A One-Trick Misogynist; or, Once Wed, One's Dead

Needles and pins, putti and djinns: 

once a man marries, more madness begins.
Brujas and wives, machetes and knives: 

once a dude says "I do!" anguish arrives.

Blood, sweat and tears, jeers and Bronx cheers: 

once a cat couples, his heartache appears.
Vodka and gin, misdeeds and sin: 

once a gent ties the knot, toxins kick in.

Kidneys and heart, stop and restart: 

once a man couples, his world comes apart. 

Ambush, delay, abandon, betray: 

once he espouses, he rouses decay.  

 

Foxes and minks, prisons and clinks:  

once a man gives a ring, everything stinks. 

Chestnut, cliché, chagrin and dismay:  

once he cojoins, a man’s loins waste away.  

 

Argil and clay, tinctures of grey:  

once a man mingles, he singles can’t play. 

Strumpet and whore, reprimand and what for:  

once a man bonds, he ash blondes must ignore.  

 

Pimp and procure, entice and allure:  

once a man melds, he’s a gelding for sure. 

Exacting, austere, forbidding, severe:  

once he unites, a man’s rights disappear. 

Advents and Lents, play money, pence:

once a bloke walks that aisle, stresses commence.
Bishops and pawns, scallops and prawns: 
once a lad plights his troth, oath swearing dawns.

Cortèges and dirges, bloodbaths and purges: 
once a chap dons the yoke, mis'ry emerges.
Blinders 'n' reins, deadbolts and chains:
once he's divorced, though, he Eden regains.