Uly Poe's Sixth Voyage 'Round Archaedia: An Internally Rhyming Alphabet

A is for Andy: at 90, still randy.
B is for Billie: calls Andy “Sir Silly.”
C is for Clarke, who’s constructing an ark.
D is for Doris, caught bleeding her loris.
E is for Errol. Thank God the man’s sterile.
F is for Fran: starts each morning with bran.
G is for Gretchen, a femme fa-a-ar from fetchin.’
H is for Heidi: takes meals in her nightie.
I is for Ivan. (Is Ivan still drivin’…?)
J is for Jill, who’s rewriting her will.
K is for Keith. Keith’s been filing his teeth.
L’s for Laurindo: he flaunts his bay window.
M’s for Miranda: she breast feeds her panda.
N’s for Noreen of the proactive spleen.
O is for Otto: “Right now!”’s his new motto.
P’s for Pilar: keeps one eye in a jar.
Q is for Quinn. None know what state he’s in.
R is for Ross, First Floor Teaparty boss.
S is for Stephen, whose left leg’s uneven.
T is for Thor: shouts, “I’ll give ya ‘what for’!”
U’s for Ulysses: has no time for “sissies.”
V is for Vaughn. (Are those spats he has on…?)
W’s Wayne, who pretends to be Shane.
X is for Xavier. His issue’s behavior.
Y is for Yuri: a man in no hurry.
Z is for Zoltan: poor blighter’s been moultin.’

Uly Poe's Fifth Voyage 'Round Archaedia: An Alphabet

A’s for Arlette: former fundraiser (SIDS).
B is for Bruce, who hates ev’ryone’s kids.
C is for Cass: overdoes the mascara.
D’s for Demi, who pretends she’s in Tara.
E’s for Elaine. She’s now buried six husbands.
F is for Flo, who’s just cash’d out her trust funds.
G’s for Georgette, who wears wa-a-ay too much rouge.
H is for Huck. Huck fell off of his luge.
I is for Iphigenia. She died.
J is for Joel: ends most Friday nights fried.
K is for Kieran, who bench presses barbells.
L’s for Letitia, who’s lost all her marbles.
M’s for Marie, who burlesques Baba Yaga.
N’s for Noël, whom they call “Granny Gaga.”
O is for Otto, a twin amputee.
P is for Pat, who snorts “Vitamin Z.”
Q is for Quill, duly praised for her cursive
R is for Reg: edits Senior Subversive.
S is for Sylvie, who knits for the troops.
T is for Trevor: Trev’s frankfurter droops.
U is for Ulmer, whose dandruff’s neglected.
V is for Vaclav. He’s dead (it’s suspected).
W’s Wim who bowls 71.
X is for Xim, who shows zero pulse – none.
Y is for Yip: bowled a 72.
Z is for Zane. Hey, Zane:: how old are you…?

Uly Poe's Fourth Voyage 'Round Archaedia: An Alphabet

A is for Axl, allergic to mold.
B is for Beryl: she will not be told.
C is for Chester, who suffers from shingles.
D is for Dodie: her left pinkie tingles.
E is for Efrem, whose lung shows a spot.
F is for Fran who frets, “Why’s it so hot…?”
G is for George: feels discomfort when sitting.
H is for Hope, who got punctured while knitting.
I is for Ina: ignor’d by her kids.
J is for Joan: calls all widows “The Wids.”
K is for Kate, always draped in a shawl.
L’s for Lorraine: has a thing for Rand Paul.
M is for Mel: endured cataract surgery.
N is for Nita: served six months for perjury.
O’s for Odette, who gets lost at the mall.
P is for Phillip, who “used to be tall.”
Q is for Quilla: she’s down with pneumonia.
R is for Roger who calls himself “Sonia.”
S is for Sam: hopes for one last hurrah.
T is for Trudy, who “misplaced” her bra.
U is for Ulric: he’s under the weather.
V is for Van, who is now into leather.
W’s Wilson, who won’t take his Plavix.
X is for Xilla, who frets, “They don’t have Vicks.”
Y is for Yan: hits you up for a fiver.
Z is for Zeph: in the end, a survivor.

Uly Poe's Third Voyage 'Round Archaedia: An Alphabet

A is for Alma who’s alter’d her will.
B is for Bob's boast: “I’m under the hill!”
C is for Constance who voted for Hoover.
D is for Den: neither shaker nor mover.
E is for Emma. Her race…? Almost run.
F is for Fenton. He's purchased a gun.
G is for Grace: she has good days and bad.
H is for Hank: calls my iphone “a fad.”
I’s for Inez who has doctor’d her age.
J is for Johann. (Dementia, third stage.)
K is for Kathryn, a petulant scold.
L is for Lon whose great-granddaughter’s old.
M is for Max who’s develop’d a goiter.
N is for Nan: claims the gateman “annoy’d” her.
O is for Oz: keeps a floozie in town.
P is for Paula. Her toenails turn’d brown.
Q is for Quentin. Rose claims Quentin died.
R is for Rose: claims the newspaper lied.
S is for Shirl: mixes hounds tooth with plaid.
T is for Tim who pass’d. (Ulmer’s so-o-o sad.)
U is for Ulmer: he’s taken up snuff.
V is for Vaughn. “Vaughn! Get offa yer duff!”
W’s Walt, who tells sick shaggy dogs.
X is for Xeno: he posts tell-all blogs.
Y is for Yasser. His room lacks a view.
Z is for Zoë. Don’t know her. Do you…?

Runcibl'd Spooner: Another "I Lack Fives" Matter...?

Your final exam now is over.
(You need ne'er again bear such a grilling.) 
Pencils down!
     You owe Mr. Washington twenty.
D'you intend to him lend ev'ry shilling...?
Denzel's poun.'
     Moral:

Lay back! Pay back!