All Constrained Canonical Texts Eventually Arrive at Marcel Proust's In Search of Lost Time or Who X-rays Your Zucchini?

Anon’s The Epic of Gilgamesh

Anonymous Babylonian cuneiformist describes Enkidu’s friend Gilgamesh horning in, jilting kismet. “Let ‘Mesh nix oblivion, please!” “Quite right,” spouts trickster Utnapishtim. “Vanquish whosoever x-rays your zucchini.”

Homer’s The Iliad

Achilles balks, cries, “Defraud!” Exits fray. Gigantic horse is Jerry-rigg’d. King loads mercenaries: No one panics. Quorum ransacks splendiferous Troy until victorious warriors x-ray your zucchini.

Homer’s The Odyssey

After battles conclude, Daneans, enthusiastic for getting home, initiate journey. Kirke, Lotus-eaters, Maelstroms, noting ominous quest, remit spoilers, troubling Ulysses’s victory-lap while x-raying your zucchini.

Anon’s The Old Testament

Adam’s bimbo caves, departs Eden. “Free Goshen,” hollars Israel. Jews kill, later, many neighbors over promised quarters. Rabbinical scribes Torah-rize until Voice warns, "X-ray Your Zucchini!”

Hesiod’s Works and Days

Almanac by cultivator depicts examples from Greek husbandry. “Idleness jaundices, kiboshing love, marriage: No one profits. Quick riches sully those un'cultivated,' venal wastrels x-raying your zucchini.”

Aesop’s Fables

Aesop, borrowing classic depictions (epics, fictions, 'grues,' howlers in journals, koans, legends, myths), noting one point, quaintly re-renders stories. These, unusually vivid, will x-ray your zucchini!

Thomas Mann’s The Magic Mountain

Alpine blizzards chill Davos’s environs, freeze-drying gentleman Hans. Invalid Joachim? Kaput: Lung malady. Naphta opines provocatively. “Quiet,” rails Settembrini -- too vehemently? Weimar x-rays your zucchini.

Marcel Proust’s In Search Of Lost Time

All because cattelyas don’t ever fade, Gilberte, having initiated jealousy kissing little Marcel, needles Odette, pretty quickly ruining Swann -- thereby undervaluing Vinteuil's waltz, “X-raying Yourbeletieff’s Zucchini.”

Chine-ese Food Serv'd in Three Courses Brought to Your Table Simultaneously

The waitstaff stands queued,
seeming ripe for a feud...

All the foodstuffs they serve are call’d 'China-ese food.'
While some won ton soup's sipp’d, dim sum -- some rum -- gets chew’d.
Much too much of it's wok'd. Next to none of it's stew’d. 
(‘Tis "mein joy"*...soyved mit' soy sauce that’s artisan-brew’d.)
      * Attributed to Karl, and occasionally Groucho, Marx]

…(accrued...cued...allude)…

...note the first, leering lewdly,
his single eye glued... 

All the food here referr’d to's term’d 'China-ese food.'
But, if true, why’s the bird's nest soup so misconstru’d?
Is it, maybe, 'cuz over the bird's nest one flew'd?
Or, instead, because Jack's* one inscrutable dude?
      * Nicholson, possibly, but much more likely Soo.

…(collude...do'd...constru’d)…

…on the second (no prude),
who's seen raising his rood...

All such food -- rainbow-hued -- they've nam’d 'China-ese food' –
and it's ritu'l their victu'ls be var'ously hued!
Quite a lot be magenta'd; those newer be blued.
(Note how few of said hues seem the least bit subdued.

…(delude...loo'd...denude)…

…o'er the third (the most shrewd):
once the cow he's debut'd…

But which food might feed multitudes? China-ese food – 
and don't they who partake g’won to make quite a brood?
Here sit I dress’d in jodhpurs; my wife’s donn’d a snood.
As for kids near the koi pond? They're totally nude.

…(elude...pseud-...ensued)…

…has been heard, smelt and view’d
to have pitif'ly "moo"'d…

What's the "grub de millenium"? China-ese food. 
It’s one scene de cuisine we've all hotly pursued.
To enjoy four-whisk rest'rants, my party's canoed.
(One's accessible via canal boats I've crew’d.)

…(exclude...sued...extrude)…

…she'll be rapidly "shoo!"'d
lest she "cop her a -tude"...

Sav'ries herein construed? All call’d 'China-ese food': 
every dish is delicious -- beaucoup ballyhoo'd. 
When we sung for our supper, near nobody boo'd, 
though six shixsas (sic) murmur'd (we rubes rank’d 'em 'rude').

…(preclude...spewed...protrude)…

…i.e., mimic my mood,
while he, cummerbund trued...

Must the thrust of my etude stay China-ese food?
To the key to its 'sprit am I secretly clued? 
Yes, by Cantonese coolies who're duly tattoo’d. 
(Note those pics on their pecs: aren't some skin artists crude?)

…(screw’d...shrew'd...skew’d)…

…after tuning his oud
the dude croon'd as he wooed...

What are you to conclude in re China-ese food?
Just that some of it's beef'd; more's pork'd;  none of it's gnu'd;
that its misuse of goose now's been loosely review’d.
The consensus? My sense is: geese best be eschew’d.

…(spewed...who'd...?...you'd...?)…

…Himiltrude al-Aboud.
(This day both have since rued.)