Coburn Copes: An Alphabet

      "My boy, you see me astonished." 

          -- Charles Coburn 

Hollywood actor Coburn, playing imaginary rococo-tongued con artist "Colonel" Harrington who is paterfamilias to the Eve mentioned in the title of Preston Sturgis's classic screwball comedy "The Lady Eve," delivers the above line to fellow Tinseltown thespian Henry Fonda playing the fictional fall guy Charles Poncefort ("Hopsie") Pike in the selfsame film. In the lines below Coburn's Colonel voices an abecedarial array of reactions, positive and negative, to a selection of famous fictional characters from classic literature and film. 

     "Some folks 

talk to the fauna; he's waltz'd with 'em, too. 

     Oh, yes:

Androcles sees me Astounded. 
     Bloody 

hell! Be there nothing this nothing will do...?

     Perhaps

Bartleby sees me Bemused.
     I am 

sadden'd: the Sagamore's last in his line.
     Oh, yes: 

Chingachgook sees me Confounded. 
     Reading 

Joyce, I suppose erudition is mine.
     Ah, but 

Dedalus sees me Disused."

 

Androcles and the Lion by G.B. Shaw; Bartleby the Scrivener by Herman Melville; The Last of the Mohicans by James Fennimore Cooper and Ulysses 

by James Joyce 

     (More to come; a work in progress)

  

Eglentyne sees me...   

     (The Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer)  

Frandaboo (?) sees me... 

Gilgamesh sees me...

     (Gilgamesh by Anonymous) 

Hannibal sees me... 

          (The Silence of the Lambs) 

Ishmael sees me... 

     (Moby Dick by Herman Melville)

Jabberwock sees me... 

     (Alice Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll)

Katisha sees me... 

     (The Mikado by Gilbert and Sullivan)

Lemini sees me... 

     (Black Narcissus by Rumer Godden)

Michaeleen sees me...

     (The Quiet Man from John Ford) 

Nicholas sees me... 

     (Nicholas Nickleby by Charles Dickens)

Oliver sees me... 

     (Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens)

Passepartout sees me... 

     (Around the World in 80 Days by Jules Verne) 

Quatermass sees me...

Robin Hood sees me...

Sherlock Holmes sees me... 

     (The Holmes stories by Arthur Conan Doyle) 

Turandot sees me...

Undershaft sees me... 

     (Major Barbara by G. B Shaw)

Voldemort sees me... 

     (The Harry Potter books by J. K. Rowling)

Wigglemuch sees me...

     (The Wiggelnuch by Herbert Crowley)

Xavier sees me...

Yellowrock sees me...

     (Skinwalker by Faith Hunter)

Zampano sees me...

     (La Strada from Federico Fellini)

Even More "What A's NOT For...Still" Letters S Through V

Saccharine serapes...? 

S, Sequoyah*...? No, NOT for four 
saccharine serapes. Simply
stated: Swirlin' Swami's somewhat
silly silken sash: 

 

 

*Native American polymath aka George Guess invents Cherokee syllabary c. 1819. 

 Turreted Topkapis...? 

 

T...? No, no, Thoth.* T's NOT for four-
turreted Topkapis.** Ten to
two 'tis tireless Ted ("The Toiler")
truckin' ten-ton trash: 

 

 

*According to tradition, to this mythical deity is ascribed invention of Egyptian hieroglyphics c. 3000 BC. **The gate to Topkapi palace, of course, bears only two turrets. 

Unshorn Ursulines...? 

 

 

U...Ufilas*...? No, NOT for four 
unshorn Ursulines. U's undress'd
uptight Uncle Uly's** (ugh!) un-
sightly underpants: 

 

*This Cappadocian missionary is believed to have invented Gothic alphabet c. 350 AD. **Poetaster Poe is the younger brother of this poem's narrator's mother. 

Vowel-free valentines...? 

 

V...? No, Vikulharc,* NOT for four 
vow'l-free v_l_nt_n_s. Vay! Vay! V's
vicious vole's (de-)vouring ver-r-r-ry 
vocal Vivian Vance: 

 

 

*This Albanian scholar invents Vithkuqi alphabet in 1845. 

     (continued elsewhere)

Prognosis Pro POTUS: An Alphabet

      Tumblin'
Ass-over-teatray, he's
Banish'd abroad, whence he's
Cold cock'd then 
Dry dock'd. (Drumpf's
Epic'lly 
Flaw'd. 

     (a work in progress)