Aesop Abbrev'd (A Nonsense Rhyme)

A is for Aesop. ('Tis I.
You'd act brash? Spell it 'ash, sigma, omicron, pi.')

Read here: "Andra moi ennepe Mu-..."?*
Not one whit! Here's writ lit -- bits of wit fit for fou.**
     * The opening words of Homer's Odyssey.
     ** French for 'crazy.'

B is for "Belling the Cat."
Point? To say ain't to do. (Dudes like you should know that.)

C's for "The Cock and the Jew'l."
What's its gist? Who persists fetching frills finds a fool.

D's for "The Dog in the Manger."
Who accrues without using: purrs any cur stranger?

E is for Ennus, my scion.
Me he jail'd. Si, he fail'd. (Enn's no gens I'd rely on.")

F's for "The Fawn And His Mother."
No raison favors fight -- not when flight be one's druther.

G's for "The Gnat and the Bull."
'Tis so true: you're just you. Let not pride pull the wool.

H? For "The Hare And The Tortoise."
Rule to keep: Never sleep! (Just remember Abe Fortas.)

I's for "The Idol of Clay."
Not cajol'd, to it pray though you may,
it spills gold when you break it one day.
(It appears this god hears...in his roundabout way.)

J is for "Jove and the Monkey."
Please to note: one's son's haut, be he fair-faced or funky."

K's for "The King of the Frogs."
Lesson? Don't for storks sue; do make do with god's logs.

L's fpr "The Lion in Love."
Be that passion's irrational cognizant of.

M's for "The Miser's Lost Gold."
Knick'd: the lot! Nor is Cotta* cajol'd.
"Still," folks thought, "nowt got bought; nowt got sold:
what's amiss?" Merely this: not one dollar he doled!
     * Alexander Pope's personification of the miser.

N? For "The Neats Tongues Adventure."
When our gallant's droll talents prov'd awkward to censure.

O's for "The Old Man and Death."
Don't entreat Death's relief! Save your breath! Death's a thief.

P's for "The Peacock And Juno."
Point? You can't have it all. Folks will call you...(well, you know).

Q's for "The Quack Frog: A Fable."
First, Docteur: thyself cure! Or deserve your 'quack' label.

R? "The Irrational Raven."
Change of scene doesn't mean that you'll glean all you're cravin.'

S? For "The Stag at the Pool."
Don't write off that which oft proves a life-saving tool.

T's for "The Thieves and the Cock."
Your belief that a thief won't undo you's a crock.

U? "The Four Oxen United."
Graze alone, on your own? Quick demise you've invited.

V's for "The Vine and the Goat."
Break your fast: who'll laugh last when lays open your throat?

W? "The Wolf and the Kid."
Acting smart ain't no art when one's cautiously hid.

X is for Xanthus, my master.
Were slave not Aesop's lot, would've pastures proved vaster?

Y's for "A Youth and His Mother."
Raise your child to run wild; watch him wind up no other.

Z's for "The Zephyr/Sol War."
What beats force? Well, of course, exhortations do. Or...

Another Hesitation Waltz (A Nonsense Rhyme)

  

I run the clock. I bide my time. The Great Procrastinator I’m.

I hesitate (although not lost). I drag my feet at any cost.

I shilly-shally, I defer. I play the waiting game, for sure.

I stall. I drag. I temporize. I’m one of those “retarded” guys.

I’m quite the goldbrick, I’ll be bound. I give all work the runaround.

Each place I go’s a waiting room. “NosSlomo” is my nom de plume.

I loiter. I put off. I pause. I filibuster – all because, 

inevitably, I postpone. My goodness: how the time has flown!

Animal Metaphors (A Nonsense ABC)

The animals-as-metaphors 
my constant reader runs across

include (your butt you bet, of course) 
Sam Coleridge’s Albatross.
No African American, 
tagg'd Black Sheep of the Family,
whom Miss Anne moves to marry, 
dares succumb, lynch'd Alabamaly.
Concerning Cats Let Out of Bags, 
one needs but note: they spill the beans.
Remember: feline fealty lags -- 
plus, whistle blowing’s in their genes.
Of all my nonsense verses blogg'd 
since late July of 2010,
there’s one, about the Dead Horse Flogg'd, 
I repost ev’ry now and then.
Though try one might, one can’t ignore 
the Elephant Within the Room,
nor show beasts of this ilk the door. 
(It smells, that pachydermal fume.)
The Fish out of Water. The Fly on the Wall. 
The Canaries They Carry Down Mines.
One’s as awkward as hell. One’s a spy, truth to tell. 
And the bird chirps, despite her confines.
Let the challenge go forth: 
“Catch the Pig Who’s Been Greased!”
Bubba zigs south, then north. 
Cletus veers west, then east.
Goober zags east, then west. 
Gomer sheers north -- oops: south.
(Will that pig ‘e’er get serv'd 
with some fruit in its mouth...?)
The Horse a Diff’rent Color of...?
His coloring's a cut above. 
His hue's a whole new ball of wax. 
He ordinary tincture lacks. 
Consider Monkeys Infinitum 
(some intrigue folks; others bite ‘em):
team'd with reams of Olivettis, 
they’ll type, “…dinghies...? Near the jetties…”*
     * "You will find the dinghy by the jetty" 
is a line written for Bea Lillie to deliver -- 
as she does famously -- in the classic film 
"On Approval."
The Shark, once Jump'd...? No longer needed. 
Nor should shark jumps be repeated.
Dumping Dolphins...? Unrecorded. 
Humping Whales...? Considered sordid.
Kid Care ala Kangaroo 
puts nurse and nursling skin-to-skin.
Marsupials know what to do: 
the bottle’s out; the boob is in.
The ‘L’ in ‘Lame Duck’ holds the key 
to reading weaken'd destiny.
Most reckon Duck a flightless bird. 
Delete one ‘L’: meet Fightless Bird.
Monkey One, who Sees No Evil, 
turns aside from sights medieval.
Monkey Two, who Hears No Evil, 
risks a troublesome upheaval.
Monkey Three, who Speaks No Evil, 
mispronounces ‘Evel Knievel.’
Monkey Four...? He Smells No Evil. 
(Not an ape, his mom’s a weevil.)
The Jaybird, Naked – birthday-suited bawd 
or bare-skinned bel esprit –
appears to be a creature flaw'd: 
sans down, sans gown, sans savoir vi.’
The boys and girls who’re Dumb as Oxen 
all embrace the art of boxin'
so’s to beat on bullies who 
forget they’re Strong as Oxen, too.
“Elephants who’re Pink of hue 
are GOP pro-lifer gals,”
quipp'd VP prospect Sarah P, 
referring to herself and pals.
Clement Moore chose Quiet Mouse 
to haunt his silent Yuletide house.
It’s why one now but rarely hears, 
“No creatures stirr'd, not even steers.”
“You Dirty Rat!” (a Cagney quote 
James never really made, please note)
resembles Banksy’s Moorfields art. 
Can we not take this boy to heart...?
Replace a Sacrificial Lamb 
with Cherrystone or Pismo clam...?
Don’t do it, dude: take my advice! 
They’ll disallow your sacrifice.
They all cite Alligator Tears – 
Will Shakespeare, Spenser and their peers
who scribbl'd in the British Isles 
(though theirs were shed by crocodiles).
I keep an Eastern Cricket Frog. 
I’ve yet to see The Underdog.
Beneath the underdog...? Not hard: 
that’s bassist Charley’s calling card.
“The Cunning Little Vixen Game” 
(Janacek its designer’s name)...?
It’s play'd with feral metaphors. 
[Game not available in stores.]
“Thou damnéd bleachéd Beachéd Whale,” 
one hears vindictive Ahab wail.
“But Moby never hits the beach,” 
might mournful morbid Mapple preach...?
Although they can’t be eighty-sixed, 
the X Ray metaphors seem mixed.
As medic’lly insightful fish, 
each substitutes for God. (I wish.)
The “You Have Two Cows” parable 
as teaching tool proves terrible.
This metaphor for economics...? 
Milk'd by departmental comics.
One mark of Zorros seems to be 
to steer clear of humanity.
Of human friends they’ve fairly few. 
(They do as I would wish to do.)

An "Amos 'n' Anyone" Weekend Radio Programme Guide

Friday 9:30 a.m. through 2:00 p.m.

"Amos 'n' Andy"'s a radio broadcast, like
"Amos 'n' Andy Devine"...
but "Amos 'n' Andrei Gromyko" is not. It's des-
sert without fortified wine.

"Amos 'n' Annas and Caiaphas" sounds much like 
"Amos 'n' Anne of Green Gables"...
while "Amos 'n' 'ansel and Gretel"'s a broadcast which 
vilifies witches ithrough fables. 

"Amos 'n' Angharad Morgan"'s bilingual, like 
"Amos 'n' Angus le Beef."
In "Amos 'n' Andie McDowell," a single mom 
searches for fiscal relief.


Saturday 11:30 a.m. through 4:00 p.m.

"Amos 'n' Anna Magnani" comes on after
"Amos 'n' Angela Merkle"...
but "Amos 'n' Absolom, Absolom"'s off for the 
summer: we've travell'd full circle. 

"Amos 'n' Ant-Man"'s derived from the comics; so's
"Amos 'n' Anchorman Ron."
In "Amos/Han Solo," our hero plays polo. (That
broadcast's a sine qua non.) 

"Amos 'n' Anna Karenina" won several Pea-
bodys – two…maybe three.
But "Amos 'n' Anna Frank's Diary" lost -- as did 
"Amos 'n' Annabel Lee."


Sunday 8:00 p.m. through midnight

Who tunes in "Amos/Anais Nin: Crossdresser"...? 
(I suspect nobody does.) 
As for "Amos 'n' Adlai Stevenson"...? Broadcasts like 
those make my nose muscles buzz.

"Amos 'n' Angel from 'Buffy'" -- and "Amos 'n' 
Anfernee Hardaway"...? Canned...! 
As was "Amos 'n' Androcles" (Fired was the Lion: he
shat in their sound effects sand). 

"Amos 'n' Anderson Cooper"'s okay; likewise 
"Amos 'n' Ast'rix the Gaul"... but announcers who stress the "syl-
lABle finAL" cueing "Amos 'n' Andy WarHOL"...                                             must blue-pencil their cue cards. (That's all!)