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Thursday, April 5, 2018

40 Molecules Not Occuring in Nature (A Periodiotic Table)

  
Molecular Anarchy:  No  Mo  



Molecular Brews:  Re  Al   Al  Es

Molecular Bachman:  S  H  Uut   Uup

Molecular Barney Frank:  Ta  K  Es   No  K  Ra  P



Molecular Colbert:  S  Te  P  He  N

Molecular Cavities:  Co  Ca  Co  La



Molecular Democracy:    V  O  Te



Molecular Extravagance:  O  P  Ra  H

Molecular Elf:  Cl  Au  S



Molecular Fruited Plain:  Am  Er  I  Ca

Molecular Fruit Loop:  La  Dy  Ga  Ga 



Molecular GOP:  Fe  Ar



Molecular Herb:  Ho  P  S



Molecular Isle:  Er  In



Molecular John:  B  Ar  Li  Co  Rn



Molecular KKK:  Ni  *  *  Er



Molecular L. A.:  La  La  La  Nd 



Molecular Motown:  W  O  Nd  Er



Molecular Newt:  Li  Ar  Li  Ar

Molecular Nobel:  Dy  No  M  I  Te



Molecular Obama:  Y  Es  He  Ca  N

Molecular Oprahlence:  W  In  F  Re  Y



Molecular Potus:  Ba  Ra  C  K

Molecular Paradise Regained:  No  Re  Pu  B  Li  Ca  N  S



Molecular Quitter:  Pa  Li  N



Molecular Rathskeller:  C  He  Er  S

Molecular Reverend: Al  S  H  Ar  Pt  O  N



Molecular Standard:  Am  I  B  Lu

Molecular Sultan:  Ba  Be  Ru  Th

Molecular Stockyard:  C  H  I  C  Ag  O



Molecular Tijuana:  Si  Si  Se  No  Ra

Molecular Toast:   S   La   In   Te



Molecular U:



Molecular Veritas:  In  V  In  O

Molecular Vibraphone:  H  Am  Pt  O  N



Molecular Walker:  B  Uus  H

Molecular Wall Street: O  C  Cu  P  Y



Molecular X:



Molecular Yardbird:  P  Ar  K  Er



Molecular Zappa:   Mo   Th   Er

31 Statements Concerning a Sans Serif Alphabet (Nonsense Prose)


Twenty-six letters: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Six one-stroke letters: C I J O S U

Three four-stroke letters: E M W

Eight two-stroke letters: D G L P Q T V X

Nine three-stroke letters: A B F H K N R Y Z



Only one of the six one-stroke letters [ I ]

is made using no curved stroke.



Only two of the three four-stroke letters [ M W ]

are made using all diagonal strokes.



Only three of the 26 letters [ E M W ]

are made using four strokes.



Only four of the eight two-stroke letters [ D G* Q P ]

are made using one straight and one curved stroke.



     * The letter G can be, and is in some fonts, made with two strokes -- a 270-degree curved stroke followed by a short horizontal stroke. The editor regrets that a font employing such a two-stroke G was unavailable for this post. This caveat applies throughout these notes. 



Only five of the six one-stroke letters [ J U S C O ] 

are made using a (partly or fully) curved stroke.



Only six of the 26 letters [ I J U S C O ] 

are made using only one stroke.



Only seven of the nine three-stroke letters [ H F N K Y A Z ]

are made using no curved strokes.



Only eight of the 26 letters [ V T L X P G* Q D ]

are made using only two strokes.



     * See asterisked footnote above.



Only nine of the 26 letters [ B H F N K Y A Z R ]

are made using only three strokes.



Only nine of the 26 letters [ I J U S C O E W M ]

are made using either one or four strokes.



Only ten of the twelve three- or four-stroke letters [ H F N K Y A Z E M W ]

are made using no curved strokes.



Only eleven of the 26 letters [ B D G* Q P R J U S C O ]

are made using a curved stroke.



     * See asterisked footnote above.



Only eleven of the 26 letters [ V T L X D G* Q P E M W ]

are made using an even number of strokes.



     * See asterisked footnote above.



Only twelve of the 26 letters [ B H F N K Y A Z R  E M W ]

are made using either three or four strokes.



Only thirteen of the 26 letters [ B H F N K Y A Z R D G* Q P ]

occupy the left half of the Strokes chart.



     * See asterisked footnote above.



Only thirteen of the 26 letters [ V T L X I J U S C O E M W ]

occupy the right half of the Strokes chart.



Only fourteen of the 26 letters [ D G* Q P V T L X I J U S C O ]

are made using either one or two strokes.



     * See asterisked footnote above.



Only fifteen of the 26 letters [ H F N K Y A Z V T L X I E M W ]

are made using only straight strokes.



Only fifteen of the 26 letters [ I J U S C O B H F N K Y A Z R ]

are made using an odd number of strokes.



Only sixteen of the 26 letters [ I J U S C O V T L X D G* Q P B R ]

are made using either one stroke, two strokes,

or three strokes employing curves.



     * See asterisked footnote above.



Only seventeen of the 26 letters [ B H F N K Y A Z R D G* Q P V T L X ]

are made using either two or three strokes.



     * See asterisked footnote above.



Only eighteen of the 26 letters [ B F H N K Y A Z R I J U S C O E M W ]

are made using either one, three or four strokes.



Only nineteen of the 26 letters [ B D G* Q P R V T L X I J U S C O E M W ]

are made avoiding only three straight strokes.



     * See asterisked footnote above.



Only twenty of the 26 one-, two or three-stroke letters [ I J U V T L X B H F D N K Y G* Q A Z P R ]

use at least one straight stroke.



     * See asterisked footnote above.



Only twenty one of the 26 letters [ W E M I V T L X B H F D N K Y G* Q A Z P R ]

are not single-curved-stroke letters.



     * See asterisked footnote above.



Only twenty two of the 26 letters [ B H F N K Y A Z R V T L X I J U S C O E W M ]

are made avoiding one straight and one curved stroke. 



Only twenty three of the 26 letters [ A B C D F G* H I J K L N O P Q R S T U V X Y Z ]

are made using fewer than four strokes.



* See asterisked footnote above.



Only twenty four of the 26 letters [ A B C D E F G* H I J K L N O P Q R S T U V X Y Z ]

are made using no more than two diagonal strokes.



Only twenty five of the 26 letters [ A B C D E F G* H J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z ]

are made using only a single straight stroke.



     * See asterisked footnote above.



All twenty six of the 26 letters [ A B C D E F G* H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z ]

are made using one, two, three or four strokes.



     * See asterisked footnote above.



Finally, there are a total of 61 strokes -- straight or curved or both --

used to make the 26 letters.

The Marx Cousins (A Nonsense ABC)

  
AARPo,

Biko,

Croucho,

Drummo,

E-e-e-eek!o (christened Echo),

Freako…



Geeko,

Hyde-‘N’-Sikho,

I'mUniqu'o,

J'maicanRummo,

Keeko…



Leeko,

Mozambiq'o,

Numbo,

Ouch!o,

Poucho,

Quixotico…



Reeko,

Sharpo,

TwylaTharpo,

Uomo, Jr.,

V.I.P-po...



(Wait!

Where's Whippo?

Where's

Xanthippo? Here! So's

Yummo -- yes! -- and

Zeeko!*



(Not to mention

siblings Groucho,

Harpo, Gummo,

Zeppo, Chico.)



     * 'Zicko' is routinely substituted
for 'Zeeko' here, anticipating a matching
"short-i" pronunciation of the final 'Chico' --
one heard, and apparently preferred, 
in many quarters.

13 Flunkees (A Nonsense ABC)


     Abe is

up in the air, sluggish

out of the box, lax when

after the _____ (unlike

NFL _____).

                                                         fox      jocks

     Cedric's

earned your contempt, ever

down in the dumps, not quite

over the _____, (loath to

taking his _____ ).

                                                        humps (mumps?) lumps

     Efrem’s

up to his ears, grazes

outside the fence -- months be-

hind with his _____. (Doesn't

rate your two _____.)

                                                        rents      cents 

     Gerhardt’s

up to no good, ducks the

top of the heap, won't look

after the _____. (All who

read of him _____.)

                                                       sheep      weep

     Ilja

skates on thin ice, never’s

in on the joke pig-like,

in his own _____. (Someone

fix him: he's _____.)

                                                       poke      broke

     Kyle spends

life on his knees, too far

out on a limb, giving

in to each _____. (Captain

Blue-Sky: that's _____.)

                                                       whim      him

     Manute's

lacking a map, won't a-

bandon the nest, last bloke

in on the _____. (Manute!

Give it a _____!)

                                                        jest      rest

     Opie’s

down I’d say

"out" -- well be-

yond the perim-  iter..

nearing his _____  it. (We

all feel for _____.)

                                                       lim-      him

     Quark keeps

on the QT -- never's

off to the races, ain’t

up to the _____: the

saddest of _____.)

                                                      pace – his!      cases 

     Steve lives

under a spell, always

over the top. Self es-

teem? Not a _____. (Doesn’t 

fail as a _____!)

                                                      drop      flop

     Uve’s

down the "up" stair, doesn’t

lower his voice. Options?

None that are _____. (In breefe:

note very _____.)*                          choice      noice                                                                                        

     Waxman’s

kept under wraps. He's (with-

out the "X" factor) tossed

under the _____. (His

wife? Friends bush-_____.)

                                                     tractor      -whacked her

     Yazzer’s

"back of the yards," too far

out of the zone, well be-

yond reach by _____. (Someone!

Throw Yaz a _____!)

                                                    phone      bone

13 Rock Bands of the Future (A Nonsense ABC)

  
ABle Was I?

Palindromic and twee.

CaDre?

Your children will spurn their CD.


EFfusion?

A foursome less fab, more forlorn. 

GHosts In Machines?

Five kazoos, one French Horn. 


I, Jambot?

From Ijamsville? Ja! And they’ll jam. 

KLangfarber?

Lukewarm about ’em I am.) 


Mnemosyne’ll

play in a Grateful Dead vein.  

OPerabuffa

will classic'lly train. 


QuaRe? 

They'll lose EuroVis ’69

STand Up, Stupid! 

Pre-pre-teens...greatgrandkids of mine.  


The Rays? 

A band formerly known as UV

The WaX?

Yes, they’ll polish your Tesla – for free. 


San YZidro.

The first rockers blessed by a pope.

(And there’s bound to be more.

So abandon all hope.) 

The 12 Dyes of Xmas or A "Hue'ltide Carol (Nonsense Doggerel)

      On the
first day of Xmas I
sent a gift to you
dyed
"Christmas-Without-You-It's-A"
Blue.

     On the
second day, another (you'll 
never put this down!)…
dyed 
"Let's-Pretend-That-He-Is-Parson"
Brown.

     On the
third day, a further (I 
give because I can)…
dyed
"Tannenbaum-O-Tannenbaum"
Tan.

     On the
fourth day, one more (I pray my 
dogg'rel's not grown cold)
dyed
"Rings-Six-Geese-A-Laying-Five"
Gold.

     On the
fifth day, a bonus, from
eBay, sight unseen…
dyed
"Sleeves-And-Who-Else-But-My-Lady"
Green.

     On the
sixth day of Xmas, (do not
open until Jan.) a
gift dyed
"Claus-I-Saw-Mommy-Kissing"
Xant’a.

     On the
seventh (you'll adore this at
least I hope you might)…
it’s dyed
"Christmas-I Am-Dreaming-Of-A"
White.

     On the
eighth, an award (you cry: "This
guy is quite the joker!")…
dyed
"-Risthmas-Tree-O-Kristhmus-(sic)-Tree"
Ocher.

     On the
ninth day, a boon you’ll not, of
course, receive a bill fer…
dyed 
"Bells-It's-Xmas-In-The-City"
Silver.

    On the
tenth day, one dyed by me, right
in my kitchen sink…
dyed 
"At-Your-Nose-Jack-Frost-Is-Nip-..."
Pink.

     On the
eleventh (who inaugurates such
nonsense? Heaven knows!)…
one dyed -- no
lie! -- a "Lo-E'er-Blooming-How-A"
Rose.

     On the
twelfth day, one last gift, from 
me your Xmas Fairy…
dyed
"Cheeks-Like-Roses-Nose-Like-A"
Cherry...

     And so to
all a poetaster's "Very
Merry!"

"King Dump": "Ubu Roi" Reimagined Yet Again

  (More to come; a work in progress.)