his way out.
“…Hammin’ Jack – be-all,
end-all fag…!”
Sunday, 2/15
Early today a stunned nation had its morning TV kaffeeklatchs interrupted by breaking news stories featuring video clips of reportedly “drugged-up” American Special Forces members behaving, to quote Arabic translator M. Jehan Stemig-Stemig’s characterization of them, like “storm troopers out of Star Wars,” attacking a large group of Iraqi cub scouts as the thirsty youngsters stood helpless, waiting in line for water rations. Though Mr. Bush has questioned the authenticity of the footage and has at the same time somewhat inconsistently continued to deny all responsibility for the alleged incident, the President was willing to admit that, were the videos ultimately to be proven genuine, someone might be held responsible.
“…if high Jedi kill a
child, blame ’em…!”
Monday, 2/16
Zero-tolerance, tough on crime rhetoric is nothing new for this president. Commenting on the recent nationally publicized incident at a New Jersey day-care facility in which three-year-old pre-schooler Magijem S. Nightsteem, son of Pakistani immigrants, allegedly cold-cocked visiting Newark PD officer J. St.-Magget Mimeshein as the burly sergeant lectured Ms Grendel’s morning class of toddlers on playground safety, Mr. Bush sternly eyed his audience of second graders at Newark’s new Ronald Reagan Charter School as he repeatedly chanted one of his now-familiar mantras.
“…If he decked a badge –
jail…!”
Tuesday, 2/17
Responding in “chico esquela” Spanish to Miami Herald reporter Nestegg T. Themjammis, Mr. Bush assumed a somewhat confessional tone as he fielded the Latino correspondent’s question regarding what the current occupant of the White House may have discussed with his father, former President George H.W. Bush, during the First Patriarch’s recent unscheduled pop-in at the Oval Office, regarding those now notorious disputed Florida election results. George W’s remarks were brief, and the bi-lingual
Themhammis roughly translated them for the rest of the press corps.
“…I fibbed, Dad: A
highjack...!”
Wednesday, 2/18
Queried by Burmese-American ACLU representative Jess Thinmat-Eggmime on the administration’s position regarding detained fellow-Burmese pro-democracy leader St.-Jean Shmit-Eggmime (no relation), the President insisted that Shmit-Eggmime, whom Mr. Bush without explanation or apology continually referred to as “Jeff,” had been treated humanely by Rangoon military rulers.
“…Jeff had a big cage…”
Thursday, 2/19
Nation‘s Business investigative reporter Miss Jammie G. (“The Gent’), as part of her question to the President on the status of troubled telecommunications giant Worldcom, quoted to Mr. Bush the White House’s own statistics which put the total number to date of attorneys working on the case at 143,336. The President’s answer took the form of a question which, it was subsequently determined, Mr. Bush fully intended to be rhetorical.
“…did each bag a fee…?”
Friday, 2/20
Referring to rumor circulated for decades that one of Fidel Castro’s co-revolutionists had been bribed by the CIA with shares of P&G stock, Miami Herald reporter H. J. “Mistie Meg” Stegman wondered aloud whether these recently resurrected allegations would impact on the administration’s continuing refusal to address the lifting of Cuban embargoes. As he has so often in the past, sometimes intentionally, Mr. Bush feigned ignorance and surprise.
“…Che had Fab? Gee…!”
Saturday, 2/21
Asked by Nightline’s Jane “Gems” Mightistem whether Mr. Bush would be comfortable or uncomfortable including Hillary Rodham Clinton among the group of potential candidates he will face in upcoming nationally televised debates should the freshperson senator from New York somehow become the Democratic presidential nominee, the President at first seemed indecisive, then answered in what correspondent Mightistem took to be the affirmative.
“…add Cabbageface…!”
Sunday, 2/22
As the President took a few questions from reporters outside the oval office today, National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice momentarily appeared at Mr. Bush’s right, pressing a small object into the President’s palm. Later it was discovered that the object was a hastily hand-scribbled note to the effect that she had only moments previously received confirmation of the death of AFT agent Magijem S. Nightsteem,
wounded earlier in the day in a rather badly botched attempt to settle without incident a hostage situation at a popular F Street pupusaria. Disoriented by the unanticipated interruption, Mr. Bush’s attention momentarily strayed from the large-print prepared notes at his rostrum as he mistakenly read instead from what was subsequently dubbed by certain late-night talk show hosts “The Rice Paper.”
“A Fed be dead! -- C.”
Monday, 2/23
Asked by local free-lance journalist Jiggs Minemat Themes for the President’s opinion as to the overall effectiveness of longtime D. C. resident and Home-Rule advocate Delegate Eleanore Holmes Norton’s time in office, Mr. Bush scanned the ceiling and appeared to be searching his memory. It was later learned that the First Mensa had momentarily forgotten the party affiliation of Ms Holmes Norton. In addition, the President’s chronic nasal congestion muffled his response, causing his ‘m’s to be heard as ‘b’s.
“…A D.C. deb…?”
Tuesday, 2/24
Queried by Ashcroft Middle School Tatler correspondent J. “I Am In The Eggs” Steem, a junior hoping upon graduation to double major at MIT in broadcast journalism and cosmetology, regarding whether “Dubya” Bush had grown tired of the “adult” press’s incessant joking at the expense of his middle initial, and was there perhaps another letter of the alphabet with reference to which he would prefer to be ridiculed, the President answered, in the halting manner and tradition of another linguistically challenged
political figure, Dan Quale, by listing what he would later, incorrectly of course, characterize as “the first three letters of the alphabet of the American people of the United States of America.”
“…a ‘B'...?!…a
‘C'...?!!…a ‘D'...?…?!!!”
Wednesday, 2/25
Among those being officially recognized at a recent Kennedy Center Honors ceremony was octogenarian performer Cab Calloway. Only recently deceased, the elderly black entertainer was being kudoed posthumously, a Calloway look-alike having been employed to accept the small KCH statuette in “Mr. Hi-Dee-Ho”s stead, ostensibly for the purpose of publicity photos. With festivities winding down, the President, attending the event unaccompanied by the First Daughters, who reportedly had skipped the black-tie ceremony in favor of a more casual Uncle Chunky performance at a saloon in nearby Beltsville, MD, was heard by other attendees to loudly call out in the direction of the awardees’ box, situated far, far to the left of that of the presidential party. Attending press-corps members remain unable or unwilling to declare whether Mr. Bush, perhaps unaware of the real Calloway’s recent demise, was attempting to secure the veteran entertainer’s autograph, or to somehow elude his secret service escort and hop a quick taxi back to either 1600 Pennsylvania or even possibly to an undisclosed address in Crawford, Texas.
“…Cab! Cab…!!”
Thursday, 2/26
Mr. Bush appeared tired today as he was asked by one of a group of young journalism students visiting the Rose Garden whether the President had enjoyed the previous evening’s festivities at the Kennedy Center and, as a related follow-up question, why the American people had launched a preemptive attack on Iraq. Waving away further questions amid an explosion of what turned out to the apparent relief of security to be flashbulbs, Mr. Bush hurriedly retreated into the White House, muttering sheepishly.
“…Ba-a-a-a…!”
Friday, 2/27
Insisting he speaks for most Americans, Washington Post Pulitzer Prize winner Gashem J. Teemingmist posed the final question at today’s abbreviated press conference before the President began yet another of his now regular month-long holidays at his Texas ranch. “What are your administration’s plans for turning around the nation’s ailing economy?” asked Teemingmist. The President’s answer, characterized later by a White House spokesperson to be “detailed and substantive,” could at the time not be clearly heard above the noise caused by the rotors of Chopper One.
“…a…a…a…”
Saturday, 2/28
G. Majisteen Gemsmith, an unemployed newspaper reporter, at the risk of being severely “disciplined” by Secret Service agents attached to the President’s motorcade, approached Mr. Bush’s car as the presidential Limo One slowed, navigating the intersection of 16th and I Streets where the former newsman was squeegieing commuters’ windshields, and posed a question of model journalistic brevity. “Spare change?” queried the out-of-work Gemsmith. The President was slow to respond.
“……………………...”
Sunday, 2/29
It seems it’s Leap Year. (For sure it’s a [bleep] year!)
“With recent focus squarely upon individuals whom administration spokespersons had earlier dubbed, somewhat generically, as ‘terrorists’ but now routinely refer to as ‘Saddamites,’” New York Daily News reporter Samme Ming Jestmight asked the President, “Can the Bush White House be fairly characterized as now ignoring a secured Afghanistan...?” President Bush’s hands gripped his podium firmly as his crisp answer shot back:
Mindful of recent GOP criticism that some press-corps hardballers were “too rough on this president,” Chicago Tribune reporter Jasmine M. Theggemist tossed Mr. Bush one of her famous soft ones. “How about those White Sox, Mr. President, and last week’s five-game series?” Spotting the lob, the President, though reportedly not an informed baseball fan, responded authoritatively.
Fielding Times correspondent Jetmist G. Enigmamesh’s query regarding Attorney General Ashcroft’s crackdown on pornography in the military, and having been assured that his response would remain strictly “off the record,” the President grew testy.
Pressed by CNN White House correspondent Genghis “Timmie” Jetsam for his reaction to GOP suggestions that there possibly be an intelligence-gathering role for either of the First Daughters during a second Bush administration, the President offered what might well be viewed as the reaction of a typical American dad.
Ashcroft clung to reporters’ minds again today. Veteran NBC news anchor Meg “Meg” Sinthetijams’ question alluded to the Attorney General’s notorious distaste for the unclothed female body. Referencing the First Lawyer, who stood throughout the proceedings to the President’s far, far right, Mr. Bush appeared to suggest that neither Ashcroft nor the administration as a whole was prepared to assume a new position.
Asked by Washington Post columnist M. G. “See-me-in” Tightjams as to what contributions a second Bush administration might make in support of the arts in America, and whether such contributions would involve any celebrity spokespersons, Mr. Bush paused to consult prepared notes, then proceeded with only a few stumbles, pauses and mispronunciations.
Veteran war correspondent Smig E. “The Jet Man” Smig, currently at work on a chronicle of the Bush family dynasty, bluntly queried George W on the life-style changes the younger Bush has experienced in transitioning from a former president’s erstwhile ne’er-do-well scion to the current Commander-in-Chief. Assured that these particular reminiscences would not appear in Smig’s forthcoming “kiss-‘n’-tell,” the current President allowed his nostalgia to wax freely.
Reminded by Desert Storm veteran reporter M. J. “Sting ‘em” Steigeham that recent polls show the President’s approval rating among American forces stationed in Iraq to be eroding daily, the always-forthright Steigeham wondered aloud if the administration possessed a strategy for turning those numbers around. Addressing no one in particular, Mr. Bush pondered in the form of a seemingly rhetorical question what are rapidly appearing to become his administration’s diminishing options.
In a recent feature article on prominent Lone Star families, Town & Country’s Jane “Gems” Mightistem queried First Lady Laura Bush regarding what hobbies her husband engaged in, besides playing golf and clearing brush, to unwind from the pressures of being Leader of the Free World. Before the president’s wife could respond, Mr. Bush himself jumped in to field reporter Mightistem’s question, whereupon he coined his
now-infamous “B.J.” reference.
Appearing as keynote speaker at his ninth Republican fundraiser in as many days and speaking at the Sons of the Highlands’ twice-yearly “HaggisFest,” the President was asked by emcee and generous GOP contributor Gingham J. Testesmime to comment on the administration’s strategies for returning approval ratings, which continue to plummet, to their earlier two-digit percentages. Borrowing a line with local resonance from Glaswegian stand-up comic J. “Jimme Eggtits” Shane, a performer virtually unknown outside Scotland, Mr. Bush assumed his best attempt at the Scottish funnyman’s burr and drew over a minute and a half of sustained laughter from a seemingly appreciative audience.
“Bingo, Pinball, Fungo Bats in Oval Office” and “Visiting Big Leaguers Elude Secret Service, Take ‘Seventh-Inning Stretch’ in Lincoln Bedroom” were two recent LA Times headlines referenced by that paper’s sports columnist and future Hall-of-Fame Triple-A ballplayer Jessi “Mitt” Hammenegg as the former relief catcher turned sportswriter and broadcast color man repeatedly probed Mr. Bush for back story. Attempting to lighten the mood, the President played dumb.
In a series of follow-up questions to those of the preceding day, LA Times columnist Hammenegg pressed the President further. No longer able to dodge the plucky sportswriter’s relentless barrage of queries, Mr. Bush chose instead to deny the rumors outright – perhaps hoping somehow thereby to call into question Hammenegg’s facts.
As John Ashcroft’s support of the Patriot Act has continued to negatively impact his fitness-for-office ratings in many national polls, Mr. Bush has elected to distance himself from his controversial attorney general. Asked by People’s political correspondent Smite Hemming-Gasjet for the ultimate insider’s take on Ashcroft and American sexuality, the President assumed what some pundits are characterizing as Bush’s “Will Rogers demeanor,” while many neo-cons are voicing concern about the “potty language choices” made by the President and are suggesting off the record that Bush’s characterization of Ashcroft is a subtle signal to the administration’s Christian right supporters that this attorney general is very likely on his way out.
Early today a stunned nation had its morning TV kaffeeklatchs interrupted by breaking news stories featuring video clips of reportedly “drugged-up” American Special Forces members behaving, to quote Arabic translator M. Jehan Stemig-Stemig’s characterization of them, like “storm troopers out of Star Wars,” attacking a large group of Iraqi cub scouts as the thirsty youngsters stood helpless, waiting in line for water rations. Though Mr. Bush has questioned the authenticity of the footage and has at the same time somewhat inconsistently continued to deny all responsibility for the alleged incident, the President was willing to admit that, were the videos ultimately to be proven genuine, someone might be held responsible.
Zero-tolerance, tough on crime rhetoric is nothing new for this president. Commenting on the recent nationally publicized incident at a New Jersey day-care facility in which three-year-old pre-schooler Magijem S. Nightsteem, son of Pakistani immigrants, allegedly cold-cocked visiting Newark PD officer J. St.-Magget Mimeshein as the burly sergeant lectured Ms Grendel’s morning class of toddlers on playground safety, Mr. Bush sternly eyed his audience of second graders at Newark’s new Ronald Reagan Charter School as he repeatedly chanted one of his now-familiar mantras.
Responding in “chico esquela” Spanish to Miami Herald reporter Nestegg T. Themjammis, Mr. Bush assumed a somewhat confessional tone as he fielded the Latino correspondent’s question regarding what the current occupant of the White House may have discussed with his father, former President George H.W. Bush, during the First Patriarch’s recent unscheduled pop-in at the Oval Office, regarding those now notorious disputed Florida election results. George W’s remarks were brief, and the bi-lingual
Themhammis roughly translated them for the rest of the press corps.
Queried by Burmese-American ACLU representative Jess Thinmat-Eggmime on the administration’s position regarding detained fellow-Burmese pro-democracy leader St.-Jean Shmit-Eggmime (no relation), the President insisted that Shmit-Eggmime, whom Mr. Bush without explanation or apology continually referred to as “Jeff,” had been treated humanely by Rangoon military rulers.
Nation‘s Business investigative reporter Miss Jammie G. (“The Gent’), as part of her question to the President on the status of troubled telecommunications giant Worldcom, quoted to Mr. Bush the White House’s own statistics which put the total number to date of attorneys working on the case at 143,336. The President’s answer took the form of a question which, it was subsequently determined, Mr. Bush fully intended to be rhetorical.
Referring to rumor circulated for decades that one of Fidel Castro’s co-revolutionists had been bribed by the CIA with shares of P&G stock, Miami Herald reporter H. J. “Mistie Meg” Stegman wondered aloud whether these recently resurrected allegations would impact on the administration’s continuing refusal to address the lifting of Cuban embargoes. As he has so often in the past, sometimes intentionally, Mr. Bush feigned ignorance and surprise.
Asked by Nightline’s Jane “Gems” Mightistem whether Mr. Bush would be comfortable or uncomfortable including Hillary Rodham Clinton among the group of potential candidates he will face in upcoming nationally televised debates should the freshperson senator from New York somehow become the Democratic presidential nominee, the President at first seemed indecisive, then answered in what correspondent Mightistem took to be the affirmative.
As the President took a few questions from reporters outside the oval office today, National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice momentarily appeared at Mr. Bush’s right, pressing a small object into the President’s palm. Later it was discovered that the object was a hastily hand-scribbled note to the effect that she had only moments previously received confirmation of the death of AFT agent Magijem S. Nightsteem,
wounded earlier in the day in a rather badly botched attempt to settle without incident a hostage situation at a popular F Street pupusaria. Disoriented by the unanticipated interruption, Mr. Bush’s attention momentarily strayed from the large-print prepared notes at his rostrum as he mistakenly read instead from what was subsequently dubbed by certain late-night talk show hosts “The Rice Paper.”
Asked by local free-lance journalist Jiggs Minemat Themes for the President’s opinion as to the overall effectiveness of longtime D. C. resident and Home-Rule advocate Delegate Eleanore Holmes Norton’s time in office, Mr. Bush scanned the ceiling and appeared to be searching his memory. It was later learned that the First Mensa had momentarily forgotten the party affiliation of Ms Holmes Norton. In addition, the President’s chronic nasal congestion muffled his response, causing his ‘m’s to be heard as ‘b’s.
Queried by Ashcroft Middle School Tatler correspondent J. “I Am In The Eggs” Steem, a junior hoping upon graduation to double major at MIT in broadcast journalism and cosmetology, regarding whether “Dubya” Bush had grown tired of the “adult” press’s incessant joking at the expense of his middle initial, and was there perhaps another letter of the alphabet with reference to which he would prefer to be ridiculed, the President answered, in the halting manner and tradition of another linguistically challenged
political figure, Dan Quale, by listing what he would later, incorrectly of course, characterize as “the first three letters of the alphabet of the American people of the United States of America.”
Among those being officially recognized at a recent Kennedy Center Honors ceremony was octogenarian performer Cab Calloway. Only recently deceased, the elderly black entertainer was being kudoed posthumously, a Calloway look-alike having been employed to accept the small KCH statuette in “Mr. Hi-Dee-Ho”s stead, ostensibly for the purpose of publicity photos. With festivities winding down, the President, attending the event unaccompanied by the First Daughters, who reportedly had skipped the black-tie ceremony in favor of a more casual Uncle Chunky performance at a saloon in nearby Beltsville, MD, was heard by other attendees to loudly call out in the direction of the awardees’ box, situated far, far to the left of that of the presidential party. Attending press-corps members remain unable or unwilling to declare whether Mr. Bush, perhaps unaware of the real Calloway’s recent demise, was attempting to secure the veteran entertainer’s autograph, or to somehow elude his secret service escort and hop a quick taxi back to either 1600 Pennsylvania or even possibly to an undisclosed address in Crawford, Texas.
Mr. Bush appeared tired today as he was asked by one of a group of young journalism students visiting the Rose Garden whether the President had enjoyed the previous evening’s festivities at the Kennedy Center and, as a related follow-up question, why the American people had launched a preemptive attack on Iraq. Waving away further questions amid an explosion of what turned out to the apparent relief of security to be flashbulbs, Mr. Bush hurriedly retreated into the White House, muttering sheepishly.
Insisting he speaks for most Americans, Washington Post Pulitzer Prize winner Gashem J. Teemingmist posed the final question at today’s abbreviated press conference before the President began yet another of his now regular month-long holidays at his Texas ranch. “What are your administration’s plans for turning around the nation’s ailing economy?” asked Teemingmist. The President’s answer, characterized later by a White House spokesperson to be “detailed and substantive,” could at the time not be clearly heard above the noise caused by the rotors of Chopper One.
G. Majisteen Gemsmith, an unemployed newspaper reporter, at the risk of being severely “disciplined” by Secret Service agents attached to the President’s motorcade, approached Mr. Bush’s car as the presidential Limo One slowed, navigating the intersection of 16th and I Streets where the former newsman was squeegieing commuters’ windshields, and posed a question of model journalistic brevity. “Spare change?” queried the out-of-work Gemsmith. The President was slow to respond.
It seems it’s Leap Year. (For sure it’s a [bleep] year!)
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