Baby, It's COV'D Outside: Pre-Flu-Season's Greetings or Rounding the Coroner

Dash off hums for the holidays…?

Lord knows I’ve tried

to so metamorph “Baby, it’s 

COV’D outside”
into Noëls of nonsense to 

pleasures provide,
but it’s tough wielding “Baby, it’s 

COV’D outside.”

Memes like 'hydroxychloroquine,' 

e.g., I’ve eyed,
to inject into “Baby, it’s 

COV’D outside.”
Even channel’d Frank Loesser as 

metrical guide
to blue-pencil my “Baby, it’s 

COV’D outside.”

I have plagiarized "Jingle Bells"

("...what fun... to ride...")

which I bundled with "Baby, it's 

COV'D outside."

Then I deftly "White Christmas"'s

mush modified

so's to dovetail with "Baby, it's 

COV'D outside."

When with copyright counsels

I chanced to collide 
(might some sue me for "Baby it's

COV'D outside"...?),

I was forced to, through New Year's,

in Reno reside:

bookies there ignored "Baby, it's 

COV'D outside."

At wits' end -- the while hoping that

elf hadn't died --

I wrote Santa re "Baby, it's 

COV'D outside."

By return mail, sign'd "Jekyll," (was 

I Mr. Hyde...?)

he wrote, "Can't help, ya, baby: there's

COV'D outside."

As an effort -- last ditch! -- I to

POTUS applied

that I hoped to help "Baby, it's 

COV'D outside"

become music Americans

warbled with pride. 

In predictable fashion, the

president lied:

"But Obama's a fore'gner: with 

Biden he spied!

But Bent Hill'ry's a porn'er: she's  

nasty; she's snide!

But if only we'd tested less 

(we do more testing than

practically anyone)

none would have died!

But we've rounded the corner -- I'll

toot my own horn here -- we've

rounded the corner -- 

hey! Don't be a scorner! -- we've

rounded the corner: there's

no need to hide 'cuz we've

rounded the corner: no

COV'D outside."