DrumpPOTUSsium; or, Political Animals: A Be(a)stiary

Zell Fish 

DrumpPOTUSsium; or, Political Animals: A Be(a)stiary

 

  
Innhue Manatee 

DrumpPOTUSsium; or, Political Animals: A Be(a)stiary

 

 Miscree Ant 

DrumpPOTUSsium; or, Political Animals: A Be(a)stiary

 Assleepathe Whale 

More Mildred Mimicry ("Hajj" Tamale)

Sing "Ho!" for the poet Ali ("Hajj") Tamale! 

His papa's mestizo; his mama's Somali. 

His nemesis...? Mono-. (His  poetry's poly-)*:

the poet Ali ("Hajj") Tamale. 

*Though the subjects of his verse 

are varied, his primary antagonist 

is always Drumpf.

   

"Hajj"'s madrigals, models of meter and rhyme 

made with measures in 5/4 and 7/4 time, 

are revered by both rustics and royals, by golly! 

Plu-poet Ali ("Hajj") Tamale. 

Tres beau be plu-poet Ali ("Hajj") Tamale, 

here posing,* sans clothing, beneath his blue brolly. 

My dad dubs him daffy but I think he's jolly -- 

the awesome Ali ("Hajj") Tamale. 

*Image to come.

Ali's ma, a proponent of Swedish massage, 

with his dad laid their lad in a neighbor's garage. 

(She -- the mom -- is Islam; thus she  nicknames him Hajj, 

does the mommy of Ali Tamale.) 

Plays a didgeridoo does the musicial "Hajj." 

Toots a flute -- TWO flutes, nu...? -- in a sonic collage. 

"Hajj," with Taylor and Taj,* heads one hot entourage -- 

does "Alific'onado" Tamale. 

*Swift and Mahal

    (work in progress) 

What Goes Around

 

Actual hand smaller than appears. 

Actual tie shorter than appears. 

Actual club shiftier than appears. 

Actual hair way weirder than appears. 

Sympfauna: An Abecedarial Animal Orchestra

     ABC 

Antelopes play autoharps.

Bonobos blow their boatswain's call.
Cows play cowbell scales in sharps.

(Albino cows can play 'em all.) 

     DEF 

Dingoes play their daxophones.

Elephants...? Electric basses.

Fleas play F-flat flexatones. 

(I store mine in anvil cases.)

     GHI 

Sundays, gnus play guitarróne. 

On Saturdays, harmonica. 

(On weekdays, ANY id'ophone,

though shofars during Hannukkah.) 

     JKL 

Jays, in March, play jingle bells. 

In April, kites play key'd bassoon. 

July finds lemurs playing lute, 

though rarely in the month of June. 

     MNO 

In May play Mynas madrigals.

Nightingales play nu skool breaks. 

Ostriches play operettas. 

(Oh, what noise each ostrich makes!)

     PQ 

Pre-dawn, prawns pianos play.

At quarter past eleven, 

quahogs execute quintets. 

(They quit 'round ten of seven.) 

     RST 

Rhinoceruses racketts play. 

Do serpents play their serpents...? Sure! 

True: tadpoles play trombones (they say), 

though plagued with swollen  embouchure.

     UVW 

Urchins play their ukulele.

Vampire bats play vibraphone. 

Wallabies play washboard. (Hayley 

Mills would, too, were she full grown.) 

     XYZ

Xeruses, of course, play xun.

Yaks play yun-lo. (Nearly done.)

Zaks and zorses play their zither. 

Me...? I'm tone-deaf. I play none. 

The Week of the Walrus & (OPQ) (RST) (UVW) (XYZ)

     O

The walrus and the open quote 
"got sumthin' ta say."*
'Tain't nuthin' from "The Open Boat"**
or "Who'd Lay Fay Wray...?"***

(Let's hope the clause they quote won't cause 
no auto-de-fe.)

     

* Like To Kill a Mockingbird's Mayella.

**A short story by Stephen Crane. 
***A short short story by Uly Poe.

 
     P 

The walrus holds a pencil sketch, 

a nine-inch W. 

(Already render'd 

in his hand-drawn ABC are Q, 

D, X and G -- which leaves the Z

'mongst letters left to do.)

     Q

The walrus tells the quarter rest: 

"Kick back! Chill out! Unwind!

"Take five or so! Pause half a mo'!

Light up if you've a mind!" 

(The walrus thinks no forty winks 

would leave a body blind.) 

*   *   *   *   *

     R 

The walrus and the rhombus

wend their way across the campus.

"Phobics fear we'll raise a rumpus 

'cuz my Grampa Ham's a grampus," 

jaws the walrus. Adds the rhombus: 

"They can do no worse than vamp us."

     S 

The walrus used a slotted spoon, 

a "runcibl'd"* utensil, 

whene'er he dined. His -- triple-tined,

though, sadly, not prehensile, 

thus good for stabbing, bad for grabbing -- 

doubled as a pencil. 

("I pierc'd each hole," said he, "with kohl

to make this op-art stencil.")

*I.e., so characterized by Ed Lear. 

     T 

The walrus and the turn o' phrase 

could set the letter'd world  

ablaze. 

Their "Drumpf: America's malaise" 

and "Don would banish holidays" 

should preempt older watchwords --Klee's, 

Man Ray's and those of Gabby Hayes. 

*   *   *   *   *

    U 

The walrus and the UFO 

collectively decide 

to lift the mask, tell all who ask, 

"We'll no more run nor hide. 

We choose, from this day forward, bliss: 

We're now...identified!"

     V 

The walrus and the vindaloo, 

a curry cured in Goa, 

would chilis add (an Asian fad),

then scurry to Samoa, 

avoiding, thus, that damnéd bus 

to curséd Krakatoa. 

     W

The walrus licks a wint'ry mix -- 

cum wind cum rain cum sleet*

cum white stuff (piles!) up on his roof 

cum black ice down his street. 

For, though he balks, he shovels walks: 

"Though just it ain't, 'tis meet."**

*Echoes here of the Arlen/Mercer pop standard "Come Rain or Come Shine." 

**Echoes here of the Christian liturgy Preface's "It is meet and just..."

*   *   *   *   *

     X 

The walrus and the xylocarps 

discuss their coming meal:

"Each hardwood hide hold seeds inside. 

'Let's eat!''s my sole appeal." 

"We NOW know," xylocarps reply, 

"how Carroll's oysters feel."

     Y 

The walrus and the year just pass'd -- 

the stuff the Drumpfster wrought, 

the tweets half-ass'd, the press he  sass'd, 

the politicians bought, 

the rants, the farts... (The saddest part's I fear he'll ne'er be caught.) 

     Z 

The walrus and the zodiac, 

to cover all their bases,

append a dozen constellations -- 

most with modern faces. 

"Our brand-new wheel will play, we feel, 

quite well with darker races," 

the walrus said, whereon he read 

some twelve new names and places. 

"Halfway 'twixt The Ram and Bull appears The Hereford Hog, 

who's smaller than an elephant but bigger than a dog, 

prolific as a cottontail and docile as a log.

"Between The Bull and Gemini 

one ascertains The Cross, 

the Celtic one (you've seen a ton), 

with, cover'd o'er in moss, 

an image of a small white dove. 

(Or else an albatross.) 

"Between The Gemini and Twins 

you'll spot The Saddle Shoe...

     (more to come)

The Week of the Walrus & (MN)

     M 

The walrus, Mephistopheles, 

Melchizedek and me 

were, it appears, once musketeers -- 

though four instead of three. 

Include, as well, Mehitabel...?

Toadstools immortals be!

     N 

The walrus and the Nautilus, 

a model built to scale 

of 38:1 in which

he simulates to sail 

beneath the waves ISO knaves -- 

and one albino whale. 

Herbert Morrison Reporting

This famed reporter's ten most 

recent responses to hot-mic questioning sound eerily similar 

to that iconic outburst issued 

during his historic coverage of 

the 1937 Hindenburg disaster. 

I. 

     Jimmy Kimmel: 

"Which does the Herbster find 

more disturbing: Drumpf's lies 

or Drumpf's locks...? 

     Herbert Morrison: 

"Both! They're insanity!" 

II. 

     Rachel Maddow: 

"What in your opinion, Mr. 

Morrison, lies behind Drumpf's unyielding support from 

America's religious leadership...?" 

    Herbert Morrison: 

"Faux-christianity." 

III. 

     Maya Angelou: 

"So, brother M.: what's the title 

of the verse to be recited at the ceremony marking the opening 

of the new Drumpf ballroom...? 

     Herbert Morrison: 

"Ode to Nit's Vanity." 

IV.

     Captain James T. Kirk: 

"Kirk to Morrison: which alien 

world in the Delta star system 

should the Enterprise next visit...?" 

     Herbert Morrison:  

"Go there! View Planet D."

V.

     TCM's Robert Osborne: 

"Would you say, Herbie, that it 

was his unusual accent that 

proved Cary Grant's most enduring  characteristic...?" 

     Herbert Morrison: 

"Mo' the urbanity."

VI.

    Dr. James "Buddy" Powell: 

"Hey, H.M.: did the sea cow eat 

this algae...?"

     Herbert Morrison: 

"No, the du-...manatee."* 

*Herb's initial "dugong" response gets inexplicably cut short. 

VII.

     Dr. Divina Balawan: 

"How, Herb, shall science ever 

replace the coconut...?

     Herbert Morrison: 

"Grow the banana tree." 

VIII.

     Sean Hannity: 

Who, my friend, is the world's 

most-respected news source...?

     Herbert Morrison: 

"Sho' ain't, you, Hannity!" 

IX. 

     J. M. Barrie: 

"Which male chauvinist, young Morrison, sexually assaulted our Tinkerbell...?" 

     Herbert Morrison: 

"Doh! Peter Pan! It...! He...!" 

X. 

     South Dakotan Kristi Noem: 

Now that our big beautiful POTUS's 

big beautiful face appears on Mt. Rushmore, isn't that monument greater than ever before...?" 

     Herbert Morrison: 

"Noem, he's too granity!"

The Week of the Walrus & (JKL)

     J 

"The Walrus and the Jabberwock" 
from Tweedles issued not. 
"The Walrus and the Carpenter"'s 
what Dum and Dee begot.
Now: who'll defend the fool who penn'd

"The Walrus and the _______"...?* 

     *Yacht...Sot...Khat...Brät..Jot...

Lot...Knot...?

Scot...Blot...Cot...Motte...Plot...

Shot...Clot...? 

Bot...Dot...Tot...Pot...Spot...

Watt...Snot...? 

Schott...Flot...Gott...Zaht...Slot...? 

YOU decide. 

     K 

The walrus and the Kool-Aid guy, 

who smiles when condensation 

delimns a thin 'n' whimsy'd grin,

one lacking all causation, 

across his cherry-color'd puss, 

suspends my dehydration.

     L 

The walrus and Laocoön  

ill fortune overtakes.

"Like Indy Jones," the walrus moans, 

"before me, I hate snakes. 

They're so-o-o-o the pits!" Whereon he splits. 

Laocoön just shakes.