"What's new? 'Zay-Soo..." Miss Pitts (As Per Fitz): A Constrained Occasional Crambo

(Several days ago, on June 3rd to be precise, my brother Fitzgerald emailed me an image of a yellowed newspaper clipping he had recently discovered in a long-unopened book. The image is of an obituary notice for ZaSu Pitts and, though undated, it must be from the unidentified newspaper's edition of June 8, 1963, because in it the actress is referred to as having died "yesterday in Good Samaratian (sic) hospital" and Miss Pitts is officially recorded as having passed away on June 7th of that year. This Friday, June 8th, cineastes will mark the 55th anniversary of the publishing of that obituary with a reading of the occasional lines appearing below. Won't you join them?) 

What's new?
"Zay-Soo."
"Zay-Soo"? 
'Tis true.
Says who?
ZaSu...
now you.
(Who knew?!) 

"U...U...U: U's in love with you, you, you..." U Loves You, Baby: A Constrained Nonsense in Rhyme

U, U, U: 
U’s in love with

you, you, you – 
not the pitcher
Yu, Yu, Yu, 
nor the actress
Yuu, Yuu, Yuu.
    * Yu Darvish and Yuu Ayase

U, U, U: 
U’s in love with
you, you, you. 
Masekela,
Hugh, Hugh, Hugh? 
Nope, nor Welsh named
Huw, Huw, Huw. 

U, U, U: 
U’s in love with
you, you, you…
not your trees of
yew, yew, yew – 
trees you’ll need to
hew, hew, hew.

U, U, U: 
U’s in love with
you, you, you. 
(As you shear your
ewe, ewe, ewe, 
note what shade’s her
hue, hue, hue.)

U, U, U: 
U’s in love with
you, you, you. 
Yo-Yo Ma? Not
true, true, true. 
(If not Ma, then
who? Who? Who?)