Two VERY Short Stories From One Anagram Pair

For sale: baby shoes; never worn. 
                                     -- E. Hemingway

Hoary barbs for less? We've none.
                                                  -- U. Poe

I've Tried: a Lament

I've tried to imagine myself a fine fellow. 
I've tried to suppose myself some sort of saint. 
I've tried to remake me in manieres most mellow. 

I've tried one pluperfect self-portrait to paint. 
I've tried to imagine I'm ev'ry bloke's bestie, 

a guy lacking guile and mendacity's taint. 
I've tried, since a kid, of all sin to be rid. 
I've tried -- heaven knows how I've tried. I just cain't.