Sheep in Three Colors

Do you remember this pair of Republican rams 
and one ewe from back when the GOP was still 
the GOP?

     Herman Cain 

Blah, blah, Black Sheep: 
when'd you shed your wool...?
Years ago...? Back then, my bro, 
you still laid low at school.
Or did you wait to clean your pate 
till post your pizza thing...?
Or do you bald once fondling's call'd...? 
['Hair'assment's so-o-o right-wing.]

     Rick Perry

Oops! Oops! Orange Sheep: 
use your finger rule:
One...? That's Commerce. Two...? That's Ed. 
Now, three... [Debates are cruel.]
So, whatcha call that camp you own...? 
(Its name’s the racial slur.) 
Say, "African-Amer'can-Head"...? 
Would "Black-Head" you prefer…?

     Michele Bachmann

Yadda, yadda...Yellow sheep: 
your husband's someone's fool.
Claims gays be Huns, "barbariuns": 
he'd drag 'em through his "school."
Is his a school for scandal...? 
Sure it is, if Marc proves gay.
(And, based on YouTube videos, 
the guy's well on his way.)

My Band-Box Bed Back Home

     I’ve access’d
air springs and adjustables, berths,
bunk beds, box springs, too.

     Black’d out in

bassinets, chaise longues, cots, cradles,
Chesterfields (a few).

     I’ve dozed on

davenports, divans, duvets, on
daybeds trimm’d in chrome.

     And still the

best bed ever slept in’s been my
band-box bed back home.

     I’ve taken

ease on ebeds, eastern kings, fulls,
futons, four four posters.

     Gouch’d on

gurneys, The Great Bed of Ware (who
claims they’ve done be boasters).

     Hibe’d in  

hot racks, hammocks, hideaways – one
hassock fill’d with foam.

     And still the

best bed ever slept in’s been my
band-box bed back home.

     I’ve hid in

infant cribs, inflatables. I
once jump’d on a junior. (!)

     Knelt on

kinderbeds, kips, Kang bed-stoves (than
which no beds be loonier).

     Loung’d on

lecti geniales (trundles
once the rage in Rome). 

     And still the

best bed ever slept in’s been my
band-box bed back home.

     I’ve made up

Murphys, moon’d on manjaas, napp’d in 

nests and narcolits.

     Poop’d out on

orthopeds and ottomans…and
pallets (they’re the pits!).

     I’ve plopp’d on

platforms, palanquins and pillows – 

as has Jakob Broehme.

     And still the

best I’ve ever slept in’s been my
band box back home.

     Quiesced on

queens with quilts, on roll-aways, re-
lax’d on rope-strung racks.

     Sawn wood on

sofas, Sertas, Sealys. Stretch’d out 

some in sleeping sacks.

     Turned in on 

Therma-Rests, twins, upper berths, up-

holst’r’ds…with a gnome!

     And still the

best bed ever slept in’s been my 

band-box bed back home.

     I’ve valued

Vi-Springs and vibrating beds (I
melt ‘neath Magic Fingers).

     Waked on

water beds and Weevacs (déjà

vu of two still lingers).

     X through 

Z…? I’ve zoned in none, though web I’ve
surf’d and globe I’ve roam’d.

     And still the

best bed ever slept in’s been my
band-box bed back home.

Pick a Pair (But Not of Buds) or Hommages a Rivers: an ABV ABC & a Draft on Drafts

Today's post is a reboot from several years ago. Here's hoping it still rings true. (If you, constant reader, spot any inaccuracies, please don't hesitate to report them.)


A is for Aass Bock. Percent...? Six point five.
B is for Bush: 12%! (Sakes alive!)

C is for Celis Pale Bock: three point nine.
D is for Duvel: it's practically wine!

E is for Enville Ale: four point five...? Great!
F is for Frankenheim Alt: four point eight.

G is for Gaffel Kölsch: four point eight…nu?
H...? For HB Mai-Bock: seven point two!

I's for Iceni Four Grains: four point two.
J's Jeanne D'Arc Belzebuth: fifteen! (Who knew...?)

K is for Kneitinger Bock: six point O.
L's Lion Stout: eight point two. (Just say "Know!")

M's for Mac Queen's Nessie: seven point three.
N is for Newcastle: some prefer tea.

O's Oberdorfer Wiessbier: four point nine.
P's Pater Lieven Blond: six point five...? Fine.

Q is for Queen's Knickers: ABV...? Eight!
Rodenbach Grand Cru...? 'Tis four/eight...by weight.

Sam Adams Triple Bock...? Seventeen five!
(Beer geeks pour three or four; so few survive.)

T is for Tomintoul Stag: four point one.
(Tell me the truth: are we yet having fun...?)

Unibroue Quelque Chose...? Eight point oh: strong!
V's Vieux Temps: five point oh...unless I'm wrong.

Whitbread Gold Label...? It's ten...that, and more.
X is Xingu: less than five; more than four.

Y's for Young's Waggle Dance: five point O one.
Z's for Zambezi: That's lager! We're done. 




A is for Aass Bock. (Norwegian, no doubt.)

B is for Brooklyn – their Black Chocolate Stout.

C is for Cains, one "formidable" brew.
D is for Dock Street: they, too, brew Grand Cru.

E is for Everard's Daredevil Ale.
F is for Wassail. (Its full name's Full Sail.)

G is for Great Lakes – their Dortmunder Gold.
H is for Hellers Wiess – Kolschbier, we're told.

I's for Im Fuschen Alt. Hoppy...? Oh, my!
J is for Jever: their Pilsener's dry.

K is for Kostritzer Schwarzbier – it's black!
L is for Lion Stout, lacks not arrack.

M's for McMullen: their Castle Ale's pale.
N is for Newcastle's popular ale.

O is for Orval: don't serve it too cold.
P is for Portland's Mactarnahan's: gold!

Q is for Quail Springs' OK IPA.
R is for Rodenbach Grand Cru: hurray!

S is for Stoudt's Pils: it finishes dry.
T's Three Tuns Clerics Cure. (Three tuns...? But...why...?)

U is for Unibroue Quelque Chose (cherry).
V is for Vieux Temps. It's sherbety...very!

W's Wadi Brau Lady Hanf Weisse.
X is Xingu – few Brazilian brews nicer.

Y's for Young's Waggle Dance – brewed using honey.
Z's for Zhong Hua: has no tap here...? Not funny!