Creator's Choice: Gott Damn! (Unpub)

        The Almighty’s favorite…

…advertising slogan…? “Gott milk?”
…Billie Holiday record…? “I Gotta Right (to Sing the Blues).”
…classic automobile…? BuGotti.
…Dickens character…? PeGotty.
…esoteric language…? Thieves’ arGott.
…fungus fruiting structure…? ErGott sclerotium.
…Gene Kelly movie line…? “Gotta dance!”
…heavyweight boxing little holder…? Jersey Joe WalGott.
…imaginary location…? McElliGott’s Pool.
…journalist’s interview tactic…? The Gottcha question.
…king of rhumba…? Xavier CuGott. 
…Lois Lane interpreter…? MarGott Kidder
…movie tough guy…? Humphrey BoGott.
…nougat reimagining…? NouGott.
…O’Neill drama…? A Moon for the MisbeGotten.
…Portuguese “thankyou”…? “ObriGotto.”
…quintessential Italian double reed bass clef instrument…? FaGotto.
…ripe fruit…? ApriGott.
…second-act opening number…? The AsGott Gavotte.
…tourist destination…? EpGott Center.
…university…? Gottingen U.
…Vincent De Paul namesake…? Vincent van Gott.
 …weight loss fad…? Fat-free yoGott.
…xyloform…? The wainsGotting.
...ye’elimite portable form…? InGott.
…ziggurat misspelling…? ZigG(ur)ott.

     Other favorites:
The Gottling gun 

GoTtell It On the Mountain

Crime boss John Gotti 
Neither one dGott (nor one tittle) 
FaGotti 
Lady GaGott 
MaGott 
Frozen YoGott 
NouGott 
Early Renaissance painter G(i)ott(o) 
The Gottfather 
In A Gotta Da Vida
Gotterdammerung
Gottzilla
Domo AriGotto 
BaGottelle
Les Deux MaGotts
Mrs. Gottrocks
Mr. Gottlieb (Sig Ruman)
Ain’t We Gott Fun...?
Great Gottfrey Daniels!

Songs For My Father (Unpub)

     The original 

     On the 

good...ship...Lollipop,

it’s a sweet...trip to the candy shop
where bon-bons play...
...on the sunny beach of peppermint bay.

  And several variants

     On the 

good...ship...Bali, Pop,

fans of wa-...yang in Denpasar stop,
hear gong kebyar…
...then head home to pawn their twelve-string guitar.
 
     On the 

good...ship...Brolly, Pop,
you hear “drip…drip” but can feel no drop:
your bumbershoot...
...keeps the moisture off your seersucker suit.
 
     On the 

good...ship...Cali, Pop,
the cartel’s...hip: you’re a narco cop!
You’d best behave...
...lest you wind up in a Cristo Rey grave.

     On the 

good...ship...Cholly, Pop,

Count Cassi-...ni pens his gossip slop.
Society...
...doesn’t mind he holds no master’s degree.

     On the 

good...ship...'Cholly,' Pop, 

Lady Brit...yips that the slang must stop:

it makes her ill...

(This 'ere dowager's a bit of a pill.)

     On the 

good...ship...Collie, Pop,

Captain Las-...sie serves up mutton chop.
No dog food here...
...Captain Lassie makes that doggedly clear.

     On the

good...ship...Dolly, Pop,

Parton's wiglets form a golden mop--

big hair gone mad...

...like some effervescent scouring pad.

     On the

good...ship...Dali, Pop,

where your watch melts (see its big hand drop...?),

your memory...?

Like a timepiece in some Becket-like tree. 

     On the

good...ship...Dalai, Pop,

     On the

good...ship...Folly, Pop,

     On the 

good...ship...Follies, Pop, 
 
     On the 

good...ship...Frawley, Pop,
Fred and Eth-...el (subs for Mom and Pop)
are Lucy’s chums...
Meanwhile, Desi beats his Babalu drums.

     On the

good...ship..."Golly!" Pop,
 
     On the 

good...ship...Holly, Pop,
Audrey break-...fasts at that jew’lry shop.
Capote knew...
...how to tell ‘em long before he turn’d Tru.

     On the

good...ship...Jolly, Pop,

     On the

good...ship...Kali, Pop,
 
     On the 

good...ship...Lalli, Pop.
Was he real...? Or Finnish agitprop…?
He swung his axe...
...and a bishop slew. (No legend. Just facts.)

     On the

good...ship...Molly, Pop.

     On the 

good...ship...Mali, Pop,

     On the 

good,,,ship...Ollie, Pop,
 
     On the 

good...ship...Polly, Pop,
Captain Byrd...heads to The Critter Shoppe
to parrots sell...
(In the hold he harbors budgies as well.)

     On the 

good...ship...Quale, Pop,
hallmarks rule, objets themselves we drop.
Is zest a thing…?
Yep, quite sep’rate from its Buffalo wing.

     On the 

good...ship...Raleigh, Pop,
addicts har-...vest Big Tobacco’s crop.
Thick blacken’d tongues...
...bloat as cancer eats through tummies and lungs.

     On the

good...ship..."Solly!" Pop,
 
     On the 

good...ship Svengali, Pop,
feckless ar-...tistes tend to come a-cropp.'
Headlong each falls...
...and the depths to which he plummets appalls.

     On the 
good...ship Tamale, Pop,
jalapenos in the salsa’s pop-
ularity…?
Through the roof! (It still seems loco to me.)

     On the 

good...ship...Thali, Pop,
flavors – six! – chefs on your platter drop --
from sweet, salt, spice…
...bitter, sour, astringent. (Nepalese nice!)

 
     On the 

good...ship...Trolley, Pop,
Liza's Ma...whirls like a spinning top.

She sings a song...
...'bout a cable car like nothing was wrong.

     On the 

good...ship...Volley, Pop,

first we fire...shells and our victims drop.

The thoughts and prayers...

...offer'd won't assuage The Fellow Upstairs.

     On the

good...ship...Wally, Pop,

     On the 

good...ship...Wall-E, Pop, 

Iso-initial'd Celebrities (Unpub)

   Aging 

Abigail Adams abridges Beau Brummel.*
     Bro
Brummel baptizes coy Coco Chanel.
     Couture's
Coco contaminates daffy D. Duck.**
     Disney's
Dew*** deconstructs Edith Evans: oh, well...
 
     * Some early mss show "Abrummels Beau
Bridges" here, but most are corrupt.
     ** Not Donald.
     *** Short for Dewey, one of a trio of nephews
presumably fathered by an otherwise unknown
Duck male sibling of the aforemention'd D. Duck.
 
     Earnest
Edie encounters facetious Fred Friendly.
     False
Friendly facilitates gay Gorgeous George.
     Groom'd George 
gropes haut Horoscopist Harry Houdini, 
     who
helps Inez Irwin "enkindle her forge."
 
     Is I-
nez introducing jejune Johnny Jump Up…?
     John
jerks Kim Kardashian all the way 'round.
     Kiss’d, Kar-
dashian kvetches. Loquacious Lou Levy…?
     Lou
launders Mae Marsh's mazumes* -- pound for pound.
 
     * Not what you think, 'mazumes' in fact,
designates, in slang, a certain monetary unit.
 
     Ms Mae --
not Noel Neill -- now needles Nick Nolte.
     Nick,
names notwithstood, oogles Oona O'Neill.
     One ob-
streperous Oona outrages Pete Postlethwaite.
     (PS por Pete: Jim* knows
just how you feel.)
 
     * Sgt. N. (“Jim”) Smithe-Magee (the N stands
for 'Nonsense') shares his military rank with Mr.
Postlethwaite's character in the British TV series 

"Sharpe" -- the hellhound Sgt. Obadiah Hakeswill.
 
     Quentin
Quire's questionnaire quizzes rake Rainer Rilke. 
     R.
Rilke, Rolls Royce'd, rescues sullen Sam Spade.
     Slyly,
Sammy salutes Totentanzing Tom Tune.
     Totem
Tommy tips U. Udo Udoma's* maid.
 
     * Udoma Udo Udoma: Nigerian senator.
 
     Udo
Udoma undresses Vivian Vance.
     Vance vi-
tuperates W. Willkie. (Which wins…?)
     Wendell,
wond'rin' who won,* wrestles Xerxes XIIth.**
     Xerxes...
Yunakov...***...Zonk...****...and again it begins.
 
     * Does one "Win With Willkie," or with the other guy...?
     ** When reading these verses aloud, pronounce this 

link "Xerxes the Twelfth." 
     *** Yuri Yunakov: saxophonist who pioneered Bulgarian 
Romani Wedding Music. 
     **** Zelda Zonk: pseudonym employed by Ms. Marilyn 

Monroe in 1954.

Small Town, U.S.A. (Unpub)

Uppindee, Airizona
Udee, Montana
Noaz, Arkansas
Moovo, Vermont
Ringaroundee, Collarado

Cummowtindee, Washington
Genghis, Khannecticut
Parquet, Floorida
Tanyer, Hideaho
Gravely, Illinois

Innapiggs, Eyeowa
Doanlettum, Indiana
Kikdee, Cansas
Misspoe, Kentucky
Skiptoomah, Louisiana

Brokenwater, Maine
Kriticull, Massachusetts
Hohchee, Minhesota
Hittor, Mississippi
Pokee, Montana

Oliver, North Carolina
Dew, North Dakota
Okeed, Okelahoma
Eyether, Oregon
Pigg, Pennsylvania

Forkindee, Road Island
Wheydowne, South Carolina
Incumm, Taxes
Whooinhellar, Youtah
Doantask, Whyoming

 

Chef Guevara's Signature Dishes (Unpub)

Fettuc’Che’ne Alfredo
Fish 'n' ‘Che’ps
Su’Che’
Kim’Che’

Weiner ‘Che’nitzel
Dul’che’ de Le’che’
Souvla’Che’
‘Che'pes Suzette

’Che’sh Kabobs
Civi’Che’
‘Che’michanga
‘Che’p Suey

‘Che’colate ‘Che’ke
‘Che’cken Cacc’Che’torre
Quarter Pounder with ‘Che’ese
Rasperry ‘Che’llo

Three Climate Conditions (Unpub)

Unusual weather…?
Aurora Australis.
It lights up the south pole
nor ain’t Boralis.
     (To laugh at such naffness 
one has to be callous.)
'Tis true: you can't view it
from D.C. or Dallas.
 
Another phenomenon,
nifty et. al., is
the mistral. 'Twould take
a femina fatalis -- 
indeed, one who'd misplaced 
her garter or gallus --
to say it ain't fabulous.
     (Even George Halas
has hail'd it his "fav'rite
big breeze...inter alles" --
so much that some other gusts
claim to be "j'alous.")
 
A third, the monsoon, 
prais'd by cricketer Kallis,
is also endors'd
by ex-footballer Lalas...
 ...aforethought (with malice)
bears poet Novalis...
...slick Jackie Onallis (sic)...
Palace de Phallus...
...declines 'Qualis, qualis'
for Traci Rogalis...
...old Telly Savalas
stiffs young Thomas Tallis...
…"Deutschland uber alles"...
twin tubes of Vitalis...
...Prince Edward (with Wallis)…
Kab'larian's 'Xalis'...
...for all we know, Y’all' will now
wind down with ‘Zallis’!