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Saturday, May 19, 2018

Tautogrammaticalphabet: A Constrained ABC

Images of these 26 letters appear at the top of the blog.

A allows, as afterthought, an Appaloosan acrobat. B's brief's but brief: be babysitting’s baddest bowler'd bureaucrat.

C's crisp coatings (candidly) choke chocolate-cover'd crocodiles. D distinguishes duets: Duke's dapper dancing discophiles.

E's exciting! Ev'ry elf exhibits elasticities. F finds fisher folk foreseeing feeding-frenzy fantasies.

G's gay gallivanters grabbing gravity's ginormous Gs. H has Huns, hands held high, holl'ring, “Hitler! Heil! How's Herr's headcheese...?"

I...? It's in, if it imports illuminated isobars. J's just Jalen, jostling jowl-jamm'd jack-o’-lanterned jaguars.

K's kind kindergart'ners keeping keening kosher katydids. L...? Look! Lawyer Laughing Lincoln’s left lifts lofty lilac lids!

M...? Mere mugging, mostly, miming mad, malicious malcontents. N's new neighbors. (Nobody notes neighborly non-residents.) 

O's one -- only one! -- one-octave oil-soak'd orange ocarina. P's plu-poorly pleated pants. Pins, please, patrician Palestrina!

Q's Q...? "Quare quereris, quinduplicated quadrupeds...?" R...? R's rarer, really: raging, ruffled, rude Rhode (Island...?) Reds.

S shows, simply, Swirlin’ Swami’s somewhat silly silken sash. Ten to three, T's tireless Ted the Toiler, trucking ten-ton trash.

U...? U's undress'd Uncle Uly’s (ugh!) unsightly underpants. V’s -- vay! --very vicious voles (de)vouring vocal Vivian Vance.

W's watching white-wigg’d warlocks wave one's worthless warrantee. X...? X...'xactly! “Ximply xwarming” xanthic xylocopidae.

Y...? Y's "you-know-what": Yevgeny's yashmac'd youngster's yearling yak. Z: Zorillas...? Zorses...? Zorkos...? Zorros...? Zut! Z's Zoltan's Zack!


If It's Not Four Whatevers, Whatever IS It For? An Unanswered Question

A is not four alligator clips. B is not four bien cuit bacon strips.
C is not four cornucopias. D is not four dumb things Donald does.
E is not four Easter Islanders. F is not four fun faux-foxtail furs.
G is not four gaudy garden gnomes. H is not four hardhats halved by Holmes.
I is not four Irish Idahoes. J is not four Js by Jalen Rose.
K is not four kudus killed by Rhodes. L is not four Listzian Liebestods.
M is nor four macaroni shapes. N is not four Needham's near escapes.
O is not four overlapping otters. P is not four pharaoh's piebald daughters.
Q is not four Wanis al-Qaddafis. R is not four rubb'ry ropes of taffies.
S is not four shocking pink serapes. T is not four twaddle-tainted nappies.
U is not four unwed Ursulines. V is not four velvet Valentines.
W's not four waving Warholites. X is not four Xeroxed xerophytes.
Y is not four yoghurt-yellow yaks. Z is not four "zouped-up" Zodiacs.

"Moe"tet: A Constrained Motet

Curly Joe loves, Shemp loves, Moe loves: Ámat, ámas, ámoe!
Moetets are moenophonic in Stooge Abbey, north of Meaux. 
"Praise the Lord," a pious Larry moeans, "and pass the ammoe!"
"But remember," mouths an altruistic Shemp, "the Alamoe!"

Donizetti and Rastelli: Both hail from Bergamoe.
Charles Atlas apes Moe's Beatle mop. Voila: Joe Bonomoe!
Mix Curly Joe a sodium bicarbonate...a bromoe.
"No mo'e burlesque," vows Moe, as Shemp and Larry trade bòn móets.

Mario Cuomoe, Perry Comoe, Kramer (Cosmoe)
hear medieval flaunter Larry chaunt a gigue on chalumeau.
Save a hundredth of a colon (mispronounced by Shemp "cen--moe")
as the Cult'ral Revolution gets a boo(s)t from Chairman M'oe.  

Fine delivers Pisa, "fixes" tow'r beside the Duomoe.
Curly's di'ry's in octavo. Moe's? In duodec'moe).
Six mo’ scenes require deletion from the Stooges' latest demoe
wherein Shemp discovers fire and Moe invents the dynamoe.

See IshMoël meet Moeby Dick. (The fire Moe terms "St. Elmoe.")
"Pick me, Shemp, a weiner! Eenie, meenie, mynie, moe!
Watch Moe harpooning whales: "...eleven, ten mo'e, nine mo'e, eight mo'e...!"  
Curly Joe steers nor' by east, encount'ring Quinn (an Eskimoe).

Brace for more tails; now it's Curly Joe's turn: "...six mo'e, five mo'e, fo' mo'e..."  
Larry's fine: fast friends in Springfield find him mixing Flaming Moes. 
Watch Shemp in drag. Shemp's frock? Dior. Shemp's kicks? By Ferragamoe.
Moe's Fugue for Horns and Brickbats? Played (how else?) 'fortissimoe!

Mark Marxman redux: Groucho, Harpo, Chico, Zeppo…Gummoe?
"Go West, young Stooge!" (Moe paints his face; Shemp cries, "Geronimoe!")
Bush shock 'n' awe prompt Abu Ghraib. (Moe guts Guantanamoe.)
Fine gets himself promoeted, making Gen'ralissimoe!

Co-captaining a zepp'lin's harsh heil-handed Nazi homoe.
Watch Curly’s “curls”: they’re burning. Curl! Alert your HMOe. 
While smoth'ring Curly's flames, Moe shouts, "Hold on, Bro...half a moe!" 
Mayo’s burn staff hails Moe's h'roics: "Moe’s a human dynamoe!")

"I'll mime Ali," boasts Larry. Shemp adds, “I’ll mime Archie Moo'e," 
Larry's lost: "If this ain't Banff," he blurts, "perhaps it’s Baltimo'e!"
"It ain't gonn' rain no mo'e," sings Shemp. "It ain't gonn' rain? No, Moe?" 
Watch Moe investigate his inner Mary Tyler Moo'e. 

The mau mau (note: not 'moe moe'!) mistreat Moe. ("J'accuse, Jomoe!")
Peps/Stooges: Larry, Curly Joe, Moe, Manny, Jack 'n' Moe. 
Moe's jammies? Iron-on swastikas! Shemp warns him, "You're a Jew, Moe!
You’d best move to Jerusalem...or, better. Joplin, MOe!"

Hi-yo, Stooges: Shemp plays Tonto, Larry's Silver. Kemoe? Moe!  
Credits roll. (You’ll note the title song, "High Moo'n": it's sung by Keb Mo'e.
Women keen as Silver dies -- post several regimens of chemoe. 
Kidneys failing, Moe expires. His Kaddish? Sung in Kokomoe.

The script, by some dead Irish lad, cites Flah'rty, Liam O'e. 
Not bad -- though Liam's yet to learn that, film-wise, less is mo'e... 
e.g., there's Larry's thirteen-minute speech while sitting 'top Moe's limoe...
Lethargic Larry’s lilt's less largo, more lentissimoe.)

Is laryngitis lethal? Moe consults his working moejo.
"It's this L.A. smog," chokes Larry. "Next location shoot's in Malmöe!"
"You're a moemma's boy," taunts Curly Joe. "Try showin' mo'e machismoe!"
“How sweet: a Swedish shoot," mews Shemp. "Miss Curly? Take a memoe...!"

Three Stooges board the Nautilus; none cheer for Captain Nemoe.
In Hollywood, our Moe's "da man": He's nature's own Nostromoe.
"Let's Poe," says Shemp. "I'm Pym. You're Usher." Moe nods: "No problemoe!
Larry's Hop-Frog; I'm the Raven..." (Quoth I, ravin', "Never, Moe!") 

Christmas Day: A Mare Egg...

     "A Mare Egg, Her Wrist, "Miss Two 'U'"