"Curly, Moe, Larry, Shemp..." How They Died; or, Necrologue: Shuffling Off This Mortal Coil

Curly, Moe, Larry, Shemp: all devolv'd to room temp.
"First Cartoonist" Thom Nast wound up breathing his last.
Colin's Granddaddy Firth has departed this earth.
When will you and/or me shuffle off this m.c....?

Codicologist Morse rides -- behold! -- a pale horse.
Culture icon Joan Quarm, late last year, bought the farm.
Mogul Friedrich ("Fritz") Krupp watch'd his number come up.
When will you and/or me shuffle off this m.c....?

Mr. John Albert Macy's now pushing up daisies.
One Solomon Phipps fin'lly cash'd in his chips.
Justice Morrison Waite simply slipp'd off the plate.
When will you and/or me shuffle off this m.c....? 

All (or most) of the Bysshes now sleep with the fishes.
St. Christopher Wade...? Made to drink the Kool Aid.
Herr Hermanus van't Hoff softly exited off.
When will you and/or me shuffle off this m.c....?

Rudi (jazz critic) Blesh went the way of all flesh.
Ms. Elizabeth Baker en fin met her Maker.
Li'l Abner's Al Capp took a final dirt nap.
When will you and/or me shuffle off this m.c....?

Couple Carl and Blanch Jost gravely gave up the ghost.
Poet Julia Ward Howe waved, then took her last bow.
Joseph Smith and his wives...? All of them lost their lives.
when will you and/or me shuffle off this m.c....? 

Right-winger John Birch veer'd...then fell off his perch.
Charles Caldwell McCabe...? In the bosom of Abe.
Messrs E. and K. Wynn (pop 'n' son) packed it in.
When will you and/or me shuffle off this m.c....?

Rufus, Tom and John Choates all donn'd pine overcoats.
Kicked the bucket did Boggs: Ephraim popp'd his clogs.
Even "Prosp" Merimee, in the end, pass'd away.
When will you and/or me shuffle off this m.c....?

"Once, the world was just fire or earth, water or air..." Science Schmyence! E Equals M C Squared: A Disquisition on an Equation

Once, the world was just fire or earth,
water or air.
That's when God was head honcho.
Dissenters? Grilled rare!
Then a diff'rent reality
Albert E. bared:
it seems e equaled m
times the speed of light squared.

Cast your mind back to Al,
him of mad-as-March hair.
To eschew Albert's view of the u...?
Who dared dare...?
Yet some did disagree.
I, for one, bellowed, "Merde!
Are you shittin' me...?
Energy's m times c squared...?" 

"What else? Matter's dark...?
Holes black? Quarks everywhere...?
Leapin' leptons...? Bad bosons...?
Far fruitier fare...?
My Old Testament cosmos
can not be repaired --
not when energy's mass
times the speed of light squared.

"Are there cosmoi in parallel...?
Damned if I care!
Does my watch slow the faster I go...?
C'est la guerre!
I'd prefer Al'd not shared.
I'd have rather been spared
each new round which compounds
E be (zounds!) mc²."

"Newt...neuter...nudist..." Posi-, Compara-, Superla-: A Digression on Degrees (Illustration)

Illustration in Pentel on photocopy paper by N. Smithe-Magee

"Alice, an Alice-blue alga..." Female Critters of Color Who Devour Their Mates

Libby, a lavender Labrador,
lusts for Oscar, an ochre-hued ocelot.
Lib admits to her crush. 
But Lib's, likewise, a lush,
so Lib lavishes love on the sauce a lot.

Callie, a Kelly-green kitten,
swoons for Salman, a salmon-hued salmon.
Feline Callie finds fish
such as Salman 'delish.'
"He's my guy, do or die, feast or famine."

Emma, an emerald emu,
esteems Hector, electric-blue gnu.
Em's love's so extreme 
she decks Hec with whipp'd cream
and a cherry. (Indeed: wouldn't you...?)

Vida, a violet viper,
feels for Francis, a forest-green frog.
Vida thought Francis looked 
just like frogs legs uncooked.   
Frank thought Vida looked just like a log.

Alma, an Alice-blue alga,
fancies Gracchus and Bacchus, black yaks.
To the query, "Why two...?" 
Alice parries, "So'd you:
each yak's knacks impact t'other yak's lacks."

Ruby, a ruby-red booby,

bride of Barry, a Barium bee.

keeps, as well, one vermilion, 
one blue crocodilian,

for four feast as frug'lly as three.

Liz, an alizarin lizard,

craves José, a beige budgerigar.

Although wedded to Ted, 
a woad Rhode Island Red,

she prefers her beige budgie (so far).

Kiki, a khaki okapi,

loves a buffalo -- buff-tinted Biff.

But an orange and wan-
colored orangutan

sports a quaff she finds spiffy. Meet Cliff!

Sue, a cerulean sea lion,

mad for Adam, a madder-hued adder,

digs, addition'lly, Cab, 
a dun Dungeness crab.

Sue's, indeed, due to feed on the latter.

"Wallace ("Wally") Amos: his cookies made him famous..." Thought on the Anniversary of Freeman Gosden's Death (December 10th)

Wallace ("Wally") Amos:
his cookies made him famous.
I ate a few. I grew...and grew.
You too...? And who could blame us...?

F. Gosden, black'd-up Amos:
his racist faces shame us.
To spot such blot one's not, mein Gott,
required to hire a shamus.

How rare, this pair of Amoi!
One wins. His twin's quite lame. Oy!
Still, much the same,
it's fair to claim,
as neither'd brook the name 'boy.'

"Am I right to suppose..." Following Carl; or, Dressed for Succession? (from What A's Not For)

Am I right to suppose
I know no one who knows
if this Neil deGrasse Tyson guy
chose his own clothes...? 

Need I further confess
that it's anyone's guess
if this boss Cosmosnaut bothers
aught as to dress...?

My poor brain's in a spin:
Tyson's trousseau's a sin!
Minus neckwear, who'd trek where
no man's ever been...?

Nor it sure wouldn't hurt
to Ann Druyan to blurt,
"Have you tried to provide Neil
Carl's turtleneck shirt...?"

"I've got just the one kidney..." Just The One: Diagnosis & Inquiry

     I've got 
just the one kidney. Yep! Only the one.
     Were I, 
somehow, to lose it, why, then I'd have none.
     I've got 
just the one kidney, a snap-bean-shaped curve
     I could 
sever in twain, had I requisite nerve.

     I've got 
just the one kidney. Time was, I had two.
     So: why 
vanish'd the second...? I'm sure I've no clue.
     I've got 
just the one kidney. What caused this, I'm told,
     was a 
tumble I took when but half a week old.

     I've got 
just the one kidney. Some claim they've got three.
     How I 
wish I own'd extras, but, hey...that's just me.
     I've got 
just the one kidney. (I scarf kidney pie
     when I 
breakfast in Brighton, nor've never known why.)

     I've got 
just the one kidney. It's one I can't spare.
     For as 
long as I've got it, I'm walking on air.
     I've got 
just the one kidney. Friends boast they've a few,
     to which, 
someday, they'll stake me. How many have you...?