LordSpoon

The Son of God...? Nudge-nudge, wink-wink:
the Greatest Story Ever Told.
Top NeoCon gets wrapp'd in mink...?
The greatest Tory ever stoled.
     Moral:
Real myrrh, fake fur.

HMSpoon

Fletch to Bligh, "I shan't conform":
Mutiny on the Bounty.
Canuck polices uniform:
Butane-y on the Mountie.
     Moral:
They always get their mien.

FebruWeather or An Imperfect "10"

(2/16) It's grey, 
(2/17) my frien,'
(2/18) it's grey...
(2/19) ...again.
(2/20) It's grey. 
(2/21) Since when...?
(2/22) Ten days 
(2/23) 'tis been --
(2/24) ten out 
(2/25) o' ten.

SpoonBread

Too young to leave her 
mum, this lass still
bakes -- fast -- cherry 
pies.*
What's choc'late-like, with 
notes of Bosc and
Danjou: pear-y 
chais.
     Moral:
First, eat and drink. Then -- later -- think.
     * The traditional song "Billy Boy, Billy Boy" 
tells of a girl who can "bake a cherry pie
in the twinkling of an eye" but is "a young
thing who cannot leave her mother."

A New "Wind" Wannabe Book Review in Verse: Jawin' Wid Amin

Jawin' Wid Amin: 
Conversations with the 
Ugandan Dictator About Life, 
Love & Whatnot
by Gaby "Mugabby" Mitchell
"'Idiot Idi' 
coarse critics decry you,"
Ms. Gaby Mugabby 
addresses Amin.
"Submit me those gobshites," 
the dictator dictates.
"All've exited -- them and 
them's fam'lies -- the scene."
"So, Id': have you anyone 
new in your life...?"
pivots Mitchell. "New soulmate...? 
New girlfriend...? New wife...?"
"I confess I've no time 
for careers of such kind...
what with slaughterin' subjects
post robbin' 'em blind."

SpoonSpawn

We are, we're all
told, sons of God.
Home arsenal...?
Holds guns of sod.
     Moral:
Is that thing loaded...?

Spooncognito

Guess who! 
Guess who! 
Guess who!
(Bal masque)
One Spanish 
stinkeroo:
Mal Basque...?
     Moral:
Costume ball...? Not at all.

Spooner Rabbit

Uncle's tricksters' 
tales Joel tells to you...?
Br'er Rabbit.
Sign'd edition, 
1922...? 
Rare Babbitt
      Moral:
All -- Lewis 'n' Harris 'n' Remus -- ensnare us!

Oui! Spoon

Come on, babies! 
Do the Locomotion!
Pepe's scabies...? 
Smooth on Moko* lotion!
     Moral:
Hey! No Jazzbah in the Casbah!
     * Pepe le Moko is a fictional 
jewel thief who hides out in Algiers.

The Spooniad

Spooner source…?

The Trojan Horse.

Gift of Greeks

or grift of geeks…?

     Moral:

No hoi polloi avoided Troy.

Spoon Your Prayers

The Book of Common Prayer:
a copy's in your pew.
A Pooka-bombin' c'reer
ain't no vocation I'd pursue.
     Moral:
Raise swords! Praise Lords!

Spoon Sandwich

Bacon, lettuce:

BLT chef’s 
chief ingredi-
ents.

Lacan* bet us:

“All y'all know of 
lingo makes no 
sense.”

     Moral:

You say 'tomato'...? So: what do you think I say...?

     * Controversial French psychoanalyst 

Jacques Lacan 

Spoon Fed

No! You bit the hand that feeds you...?
Such behavior ain't so nice.
Besides, you laugh'd off circumspection. 
So: you'd fit the band that heeds you...?
Give 'em rock-'n'-roll advice
and they'll approve your groove direction.
     Moral:
And a-one...and a-two...and a-you know what to do.

Spooner the Beautiful

For wheat, US has got a Jones:

amber waves of grain.

Mad Tony and Duke’s dusk-lit stones...?

Amber graves of Wayne.

     Moral:

Sarcophagi…? Superflui!

Spartan Spoonin'

Go tell the Spartans, 
“Boys, your battle plaids lay ready.

Nowt's left to do 
but to coat them kilts with jam."

So: gel the tartans! 
(Wow! 'Tis leavin’ me unsteady,

all this marmalade. Are you light-headed…?

Yowza! I sure am.)

     Moral:

Race war…? No, Moor!

Conchie Spooner

One hears of battles won upon 
the playing fields of Eton,

but ne’er of bloodbaths’ aftermaths:

the flaying peels, half eaten.

     Moral:

“Into the breach”…? F**k that speech!

Degrees (Positive, Comparative, Superlative)

Degrees
Begin by printing a hard copy of this image. 
Next, using scissors or a razor blade, cut carefully 
along the dotted line. Remove the USA-shaped paper scrap,
then Scotch tape the entire remaining sheet to your bathroom mirror 
and, while looking into the USA-shaped negative space...
reflect. 

Second Sunday Spooner

Lyin' dog-faced pony soldier
Dyin' fog-laced Sony poldier*

     A multinat 
(one Asian-based) 
ecdysiast,

enmask’d in mists, 
her days here lists 
(her time now past) --

while Uncle Joe 
lets fly with, lo, 
another blast.

     Moral:

Who’d be POTUS lives on notice.

     * A poldier is either one who 
postpones indefinitely a bowel 
movement or a hardworking 
stripper, depending upon which 
urban dictionary is relied upon. 
Here the latter definition is 
selected.  

Sunday Spooner

The Waltz of the Flowers
& the Faults of the "Wow!"ers
     Mr. and Mrs. O. Meig-Hahsh
know nada from "To Floss"
so the kids in family O. Meig-Hahsh
know nada from "To Rinse"
while Padrino makes her* present
of a Nutcracker/Prince. 
     Moral:
Tell us which is Ilyitch's!
     * Clara, heroine of Tchaikovsky's
best-known ballet, and her gift-giving 
godfather Herr Drosselmeyer

Two Spooners

 "The Man Who Would Be King": 
a blip in Kipling's data base.
The Khan who would be Ming...?
Chas Middleton: Archfiend from Space.
     Moral:
Din, Din, Din! No jive: bring me Flash...alive!
  That legumes grow that tall 
young Jack couldn't know.
"Hey, Fatso! Your denims...? 
Untactfully low!"
     (Jack and the Beanstalk
& Back and the Jeans Talk.)
     Moral:
Make sure your slacks expose no cracks!

Runcibl'd Spooner

You've reach'd a parting of the ways.
Just one you now must choose.
Croaks Lawn Care worker M. Francaise,"
"Comb grassplots...? Je refuse'!"
      (The Road Not Taken 
& The Toad Not Rakin.')
     Moral:
Ape Yogi: when you meet a fork,
take it! (How I ♥ New York!)

"Gone with the Wind" Wannabes

Jawin' Wid Amin: 
Conversations with the 
Ugandan Dictator About 
Life, Love & Whatnot
by Gaby "Mugabby" Mitchell
"'Idiot Idi' 
your critics have call'd you,"
Ms. Gaby Mugabby 
addresses Amin.
"Show me those shitheads," 
the dictator dictates.
"They've exited -- they and 
their fam'lies -- the scene."
"So, Id': have you anyone 
new in your life...?"
pivots Mitchell. "New soulmate...? 
New girlfriend...? New wife...?"
"I confess I've no time 
for careers of such kind...
what with slaughterin' subjects
post robbin' 'em blind." 

Dawn at de Winter's: 
A Rebecca Prequel 
for Young Naïfs
by Daphne du Mitchell 
Here, Manderley calls to mind 
Sunnybrook Farm.
Here, Danvers is ducky, 
nor does none no harm.
Here, Maxim's a barefoot boy
riding his bike.
Here, wife number two's
but a two-year-old tyke.
And Rebecca, before
Daphne's novel is done,
is seen taking the veil:
Bec's becoming a nun!

Gun Wit That Wins: 
Antic Firearm Anecdotes 
for Successful Public Speakers
by Maggie "Magnum" Mitchell 
(Forward by C. Heston)
"A funny thing happen'd 
while making my way toward
the range: I got shot  
by a rogue NRA board..."
"A rabbi, a priest 
and a heat-packin' minister
into a bar stroll 
(one dubb'd The Bar Sinister!).."
"Take my wife...please, 
but git mitts off my guns,
'cuz my Second Amendment..." -- 
plus hundreds like puns. 

Gownwyth: a Twin: 
The New Morality Play 
for the Younger Reader

by Morganette le Mitchelle
In Arthurian days, 
Sir Gawayne sires twins.
(Just imagine the hijinks 
enjoin’d by those sibs!)
Squire Gownwyth (the male child) -- 
a dwarf for his sins --
needles Gwinfrith (the female) 
with fibs he ad libs.
Younger readers who fish through 
the 50-cent bins
may this volume unearth. 
(Should you do, do shout "Dibs!")

Goin' With a Houyhnhnm: 
A Cross-Cultural Dating Manual 
for the Twee ‘Tween
by Jonathan "Swifty" Mitchell
'Tain't no cinch datin' horses, 
no matter your class.
They'll remind you (your parents 
who’re Yahoos) how grass
grows sufficiently green 
in those pastures where graze
colts with few'r "foalish features": 
“'Tis but a brief phase,
this -- your passion for ponies – 
which, doubtless, shall pass.”
(Never let on 'tis known 
you've walk'd out with an ass.)

Kong Mit Der Kind': 
Filmdom’s Gargantuan Gorilla 
Joins Hitler Youth
in German, with parallel English translation, 
by Frau Eva von Mitchell
Who's the chimp wearin' lightning bolts 
on his lapels...?
And black jackboots, size 600 
sextuple Ls...?
Nene...? An ape-steppin' goose...?
Nein! A goose-steppin' ape --
one who's sued by Ms. Wray 
for some statut'ry rape.
Now, with swastikas, Tyr runes --
the whole damn megillah --
Large-Lemur-In-Love's 
gone all Girl-Guide Gorilla.

Jong With Derwent: 
Fear Of Flying Author 
Pens Book Containing 
Private Pencil Sketches
by Margaret Mitchell 
(channeling Ms. Jong)

Drawin' Theo Wynne: 
Van Gogh's Caricatures of 
His Arles Next-Door Neighbor, 
Most Suitable for Framing
by Simone "Schama" Mitchell

Yawn, Widdl' Winkie: 
Twee Tales for Toddlers' Naptimes 
by Nanny Mitch

Corn With That Weiner?: 
Hot Dogs & Other 
Cuisine Characteristic of 
the Old Confederacy
by Magnolia ("Auntie Bellum") Mitchell

Pawin' Misty Wynde: 
Confessions of a Serial 
Sex Addict (Inflatable 
Companion Not Included)
by Anonymous as told to 
Truman Capeeshell

G'won, Widow Prynne! Or,
The Scarlet Alphabet: A Restoration-
Era Romance/Coloring Book
by LaVyrle Mitchell-Chiqlytt

Cordwainer's Window: 
The Science Fiction 
of Paul M. A. Linebarger
by Arthur C. Mitchell and 
Marsula Le Guin

Canning with Vin:
A Gastro-Geek's Guide 
to Preserving Fruit in Spirits
by Julia Childe-Mitchell

Brawny the Wimp: 
Bounty Towel Icon’s 
Fragile Twin Tells All: 
a Graphic Novella
by Anon as told to M. Mitchell 
(ill'd by Moe Reese-Endaque)

Pawn'd For a Fin: 
Making Big $$$ in the 
Short-Term Loan Business 
by Illona "Sharky" Mitchell

Go, Hawn! (Whither Wynn?): 
Goldie’s With Us Still, But 
Whatever Happened to 
The Perfect Fool"…?
by Goldie Mitchell 
(as told to Robert Osborne)

World's Shortest Word Ladder

SEAN > Delete S > SEAN > EAN > Insert B > BEAN

Spoon-a-Lagoon

Mar-a-Lago:Goon Motel.
MAGA-Lardo: Spooner Hell.
     -moral:
Bal- or a- or im-:
'tis all the same to him.

Some Who Lived Here

Some who lived here 
loved to lav.
Lafe, who lav'd here, 
lived to lave.
Some who laved here 
loved to leaf.
(Lief, who leaf'd here, 
lived to loaf.)
Some who loaf'd here 
loved to luffa.
Liv, who luffa'd, 
lived to love.
Some who loved here 
lived to laugh.
None who laugh'd here 
loved to leave.

Brushes with Fuller or The Buckyball Doesn't Stop Here Anymore

Afghanistan's amokyball! 
Alack! Iraq's badluckyball!
Why...? Donald's Bride of Chuckyball 
eats Disney’s Donald Duckyball!)

Bolles (Enoch) bowls Enochyballs.
His pinups...? Freakin' f***yballs!
Grand Opera’s Alma Gluckyball 
greets Watson’s Jim 'n' Huckyball.

They'd wallow In the muckyball
sans muck…? That’s Just their luckyball.
A Sauk Chief, Keokukyball, 
beats Iowa's lameduckyball...

...whilst Larry Fine's muklukyball 
heats Curly’s “Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk!”yball.

"We'le lunnin’ out o’ ruckybarr," 
breats Chinese Peking Duckybarr!
“'Quack, Quack!' (A doubre cruckybarr...?)
Prease...wish it 'Rotsaruck!'ybarr."

Some sorry sadass'd schmuckyball 
tweets Sherwood's Friar Tuckyball,
who, barfing his upchuckyball,
pees visiting Urukyball.

Ask not, "Which bird goes 'cluck!'yball…?" 
"Eet's hot, ees Juan's X-Puckyball…?"
Nor "Salmagundi’s yuckyball…?" 
(Jeez!! Seize not ‘z’s from ’szzchuhckqeebawll’!)

Socksrates: A Pseudo-Psyllogism with Accompanying Portrait -- Another Composite of Verse & Image in the Ongoing Series "Men of the Cloth"

"Socksrates"
Cotton compression socks 
and chemical marker on canvas
16" x 20"

Socksrates! Socksrates! 

Rocks it in the BCEs.

Orthotics...? Not the expertise 

of Socksrates!

Socksrates! Socksrates! 

No drachma-by-the-dozen geez.

The unexamined life displeas-

es Socksrates.

Socksrates! Socksrates! 

“Know thyself!”’s among Sock's pleas.

Ditto “Let not fascia freeze!" 

(Br-r-r-r-r-r... Socksrates!)

Socksrates! Socksrates! 

Mocks PlateHo* Sock's analyses...?

Herr 'Arristweedle** disagrees 

with Sock's spondees.

Socksrates! Asks Socksrates, 

"Hey, Plateho! Pass that pithos, please."
Still, Doctor Socks possesses keys 

to subsequent philosophies.

     [And now. allow a brief reprise:]

Socksrates! Socksrates! 

Rocks it in the BCEs.

Orthotics...? Not the expertise 

of Socksrates.

 

     * A younger contemporary of Socksrates who 

recorded much of his mentor's teaching. His portrait, 

in Crayolas and paper plates on 16" x 20" canvas, 

appears in the Textile Museum's exhibition 

"Men of the Cloth."
     ** Later Greek philosopher 'Arristweedle's 

portrait, also appearing in that show, is in acrylics 

over a Donegal wool sport coat mounted on 

16" x 20" canvas.