Roots (Unpub)

Cousins, uncles, dads and brothers;
sisters (sev’ral), great-grandmothers;
sons-in-law, one aunt, some others:
Shun the Family May! It smothers.
 
Auntie weaves with metal fibers:
she’s call'd Gold La May.
Her husband scats such jazzy tunes:
he’s Uncle Mel (“Tor”) May.
 
Mel's mum's into music, too:

she’s bill’d E. (“Dee”) Gore-May.
Her son (alas, away at war)
she christen’d L’Omar May.
 
L’Om’s brother Cumm’s the ne’er-do-well:
he’s known as Cumm (“Watt”) May.
His sister’s argumentative:
she’s Beatha D'Hazzitt-May.

 
     (to be continued)

Scout's Horor (11)

America's kids learn
how Boy Scouts should be
always trustworthy, loyal
and helpful (for three),
   also friendly and courteous,
kind and obedient,
cheerful and thrifty –
plus brave, clean and reverent.
   POTUS, you'll notice,
is none of those…nu…?
Drumpf is lying and faithless --
injurious, too.
     Drumpf is backbiting, ill-manner’d,
obstinate, cruel,
pessimistic and cheap.
(Face it: Drumpf isn't cool.)
     Drumpf is cowardly, filthy,
and ever so rude.
(Shall I mention the number
of women he’s screw’d...?)
     Drumpf’s the AntiScout,
sporting his knapsack of tricks.
Drumpf’s the scoutmaster,
AntiScout Troop 666.

-Sanities: an ABC (11)

     (ABC)   
 
There's Anaïs Ninsanity,
Anne Boleynsanity,
East Berlinsanity,*
Black and Tansanity,

Blue Vein Blintzanity,

Louvain Blitzanity...
and ('xcuse me French) always 
Coq au Vinsanity.**
 
     * Some mss show 'Bowlin'
Grinsanity' here. 
     ** Not to be confused with
NBA shooting guard Vince Carter's
signature Vinsanity.
 
     (DEF)    
 
There's Dark Wood Tintsanity,
Eastwood, Clintsanity,
Errol's (and kid sister Beryl's)
Flynnsanity --
who, it turns out, 
proves Flynn's Evil Twinsanity.
Freddie Prinzanity's
Floral Chintzanity.
 
     (GH)    
 
There's Gunga Dinsanity,
Gilbey's Ginsanity, 
Household Hintsanity,
Harlequinsanity,
Ho Chi Minhsanity, 
Hester Prynnesanity.
(Question: who's not question'd
Hannity's sanity…?)
 
     (HI)    
 
There's Hail to the
(Washington, D.C.) 'Skinsanity,
Watson's Jim’s, Papp’s and
Huck'berry’s Finnsanity,
Rumi the Dervish's
In-a-spinsanity...
and -- all too often –
Idi Aminsanity.
 
     (IJ)   
 
There's Ivan Pninsanity,
Junior Mintsanity,
Jim DeMintsanity.
(Jim’s…? Mint insanity!)  
Basil and Sib's Fawlty Towers,
the Bates Motel,
Saracen's Head and Jamaica
Innsanity.
  
     (KL)    
 
There's Ed "Have you met my son 
Keenan…?" Wynnsanity,
too little Lena
or Ken Olinsanity;
Senator Levin notes
no Levinsanity,
still...there's Loretta
(and Mooney!) Lynnsanity.
 
     (MN)   
 
There's Merrill Lynchanity. 
(No Nell Gwynnesanity…?)*
"Not by the hair of my
chinny-chin"-sanity.
(Here, out of order, is 
Prince Repninsanity,
father to Ivan.**
(It’s next-of-Kinsanity.)
 
     * Nor is there observed much
Geisel's Grinchanity -- except,
of course, seasonally.
     ** Ivan Pnin -- cf verse five 

above.
 
     (OPQR)   
 
There's Osamma binsaahneti,
Qui-Gon Jinnsanity,
Tony Quinnsanity,
Pisner Quintsanity,
Rollingpinsanity,
Rin-Tin-Tinsanity,
Rembrandt van Rijn-
(mispronounc'd like "Rin") -sanity.
 
     (STU)  
 
There's Surat-al-Jinnsanity, 
Lau's Shaolinsanity,
seven-fold (more, surely!)
deadly Sinsanity,
Belgian cartoonist Hergé's
Tintinsanity.
And (with a stretch) there is
Ulstermansanity. 
 
     (VWXYZ)   
 
There’s Vitaminsanity,
Violinsanity,
Triple Winsanity,
Xanthosinesanity,
Yang and Yinsanity,
Howard Zinn sanity.*
Hey...let's head home 
in my Zeppelinsanity!
 
     * Historian Zinn authored
an essential text, "The People's
History of the United States,"
a must-read.

Physics Schmysics! (11)

Once the whole world was
fire or earth, water or air.
That’s when God was head honcho.
Dissenters were rare.
     Then a diff’rent reality
Herr Einstein bared:
it seems e equal’d m
times the speed of light squared.
 
Cast your mind back to Al,
him of mad-as-March hair.
To eschew Albert’s “view of the u”…?
Who dared dare…?
     Yet some did disagree:
I, for one, bellow’d, “Merde!
Are you kiddin’ me…?
Energy’s m times c squared…?”
 
What else…? Dark matter, black holes,
charm'd quarks everywhere!
Leapin’ leptons, bad bosons,
far fruitier fare…?
     My Old Testament cosmos
can ne’er be repair’d –
not when energy’s mass
times the speed of light squared.
 
Are there cosmoi in parallel…?
Damn’d if I care!
Does my clock slow
the faster I go…? C’est la guerre!
     I’d prefer Al’d not shared.
I’d much rather be spared
each new round that compounds
“E be (zounds!) mc².”

See Ya! (A Round) (11)

      A-
dieu, au revoir,
bat and budgerigar.
     But don’t
lease no sub-compacts
from Hearse Rend-A-Car.
 
     Bye-
bye, bon voyage,
fox and folles sans la cage.
     Who ar-
rives in my Rolls
may depart in Drumpf's Dodge.
 
     Cha
wil’awib, ciao,
mink and manatee cow.
     Take an
A train to Haarlem!
(Take our LEM…? Nohow!)
 
     Dwell
“sweetly at home,”
rays and raths known as ‘mome.’
     We know
fellas who’ll sell y’as
some sleds Get to know’m!
 
     Ego-
gahans, exeunt,
dalmatian and dachshund.
     Get
gas as you pass
The Hind Quarter in Dortmund.
 
     Far-
vael, fare thee well.
tit and Thompson’s Gazelle.
     If y’all
fail to go ‘way,
then (we pray), “Go to hell!”
 
     Goru-
saedaek, godspeed,
cat and centipede. We’d
     rather
loudly “ya-wo’d” ye.
(What mo’ d’you yobs need…?)
 
     Hasta
pronto, ha’uu,
gila monster and gnu.
     Put to
sea, mes amis!
(Use our racing canoe.)
 
     Ite,
te! Missa est,
roc and robin red breast.
     Rockin’
Robin’s your tour guide.
Rob’s bromide…? “Go west!”
 
     Je vou-
drais – oui! -- aller,
boar and Bichon Frise.
     “De-“ no
“-tour” till we’re sure
you’re both far, far away.
 
     Kiss my
kisser goodbye,
toad and tsetse fly. Hie
     thyselves
hence, b’yond yon fence
till you’re where tongues speak Thai.
 
     Lla y-
hennik und lebewohl,
bee and B. Oriole.
     Gondola’s coming,
Start humming that barcarole.
 
     Manga-
dem, miss you, too,
salamander and shrew.
     Drive our
Daewoo Lacetti.
It’s ready: are you…?
 
     N-
daga and nighty-night,
wombat and white-tail’d kite.
     Your ship has sailed…? Hail the
mail stage; it’s dynamite!
 
     Onward and ou’ward,
cabrilla and cowbird.
     Please
pick our jihrik’sha;
it’s not under-power’d.
 
     Pothu
barp,’ pax vobisc,’
bear and brown basilisk.
     Book post
haste our post chaise!
(View this short compact disc.)
 
     Qaukpat-
tauk, q’ipurkama,
leipoa and llama!
     “Good
day!” (We’ve a way
with the inverted comma.)
 
     Rono-
nai, ‘rivederch,
Pygmy Pig, Yellow Perch.
     Run and
hide! We’re not snide:
we’ll be [wink] sure to search.
 
     So
long, sayonara,
canard, capybara.
     They’ve
barred your canard…?
Hire our Proton Tiara.
 
     Ta-
ta, tootle-oo,
chimp and cocka-…yeah: you!
     We’ll start
counting to ten:
an’ a one, an’ a two…
 
     Up,
up and away,
crow and Canada Jay.
     Climb a-
board our used Ford.
We’re not waiting all day.
 
     Vaar-
wel, viva vale,
canary and collie.
     By
bus…? Aye, you mus.’
Pro hac vice, by golly.
 
     Wog
maho, you’re outta here,
walrus and white-tail’d deer.
     Should you malinger,
this finger’s your souvenir.
 
     Xu! Xulap knewel,
sifaka and spoonbill.
     Not
worn out your welcome yet…?
Fret not: you soon will.
 
     Yanta
kar, yanna, yanna,
pouch’d rat and piranha.
     Don’t
sit! Instead, split!
(Not banana. Manana!)
 
     Zayt
gesunt, ziech lu,
kakapo, kangaroo.
     Bonne jour-
nnee! Go away!
Catch ya later! Adieu!
 
(Two by two, toodle-oo!)

Self Refs (11)

       The self-referencing...

     ...Old Testament theologian: 

Isaiah (“Lot”) of Babel 
 
     ...black-ink artist law-suit defendant: 

So Su Me E   
 
     ...pop culture one-hit wonder: 

Flash N. DePann   
 
     ...Civil War reenactment Rhett Butler impersonator: 

Frank Lee Meigh-Deere    
 
     ...mafia enforcer: 

Arthur E. Cantry-Fewse 
 
     ...New York waterfront longshoreman: 

Ike Hoode-O'Haddklasse  
 
     ...Greta Garbo fan-club recording secretary: 

Ivan "Toobie" Hull-Owen 
 
     ...religious theorist: 

Theo Lodge-Hickle  
 
     ...French national "Monsieur Congeniality" contest runner-up: 

Merce E. Beaucoup  
 
     ...petty thief: 

Upton O'Goode  
 
     ...amateur psychologist: 

Itzak ("Ray") Zeevoyld 
 
     ...novelty floor lamp manufacturer's rep: 

Maj. O. Ward  
 
     ...grounded eighteen-wheeler operator: 

Asa Lee ("Pat") deWiel
 
     …sub-Saharan real-estate developer: 

Barron Wace Lande

Mageeks ala Ogden (11)

     Stravinsky's / Navy's 

skirts
     lead to waves of transvestite en-

listments by Russian com-
posers: their subsequent 

hazing's a practice which 

hurts.
 
     Elephants / Help! A 

Sten!
     Still, don't gun 'em! Jus' stun 'em: they've
left the preserve yet a-

gain.  

     A variant:
 
     Elephants / lapse 

then, 
     but we don't need no pachyderms when 

we've got tanks; nor lack we sperm whales, 

men.

 
     Igor Stravinsky / In Yg's* RV, troikas / kiss gravy or 

tin!

     (Note that lewd recreational
camper-cum-luge Ygor's 

in.)
        * The Maestro's libidinous
young protege, Ygor.
 
     Alphabets / bathe; pals / spelt 

'Baha.'

     Still I wept, having kept not one 

vowel from the files: hold your 

"ha-ha"!

 
     Northeast / has 

rotten

     weather: such snows those un-

fortunates seem to have 

gotten!
 
     Memory / Me…? Or 

my
     neural net: info coded, then 
loaded in brain cells for use by and 

by.
 
     Woody Allen / a lewd
loony.
     The old goon married Soon Yi: Wood’s
potty, cartoony. (And
puny.)
 
     Gilgamesh / "I l-_ _ _ ham,
eggs!"
     "Oh, me, too -- over e-_ _ _ . Please to 
order some!" Enkidu
begs.)
 
     The Iliad…? / Ha! It
lied:
     ‘Twas young Hektor who lived and A-
chilles who (Homer sings)
died.
 
     The Odyssey / doth (yes,
yes!)
     say much more about Homer than
uninformed readers might
guess.
 
     Death / "The
Da"
     aka "Grounding Father," "Drop
Daddy" and "Ouch, Mein Pa-
pa."
 
     Plays Well With Letters / Halt! Pretty swell
wiles!
     We've ne’er seen chicaneries,
dissimulations and
cons penn’d in such sassy 
styles.
 
     John Falstaff / No 'f', 'j,’ hast
'laff.'
     Thus Will's knight, when all's done, seems more
punny, less funny...more
naff.
 
     Vaclav Havel / va-va-va-...
chell!
     (That last word I've not heard. Be it
Czech…? (The dude's pecs ring a
bell.)
 
     Florida's* / afro
slid.
     Now some parts of her nape and left
earlobe show. (Once, they were
hid.)
 
     * Actress Friebus
 
     Certificate / fact I re-
cite!
     You’re a pup…? Just shut 

up! (Rare's the dog eru-

dite.)
 
     Howdy, Doody! / Who'd yoyo'd

D*...?
     Which one spun -- jus' for fun – that ol'
clown up and down...? (It weren’t
me.)

     *D's for 'Drumpf.'
 
     Pensacola! / Lo! Cana-
pes:
     they appear to've wash’d ashore amidst El
Golfo's heavy
seas.
 
     Illinois / Is I ill...?
No!
     (Though Peoria's playlist* I'll
gladly fore-
go.)
 
     * "Will it play in Peoria...?" – but 

is that a question ask'd anymore...?
 
     Attila the Hun, / tha' late I
hunt,
     Candid Camera hath caught. (You da
man, Allen
Funt!)
 
     Monster...? / Mr. T's
one!
     (Though less the Hun: more
jus' for 
fun.)
 
     America / “I'm a
race:
     See me run. 'Til I'm done, I'll not 
stay in one
place.”
 
     Gregorian Chant / Can it hang
Roger*…?
     It fail’d to hoist Hoyt,**

that Los Angeles
Dodger.
 
     * Maris  ** Wilhelm
 
     Mitt Romney / "Not my time."
-- R.
     ("I'd an Edsel be, were I some
futile American 
car.")
 
     Duke Ellington/ I'd not kneel,
lug --
     though I'd gladly grant Edward one
hot-jazzy Harlemesque
hug.
 
     Walt Disney: / Deny it's
law...
     that some rodents here (some

ducks, too) are regarded with 
awe.
 
     Doc Martin / MD or
antic...?
     He be bōt' -- on the Cornish (i.
e., Cornwall's) côte de l'At-
lantic.
 
     Napoleon’s / one’s pal...?
No!...
     Not since Waterloo'd laid our lad
(Elba remain’d his pad) 
low.
 
     Roosevelt / Vote R...?
Lose!
     (We're not wrong: Frank holds strong lib'ral
left-leanin' socialist 
views.)
 
     Abraham Lincoln: / All bain, no
charm...*
     claim the Rebs: "Freein' slaves wreaks -- on 
us -- some consid'rable 
harm."
            * Or, “all brain 'n' macho” (?) 
 
     Senator /
Treason*
     When's this guy lose his seat...? When hell
turns off the heat, causin’  
freezin'...?
 
     * Refers to many current and recent GOP pols.
 
     Picasso / A sop 
(sic) –
     I mis-misspell. (How hyper-cor-
rections appear fast 'n'
thick!)
 
     Sherlock Holmes / "Hel-lo!" (S.H.
mocks ‘er.)
     She's a pekingese, Sherlock...no 
pitbull, basenji or
boxer.
 
     "Lewis Carroll: / roc' swill." 
-- Lear
     "His allure to the little ones
(girls) runs to 'snark hunts,' I
hear."
 
     Aesop / A 

pose...?
     Thus-named fabulists may have lived;
who they were no one now 
knows.
 
     Oprah Winfrey / Why pine for
Ra
     when you’ve snagg'd you a Stedman…? (Ha-
ha-ha-ha...ha-ha-ha-
ha!)
 
     Lady Gaga'll / gag y'all,
lad.
     (Her couture...? Not demure. Most con-
cur: Gaga’s draggily
clad.)
 
     Sarah Palin / rash -- in a
lap.
     For someone so slick, poli-
schtickin' in lipstick's a
snap.
 
     Dante / 

ante'd;
     his Commedia won. Since then,
Alighieri's a-
vanti'd.
 
     Editorials / to Dis-
raeli
     record callous critiques of not
only Will’s* bull but Will's 
ceili.
 
     * William Gladstone,
Ben’s nemesis
 
     Jesus Christ / J! (Such is
rest.
     More than Peck's better boy, young J
C be Da's absolute 
best!)
 
     Moby Dick / my bock I'd
__ (blank)____...
     whilst I'd shun peg-leg'd captains, har-
poonists 'n' white whales who
drank.
 
     Madonna / Damn!
(On a...
     whole 'nother note, who'll on
this lady dote (say) ma-
ñana...?)
 
 
     A. A. Milne / I...? Me...?
Anal...?
     (Dick shall not touch my tomes, though a
semi-illiterate 
Jane'll.)
 
     Cervantes / Can't
verse...
     render tiresome no-
vellas more
terse...?
 
     Nightmare / arming the
___(blank)__:
     What might 

preschoolers do with a
tank...?)
 
       A variant
 
     Nightmare! / Arm the
nig-...?
     Fill that cup 'n' it's
up -- re: "the
jig."
 
     Carl Sagan / nags
Clara:*
     "Join our trip. Bound's this
ship for New 
Terra."
 
     * It turns out the astronomer 
sported something of an anachronistic 
Jones for the "It" Girl, Miss Bow.
 
     Underdog /
grounded...
     'til a,fresh round of
war cries get
sounded.
 
     Pat Riley / liar-
type.
     We were warn’d to dis-
credit Pat's 
hype.)