Poet Poe pens nonsense verse. "Plus...phun," puns Uly, "I disburse." Its gamut runs from spam to worse. The po'sy posted...? Poe's diverse -- most, postcards from his universe, replies to grudges he must nurse. My summary...? Let me be terse: a mitzva, mostly. (Not a curse.)
The Walrus and the Zebrafish
Removed to Bangladesh
Where they devised, then
subsidized,
A small non-profit
creche.
“The waifs we house we’ll
skin, delouse
And salt, to keep ‘em
fresh.”
The Walrus and the Yodeler
Sashay’d the Appenzell.
This Yodeler, though kin to
Alexander Graham Bell,
Refused to own a telephone.
"I yell," said she. “I yell.”
 |
"Death the Surveyor Viewing the Country Surrounding Amherst" chemical marker on copy paper by Ulysses Poe |
"Because
I could not shop for Death,
He
bought Himself a shroud.
Because
I could not mop for Death,
He
gamer chars allow’d."
"Because
I could not bop for Death,
He
blew in cooler style.
‘Cuz
I could not 'chop-chop' for Death,
He
whisper'd, 'Sit awhile.'"
"I
could not agitprop for Death,
so
He said, 'Stick to facts!'
I
could not play the fop for Death,
so stall'd till second acts."
"‘Cuz
I’m no Zinken Hopp for Death,
He
let her channel me.
One
can’t do shit in Amherst, Mass,
alas," pouts Emily.
 |
"Lewis Carol Channing" from the graphic series "AmalgaMates" graphite pencil on illustration board by Ulysses Poe |
One is the ship,
one the ting-a-ling bell,
one the map lacking latitude lines:
'tis a sea-chart from hell,
lacking tropics as well.
"Tried 'n' true," ev'ry crewman opines.
Two are the policies
bought by the Baker
to augment his dagger-proof coat:
number one's against fire;
number two's against hail damage.
Boom! Each a Doom Antidote.
Three totes the number
of times he (the Bellman)
recites some slick saw to the crew:
"What I tell you three times..."
(what he tells 'em three times --
note the rhymes) "...told three times...? 'Tis true."
Four notes the number
of tongues by the Bellman
employ'd to the Baker chastise:
"I, in Hebrew, Dutch, German
and Greek, have berated you.
Must I throw dust in your eyes...?"
Five tallies marks
of all genuine Snarks:
their ambition, their lateness in rising,
their affection for bathing machines,
their reluctance to jest...
and a taste quite surprising.
Six pegs the number
of times the refrain
which commences "They sought it with thimbles..."
gets express'd. Each repeat
prompts ambiguous images,
smoke signals, figures and symbols.
Seven's the total
of coats he (the Baker)
had on as he stepp'd 'board the boat.
At least that's what Dodgson
(the amateur shutterbug Carroll)
insists that he wrote.
Eight counts the fits
in this Agony. There appear
eight portmanteaus, too, alright...?:
'jubjub,' 'frumious,' 'mimsiest,'
'uffish,' 'galumphing,' 'out-
grabe,' 'beamish,' 'bandersnatch.' (Quite!)
Nine...(count 'em: nine)...quatrains
fill Fit the Eighth (call'd
"The Vanishing" by Rev'rend Carroll).
Therein fades the Baker --
post waving his hands --
after wagging his head...at his peril.
Ten are the crew
(each initial'd with B)
who elect on this hunt to embark.
(It remains to point out:
I was never in doubt
that two Snarks did not board Noah's Ark.)
* Ulysses Poe, author of "What A's Not For" and other books of nonsense
** Jane Taylor, English poet and composer of "The Star"
*** Lewis Carroll, creator of "The...Snark"
Tingle, tingle,
Bellman's bell.
You of Snarks turn'd
Boojums tell.
Toll'd three times, what's
told c'est vrai.
Fie!: the Baker
dies away.
(Tingle, tingle,
Bellman's bell.
Blare you "Cats Do
Carroll"'s knell...?)
Friend of the blog GFH kick-started this series,
but as James Durante famously exasperated,
"Everybody wants to get into the act!"
‘Leeph ant’ is the Urdu term
for
insects who eat plants.
Planet
He…? An asteroid
whose
denizens wear pants.
Ph:
Ten Ale…? Hydrogen
now carbonates your beer.
T. E. Phalen…? Lawrence of Arabia’s
late peer.
“Leap, then!”…? What negotiators cry
when jumpers bug ‘em.
Neat help…? Sibs agree to clean your room…
or else you’ll slug ‘em.
The
telePhan’s a telephone
in
Saigon, Vietnam.
The
elephant's an animal
with infinite aplomb.
* Ulysses Poe. author of What A's Not For and other books of nonsense
** William Blake, creator of "The Tyger"
*** Lewis Carroll, composer of "The...Snark"
Boojum...? Boojum was a Snark…?
Snark’s
now Boojum…{question mark}
Parts
aortal gone awry…?
(Baker’ll
find out by and by.)
Bellman
navs with vacant maps.
(Is
that Bellman mad…? Perhaps.)
What does ‘Boojum’ even mean…?
Who might fathom where it's been…?
“Sought
with thimbles, sought with care.
Threaten’d
with a railway-share.
Hunted
down with forks and hope.
Charm’d,
as well, with smiles and soap.”
What
does Rev’rend Carroll think…?
Does
the Rev’rend take to drink…?
Does
to swine Lew cast these pearls…?
Has
Lew quit on Liddle girls…?
Bellmen,
Brokers, Barristers,
Bonnet
makers (hims, not hers),
Brokers,
Bankers, Boots…plus three.
(Snark
does not begin with B.)
Boojum...? Boojum was a Snark…?
Snark’s
now Boojum…{question mark}
Parts
aortal gone astray…?
Hark! The Baker fades away…
* Frank Loesser, composer of " Luck Be a Lady"
** Lewis Carroll, creator of "The Hunting of the Snark"
Verse/refrain
Snark! You’re a Boojum…? Wham-bam!
No one's more shock’d than I am.
I hunted you with forks and hope,
with smiles and soap and thimbles.
Snark! You’re a Boojum…? Hot damn!
Verse/refrain
Snark! You’re a Boojum....? Who knew?!
I’ve heard it thrice, so it’s true.
I threaten’d you with railway-shares.
With care – such care! – I sought you.
Snark! You’re a Boojum…? So: nu...?
Bridge
A Boojum’s taste is crisp and hollow.
It’s late. It’s slow. And (yes! I know)
a Boojum shows a fondness for bathing-machines.
It’s frumious! (Voila! Portmanteau!)
Verse/refrain
Snark! You’re a Boojum...? How swell!
Bellman! Start tinkling that bell!
I laugh'd with glee when first I heard you.
Then –alas! – I saw you.
"Snark! You’re a Booj…" (Bloody hell!)
* Theodor Geisel aka Dr. Seuss, creator of "Green Eggs and Ham"
** Lewis Carroll, composer of "The Hunting of the Snark"
Fit the Third: The Baker’s Tale
The ordinary Snark I like.
I like it when it's open mic.
I like it when
it sings its song.
I like it
when it sings it wrong.
The Snark
turn’d Boojum I dislike.
(I much prefer
the northern pike.)
No Boojum’d Snarks book'd 'board the Ark.
I do not like
that Boojum’d Snark.
The customary
Snark I like.
I like it
like I once liked Ike.
I like its
back. I like its front.
I like it ‘cuz
it’s fun to hunt.
The Snark cum Boojum I can’t stand.
You'll spot few Snarks in Wonderland.
Snark’s claws will clutch, as well Snark's jaw’ll.
I Boojum’d Snarks don't like...at all.
* Ulysses Poe, author of Radon and/or Drano and other books of nonsense
** Allan Odell, great-grandson of the founder of Burma Shave
*** Lewis Carroll, composer of "The Hunting of the Snark"
Musician!
Grab,
Before
it’s dark,
Your
tuba, for*
To
clock the Snark!
* Your two-by-four
In
Myanmar,
Rohingyas
rave,
“Don’t
lather me
With Burma Shave!”
Transsexuals
Who’d
sheckles save
From barbers beg
“A
perm! A shave!”
All Boojum’d Snarks
Must misbehave.
Thus fade all Bakers.
(Burma
Shave!)
* Elizabeth Barrett Browning, influential Victorian poet
** Lewis Carroll, composer of "Snark"
Whose hope's to hunt thee…? Liste'! I list their trades:
A
Bellman with his tinkling bell, his map
whereon where islands (yours!) should sit...? A gap.
A
Butcher, one adept with boner’s blades.
A Billiard marker of gynormous skill.
A
Broker...and a Barrister to boot.
A
Banker and a Beaver follow suit.
A
Hood and Bonnet maker ends my bill.
But, wait! A Boots and Baker sail as well.
Required
to hunt thee…? Ten plus two, ‘twould seem.
Yea! Five plus five supply an ideal team –
All
prompted by that Bellman’s bloody bell.
They’d hunt you, Snark. Your wildwood could run rouge –
Until
they'd heard the Baker's fading “...Boo-ooj…”
