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Sunday, March 4, 2018

13 "On Approval" Outtakes: a Nonsense ABC (from AmalgaMates)

"You will find the dinghy by the jetty." Legendary comedienne Bea Lillie delivered this text, acclaimed as "her perfect line," in the 1944 film On Approval, but who's to say she got it on the first take?

“You will find that algae’s spoilt your buggy.”
“Don't you mind that Cugie’s dyed your doggie?”
“In a bind, Bea’s* edgy, never flakey.”
“She’s not dined. Still, Googie* hates her hoagie.”
“One might find one's itchy if a junkie.”
“I’m behind, and Kitty, too, looks logy."
“She’ll get fined if Molly puts out nookie.”
“Foodies find his orgies use pierogies.”
“Horacio signed ‘Quiroga,’ – not ‘Quirogi.’”
“They’re not blind: most ranis spurn the suttee.”
“You're behind. You're tardy, Uncle Urbie."
“Film buffs find Clive* veddy, veddy witty.’”
“Not yet mined? X or Zyaddi-yaddi…” 
     * Beatrice Lillie, Googie Withers and Clive Brook 
starred in On Approval. The other celebrities mentioned 
merely watched the film.

"Be baby l'homme or baby wench..." Olfactory Facts: A Nonsense Rhyme (from AmalgaMates)

Be baby l'homme or baby wench,
your baby's bum breeds babystench.
Despite the Glade, the air smells errant
all around your heir apparent.

Be baby blue or, maybe, pink,
still, baby's poo makes baby stink.
Though mater's son or pater's daughter,
baby smells unlike (s)he oughter.

Baby's yin crowns baby's yang
but can't begin to mask the tang.
Be baby bald or born with quiff,
the neighbors' called: they've had a whiff.

Some babies hide. Some babies seek.
But someone lied: all babies reek.
Your baby coos. Your baby yells.
But, breaking news: your baby smells!

"Alpha ain't for 'Al-Farabi'..." What Alpha Ain't For: A Nonsense Greek Alphabet

Alpha ain't for 'Al-Farabi.' 
Beta ain't for 'bait a hook.'
Gamma ain't for 'Gamme' Gurton,' 
her whose needle no man took.
Delta ain't for 'dealt a blow.' 
Epsilon...? It ain't for zip.
Zeta ain't for 'Say ta my José...' 
(Tho' Carmen's sure a pip.)

Eta ain't for 'ate a horse.' 
Theta ain't for 'They ta my
Jothéy...' -- like zeta just above, 
but lisp'd. (And don't you dare ask why.)
Iota...? For 'I owe da mob'...? 
Kappa...? For 'I cap a keg'...?
Lambda...? For 'lamb ta da slaughta'...? 
Nope! (Hey, would I pull your leg...?)

Mu...? Mu ain't for '"Moo" goes Bossy.' 
Nu...? Nu ain't for 'knew da ropes.'
Xi...? Xi ain't for 'Dixie Chicks.' (Those 
sicks who diss'd the Chicks were dopes.)
Omicron I'll set aside. 
Pi...? Pi ain't for 'piece o' poo.'
Rho...? Rho ain't for 'row yer boat.'
What's sigma for...? I've got no clue.

Tau...? Tau ain't for 'Tow'r o' Pisa.' 
Upsilon...? I'm sure it ain't 
for 'Oops! A lawn 'n' garden shop.' 
Phi...? Phi is not for 'Fifi, Saint.'
Chi...? Chi ain't for 'key dat Chrysler.' 
Psi...? Psi ain't for 'upsy-daisy.'
Last, omega: it's for 'grecian
formula'...or am I crazy...?

Christmas Day: A Mare Egg...

     "A Mare Egg, Her Wrist, "Miss Two 'U'"