Protest Sign for 10.22.25

 

POTUS's MAGAnificient Appointees Weigh In on the Correct Designation for Drumpf's Shit Bombs

     Steven 

Miller calls it 'excrement.' Steve 

Bannon calls it 'feces.' And to 

Rubio, it's 'El Popo' (a 

Cuban caca species.) 

     Speaker

Johnson calls it 'night soil,' while Pete 

Hegseth says 'manure.' J.D. 

Vance has call'd it 'coprolite.' Pam 

Bondi's still unsure. 

     Sam A-

lito calls it 'dirt' or 'dung.' John 

Roberts calls it 'stool.' Justice 

Clarence Thomas calls it 'kaka-

poopie.' (Such a tool!)

     Justice 

Amy Coney Barrett calls it

'waste' or 'poop' or 'flit.' Lindsey 

Graham calls it 'slops,' which is a 

fancy word for shit. 

 

    Tulsi 

Gabbard calls it 'midden,'  while Russ

Vought refers to 'spoor.' Ms Mc-

Mahon calls it 'guano,' tho' I 

cannot tell what for. 

     RF-

K just calls it 'doo-doo.' (Bobby's 

just that kind of guy.) And Kristi 

Noem...? She calls it 'loam.' Not even 

she can tell you why. 

     Sean 

Hannity refers to 'mist' -- the 

Nazis did so, too. Meanwhile the 

rest of 'em just call it 'scat.' (That's 

what we wish THEY'D do.) 

     Coda 

     Lastly,

Eric the Dim, his voice 

hoarse, adds 'le merde.' 

     "Disre-

gard! It's just him..." As, of 

course, no one cared. 

POTUS Poops (Though Surges No Troops)

      One 
fact on which the G.O.P. 
      and 
Democrats can both agree: 
     Drumpf 
dropping -- watch the video! -- 
     ma-

nure on New York City. Oh, 

      it's 

Drumpf alright -- "King Drumpf" notes  he,
     re-
posting it himself with glee.
     Says 
Vance, "It's funny. What's the fuss...?" 
     (Who 
hates America...? Not us.)

Sign for Saturday 10.18.25

 

Damp Hen Nonsense Apothems & Daffy Digressions

Some hens are born damp, some hens achieve dampness and some hens have dampness thrust upon them. 

A damp hen by any other name would smell as ripe. 

There is a tide in the affairs of hens when taken at the flood leaves them thoroughly damp. 

A hen in the hand is worth two in a puddle.  

No hen is a (Rhode) Island.

'Twas the night before last.

Throughout bathrooms and dens

not a hen was demurring -- 

not even damp hens. 

Song for "No Kings" Saturday

No lyin'-with-AIin' kings. 

 

No voting-rights-denyin' kings. 

No "Ban-abortion!"-cryin' kings. 

No "Fix-it...?-Only-I..."in' kings.

No "Roy-Cohn-where-be-my...?"in' kings. 

We want no "...grab-'em-by..."in' kings. 

No "bf's...?-Kim-'n'-I"in' kings. 

We want no obese-thighin' kings. 

No "Torture...?-I'm-not-shy"in' kings. 

No bags-o'-Bitcoin-buyin' kings. 

No "Eric-can't-be-my..."in' kings. 

No earlobe's-on-the-li-...in' kings. 

No "...six-six,-one-nine-ni-..."in' kings. 

We want no "...and-stand-by!"in' kings. 

No gut-our-FBIin' kings.  

No "Mike-Pence...?-Hang-'im-high"in' kings.

No "Me-Myself-'n'-I"in' kings. 

No "Tell-Vlad-I-said-'hi'"in' kings. 

No "I-get-extra-pie"in' kings. 

No "Let-go-my-McFry!"in' kings. 

No steal-stuff-on-the-slyin' kings.

No "into-emails-pry"in' kings. 

No never-answers-'why...?'in' kings. 

No "End-of-Days-be-nigh"in' kings. 

No blame-the-other-guyin' kings.

We want no Greenland-buyin' kings. 

No Mayan or Hawaiian kings. 

We want no young-girls-eyein' kings. 
No Qatar-bribe-jet-flyin' kings. 

We want no vote-denyin' kings. 
No "I've-the-best-words"-cryin' kings. 

We want no faux-Versaillesin' kings.

No junk-food-amplifyin' kings. 

No neo-Captain-Blighin' kings.

No Vladimir-allyin' kings. 

No Bibi-arms-supplyin' kings. 

(We're not averse to dyin' kings.) 

We want no alibiin' kings.

No don't-apologi-...in' kings.

No "Nobel-must-be-my"in' kings. 

No "What-could-go-awry...?"in' kings. 

No research-falsifyin' kings. 

No on-opponents-spyin' kings.

No ersatz-hair-piece-dyein' kings... 
...and, fin'lly, no damn lyin' kings. 

     Coda 

     Say 

"Nay!" to stooges kissin' rings, 

     then 

pray: "More Martin Luther Kings." 

Name That Composers; or, Who ARE These People...?

     The Song 

You and the Night and the Music (Fill Me with Flaming Desire) 

     The Words 

Hugh and Dean Knight / Andy "Moose" Hick

     The Music 

Phil Smee / Whit Vlaye / Meg deZyre

"Ladies First" Revisited: A Nonsense

     Might a new WORD order 

initiate a new WORLD order...? That  question is here posed 26 different ways via 26 doggerel stanzas. 

     Heard of 

Yusuf and Potiphar's wife, 

     call'd Zu-

laikha (the sources are rife)...? 

     (He who 

speaks of Zulaikha and Yusuf 

     his co-

-jones just might lose the use of.)

     'George and 

Martha' (i.e., 'Dad and Mum') 

     are our 

nation's Ur-parents, by gum! 

     Ought we 

list 'em as 'Martha and George' 

     as a 

more-perfect nation we forge...?

     'Bart and 

Lisa''s their usual order. 

     So: far 

be it from me to suggest 

     that (say) 

'Lisa and Bart' might yield pref'rable art. 

     (I can 

hear you now: "Give it a rest!")

     Although 

'Darby and Joan''s been the norm, 

     it's caus'd 

many a women's lib storm. 

     I feel 

sure 'Joan and Darby' would solve 

     most such 

storms. So: prepare to revolve!

     'Steve and 

Edie'...? Not 'Edie and Steve'...? 

     I am 

finding that hard to believe. 

     Without 

change, big steps rearward we'll take, 

     back to 

Adam and Eve...and that snake. 

     "Mork and 

Mindy" got views on TV:

     sixty 

million! (That sounds like a load.) 

     If 'twere 

"Mindy and Mork," would they've 

all reach'd a fork 

     in the  

march-t'ward-equality road...? 

     Does the 

'Romeo...Juliet' chain 

    cause a 

modern-day feminist pain...? 

     Were the 

names switch'd about, would that 

feminist shout...?

     (Also, 

what's up with 'Tarzan and Jane'...?)

     G.B. 

Shaw's "Cleopatra and Caesar"...? 

     One should 

put nothing past that ol' geezer. 

    If her 

highness Shaw'd known, he might  throw such a bone. 

     Or Shaw

might place her last -- just to tease 'er.

     It's all

"Hansel and Gretel" to Grimm. 

     Women's 

Lib...? That means diddley to him. 

     He thinks 

"Gretel and Hansel"'d cause readers to cancel 

     their  

orders for new tales he'll limn. 

     Roy and 

Dale's "Happy trails to you" just...

     ...might by 

Dale and Roy better be sung. 

     Once Dale's 

voice sings the lead, Roy'll eventually heed 

     our cri-

tique: "Roy, your voice sounds like dung."

     TV's 

Golden Age air'd Burns and Allen. 

     If the 

tube had air'd Allen and Burns, 

     "Say good-

night, Gracie" wouldn't get laughs; nor it shouldn't. 

     ('Course, 

that ain't the way the world turns.)

  

     Look! It's 

'Boris,' back'd up by 'Natasha.' 

     If 'Na-

tasha got follow'd by 'Boris,' 

     would such  

re-do bring peace...? Would misogyny cease...?

   Would most  

men suffer ongoing tsoris...?

     Hands, please: 

who recalls Sonny and Cher...? 

     I bet 

no one recalls Cher and Sonny. 

     Don't cry,

"Those were the times: diff'rent a0ge; diff'rent climes: 

     We call'd 

women 'girls'...waitresses 'honey.'"

     Although 

many laud 'Nichols and May,'

     I by 

all means prefer 'May and Nichols.'

     Yet, no 

matter the ranking, their act won't end tanking: 

     the 

stuff they came up with still tickles.

     The 

Bible reads "Samson...Delilah." 

     If "De-

lilah" appear'd before "Samson," 

     would the 

strong man ignore that duplicitous whore... 

     ...and Shem's 

wife, Japheth's daughter and Ham's son...?

     As young 

children we read 'Dick and Jane.'

     If in- 

stead we had read 'Jane and Dick,'

     would the 

L-G-Bi crowd long ago've been allow'd 

     to their 

birth sexuality pick...?

 "The 

Thin Man" presents Nick and Nora. 

     If that  

film featured Nora and Nick, 

     would the 

casting couch cast a chihuahua 

call'd Hasta,

     thus 

soiling this classical flick...?

     Tell me: 

Why always 'Adam and Eve'...? 

     How's a-

bout, just for once, 'Eve and Adam'...? 
     Would such

switcheroo, do you believe, 
     not ex-

uberate She Who begat 'em...? 

     Further, 

why hear we always 'Babe Ruth'...? 

     Seldom 

mention'd -- alas! -- is Ruth Babe.

     She'd have 

sent home runs flyin,' caus'd fans (am I lyin'...?),

     like 

Jabberwock's raths, to outgrabe. 

     Also, 

why always 'Ozzie and Harriet,'

     never  

'Harriet' followed by 'Oz'...?

     Would trans-

posing pair'd names tend to bum dudes and dames, 

     dooming 

both to a spate of the blahs...? 

     Fin'lly, 

why must it be 'Ralph and Alice'...? 

     Might we

never hear 'Alice and Ralph'...? 

     The 

latter's preferr'd, while the former -- my word! -- 

     remains 

too chauvinistic...by halph! 

     Mother 

Goose sings of Jack and his Jill. 

     Mother: 

choose a new tack! Jill and Jack 

     could still 

tackle their hill. (If some water they'd spill, 

     they'd just

refill those buckets they pack.)

     Frank 

Loesser composed "Guys and Dolls." 

     Had he 

penn'd "Gals and Men," "Dolls and Guys," 

     "Dames and 

Dudes," "Jills and Jacks" would he'veMI  suffer'd attacks 

     from some 

femm'ophobe hacks in disguise...? 

    I liked

Ike. (I liked Mamie as well.)

    I like 

'Mamie and Ike' even better. 

     If you'd

force me to choose the best order to use, 

     it's the 

latter -- although I've not met 'er.

 

   You say 

'Abelard' follow'd by 'Eloise,'

    not the 

other way 'round. But do you...

     ...say, as 

well, 'Desdemona...Othello'...? He's, 

     some say,

earn'd a move up from spot two. 

     It was 

not call'd "When Sally Met Harry," 

     tho' such 

seems the more obvious choice. 

     Still, why'd 

Reiner not choose it...? How dare he...

     ...not give 

Meg -- and the ERA -- voice. 

Butterbeans and Susie 

Pyramas and Thisbe 

Archy and Mehitabel 

William and Mary

Stiller and Meara

Heathcliff and Cathy

Ferdinand and Isabella

Tommy and Tuppence

Paul and Paula 

Birthday

 

Distichs: A Nonsense Alphabet of Unpublished Pairs of Couplets -- Some Rhymed -- Excerpted from Imaginary Poetry

Prelude 

Stichs aren't stones; 

they break no bones. 

Their words, though, may divert you

Acrostichs from "Ante Up!" by Bunk & Tosh

Both you and Auntie PetticoaT, 

Uncle EnriquillO, 

   Need on the double (take a guesS) 

Kick in a bit more REAL dougH. 

Broomstichs from "Dust" by Thom Swiffer 

Tweedle the Sweep, who scrubs smokestacks in Bantry, 

would waltz with his broom 'round my grandmother's pantry. 

   He'd char neighbors' chimneys, enduring their dirt. He 

abided alone. (Tweedle died shy of thirty.) 

Chopstichs from "In a Chinese Workhouse" by Colum May 

Toothpicks, Sino-sages say, 

as whopping chopsticks start their day. 

   But woodworks' loppers, led  astray,  

all parts superfluo'us shave away. 

Dipstichs from "Moyshe Mans the Motor Pool" by Yehuda Teer 

Your crankcase craves a log* of motor oil. 

Flush fluids so your AC won't o'erboil. 

   A hin* or two should lubricate your brakes. 

(A hemi-hin is, maybe, all it takes.) 

   *Logs and hins are Yiddish liquid measures. 

Elastichs from "Stretch!" by Speed O'Banlon 

As ev'ning stretches out against the sky, 

a limo looms, the length of sev'ral Fords. 

   Its chauffeur snaps her bubblegum, while I 

unload my months' supply of bungee cords. 

Fiddlestichs from "Ecphonesis" by E. "Jack" Hoffman 

O

Grandma whispers "Pish!" 

Grandpa gripes "Begorrah!" 

    The aunties add "I wish!" 

while I reply, "The Horrah!" 

Gnostichs from "Godspell 2 1/3" by Jesus of Kalamazoo 

There's Thomasines, Mandaeans, Carpocratians, Simonians, 

Corinthians, Cleobians, Perates and Cerdonians: 

   "There's some things WE know," all insist, "that YOU maroons DON'T  know." 

They then set out delivering a tiresome blow-by-blow. 

Hockeystichs from "On noThin Ice" by Frank 'Li'l Black'  Zamboni as told to Gosta Ryder 

I'll flout the Fates and don used skates 

to brave the dicey ice. 

   But once I do, I pledge to you 

I'll never do so twice. 

Impressionistichs from "Uly's Piano Recital" by Ulysses Poe

My piece debuts with Debussy.

What follows...? M. Ravel, 

   three measures miming E. Satie, 

and Brahms...with none play'd well. 

Joystichs from "Do You Vant Go Blind...?" by Sigfried Freud

Chimps employ 'em, twistin, 'em about. 

Pigs enjoy 'em -- nudge 'em with their snout. 

   Pilots use 'em navigatin' planes. 

Does Drumpf abuse 'em...? Mary Trump explains. 

Knobstichs from "Solidarity Forever" by Mother Jones 

Billy Bob's a blackleg. I shall never marry him. 

James...? A rat fink and a scab. I won't be wed to Jim.. 

Jack's been spotted lickin' boots. How treach'rous can you get...?

And Dick's just cross'd yon picket line: I'll die a bachelorette.

Lipstichs from "Butterflies, Beestings 'n' Botox...Oh, My!" by Don "Nutella"  Versace

Tony Lip drives Cherry; he's the doctor's new chauffeur. 

Libby vexes Brenda, an antagonist to her. 

   Joey Fagan's horn makes The Commitments much more hip. 

And don't forget Durocher: no one's botherin' the Lip. 

Matchstichs from "Den Lille Pige med Svovlstikkerne" by H. Christian Wright

Start from scratch: Paris Match. Orrin Hatch: Booby Hatch! 

Swing it, Satch! One-hand catch. Briar patch...? Not a scratch. 

   Coffee klatsch: bake a batch. Cumberbatch: top-draw'r...? Natch! 

Great Pacific Garbage Patch. Tell me: have we met our match...? 

Nightstichs from "God o' Dance" by Freda Stare 

Crips 'n ' Bloods 'n' police: what's your hurry...? Do the Fly; forget Arthur Murray!

   Irish Jig...? Don't fret! Not to worry: When you've binged...just...stop!

Orgiastichs from "Absurdist-in-Chief" by Anon 

You socialists are hedonists; you communists are, too. 

You're anarchists, abortionists -- 

I've bullied more than few. 

   You're masochists; You're narcissists. You're pessimists as well. 

You're all those "-ist"s I've doubtless miss'd: 

I'll see you lot in hell. 

Popsiclestichs from "Ice Lolly Palooza" by Arthur Freeze 

Whose dream is of a Popsicle a cult'ral meme enjoys. 

Whose dream is of a Creamsicle all lactose dread destroys. 

   Whose dream is of a Fudgsicle a chocoholic be. 

Whose dream is of a Dreamsicle endures redundancy. 

Queuestichs from "Blackball Boogie" by Montana O'Beece

Rack 'em, Fats, and pass that chalk. 

Then watch me masse, bank 'n' baulk. 

   YOU talk some talk; I walk the walk. 

So, settle back; prepare to gawk. 

Rustichs from "The Gift to be Simpleminded" by Manon Knight 

The farmer takes a wife. 

The wife mistakes the child 

   for a single-bottom'd "sulky" plow 

because that gal's beguiled. 

Ì

Swizzlestichs from "Doin' the Chartreuse Swizzle" by Mick Sahl-O'Gist 

Take one-point-five ounces Chartreuse; 

add some lime juice and pineapple juice. 

   Pour it all in a tall Collins glass.

Add crushed ice...and then swizzle en masse...

Thunderstichs from "Make Good Noise" by Cholly Bickerknocker 

Conf'rence playoffs, Sixers versus Knicks. 

Brunson puts up wa-a-ay too many bricks. 

   I'm sittin' courtside. What's it take to fix 

this situation...? Cue them  thundersticks![

Uglistichs from "The New Newfie's Guide" by Acoutsina Smithe-Jones

I heard a band in Newfoundland like none I'd ever known: 

bandoneon, two fiddles -- and the oddest id'ophone: 

   some Frenchmen call it "Chinese hat," some British "jingling Jenny." 

Search wide 'n' far: the chances are 

you'll frug to few...if any.

Voyeuristichs from "I Spy!" by Thomas Pepys 

No matter what you do, 

I'm always watching you. 

   Of course, I'm not a dope: 

I use my telescope. 

Walkingstichs from "On the Wild Side" by Ted Behr

Howe'er you walk, walk sof'ly. 

Always arm yourself with sticks.

   'Cuz it's jungly out there -- awf'lly! --and that jungle's full of ______.* 

   *DIY: ticks, hicks, dicks, spicks, pricks... 

Xanthistichs from "Yoke Book" by Al  Beumann

There's antique fuchsia, android green. 

There's mocha and Morello. 

   Still, look around! Gold hues abound. 

Beyond the sun, what's yellow...?

Yardstichs from "Bob the Bobby" by Robert Burns 

I'm Sgt. Bludgeon, Scotland Yard. 

You see this big baton...? En garde! 

   I've got this stunning taser, too. 

I'd best behave if I were you.

Zapstichs from "Zap Stick" by Senor Sid O'Zenn

You say you don't get outside much...? 

Perhaps you need a cane, a crutch...

   ...an aid to help you in a clutch...

a stun gun -- with a stylish touch...?  

Singin' the Blues: A Thirteen-bar Alphabet

Azure 'n' Alice Blue, 
Baby 'n' Bice; 
Cornflower, Cobalt...
(Cerulean's nice). 
   Delft Blue 'n' Dodger Blue, 
blues play'd by Duke, 
plus blue is the hue of the 
blue whale's blue fluke. 
   Eton, Electric Blue, 
French 'n' Fluorescent. 
Glaucous, which acts as my  
antidepressant. 

   Haint, Honolulu, 

Havana Blue, nu...? 

Iris 'n' Indigo;

Jordy (the hue).  

   Klein Blue 'n' Lavender...

Midnight Blue, too. 

Navy 'n' Neon 'n' 

Non-photo Blue. 

   Oxford Blue, Prussian Blue, 

Persian 'n' Penn. 

(Stop! Have you heard enough...?

Simply say "When.")

   Process Blue, Powder Blue, 

Phthalo,  the pigment. 

Quacksalver's... Wait! THAT blue 

may be a figment. 

   Royal Blue, Robin's Egg Blue, 

Resolution. 

(Chalcanthite turns blue 

when dissolved in solution.) 

   Spanish Blue, Space Cadet, 

Silver Lake, Smalt. 

Sky Blue, Savoy, Sapphire... 

(What color's salt...?) 

   Teal Blue 'n' Turquoise 'n' 

Turin 'n' True. 

Thenard's Blue's aka Cobalt. 

(Who knew...?) 

   USAF Blue, 

UNESCO, UN. 

Uranian Blue...Wait! 

Did someone say "When"...? 

   Vista Blue. (W 

signals no blue --

no, nor neither does X, 

although Y 'n' Z do: 

   Yale Blue 'n' YinMn 'n' 

Zaffre Blue. Whew! 

(I forgot Lapis Lazuli. 

That's it: I'm through.)