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Sunday, March 8, 2026

Trumporium; or, Defunct Donald's Relic Mart: A Sales Catalogue

Item #68 The Trump Tress
     A 4" Steuben glass flute, with tiny cap T etched at base, encased in 24-caret gold fittings and housing a single strand of Drumpf's signature locks. (Gold neck chain not included.) 
$1000.00 / 2 for $1500.00 / cash only / no returns 

Item #46 The Trump Tie
     1"-square swatch clipped from Drumpf's signature long red neckware backed with 24-caret gold safety pin. Perfect for use as patriotic lapel decor... 

     (more to come)


Saturday, March 7, 2026

Sprat Couples

     Verses to come 
Atalanta and Samantha Sprat
Maranatha and Mahatma Sprat
Jehosephat and Cadmus Sprat 
Cathy, Matt and Patty Sprat


Wednesday, March 4, 2026

More Sprats

Drat them Sprats! 
Take that, you Sprats!
The groom's call'd 
Mar-a-lago Fats. 
His bride's too slim -- 
so-o-o-o unlike him. 
The pair pull nonstop 
flam and flim. 

Both them Sprats 
love autocrats. 
Both them Sprats 
loathe democrats. 
To prove it, 
she sports golden spats,
while he dons 
nauseating hats. 

His kids...? Their mates, 
though callow brats, 
he feels will 
"make great diplomats." 
And when they're wrestled 
to the mats 
and wind up flattened 
on their prats, 
they'll claim their counterparts 
were "bats,"
then yelp for help
from plutocrats.

Friday, February 27, 2026

My Maslow

     ...air...water...food...

I exhale none but air 
inhaled where...? Dans la mer.  
Plus I bottle fresh water 
in Perth. 
All the 'shrooms I consume 
only bloom in Khartoum.
(Oh, if only I'd known this 
from birth.) 

...more food...

I've had, yes, mix'd success 
with this old apple press. 
It provides me my cider 
and sauce. 
Plus these ground peas I find 
former slaves left behind. 
(Leaves me numb crumbs I stumble  
across.) 

     ...more food...

See my seashore tureen 
made with seaweed I glean...?
(I make salt by the seashore 
as well.)
And, like Winnie-the-Pooh, 
I crave honey. (Don't you...?) 
It's a fondness I don't care 
to quell. 

     ...supportive environment...

The mere smell of a rose 
casts a spell o'er my nose, 
as do odors of clovers and 
lilies. 
Likewise, jasmine and pine 
are great fav'rites of mine. 
(Scent of feet tends to mete me the 
willies.) 

     ...waste...

Full, I urinate south 
of the Amazon's mouth, 
so to irrigate forest and 
flora. 
Deeply buried my shit be
outside Chloride City.
(I can't seem to locate 
Gomorrah.) 

     ...sleep...

Ev'ry nighttime I sleep 
a full eight -- soundly, deep: 
nine's too many but seven's 
too few. 
Sure, I wish I slept more; 
waking life's such a chore. 
How to do so I haven't 
a clew. 

     ...clothes... 

All the clothing I sport's 
sewn from milk cartons (quarts),  
supplemented by trips to 
Goodwill. 
I refuse to wear shoes,
much preferring to choose, 
dusk till dawn, to sit, yawning...
but still. 

     ...shelter...

If unable to find 
a dry cave of some kind,
then I dwell in a shelter 
of hay. 
Or, like Disney's Three Pigs, 
I use twigs to build digs. 
(Sadly, neither keep grey wolves 
at bay.) 

     ...safety... 

Paranoia is not 
the disorder I've got: 
I experience reason'd 
suspicions. 
Which is why I proceed 
getting guns which I need -- 
not to mention defensive 
munitions. 
 
     (a work in progress)

Sunday, February 22, 2026

Hierarchies: Materials for My Maslow


Air and breathing X
Water and urination X
Food, defication and waste X
Sleep X 
Clothing X
Shelter X
Environment X

Safety 
Security of Body 
Health 
Family 
Employment 
Resources 
Property toys necessities
     Love and Belonging 
Family 
Meaningful relationships 
Sense of Connection 
     Esteem 
Confidence 
Self esteem 
Respect 
Status 

Smell 
Sight 
Taste 
Hearing 
Touch 
Brain / memory

Books language
Films images
Theatre
Dance 
Music 
Plastic arts 

Exercise
Sports participation 
Hobbies 

Thursday, February 19, 2026

Transparency; or, How Did We Read Him...? Let Us Count The Ways.

(At every appearance 
of the word 'read' in 
the verses below --
except the final one -- 
that word should be 
pronounced /red/.)

We read him 
like a failing New York Times 
best-selling book. 
     We read him 
like a bible. (Did he even 
take a look...?)
     We read him 
like a scientific treatise 
sans its math, 
     or a manual 
advising how one curbs 
psychotic wrath.
     We read him 
like a midnight tweetstorm 
listing all his hates. 
     We read him 
like the writs of pardon 
sign'd for MAGA mates. 
     We read him -- 
although he himself 
has never ever read. 
     Now, read him 
like an epitaph: "Hic jacet..." 
('Cuz he's dead.)

Sunday, February 15, 2026

Laura Richards Redux

Last Friday, my rhinocerus 
encountered a philocerus. 
Or, rather, some philosopher 
confronted my rhinocepher. 
(I fear I've mispronounced each word, 
which makes my story sound absurd.)
In any case, my rhino's horn 
harpoon'd the poor philosophorn.
The more he tried to pull it out,
the louder scream'd philosophout. 
Perhaps I'd best cut short this tale 
of rhinosort and philosale. 

Next time: 
The Octopus 
and the Pocketcomb

Saturday, February 14, 2026

Jackels, Coyotes and Trumpotami

Each lifts a leg to take a whiz, 
thus marking stuff each claims is his. 
Each drops his drawers to take a pee.
(That's territoriality.) 
Each lowers trou to take a leak. 
Their wills leave nothing to the meek. Each wags his weenie, zips his fly...
...nor never stops to wonder why. 

Thursday, February 12, 2026

Room For One More...? Eight Questions

Is there room on Mt. Rushmore 
for Donald...? 
Should its foursome of founders
make space...?
Is there room on Mt. Rushmore 
for Donald...? 
Would its granite withstand 
one more face...? 
Is there room on Mt. Rushmore 
for Donald...? 
Should he soil 
that historical place...? 
Is there room on Mt. Rushmore 
for Donald...?
Has the guy no shame  -- 
even a trace...?
Is there room on Mt. Rushmore 
for Donald...? 
Would the move be approved 
by his base...? 
Is there room on Mt. Rushmore 
for Donald...? 
Maybe Teddy or Abe 
he'd replace...?
Is there room on Mt. Rushmore 
for Donald...? 
Should we scratch Tom or George, 
just in case...? 
Is there room on Mt. Rushmore 
for Donald...? 
Can the nation absorb 
more disgrace...? 

Boo Beyond Bunny; or, Jeer Your Own Super Bowl Half Time Entertainment

Attention, MAGA malcontents! 
Here's breaking news for you. 
To all who'd boo Bad Bunny,
here's a bunch more blokes to boo. 

It happens there's a raft of rappers 
waiting in the wings. 
You'll much prefer to jeer them, sir.
(What joy your hatred brings!)

Boo Awful Armadillo. 
Boo Beastly Bandicoot. 
Boo Clueless Capybara.
(Boo Disgusting Dog, to boot.) 

Boo Evil Earwig, Foul Flamingo,  
Ghastly Gekko. (Whew!)
Boo Horrible Hyena. 
(I'm not skipping Gruesome Gnu.) 

Boo Impossible Iguana. 
Boo Kitschy Kinkajou. 
(Were I to skip Jerkwater Jackel, 
what would be your view...?) 

Boo Lousy Lemur, Miserable 
Moose...and so it goes.
Boo No-good Narwhal -- he's the 
dude who sports that gnarly nose. 

Boo Outlaw Otter, Putrid Parrot,
Questionable Quail.
Boo Rotten Rodent, Sullied Snake...
...or is he still in jail...?

Boo Trashy Tadpole, 
Unrepentant Urchin, Vicious Vole.
Boo Wanton Wildebeest -- 
each craven creature lacks a soul. 

Boo Xenolithic Xoloitzcuitli, to be  sure. 
Boo Yellow Yak. 
Boo Z-grade Zack.
I'll NOT Kid Rock endure.


Wednesday, February 11, 2026

At Home with the Sprats



Drat! The Sprat! 
ErSprats 
Jack's children...? All brats. 
Minnesota Sprats 
Old Possom's Book 
   of Practical Sprats 
Polyunsaturated Sprats 
Sprätzle 
Sprata Morgana 
Spratboy Slim 
Sprate, a Coca- Cola product 
Spratfall 
Sprattipuffs and Thinnifers
Sprat's Domino 
Sprats in the Belfrey 
The Sprat in the Hat 
The Spratzenjammer Kids 
Tortilla Sprat 
White Wine Spratzer

Trumporium; or, Defunct Donald's Relic Mart: A Sales Catalogue

Item #68 The Trump Tress      A 4" Steuben glass flute, with tiny cap T etched at base, encased in 24-caret gold fittings and housing a...