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Saturday, April 4, 2020

Whence the Next Totality? Plus Further Eggcentricity

Since August 21st* just pass’d,
where’er my good eye trips,
it’s stuff obstructing other stuff –
another damn’d eclipse!

     * Of the year 2019

One L.A. gang with Bloods did bang
but never came to grips
with being boss’d. In time they lost:
the Destined Crips Eclipse.

Down pub, me ale well serves to veil
me plate o’ cod ‘n’ chips.
Miss Molly moues this poser, “Who’s
the Batter’d Fish Eclipse…?”

On telly, forty films. Oh, Lordy!
Fleets of fighting ships
fly – fled, en shroud, through banks of cloud:
the Battleship Eclipse.

     Coda

My well’s run dry. No more shall wry
bon mots flow from these lips.
My fans remark: “Your light’s gone dark:
‘tis Smitty’s* Quips Eclipse.”

     * That’s N. (“Jim”) Smithe-Magee
(the N stands for ‘Nonsense’)

Eggcentric Blues:
The Blue Leggoon & a Blue Leggume

Where ARE you...? No: Where IS 'u'! Plus More Eggcentricity

You can’t get married on an isle
unless prepared to add an aisle –
you merely add an ‘a,’ my chil.’

He hadn't travell’d far, had Ike,
until I bought the boy a bike.
Said Dwight, “Add ‘b’...or else I hike.”

Cried Huck, “Let’s steal ourselves a raft –
unless we spot some larger craft.”
“But we ain’t got no ‘c,’ Jim laugh’d.

For forty days, down came the rain.
My first floor flooded. “Where’s the drain…?
I need a ‘d’: that much seems plain.”

My collie Shep’s renamed ‘Bo Peep’
and, much like Bo, misplaces sheep.
Shep gets an ‘e’: I get my sleep.

My Uncle Luke dislikes the lute.
“I hate to pluck. I’d rather toot.”
Luke gets an ‘f.’ (Luke loves his flute.)

In Mexico I met a gringo.
“Lose the ‘g,’ I chirp and…bingo!
Up there jumps a Beatle (Ringo).

Harold, once, had all his hair.
Above his head now’s nowt but air
The ‘h’ that was…? No longer there.

Twin imps attack’d my Aunt Louise.
I poked their ‘i’s out, if you please.
Now we’re in tow to two MPs.

The ‘J’ from Ludwig’s Ode to Joy…?
Gone missing. Perp…? That Bernstein boy.
Len’s publishing his Ode to “Oy!.”

When Sigmund was a little kid
his ‘k’ Sig’s younger siblings hid.
Remaining…? One malicious id.

On hearing The Gospel According to Luke
had abandon’d its ‘L,’ I lacunae rebuke:
No, I’ll not heed The Word for Accordeen ‘n’ Uke.

Dad’s lost his brush. Dad’s lost his comb.
Mom’s lost her ‘M.’ Mom’s left with “Om.”
(I guess that’s why Daddy’s no longer at home.)

Subtraction’s a form of addition, I’ve heard.
Then is “’none’ minus ‘n’ equals ‘one’” not absurd…?
Yes, if ‘minus’ means ‘plus’…or each number’s a word.

What’s the girth of his liver…? No greater than so.
But, with aid of a spoon, he’s ingested an ‘O,’
thus creating the Oliver Hardy we know.

Bitter, mild; ginger, brown: all are versions of ale.
For a fifth variation (my fav’rite) try pale.
(Adding ‘p’ to my ale makes it pale – without fail.)

In Scotland, a quagmire is often called quaw.
If it loses its ‘q,’ by linguistical law
UAW members emerge, then withdraw.

Sinbad takes to the sea aboard Elsie, her udder
so sorely distended, she steers, like a rudder
when Sinbad adds ‘r,’ (Plus, that cow churns his butter.)

Oh, how I love to go up in a swing!
“I shall fly higher still,” I think, “when I’ve a wing.”
(Dropping ‘s’…? ‘Tis no guess it’s a lib’rating thing.)

How our nation’s infected with haters we’ve seen.
Now some linguist has added a ‘t’ in between.
And the hatters resulting…? Quite mad. (No less mean.)

There’s a “Man overboard,” cries the mate (though there’s not).
It’s young Pip, just turned ten, and he can’t swim a jot.
Toss that poor boy a ‘u’! He lacks “’buoy’ancy,” what?

Mr. Ness leads the vice squad. His methods are bold.
Al Capone swipes his ‘v.’ (Nitti did it, we’re told.)
Now Ness works in the ice squad. (He likes soda cold.)

The Fool Killer’s comin.’ I take to my heels.
I’d die not – although I don’t know how that feels.
Find a ‘w.’ Fleeing’s much faster on wheels.

Rebellious Boxers…? Just Boers spelt with ‘x’s.
I’ve battl’d with Boxers and Boers -- of both sexes.
(I beat both a Boer and a Boxer in Texas.)

Unto the fray…? I defer: ain’t no way!
I’m a lover. My fighting’s for some other day.
Drop that ‘y’! Fra and I shall ex ville steal away.

Booin’…? Nowt doin.’ That stuff’s just not me.
Negativity…? Nossir! Just give me a ‘z,’
which I’ll ad to my boo. (Bozo’s raspberry-free.)

Chorus line chorines – that T&A crew –
simply hand in their ampersand when they get through.
Then it’s “ta” each attests (which is short for ‘adieu’).

Eggcentric Caviar:
Roes By Several Other Names

Who Did It...? Plus Additional Eggcentricity

Who put the "ANAL" back in "Jungian analysis"?

Who put the "BRIS" back in "Who's the king of hubris?"?

Who put the "CRAP" back in "Platonic rapproachment"?

Who put the "DEMON" back in "faith-based demonstration"?

Who put the "EVIL" back in "Donald: he's the villain!"?

Who put the "FART" back in "priceless work of art"?

Who put the "GONAD" back in "Ralph for Pres! -- Go, Nader!"?

Who put the "HORMONE" back in "Pick one: health or money!"?

Who put the "IMUS" in "I'm used to controversy!"?

Who put the "JUNGLE" back in "Jung left out the punchline"?

Who put the "KILLER" back in "I think I'll erupt now"?

Who put the "LOSER" back in "Hello, Serb...I'm Croat!"?

Who put the "MONSTER" back in "Uncle Sam on steroids"?

Who put the "NERD" back in "Mine's the cleaner desktop..."?

Who put the "ODOR" back in "Is that blood...or ketchup...?"...?

Who put the "PAPER" back in "pay-per view TV"...?

Who put the "QUEER" back in "Brooce...? One unique error..."...?

Who put the "RETARD" back in "Yeah! We're tardy! So...?"...?

Who put the "SHITHEAD" in "It's sushi: The ad SAYS so!"...?

Who put the "TYRANT" back in Drumpf’s one nasty ranter!"...?

Who put the "UGLY" back in "What's that on you...glycol...?"...?

Who put the "VEG’TABLE" in "You’d save? Get a blender!"...?

Who put the "WARTS" back in "Wow! Art's not like life!"...?

Who put the "XANADU" in "Sex...? An adult issue..."...?

Who put the "YAHWEH" back in "Godly...? Ah...we hope so..."...?

Who put the "ZENITH" back in "Into zen...? I think not..."...?

And who put the AMPERSAND" in "Ham per sandwich...? Zero!"!


Eggcentric Wimbleton:
Andregg Eggasi

Seven Queer Queries...& a Little More Eggcentricity

     “Which two
do you eschew…?” muses
Brian Boru. “
     You can’t
pander to Gandhi and
Pandit Nehru.”

      “Such a
slut…so much smut! Nut case –
open-‘n’-shut,”
     tut!”s Judge
Jeff to Judge Mutt. “But...she
sure does strut, what!”

     “When zen'd
men again pen 'em like
Jean La Fontaine's,” ventures
Alfred Lord Tenn-, “...then I'll 
tender ‘Amen!’s”

     “Whereso-
e’er, fair-hair’d br’er,” declares
 Robespierre, “we dare
bare derrierres, we’ll peel
‘ready-to-wear’!”

     “Why de-
cry my dry eye…?” sighs a
fly Buddy Guy when men
libel his tie. “No vox
populi, I.”

     “How’ll I
“Ciao!” Kung Pao Cow…?” howls a
foul Chairman Mao as a
scowl prowls his brow and he
zips down his trou-.

     "What al-
lows the Great Tao: a know-
tow…? Or a bow, now I’ve
left it to Beaver…? What
ails Tony Dow…?” 


Eggcentric Mexicana:
Three Ameggos




"Star Trek": Space Opera or Space Sitcom...? Plus Eggcentricity XI

Willy, in “The Sunshine Boys,”
insists he knows which words are funny.
Willy’s claim’s no empty noise.
Nope, Willy’s claim’s right on the money.
     “Listen, Ben, to what I say!”
(Ben is his nephew.) “’Pickle’s funny…
...duck…all words that start with K...
...‘cake,’ ‘dick,’ ‘rake,’ ‘schtick’… Believe me, Sonny!”

     In “Star Trek,” Roddenberry frames
his scripts with ten gazillion roles,
(some leads, some bits) with off-world names
that christen critters, gnomes ‘n’ trolls.
     One cannot fail to note the horde
that start with (or contain) a K:
Kes, Kahless, Kang 'n' Kargan, too...
as well as Kirk 'n' Spock 'n' Korrd.

     Sure, space remains the last frontier,
but there's not space to name ‘em all --
though, were I to, ‘twould soon be clear
their sum would come to quite a haul.
     Which begs the question: why does Gene
employ so many names with K…?
Does trekkies Roddenberry mean
to take “Trek” in a funny way…? 


Eggcentric Walt:
G'oeuf'y

Christmas Day: A Mare Egg...

     "A Mare Egg, Her Wrist, "Miss Two 'U'"