Snarkstitutes! The Kraken & The Lubber Fiend

Aged ten 'n' three, I Jack Tar'd be,
though yet were sea legs lackin.'
Part man, part whelp, I plann'd (with help) 
to kill the kelp-clad kraken: 

I, arm'd with guns 'n' bullets (tons!),

bazookas, too, was packin.'

So: here's the gist: My peers insist

a posse be convened.

(There's but one rub: they're nuts to club

the loathsome lubber fiend: 

some irate Brit put out a hit;

his Smith & Wesson's clean'd.) 

Snarkstitutes! The Jubjub Bird

 

Jubjub 

Lewis Carrol's jubjub reportedly "will not look at a bribe." Uly Poe's jubjub...? Quite the opposite. 

Let's deputize and then advise
tough gals 'n' guys to gird 
each rump 'n' tail, then dump in jail 
the ur-schlub jubjub bird.

He's overdue for hard time, nu...?

(Reprieve...? Don't be absurd.)