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Friday, June 15, 2018

"'Tis far from few, requested to relate their fav'rite lark..." 26 Surrogate Snarks: A Constrained Nonsense Alphabet in Rhyme

‘Tis far from few, requested to
relate their fav’rite lark,
who’d favor us with answer thus: 
“Mine’s hunting of the snark.”

Which fool forgets the pains, the frets, 
the nearly fatal sally
he sweated besting, then arresting 
awful acephali

Who’d not profess what strain and stress 
(though 'fessing’s not his wish)
he’d spent exploring trenches for 
the beastly bishop-fish...

and then forget the trebuchet – 
such weapons proving handy
when men march'd forth, a-heading north 
to catch the cru’l chromandi?

As young'un (three) -- too gung ho? Oui! -- 
I took it on the chin:
The Kids’ Krusade! (Mistakes were made 
when driving down the djinn.)

I’ve heard it said (or have I read) 
how famed the name of him who
with truncheon, skipped his luncheon, 
eagle eye peeled for edimmoux

Halt! Half a mo! Don’t laugh: I’ll show 
you trophies I take glory in:
I grabbed this thing while following 
the foul-mouthed fierce fomorian.

And, yes! It’s true: a jumping to 
conclusions flatly foregone
must ne’er be done if ever one 
goes gunning for the gorgon

The equine/lion/eagle scion: 
why should I care if
he’s ever found. (One hates to hound 
the harmless hippogriff.)

Nor shall I hide the imp inside 
(in fact, I lack the knack) --
for I’d so hate to immolate 
my inner ishigaq.

In odd Julys, I’d deputize 
nine gals and guys who’d gird
their rumps and tails, then dump in jails 
the joyless jubjub bird.

At ten and three, I went to sea, 
a Sinbad in the makin.’
A lad, a whelp, I planned, with help, 
to kill the kelp-clad kraken

So: here's the gist: my peers insist 
a posse be convened,
with one large rub: they look to club 
the luckless lubber fiend.

I bleat. I bray: “Flee, feet of clay! 
I’m not for playing god.
Still, sling’s the thing for mastering 
the murd’rous monopod.”

Your job, my liege? To lay the siege – 
an act oblige noblesse-y –
which spreads a toxin ‘neath these lochs, an-
noying noxious Nessie.

Egyptian priests disuss such beasts; 
Greek Plato joins their chorus.
Old Norse do, too (as we do…nu?). 
Let’s out the Ouroboros!

Fierce beasts I’ve bled – from none I’ve fled – 
down days since bread’s been sliced.
But, ‘pon my soul! My plumm’est role? 
Pursuit of poltergeist.

That God is great I’ll not negate; 
my dogmal slate is clean.
And still my quest’s to quash, sans rest, 
the Qabalah’s qareen.

Dad hunted gnu. Us kids did, too – 
like chips off olden blocks.
Those days are gone. Fresh crises spawn 
our raids upon the rocs.

I don’t know when, but soon I’ll pen, 
“I grabbed ten shen, then shook ‘em.”
Meantime, I’ll love a proxy of 
above: “I’m stalkin' skookum.”

I’ve punted foals. I’ve bunted dholes
I’ve junted moles down holes.
My latest role’s to set new goals – 
(say) tracking truant trolls.

I’m ever urgin’ ev’ry virgin: 
“Virtue must be earned.
Procure the horns off unicorns, 
nor leave no roans unturned.”

An opera done (a top-notch one) 
last season at La Scala
explored in song what all goes wrong 
when vanquishing vetala.

My friend Marat would bell a chat. 
He’ll wind up in the morgue:
I hear him raging, “Who’s for waging 
war upon the warg?”

I must now show restraint, although 
I fear I’ll go bananas
unless I shoot (read: ‘execute’) 
some xindhis or some xanas.

A
larms demand that arms be banned – 
brass knucks, nunchucks, machetes –
with which I’d deign to yank the chain 
of all remaining yetis.

S
ome beast you’d drub? Just grab a club 
(a niblick, spoon or mashie)
and zero in (to zap its chin) 
on zashiki-warashi.

As can be seen, there’s beasts – umpteen! – 
which prove as keen as snarks. 
As we disperse, let me be terse: 
Their bites? Worse than their barks!

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