Undone Via Pun: Materials for a Constrained Nonsense Alphabet

For future Hommages A Gorey's Gashlycrumb Tinies

A is for Alfie, topped taking a salfie

A’s Aloysius, who sleeps with the fusius.
B is for Boris: he fell off his horis.
B is for Bob: he ate toxic kohlrobhe.
B is for Bridget: her body’s gone fridget.
B is for Bruce, who wears concrete shuce. 
C is for Caesar, who suffered a saesure.
C is for Carla, dispatched in the parla.
C is for Clyde, a pact suicyde.
C is for Cora: bumped off! (Oh, the hora!) 
C is for Cornell. He's dead as a dornell.
D is for Doris, who rides the pale horis. 
D is for David: he couldn't be savid.
D is for Dale, who's gone well b'yond the vale. 
E is for Earl. he's not long for this wearl. 
E is for Evelyn, pierced by a jevelyn.
E’s Eloise: fin’lly resting in pise.
F is for Faust: yes, he “gave up the gaust.”
F is for Frank: heard the Fat Lady sank.
G is for George, who ate poisonous porrge.
G is for Gordon, who crossed over Jordon. 
G is for Gary, whose corpse we should bary.
H is for Henry: he perished from pen'ry.
I’s for Ignatius, whose cyst proved sebatius.
J is for Jim: surgeons sawed off his lim.
J is for Judas, who’d tried to eludas.
K is for Keith, who grew wa-a-a-ay too obeith.
L is for Leif: he was shot by his weif. 
L is for Lynn: the chauffeur did him ynn. 
L is for Lance, masticated by ance.
L is for Linda, who burned to a cinda.
L is for Lum. His hour has cum. 
M is for Mickey. His end? A bit stickey. 
M is for Modred, who asked, “Is this lodred?”
M is for Mies, who's been sent to Belies. 
M is for Morris: the levees proved porris.
N is for Nash. Went the way of all flash. 
N is for Nash: is that dust? Or his ashis?
N is for Ned: no one knows if he’s ded.
N is for Nate, now referred to as "late..." 
O is for Oliver: shot (a revoliver).
P is for Pete: his exec lhit "delete." 
P's for Prunella, walled up in the cella.
Q is for Quinn: too much tonic-free ginn.
R is for Rose, who's turned up her tose. 
R is for Ray. He's dead (K. I. Ay).
R is for Ron, who was quartered and dron.
R is for Randolph: a sword took his handolph. 
S is for Shemp, who's now at room temp. 
S? For Samantha: thought pills were the antha.
S is for Susan. She died with her busan.
T is for Tom. Took a gun; bought the fom.
T is for Ted: someone chopped off his hed. 
T is for Tess. Her spirit's at ress. 
T is for Ty. Kissed his rear end goodby. 
U is for Uther: en fin, a born luther.
V is for Vivian: no longer Livian.
W’s Wayne, who’s been savagely slayne.
W? Wilt: we're quite sure he's been kilt.
W's Wade, who's, undoubtedly, dade. 
W's Ward. He's been put to the sord.
X is for Xeno, who binged on cheap veno.
Y is for Yul, who was gored by a bul.
Z is for Zeke: died while taking a leke.

Monday's Thoughts: A Constrained Nonsense Rhyme

Philanthropists to promisees:
"Money doesn't grow on trees."
The scientist re mind agrees:
"Honey doesn't know from bees."
The lit crit to her auditees:
"Donne: he's one who's prone to fleas."
The sports reporter who's Chinese:
"Jeez: Sun Wen's cousin's so-o-o-o obese."

(More to come: a work in progress)