The Death of Pun at the Hands of Cliche (from What A's Not For)

Enjoy'd did pun a lengthy run. Alas, pun's dead. (Aloha, pun!)
At last, pun's lost. Cliché? You've won. Below's disclos'd the smoking gun.

AccuPUNcture's fail'd, untried! Its needles in a haystack hide.
Aunt Jemima’s PUNcakes? Through! (One can’t pun cakes 'n' eat ’em, too.)

Ballpoint PUNs have long been out: they’re nothin' to write home about.
Baba's "OPUN, sesame!"? No! Evil! (Speak no...? Hear no...? See no...!) 

ChoPUN's Polannaise? It's null! All work sans play makes Fred'rik dull.
Re: Cap PUN Trade, my plasma boils. Still: to the victors go the spoils.

Doughboy PopPUN Fresh? Nay! Nay! His, twists of fate? Nope: fat! (Ole!)
Deep PUN the Heart of Texas? Toast! (Of what pun's got, pun makes the most.) 

EmPUNada? Nada! Waste! One can't account, Señor, for taste!
What? More 'PUNadas? Issue's moot: "De gustibus est non...dispute!"

Fyodor ChaliaPUN? Dung! He's finished, friends: That fat gal sung!
Those bells 'n' whistles? Blown 'n' rung! (But did he leave with whom he'd brung?) 

The Gall'PUN’ Ghost got up and went. His horse's color? Different.
The Glass PUNagerie got bent. (It vow'd to give up puns for Lent.)

Hot cross PUNs consider spurned. Atrocious browned; godawful burned --
they're hell as far as I'm concerned. (Plus: punnies graved are punnies urned.)

It came: A PUN o' midnight! (Clear? Thank god it puns but once a year.)
Injun ElePUNts? Forgotten! Gain'd be nought if ventured's "nott'en"!

JaPUNese (the beetles)? Losers! Buggers (sic) cannot be choosers.
Judy dumps upon her PUNch. She explicates: "He's out to lunch!"

"Kawa PUNga, Masked Man!"? Fold! All goop that gleams, it seems, ain't gold!
Lily PUNs (the diva)? Mold! New tricks? Ne'er taught to dogs who're old!

Who'll PUNishment let fit the crime with PUNdits stopping on a dime?
Their PUNchbowl's day -- no longer full. Those PUNdits now are full o' bull.

MarziPUN (the sweet)? Too old! Too short! Tout suite! Too oversold!
PUNs 'n' Needles? Possibl-...HOLD! That lot's best left out in the cold!

"Once uPUN a time..."? O'erdone! (Don't times fly when one's having pun?)
OPUN Door (the policy)? No! Cards played right -- but whose casino?

Pots 'n' PUNs? Disadvantageous! Tickled fancies prove outrageous.
50¢-Off Q-PUNs? Bummer! Swallow -- one! -- don't make no summer!*

     * A summer is a mathematician who adds up (say) the savings realized by using
50¢-off Q-puns to purchase budgies or other pet birds...but I digress.

RaPUNzel won't let down her hair...nor air her down. Raps Rap, "'Tain't fair!
That pair's too great a cross to bear...nor am I down with 'Truth or Dare.'"

Saddam's weaPUNs of destruction? "There somewhere..." was Dick's deduction.
Cheney's shocking! Such seduction! Stuck with strategies that suck? Shun!!

Tin PUN Alley? Cheap 'n' cheesy! Note that bridge? That's TapPUNzee, see?
"Up, up, PUN...away!" cries Kent. (All time with Clark proves time well spent.)

Voltaire's PUNgloss: Foolish fella. (Hell's where smiles be your umbrella.)
Wars Of IndePUNdance? Lost. (Who'd burn his bridge before he'd cross'd?)

Sure...eXPUNential growth occurs...if oPUN be one's eyes. (Are yours?)
When "ZooPUN/sandwich" tops a menu, first you slurp the soup, but then, you...

Hommage a Barry (or Reggie or...)

There's the white call'd alabaster. There's the white of bleached bones.
There's the white of shirts with collars donn'd by fuddy-duddy Jones.
There's the white on cliffs at Dover. There's the whites of plovers' eggs.
There's the white of coward's feathers as that cad forgiveness begs.
There's the predatory great white. (Aren't white herons great as well...?)
There are white piano iv'ries. Jack White knows no parallel.
Seen on airplane flights: white knuckles. Heard in proxy fights: white lies.
And on Broadway, cows named Milky White. (In Sondheim's play, one dies.*)     * In "Into the Woods"
I have childhood friends who're non-white. Off-off-white's a fashion shade.
Pearl White's both a color and an actress. (One was bound to fade.)
There's the White Queen -- friend to Alice. White rice...? On the whole, it's white.
Ms. Snow White (who lived with seven dwarves). White trash enhances blight.
There's the ultra white of salesmen's smiles. Vanilla white's for cones,
while white wine is not. (How far we've got from cliffs and bleachéd bones!)
Cafe singers croon "White Xmas." Hey!  Both you and I are white.
Sure, but Barry White (I'm sure I'm right) is black -- and outta sight!