"Once ferrets prove carrots..." What Shall We Do Once Bob's Probe Proves It's True: Proposals & A Poll

Once ferrets prove carrots, we'll dice each brash rascal
and toss 'em in salads with radish and Pascal.
Once carrots prove parrots, we'll teach each bright bird
to recite Shakespeare sonnets she's learnt word for word.

Once parrots prove clarets, we'll bottle 'em so
they sagaciously age till they're vintage Bordeaux!
Once clarets prove Jarretts, (a Val'rie, a Keith),
we'll warn 'em: "Atop the bus; never beneath."

Once Jarretts prove Barretts -- Elizabeth, say --
we'll host sojourns haut in our cabriolet.
Once Barretts prove square (it's not proven they were),
we'll announce, "We doubt nowt about aught you infer."

Once Barretts bérets prove (Note how we pronounce!),
we'll don 'em as toppers: 'roun' town how we'll flounce!
Once "berrets" prove merits (distinctions we earn),
we'll award 'em en masse: we'll have merits to burn.

Once merits prove carets for editing texts,
blue pencils we'll drop, leaving editors vexed.
Once carets prove garrets where artists might paint,
we'll lease to Da Vinci: an artist we ain't.

Once garrets prove karats for measuring gold, 
shall your Nantes or my Danvers yield twenty-four fold?
Once karats prove fer-...ah-h-h-h, but, surely, we're through.
(Though once heroes prove zeros, once leaders prove bleeders,
once Don proves a con man, then what shall we to do.)