The Family That Preys Together Betrays Together (A Drumpf Nonsense Rhyme)

So: here's a thought to banish sleep: 
What if all Drumpfs -- Drumpf gals, Drumpf guys -- 
turn out to be, in fact, black sheep...? 
Hey! What if all the Drumpfs are spies...?

What gives if Junior proves a spook...? 
What's up if Clinton dirt he buys...?
And would that news break make you puke...? 
Say! What if all the Drumpfs are spies...?

What's next if Eric's under covers, 
up to his -- you know -- in lies...?
And dare he double cross his bruvvers...? 
What if all the Drumpfs are spies...?

Is young Ivanka Daddy's spotter...? 
("He's my Dad," Ivanka cries.)
And does the daughter ape the fahdder...? 
What if all the Drumpfs are spies...?

Is Tiffany with MI6...?
In wet ops does she specialize...?
Is she the Aldrich Ames of chicks...? 
Wow! What if all the Drumpfs are spies...?

Melania's a Slovene name. 
Is she an agent in disguise,
encouraging the New Great Game...? 
Yow! What if all the Drumpfs are spies...?

Has Barron learned to launder cash...? 
Has he dark statecraft skills he plies 
in case he needs to Moscow dash...? 
Dang! What if all the Drumpfs are spies...?

Is Donald in cahoots with Putin 
plus whole mobs of other guys...?
And why's America Don lootin'...? 
I think all the Drumpfs are spies!

Spoiler Alerts (A Nonsense Rhyme)

[Ulysses]

Stumblin' through Dublin for twenty-four hours 
through whorehouses, pubs, even one or two towers… 
[Spoiler alert! Spoiler alert! 
Bloom is a cuckold; wife Molly’s a flirt].

[Citizen Kane]
His spring is spectacular. So is his fall, 
as a man learns, en fin, how he can’t have it all…
[Spoiler alert! Spoiler alert! 
“Rosebud”s his sled and his ultimate blurt.]

[The Divine Comedy]
A middle-aged Dante runs ranting through Hell, 
someplace okay to visit but no place to dwell…”
[Spoiler alert! Spoiler alert! 
Though shaken, he’s taken to Heaven unhurt.]

[The Iliad]
The war’s been unending: a bloodbath, by crikey! 
What’s needed’s an armistice nurtured by Nike…
[Spoiler alert! Spoiler alert! 
The horse houses soldiers: just peek ‘neath its skirt.]

[The Wizard of Oz]
Dorothy departs former area code 
and, with friends, her way wends down a yellow brick road…
[Spoiler alert! Spoiler alert! 
The Wiz proves an octogenarian squirt.] 

[The Book of Genesis]
Man shall be made on the last day but one: 
he'll be Nature's epitome! By Jove! Well done!
[Spoiler alert! Spoiler alert! 
The fool will be fashioned from handfuls of dirt.]

[The Book of Job]
God puts his guy to the ultimate test: 
“So: dost thou love Me or thy sorry ass best?”
[Spoiler alert! Spoiler alert! 
Job loses decidedly more than his shirt.]

Self Refs (Noms de Nonsense)

               The self-referring...


...Old Testament theologian: Isaiah Lot of Babel 



...Asian-born black-ink artist law-suit defendant: So Su Me E   



...octogenarian pop culture one-hit wonder: Flash N. DePann   



...Civil War reenactment Rhett Butler impersonator: Frank Lee Meideere    



...Brando-impersonating mafia enforcer: Arthur E. Cantry-Fewse 



...New York waterfront longshoreman: Ike Hood-O'Haddklasse  



...Greta Garbo fan-club recording secretary: Ivan "Toobie" Hull-Owen 



...religious zealot: Theo Lodge-Hickle  



...French national "M Congeniality" contest runner-up: Merce E. Beaucoup  



...general all-around sonofabitch: Upton O'Goode  



...amateur psycho-ecologist: Itzak ("Ray") Zeevoilt  



...novelty floorlamp manufacturer's rep: Major O. Ward  



...unemployed eighteen-wheeler operator: Asa Lee ("Pat") deWiel



…sub-Saharan real-eatate developer: Barron Wasteland