Material for new poem 

Ali
brolly Bali Bengali bialy

collie 

Dali dolly 

Eurale

folly finale 

golly 

holly 

jolly 

Kali Kerale

lolly 

Mali Molly Macaulay 

natale Naphtali

Ollie 

Pali poly Polly

quale

Raleigh 

Solly Svengali 

thali trolley 

volley 

Wally

Laura Richards Redux

Last Friday, 

my rhinocerus 
encountered 

a philocerus. 
Or, rather, 

a philosopher 
confronted 

my rhinocepher. 
It seems I've 

mispronounced each word, 
which makes my story 

sound absurd. 
In any case, 

my rhino's horn 
harpoon'd 

this poor philosophorn.
The more he tried 

to pull it out,
the louder scream'd 

philosophout. 
I feel I'd best 

cut short my tale 

of rhinosort 

and philosale. 

Next time: 

The Octopus 

and the Pocketcomb

Jackels, Coyotes and Trumpotamus

He lifts a leg and takes a whiz, 
thus marking stuff he claims is his. 

He drops his drawers and takes a pee:

it's territoriality. 

He lowers trou and cops a leak. 

His world wills nothing to the meek. 

He shakes his weenie, zips his fly 

nor never seems to wonder why. 

Room For One More...? Eight Questions

Is there room on Mt. Rushmore 

for Donald...? 

Should its foursome of founders

make space...?

Is there room on Mt. Rushmore 

for Donald...? 

Would its granite withstand 

one more face...? 

Is there room on Mt. Rushmore 

for Donald...? 

Should he soil 

that historical place...? 

Is there room on Mt. Rushmore 

for Donald...?

Has the guy no shame  -- 

even a trace...?

Is there room on Mt. Rushmore 

for Donald...? 

Would the move be approved 

by his base...? 

Is there room on Mt. Rushmore 

for Donald...? 

Maybe Teddy or Abe 

he'd replace...?

Is there room on Mt. Rushmore 

for Donald...? 

Should we scratch Tom or George, 

just in case...? 

Is there room on Mt. Rushmore 

for Donald...? 

Can the nation absorb 

more disgrace...? 

Boo Beyond Bunny; or, Jeer Your Own Super Bowl Half Time Entertainment

Attention, MAGA malcontents! 

Here's breaking news for you. 

To all who'd boo Bad Bunny:

now there's other blokes to boo. 

It happens there's a raft of rappers 

waiting in the wings. 

To jeer them, sir, you'll much prefer.

(Your disapproval sings!)

Boo Awful Armadillo. 

Boo Beastly Bandicoot. 

Boo Clueless Capybara.
(Boo Disgusting Dog, to boot.) 

Boo Evil Earwig, Foul Flamingo,  

Ghastly Gekko. (Whew!)

Boo Horrible Hyena. 

(I'm not skipping Gruesome Gnu.) 

Boo Impossible Iguana. 
Boo Kitschy Kinkajou. 

(Were I to skip Jerkwater Jackel, 

what would be your view...?) 

Boo Lousy Lemur, Miserable 

Mongoose...so it goes.

Boo No-good Narwhal -- he's the 

dude who sports that gnarly nose. 

Boo Outlaw Otter, Putrid Parrot,

Questionable Quail.

Boo Rotten Rodent, Sullied Snake...

(Is Sully out of jail...?) 

Boo Trashy Tadpole, 

Unrepentant Urchin, Vicious Vole.

Boo Wanton Wildebeest -- 

that craven creature lacks a soul. 

Boo Xenolithic Xoloitzcuitli, to be  sure. 

Boo Yellow Yak. 

Boo Z-grade Zorse.

I'll NOT Kid Rock endure.

At Home with the Sprats

Drat! The Sprat! 
ErSprats 
Jack's children...? All brats. 
Minnesota Sprats 
Old Possom's Book 
   of Practical Sprats 
Polyunsaturated Sprats 
Sprätzle 

Sprata Morgana 
Spratboy Slim 
Sprate, a Coca- Cola product 

Spratfall 
Sprattipuffs and Thinnifers
Sprat's Domino 
Sprats in the Belfrey 
The Sprat in the Hat 
The Spratzenjammer Kids 
Tortilla Sprat 

White Wine Spratzer

Frivolousity! Or, POTUS the Perpetual Plaintive: An ABC of Defendants in Some Pending Drumpf-Filed Lawsuits

Drumpf sues. 

Drumpf's suing an ape 

who, array'd in a cape, 
tied Drumpf's hands 
to Drumpf's glans 
with electrical tape. 

   Drumpf's suing a bear 

who set fire to Drumpf's hair. 

(When did POTUS 

first notice...? 

"Don, Jr. would stare.")

Drumpf's suing a cow 

who concocted, somehow,

to add lint 

(just a hint) 

into Donald's Kung Pao. 

   Suing, too, a dugong

(though Drumpf knows this is wrong) 

who discuss'd 

with disgust 

how Drumpf's ties are too long. 

Drumpf sues. 

Drumpf's suing an eel 

who Drumpf deem'd 'no big deal' 

when it noted 

(then gloated): 

"Drumpf's hand's never healed." 

    Drumpf's suing a fox 

for the way that beast mocks 

Donald's weight 

and his gait --

how Drumpf back-'n'-forth rocks.

Drumpf's suing a gnu

and its fourth-estate crew 

for reporting  

Drumpf's snorting 

when napping. (It's true.)

     Drumpf's suing a hen 

for purloining a pen 

Donald used. 

(Don's accused 

it of pilfering ten.) 

Drumpf sues. 

Sues, as well, an iguana.

Says Don: "'Cuz I wanna  

deport 

that sad sort 

on a boat to Botswana."

   Drumpf's suing a joey 

for billions, although he 

claims roos 

post 'fake news' --

"...plus they're swishy 'n' showy."

Drumpf's suing these koi

who, once girl-child and boy, 

now prefer

'him' 'n' 'her.' 

(They so-o-o-o-o Donald annoy.)

   Drumpf's suing a lynx 

who insists Drumpf's shit stinks. 

"I've best words

and best turds" -- 

or so Dumpty Drumpf thinks. 

Drumpf sues. 

Drumpf's suing a moose. 

Donald's case, most abstruse, 

claims the beast, 

while deceased, 

voted...twice! "Fraud!! Abuse!!!"

   Drumpf's suing a newt -- 

a most frivolous suit. 

Cash or cheque...? 

What the heck...

just as long as there's loot.

Drumpf's suing these owls. 

When Drumpf spots 'em, he howls: 

"Scumbag birds!"

(Donald's words.) 

"Un-American fowls!"

   Drumpf's suing a parrot.

Drumpf's suit's without merit. 

Drumpf heard 

that the bird 

hates Drumpf's hair: just can't bear it. 

Drumpf sues. 

Drumpf's suing a quail, 

wants to lock her in jail. 

Donald's ICE 

nick'd her...twice, 

but we help'd her make bail.

   Drumpf's suing a rat 

for its tweet "Drumpf's Too Fat!" 

Likes...? It got 

quite a lot -- 

more than Drumpf's tweets begat.

Drumpf's suing a snake, 

though there's little at stake: 

The snake stared; 

Don got scared... 

(The whole case is opaque.)

     Drumpf's suing a tern 

and its second wife, Fern. 

Judge got piss'd: 

case dismissed!

Live 'n' learn. Live 'n' learn. 

Drumpf sues. 

Drumpf's suing an urchin 

arrested while perchin' 

atop 

Drumpf's pro shop. 

For lost balls it was searchin.'

   Drumpf's suing a vole; 

claims the animal stole 

votes by mail. 

Verdict...? Jail 

In some foreign black hole.

Drumpf's suing these whales.

But my 1-to-10 scales 

say the odds 

are their pods 

will make sure the suit fails.

    Drumpf's suing a xyst, 

though his lawyers insist 

that Drumpf's suit's

all but moot, 

as Drumpf's xysts don't exist. 

Drumpf sues. 

Drumpf is suing these yaks 

for their rampant attacks 

on the lunches 

Drumpf munches -- 

Drumpf's fries 'n' Big Macs.

   Drumpf will sue the whole zoo --

which includes me 'n' you 

who dislike 

Drumpf's whole Reich. 

(And, Drumpf notes, we vote blue... 

...so he'll sue.)

Uly Poe Channels Pearl Buck ; or, Coming In On A Wang Lung And A Prayer

There'll dawn one day 

I'll not ignore, 
like none the world's 
e'er seen before. 
'Twill shake the world

unto its core: 
that day the Donald 
breathes no more. 

His mind will've slither'd 

'round the bend. 

No nightly nonsense tweets 

he'll send

nor longer will 

the Trump name trend 

as MAGAmundi

nears its end. 

The sun will rise 

in rose array. 

And I will rise

(as is my way)

to pray what ev'ry 

dawn I pray: 

"Today's the day...?

Today's the day!" 

Look Who's Talking: A Prose Poem in Four Brief Scenes

Exterior. A dusky wood. Night. 
Middle-aged writer Dante Alighieri 

avoids a trio of hungry beasts with 

aid from the Roman poet Virgil. The 

pair argue back and forth as the 

author of the Aeneid finally concedes:

"Let me, let me...oh, alright, then: 

YOU tell it." 

Exterior. A river bank. Day. 

Teenage runaway Huckleberry Finn 

eases a small raft into the swift 

current with the aid of fellow fugitive 

Jim, an adult Negro. The pair argue 

back and forth as Miss Watson's field 

hand finally concedes:

"Let me, let me...oh, alright, then: 

YOU tell it." 

Interior. The Spouter Inn. Dusk. 

A motley collection of seafarers

surrounds a small table at which 

novice harpoonist Ishmael sits 

opposite an enormous white sperm 

whale. The pair argue back and forth 

as the gigantic leviathan finally 

concedes:

"Let me, let me...oh, alright, then: 

YOU tell it." 

Interior. An upper room. Suppertime. 

Hebrew preacher Jesus of Nazereth 

celebrates a Passover meal with his 

disciples, including future evangelist 

Luke. The pair argue back and forth 

as the Son of God finally concedes:

"Let me, let me...oh, alright, then: 

YOU tell it."

In the Spirit of the Sprats

         (0)

     The Archetype:

      Mother Goose's 

      Jack Sprat 

      & His Wife 

Jack Sprat 
could eat no fat.
His wife*
could eat no lean. 
   And so, betwixt

the two of 'em, 
they lick'd the platter
clean. 

     *In some sources, Jull; 

      in others, Jill.

     The Knockoffs: 

     Nine Songs 

     (Including Their Subjects' 

     Authors & Sources)

     in the Spirit of the Sprats.

          (Explanatory Notes -- 

          Where Deemed Necessary -- 

          Will Be Forthcoming.)

          (1) 

     The Laughing Buddha 

     & the Fasting Buddha 

The Fasting Buddha 

lasts on, you'd-a 

thought, one grain 

of rice.*

   The Laughing Buddha 

binges food. A

virtue...? 

Or a vice...? 

     *This tale, in which Gautama 

survives each day of a fast on but 

a single grain of rice, appears in 

several Indian sources, including 

the Pali Canon. 

          (2) 

     Edwin Abbott Abbott's

     A Line Segment

     & A Sphere 

     (From "Flatland")

Dimensions...? One 

(one's next to none!) 

each "Flatland" Line

has got, 

   whereas each Sphere 

boasts three, we hear -- 

which makes 'em 

tough to spot.* 

     *In each moment it passes 

through a world of two dimensions, 

the three-dimensional sphere 

appears as one or another circular 

section of itself.

          (3) 

     E.C. Segar's 

     Olive Oyl 

     & Bluto 

     (From "Thimble Theatre") 

 

No zaftig goil, 

our Olive Oyl: 

she's trying 

Oprah's diet. 

   Should Bluto choose 

some pounds to lose...? 

Indeed! He needs 

to try it.

          (4) 

     Jackie Gleason's 

     Ralph Kramden 

     & Ed Norton 

     (From "The Honeymooners") 

He drives a bus -- 

Ralph Kramden does. 

Long sitting 

leaves him fat, 

   while Norton's slim. 

What's up with him...? 

No perchin' 

on his prat.

          (5) 

     Hal Roach's 

     Stanley Laurel 

     & Oliver Norville Hardy 

     (From "Way Out West" et al.) 

Mr. Hardy 

(nicknamed "Lardy"): 

broad of butt 

and bust, 

  while breeze, tho' soft, 

lifts Stan aloft -- 

albeit just 

a gust.

          (6)

     Miguel de Cervantes's 

     Don Quixote 

     & Sancho Panza 

Slim horse, slim rider, 

neither wider 

than Quixote's 

lance, 

   whereas Don's chum's

so plump of bum 

he's cursed: 

he'll burst his pants.

          (7) 

     Washington Irving's 

     Ichabod Crane 

     & Baltus Van Tassel 

     (From "The Legend 

     of Sleepy Hollow")

A stick, a rod:

that's Ichabod, 

who scorns 

the dinner bell. 

   Von Tassel, though, 

devours fried dough. 

(Resembles it 

as well.)

          (8) 

     Jean de Brunhoff's 

     Babar the Elephant 

     & the Rich Old Lady 

     (From "Histoire de Babar")

This thin old crone's

but skin 'n' bones, 

while Babar's 

plu-obese.

   That pachyderm 

grows fat 'n' firm 

by scarfin'

sans surcease. 

          (9) 

     Andre Maurois's 

     King Plumpapuff the Patapouf 

     & the King of the Filifers 

     (From "Patapoufs et Filifers")

King Plumpapuff 

can't get enough 

of eat et drink...

...et joie.

   The Filifer 

cries, "Non, monsieur! 

No Crêpes Suzettes 

pour moi." 

Curious Collaborations

     Sketches in the Spirit of the Sprats -- But With A Twist

 

Some years ago, artists 

Fernando Botero and 

Alberto Giacometti joined 

forces to execute a series 

of portraits of famous

pairs of characters from 

world culture created, in 

many of these cases, by 

famous authors -- characters 

who were usually portrayed 

as mutually thin and fat.

Against expectations however, 

Botero, famous for rendering 

his subjects as extremely full-

figured, elected to portray the 

thinner of the two characters 

in his signature style, while 

Giacometti, well- known for his

treatment of subjects as almost 

painfully thin, chose to portray 

the normally fatter of the 

characters in that style for which 

he was famous. Sadly, both artists 

died before even a single of their

projected works was completed. 

However, several preliminary 

sketches have recently come 

to light; a few appear below. 

Stanley Laurel & Oliver Norville Hardy 
(An Incomplete Sketch)