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Friday, August 27, 2021

The Abecedarial Adventures of Hyram & Lowell (Past)

Hyram’s aceing a test. Lowell’s testing an ace.
He runs fliers he tries through a three-legged race.
 
Hyram’s booking new cooks. Lowell’s cooking the books
His report’s deemed ill- (-egible, -egal) – by crooks!
 
Hyram’s counting the dogs. Lowell’s dogging the Count.
He tracks vampires and ghouls on his Lipizzan mount.
 
Hyram’s ducking a plane. Lowell’s planing a duck.
First he peels off its eider, bypassing the chuck.
 
Hyram ends with a bang. Lowell’s bang’d up the end
of a Volkswagen Beetle he bought off a friend.
 
Hyram’s flying the coop. Lowell coops up the flies
he extracts from an octogenarian’s eyes.
 
Hyram’s guarding the eggs. Lowell’s egging the guard
who requested his papers at new Scotland Yard.
 
Hyram’s holding the line. Lowell’s lining the hold
of his cheese-laden ship, thereby stemming the mould.
 
Hyram’s inking the press. Lowell’s pressing the ink,
a gall wrung from squash’d octopi. (Why, do you think…?)
 
Hyram’s judging a paste. Lowell’s pasting a judge
with a nickel-filled condom. (Hy will hold a grudge.)
 
Hyram’s junking a post. Lowell’s posting his junk.
Look who’s liked him on Facebook! (The man is no monk.)
 
Hyram’s kneading the bread. Lowell’s breading his knee.
(He dusts elbows with cake crumbs as well. He’s too twee.)
 
Hyram’s leaving his post. Lowell’s posting his leaves,
fronds he mails to a pen pal for stems he receives.
 
Hyram’s milking a bee. Lowell’s “being the milk.”
(He admires method actors and folk of that ilk.)
 
Hyram’s nursing his paw. Lowell’s pawing his nurse.
(Once she’s emptied his bed pan he’ll rifle her purse.)
 
Hyram orders the plaice. Lowell places an order
for heuvos rancheros at South o’ the Border.
 
Hyram’s pumping the iron. Lowell’s ironing the pump.
When sufficiently flat, it’s removed to the dump.
 
Hyram’s queering the deal. Lowell’s dealing the queer
nowt but deuces and treys. (Himself...? Aces, I fear.)
 
Hyram’s running a race. Lowell’s racing the runs.
Will he get to the loo before soiling his buns...?
 
Hyram’s salting a wound. Lowell’s wounding a salt –
jabbing jolly Jack Tar, though ‘twas nowt Jackie’s fault.
 
Hyram’s tying the knot. Lowell’s knotting the tie
he employs to destroy kittens. (Turn a blind eye!)
 
Hyram utters a note. Lowell’s noting an udder:
“Your sow’s teat’s too huge!” Lowell’s o’erheard to mutter.
 
Hyram’s voting for change. Lowell’s changing his vote.
He’s electing a train with a gravy-fill’d boat.
 
Hyram’s wining his date. Lowell’s dating his wine.
He pretends to pour Dom Perignon ’89.
 
Hyram x-rays the loo. Lowell loses the x-ray
revealing what dinosaur elbows and necks weigh.
 
Hyram’s yanking your chain. Lowell’s chaining your Yank.
(As to which state your Yank’s from I’m drawing a blank.)
 
Hyram zones through a play. Lowell plays through a zone.
(Once his dribble improves, he’ll be fa-a-a-ar better known.)

Hey-...-Day! (Past)

The Met and Dicapo were places Pete's
people hung,
thinking they'd sing in The Ring of the
Nibelung --
highly unlikely for lads with one
feeble lung:
hey-diddle-doodle-dah-day.
 
She diets, does Blossom i.e., dear friend
Dearie. 
She nibbles on kibbles, though's grown "lo-cal"
weary. 
Full-fill’d, she'll be bill’d as Brünnhilde, Val-
kyrie: 
what say...? Diddle-doodle-dah-day…?
 
Lot (a lot!) learns the hard way: to trust neither
ears nor eyes.
This much Lot's certain of: Monday the
sun will rise --
surely as God’s in His heaven and all’s…
Surprise!!
Vay! Diddle-doodle-dah-day!
 
Anne's as avid for anklets as Manon
Lescaut. 
Some would say Anne's a wacko (more 'WAC' -- if
less '-ko'). 
Still, if gab is of gold, she'll shill. "For it
let’s go! 
What the...hey! Diddle-doodle-dah-day!"

Dial D for Doily! (Unpub)

Angelina Djoilie
 
"Doilin' Banjos"
 
The Camaldoileese monks 
 
Salvador Doily
 
Samson and Doililah.
 
Doodyville denizen Dilly Doilly
 
Elton’s "...like a candoily in the sun... "
 
Doilly Madison
 
Flat Foot Floogie (with the Floy Floy) -- "...floy doyly, floy doyly, floy doyly, floy doy..."
 
langues d'oc, langues d'oui and langues d'oily.
 
Sir Arthur Conan Doylie
 
"Don't touch that dialy!"
 
”Give us this doi our doily bread..."
 
Kingston Trio's "Hang Down Your Head, Tom Doiley"
 
I's for Ingmar Bergman's cinema classic "Through a Glass Doily"
 
"The Doily Show"
 
and for Kosher Doill Pickles ("Doi, they're tangy!").
 
The Doili Lama (possibly a namesake but never a host of "The Doily Show"
 
Macbeth's Three Weird Sisters -- "Double, double: doily trouble!"
 
The New York Doily News
 
FDR's New Doil.
 
Popeye's girlfriend Olive d'O'ylie
 
Oily d'Oilay.
 
Doilly Parton.
 
Since 11/22/63, Dallas's comparatively quiet Doily Plaza.
 
Ex-U.S. Congressional Representative and convicted felon Tom Doiláy
 
Irish author Roddy Doyley
 
Royaly Rogers and Doilie Evans
 
Solfege syllables: doi, lee, mi, fa, sol, la...
 
The Sweet Adoilines.
 
The Idoillys of the King.
 
Land Oi'Laykes, the Butter People.
 
"Ach doi lieber, Augustin" 
 
Richard D'Oylie Carte
 
"Guys and Doills" doill: Miss Adoilaide.
 
Women's Wear Doily.
 
Señor Jaime Hermanos Ximenes, obscure Spanish matador -- Doilé! 
 
Robert (doh!) E. Lee.
 
"Yo-doi-lay-dhee-hoo..." of famed Belgian yodeler Bobbejaan Schoepen,
 
James Herriot's beautiful Yorkshire Doils.
 
Zabar's Doilycatesssan, on Manhattan's Upper West Side.

A Dozen Hebrew VIPs (11)

Moe Thumb-Harrier,
     the Jewish Polygamist/Screwball Comedy Enthusiast
Juan "Moe" Thyme,
     the Jewish Latin-American Jazz Band Leader
Moe Therroff-Alwarz,
     the Jewish Middle East Conflict Historian
Moe (“Hughie D’Moe”) Ewe-Toote,
     the Jewish Legume Farmer/Flatulence Maven
Moe V. Reeve-Hughes,
     the Jewish Film Critic
Moe (“Ving”) Targette,
     the Jewish Sharpshooter
Farr Lee "Moe" Watt,
     the Jewish Environmentalist
Moe Xie,
     the Chinese-Jewish Enthusiasm Enthusiast
Moe Mo Ya,
     the Dyslexic Jewish Cellist
Moe Ceasar Long,
     the Wandering Jewish Cowhand
Moe "(Sam") Beake,
     the Jewish Beachcomber
Moe Zarella,
     the Jewish Cheese Merchant

Twelve Mo’e Moes A Dozen Hebrew VIPs (11)

Moe Wren-Gaye, 
     the Jewish Latin Dance Instructor
Moe Ritt-Tania, t
     the Jewish Failed Ship Captain
Moe Skode, 
     the Jewish Cryptographer  
Moe Shunne-DeNyde,
     the Jewish Trial Judge
Moe Skah-Telle,
     the Jewish Bowery Liquor Store Manager
Kee "Moe" Saahbi,
     the Chinese Jewish Masked Rider of the Plains
Moe Scale,
     the Jewish Mineralogist
Moe "Stappy" Pheller,
     the Jewish Musical Lyricist
Moe Towne,
     the Jewish R&B Backup Singer
Moe Tellzicks, 
     the Jewish Low-Budget Innkeeper
Sir Ho "Moe" 
Stelle,
     the Knighted Chinese-Jewish Character Actor
Moe Tenswing,
    the Jewish Band Leader

Periodiotic Table (Past)

 
     Some molecules don't occur in nature.
 

No  Mo : Molecular Extinction  
 
Re  Al   Al  Es : Molecular Renaissance
 
S  H  Uut  Uup : Molecular Pence  
 
Ta  K  Es   No  K  Ra  P : Molecular Ilhan  
 
S  Te  P  He  N : Molecular Colbert
 
Co  Ca  Co  La : Molecular Cavities
 
    Te : Molecular Democarcy
 
Er  In : Molecular Isle
 
O  P  Ra  H : Molecular Extravagance
 
Cl  Au  S : Molecular Elf
 
Am  Er  I  Ca : Molecular Fruited Plain
 
La  Dy  Ga  Ga : Molecular Fruit(ed) Loop 
 
Fe  Ar : Molecular GOP
 
Ni  *  *  Er : Molecular Klan
 
La  La  La  Nd : Molecular Hollywood 
 
W  O  Nd  Er : Molecular Motown
 
Li  Ar  Li  Ar : Molecular Drumpf
 
Dy  No  M  I  Te : Molecular Nobel
 
Y  Es  He  Ca  N : Molecular Barack
 
W  In  F  Re  Y : Molecular Obesity
 
Ba  Ra  C  K : Molecular Obama
 
No  Re  Pu  B  Li  Ca  N  S : Molecular Eden
 
Pa  Li   N : Molecular Soccermom

C  He  Er  S : Molecular Local
 
Al  S  H  Ar  Pt  O  N : Molecular Rev
 
Ba  Be  Ru  Th : Molecular Sultan
 
C  H  I  C  Ag  O : Molecular Big Shoulders
 
Si  Si  Se  No  Ra : Molecular Tijuana
 
S   La   In   Te : Molecular Cheers
 
In  V  In  O : Molecular Veritas
 
H  Am  Pt  O  N : Molecular Vibes
 
O  C  Cu  P  Y : Molecular Wall Street
 
P  Ar  K  Er : Molecular Bird
 
Mo   Th    Er : Molecular Zappa

A Derived Wolaly (Past)

      The Word Ladder "Deep>Time": 

deep>deer>
deem>teem>team>
teal>deal>
veal>vial>dial>
dual>dull>
mull>mule>mile>
tile>time

     For the original Wolaly "Deep>Time"
see post for August 26 below.

     The Wolaly "Deep>Time" N+1 
using Thesaurus.com

'Broad b'low blue-green baldachin,
ungulates -- pair'd hares, a yearling -- 'rrive 

Allow'd in crisis be this ternary:
brims this jungle with, attend,
clubs of chasers, passion-clear.

Azure, tinge allaying angst:
may't hand but something small to all's morale.

     (a work in progress)
 

Christmas Day: A Mare Egg...

     "A Mare Egg, Her Wrist, "Miss Two 'U'"