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Wednesday, October 22, 2025
Tuesday, October 21, 2025
POTUS's MAGAnificient Appointees Weigh In on the Correct Designation for Drumpf's Shit Bombs
Steven
Miller calls it 'excrement.' Steve
Bannon calls it 'feces.' And to
Rubio, it's 'El Popo' (a
Cuban caca species.)
Speaker
Johnson calls it 'night soil,' while Pete
Hegseth says 'manure.' J.D.
Vance has call'd it 'coprolite.' Pam
Bondi's still unsure.
Sam A-
lito calls it 'dirt' or 'dung.' John
Roberts calls it 'stool.' Justice
Clarence Thomas calls it 'kaka-
poopie.' (Such a tool!)
Justice
Amy Coney Barrett calls it
'waste' or 'poop' or 'flit.' Lindsey
Graham calls it 'slops,' which is a
fancy word for shit.
Tulsi
Gabbard calls it 'midden,' while Russ
Vought refers to 'spoor.' Ms Mc-
Mahon calls it 'guano,' tho' I
cannot tell what for.
RF-
K just calls it 'doo-doo.' (Bobby's
just that kind of guy.) And Kristi
Noem...? She calls it 'loam.' Not even
she can tell you why.
Sean
Hannity refers to 'mist' -- the
Nazis did so, too. Meanwhile the
rest of 'em just call it 'scat.' (That's
what we wish THEY'D do.)
Coda
Lastly,
Eric the Dim, his voice
hoarse, adds 'le merde.'
"Disre-
gard! It's just him..." As, of
course, no one cared.
Monday, October 20, 2025
POTUS Poops (Though Surges No Troops)
One
fact on which the G.O.P.
and
Democrats can both agree:
Drumpf
dropping -- watch the video! --
ma-
fact on which the G.O.P.
and
Democrats can both agree:
Drumpf
dropping -- watch the video! --
ma-
nure on New York City. Oh,
it's
Drumpf alright -- "King Drumpf" notes he,
re-
posting it himself with glee.
Says
Vance, "It's funny. What's the fuss...?"
(Who
hates America...? Not us.)
re-
posting it himself with glee.
Says
Vance, "It's funny. What's the fuss...?"
(Who
hates America...? Not us.)
Friday, October 17, 2025
Thursday, October 16, 2025
Damp Hen Nonsense Apothems & Daffy Digressions
Some hens are born damp, some hens achieve dampness and some hens have dampness thrust upon them.
A damp hen by any other name would smell as ripe.
There is a tide in the affairs of hens when taken at the flood leaves them thoroughly damp.
A hen in the hand is worth two in a puddle.
No hen is a (Rhode) Island.
'Twas the night before last.
Throughout bathrooms and dens
not a hen was demurring --
not even damp hens.
Song for "No Kings" Saturday
No lyin'-with-AIin' kings.
No voting-rights-denyin' kings.
No "Ban-abortion!"-cryin' kings.
No "Fix-it...?-Only-I..."in' kings.
No "Roy-Cohn-where-be-my...?"in' kings.
We want no "...grab-'em-by..."in' kings.
No "bf's...?-Kim-'n'-I"in' kings.
We want no obese-thighin' kings.
No "Torture...?-I'm-not-shy"in' kings.
No bags-o'-Bitcoin-buyin' kings.
No "Eric-can't-be-my..."in' kings.
No earlobe's-on-the-li-...in' kings.
No "...six-six,-one-nine-ni-..."in' kings.
We want no "...and-stand-by!"in' kings.
No gut-our-FBIin' kings.
No "Mike-Pence...?-Hang-'im-high"in' kings.
No "Me-Myself-'n'-I"in' kings.
No "Tell-Vlad-I-said-'hi'"in' kings.
No "I-get-extra-pie"in' kings.
No "Let-go-my-McFry!"in' kings.
No steal-stuff-on-the-slyin' kings.
No "into-emails-pry"in' kings.
No never-answers-'why...?'in' kings.
No "End-of-Days-be-nigh"in' kings.
No blame-the-other-guyin' kings.
We want no Greenland-buyin' kings.
No Mayan or Hawaiian kings.
We want no young-girls-eyein' kings.
No Qatar-bribe-jet-flyin' kings.
No Qatar-bribe-jet-flyin' kings.
We want no vote-denyin' kings.
No "I've-the-best-words"-cryin' kings.
No "I've-the-best-words"-cryin' kings.
We want no faux-Versaillesin' kings.
No junk-food-amplifyin' kings.
No neo-Captain-Blighin' kings.
No Vladimir-allyin' kings.
No Bibi-arms-supplyin' kings.
(We're not averse to dyin' kings.)
We want no alibiin' kings.
No don't-apologi-...in' kings.
No "Nobel-must-be-my"in' kings.
No "What-could-go-awry...?"in' kings.
No research-falsifyin' kings.
No on-opponents-spyin' kings.
No ersatz-hair-piece-dyein' kings...
...and, fin'lly, no damn lyin' kings.
...and, fin'lly, no damn lyin' kings.
Coda
Say
"Nay!" to stooges kissin' rings,
then
pray: "More Martin Luther Kings."
Monday, October 13, 2025
Name That Composers; or, Who ARE These People...?
The Song
You and the Night and the Music (Fill Me with Flaming Desire)
The Words
Hugh and Dean Knight / Andy "Moose" Hick
The Music
Phil Smee / Whit Vlaye / Meg deZyre
"Ladies First" Revisited: A Nonsense
Might a new WORD order
initiate a new WORLD order...? That question is here posed 26 different ways via 26 doggerel stanzas.
Heard of
Yusuf and Potiphar's wife,
call'd Zu-
laikha (the sources are rife)...?
(He who
speaks of Zulaikha and Yusuf
his co-
-jones just might lose the use of.)
'George and
Martha' (i.e., 'Dad and Mum')
are our
nation's Ur-parents, by gum!
Ought we
list 'em as 'Martha and George'
as a
more-perfect nation we forge...?
'Bart and
Lisa''s their usual order.
So: far
be it from me to suggest
that (say)
'Lisa and Bart' might yield pref'rable art.
(I can
hear you now: "Give it a rest!")
Although
'Darby and Joan''s been the norm,
it's caus'd
many a women's lib storm.
I feel
sure 'Joan and Darby' would solve
most such
storms. So: prepare to revolve!
'Steve and
Edie'...? Not 'Edie and Steve'...?
I am
finding that hard to believe.
Without
change, big steps rearward we'll take,
back to
Adam and Eve...and that snake.
"Mork and
Mindy" got views on TV:
sixty
million! (That sounds like a load.)
If 'twere
"Mindy and Mork," would they've
all reach'd a fork
in the
march-t'ward-equality road...?
Does the
'Romeo...Juliet' chain
cause a
modern-day feminist pain...?
Were the
names switch'd about, would that
feminist shout...?
(Also,
what's up with 'Tarzan and Jane'...?)
G.B.
Shaw's "Cleopatra and Caesar"...?
One should
put nothing past that ol' geezer.
If her
highness Shaw'd known, he might throw such a bone.
Or Shaw
might place her last -- just to tease 'er.
It's all
"Hansel and Gretel" to Grimm.
Women's
Lib...? That means diddley to him.
He thinks
"Gretel and Hansel"'d cause readers to cancel
their
orders for new tales he'll limn.
Roy and
Dale's "Happy trails to you" just...
...might by
Dale and Roy better be sung.
Once Dale's
voice sings the lead, Roy'll eventually heed
our cri-
tique: "Roy, your voice sounds like dung."
TV's
Golden Age air'd Burns and Allen.
If the
tube had air'd Allen and Burns,
"Say good-
night, Gracie" wouldn't get laughs; nor it shouldn't.
('Course,
that ain't the way the world turns.)
Look! It's
'Boris,' back'd up by 'Natasha.'
If 'Na-
tasha got follow'd by 'Boris,'
would such
re-do bring peace...? Would misogyny cease...?
Would most
men suffer ongoing tsoris...?
Hands, please:
who recalls Sonny and Cher...?
I bet
no one recalls Cher and Sonny.
Don't cry,
"Those were the times: diff'rent a0ge; diff'rent climes:
We call'd
women 'girls'...waitresses 'honey.'"
Although
many laud 'Nichols and May,'
I by
all means prefer 'May and Nichols.'
Yet, no
matter the ranking, their act won't end tanking:
the
stuff they came up with still tickles.
The
Bible reads "Samson...Delilah."
If "De-
lilah" appear'd before "Samson,"
would the
strong man ignore that duplicitous whore...
...and Shem's
wife, Japheth's daughter and Ham's son...?
As young
children we read 'Dick and Jane.'
If in-
stead we had read 'Jane and Dick,'
would the
L-G-Bi crowd long ago've been allow'd
to their
birth sexuality pick...?
"The
Thin Man" presents Nick and Nora.
If that
film featured Nora and Nick,
would the
casting couch cast a chihuahua
call'd Hasta,
thus
soiling this classical flick...?
Tell me:
Why always 'Adam and Eve'...?
How's a-
bout, just for once, 'Eve and Adam'...?
Would such
Would such
switcheroo, do you believe,
not ex-
not ex-
uberate She Who begat 'em...?
Further,
why hear we always 'Babe Ruth'...?
Seldom
mention'd -- alas! -- is Ruth Babe.
She'd have
sent home runs flyin,' caus'd fans (am I lyin'...?),
like
Jabberwock's raths, to outgrabe.
Also,
why always 'Ozzie and Harriet,'
never
'Harriet' followed by 'Oz'...?
Would trans-
posing pair'd names tend to bum dudes and dames,
dooming
both to a spate of the blahs...?
Fin'lly,
why must it be 'Ralph and Alice'...?
Might we
never hear 'Alice and Ralph'...?
The
latter's preferr'd, while the former -- my word! --
remains
too chauvinistic...by halph!
Mother
Goose sings of Jack and his Jill.
Mother:
choose a new tack! Jill and Jack
could still
tackle their hill. (If some water they'd spill,
they'd just
refill those buckets they pack.)
Frank
Loesser composed "Guys and Dolls."
Had he
penn'd "Gals and Men," "Dolls and Guys,"
"Dames and
Dudes," "Jills and Jacks" would he'veMI suffer'd attacks
from some
femm'ophobe hacks in disguise...?
I liked
Ike. (I liked Mamie as well.)
I like
'Mamie and Ike' even better.
If you'd
force me to choose the best order to use,
it's the
latter -- although I've not met 'er.
You say
'Abelard' follow'd by 'Eloise,'
not the
other way 'round. But do you...
...say, as
well, 'Desdemona...Othello'...? He's,
some say,
earn'd a move up from spot two.
It was
not call'd "When Sally Met Harry,"
tho' such
seems the more obvious choice.
Still, why'd
Reiner not choose it...? How dare he...
...not give
Meg -- and the ERA -- voice.
Butterbeans and Susie
Pyramas and Thisbe
Archy and Mehitabel
William and Mary
Stiller and Meara
Heathcliff and Cathy
Ferdinand and Isabella
Tommy and Tuppence
Paul and Paula
Sunday, October 12, 2025
Saturday, October 4, 2025
Distichs: A Nonsense Alphabet of Unpublished Pairs of Couplets -- Some Rhymed -- Excerpted from Imaginary Poetry
Prelude
Stichs aren't stones;
they break no bones.
Their words, though, may divert you
Acrostichs from "Ante Up!" by Bunk & Tosh
Both you and Auntie PetticoaT,
Uncle EnriquillO,
Need on the double (take a guesS)
Kick in a bit more REAL dougH.
Broomstichs from "Dust" by Thom Swiffer
Tweedle the Sweep, who scrubs smokestacks in Bantry,
would waltz with his broom 'round my grandmother's pantry.
He'd char neighbors' chimneys, enduring their dirt. He
abided alone. (Tweedle died shy of thirty.)
Chopstichs from "In a Chinese Workhouse" by Colum May
Toothpicks, Sino-sages say,
as whopping chopsticks start their day.
But woodworks' loppers, led astray,
all parts superfluo'us shave away.
Dipstichs from "Moyshe Mans the Motor Pool" by Yehuda Teer
Your crankcase craves a log* of motor oil.
Flush fluids so your AC won't o'erboil.
A hin* or two should lubricate your brakes.
(A hemi-hin is, maybe, all it takes.)
*Logs and hins are Yiddish liquid measures.
Elastichs from "Stretch!" by Speed O'Banlon
As ev'ning stretches out against the sky,
a limo looms, the length of sev'ral Fords.
Its chauffeur snaps her bubblegum, while I
unload my months' supply of bungee cords.
Fiddlestichs from "Ecphonesis" by E. "Jack" Hoffman
O
Grandma whispers "Pish!"
Grandpa gripes "Begorrah!"
The aunties add "I wish!"
while I reply, "The Horrah!"
Gnostichs from "Godspell 2 1/3" by Jesus of Kalamazoo
There's Thomasines, Mandaeans, Carpocratians, Simonians,
Corinthians, Cleobians, Perates and Cerdonians:
"There's some things WE know," all insist, "that YOU maroons DON'T know."
They then set out delivering a tiresome blow-by-blow.
Hockeystichs from "On noThin Ice" by Frank 'Li'l Black' Zamboni as told to Gosta Ryder
I'll flout the Fates and don used skates
to brave the dicey ice.
But once I do, I pledge to you
I'll never do so twice.
Impressionistichs from "Uly's Piano Recital" by Ulysses Poe
My piece debuts with Debussy.
What follows...? M. Ravel,
three measures miming E. Satie,
and Brahms...with none play'd well.
Joystichs from "Do You Vant Go Blind...?" by Sigfried Freud
Chimps employ 'em, twistin, 'em about.
Pigs enjoy 'em -- nudge 'em with their snout.
Pilots use 'em navigatin' planes.
Does Drumpf abuse 'em...? Mary Trump explains.
Knobstichs from "Solidarity Forever" by Mother Jones
Billy Bob's a blackleg. I shall never marry him.
James...? A rat fink and a scab. I won't be wed to Jim..
Jack's been spotted lickin' boots. How treach'rous can you get...?
And Dick's just cross'd yon picket line: I'll die a bachelorette.
Lipstichs from "Butterflies, Beestings 'n' Botox...Oh, My!" by Don "Nutella" Versace
Tony Lip drives Cherry; he's the doctor's new chauffeur.
Libby vexes Brenda, an antagonist to her.
Joey Fagan's horn makes The Commitments much more hip.
And don't forget Durocher: no one's botherin' the Lip.
Matchstichs from "Den Lille Pige med Svovlstikkerne" by H. Christian Wright
Start from scratch: Paris Match. Orrin Hatch: Booby Hatch!
Swing it, Satch! One-hand catch. Briar patch...? Not a scratch.
Coffee klatsch: bake a batch. Cumberbatch: top-draw'r...? Natch!
Great Pacific Garbage Patch. Tell me: have we met our match...?
Nightstichs from "God o' Dance" by Freda Stare
Crips 'n ' Bloods 'n' police: what's your hurry...? Do the Fly; forget Arthur Murray!
Irish Jig...? Don't fret! Not to worry: When you've binged...just...stop!
Orgiastichs from "Absurdist-in-Chief" by Anon
You socialists are hedonists; you communists are, too.
You're anarchists, abortionists --
I've bullied more than few.
You're masochists; You're narcissists. You're pessimists as well.
You're all those "-ist"s I've doubtless miss'd:
I'll see you lot in hell.
Popsiclestichs from "Ice Lolly Palooza" by Arthur Freeze
Whose dream is of a Popsicle a cult'ral meme enjoys.
Whose dream is of a Creamsicle all lactose dread destroys.
Whose dream is of a Fudgsicle a chocoholic be.
Whose dream is of a Dreamsicle endures redundancy.
Queuestichs from "Blackball Boogie" by Montana O'Beece
Rack 'em, Fats, and pass that chalk.
Then watch me masse, bank 'n' baulk.
YOU talk some talk; I walk the walk.
So, settle back; prepare to gawk.
Rustichs from "The Gift to be Simpleminded" by Manon Knight
The farmer takes a wife.
The wife mistakes the child
for a single-bottom'd "sulky" plow
because that gal's beguiled.
Ì
Swizzlestichs from "Doin' the Chartreuse Swizzle" by Mick Sahl-O'Gist
Take one-point-five ounces Chartreuse;
add some lime juice and pineapple juice.
Pour it all in a tall Collins glass.
Add crushed ice...and then swizzle en masse...
Thunderstichs from "Make Good Noise" by Cholly Bickerknocker
Conf'rence playoffs, Sixers versus Knicks.
Brunson puts up wa-a-ay too many bricks.
I'm sittin' courtside. What's it take to fix
this situation...? Cue them thundersticks![
Uglistichs from "The New Newfie's Guide" by Acoutsina Smithe-Jones
I heard a band in Newfoundland like none I'd ever known:
bandoneon, two fiddles -- and the oddest id'ophone:
some Frenchmen call it "Chinese hat," some British "jingling Jenny."
Search wide 'n' far: the chances are
you'll frug to few...if any.
Voyeuristichs from "I Spy!" by Thomas Pepys
No matter what you do,
I'm always watching you.
Of course, I'm not a dope:
I use my telescope.
Walkingstichs from "On the Wild Side" by Ted Behr
Howe'er you walk, walk sof'ly.
Always arm yourself with sticks.
'Cuz it's jungly out there -- awf'lly! --and that jungle's full of ______.*
*DIY: ticks, hicks, dicks, spicks, pricks...
Xanthistichs from "Yoke Book" by Al Beumann
There's antique fuchsia, android green.
There's mocha and Morello.
Still, look around! Gold hues abound.
Beyond the sun, what's yellow...?
Yardstichs from "Bob the Bobby" by Robert Burns
I'm Sgt. Bludgeon, Scotland Yard.
You see this big baton...? En garde!
I've got this stunning taser, too.
I'd best behave if I were you.
Zapstichs from "Zap Stick" by Senor Sid O'Zenn
You say you don't get outside much...?
Perhaps you need a cane, a crutch...
...an aid to help you in a clutch...
a stun gun -- with a stylish touch...?
Friday, October 3, 2025
Singin' the Blues: A Thirteen-bar Alphabet
Azure 'n' Alice Blue,
Baby 'n' Bice;
Cornflower, Cobalt...
(Cerulean's nice).
Delft Blue 'n' Dodger Blue,
blues play'd by Duke,
plus blue is the hue of the
blue whale's blue fluke.
Eton, Electric Blue,
French 'n' Fluorescent.
Glaucous, which acts as my
antidepressant.
Baby 'n' Bice;
Cornflower, Cobalt...
(Cerulean's nice).
Delft Blue 'n' Dodger Blue,
blues play'd by Duke,
plus blue is the hue of the
blue whale's blue fluke.
Eton, Electric Blue,
French 'n' Fluorescent.
Glaucous, which acts as my
antidepressant.
Haint, Honolulu,
Havana Blue, nu...?
Iris 'n' Indigo;
Jordy (the hue).
Klein Blue 'n' Lavender...
Midnight Blue, too.
Navy 'n' Neon 'n'
Non-photo Blue.
Oxford Blue, Prussian Blue,
Persian 'n' Penn.
(Stop! Have you heard enough...?
Simply say "When.")
Process Blue, Powder Blue,
Phthalo, the pigment.
Quacksalver's... Wait! THAT blue
may be a figment.
Royal Blue, Robin's Egg Blue,
Resolution.
(Chalcanthite turns blue
when dissolved in solution.)
Spanish Blue, Space Cadet,
Silver Lake, Smalt.
Sky Blue, Savoy, Sapphire...
(What color's salt...?)
Teal Blue 'n' Turquoise 'n'
Turin 'n' True.
Thenard's Blue's aka Cobalt.
(Who knew...?)
USAF Blue,
UNESCO, UN.
Uranian Blue...Wait!
Did someone say "When"...?
Vista Blue. (W
signals no blue --
no, nor neither does X,
although Y 'n' Z do:
Yale Blue 'n' YinMn 'n'
Zaffre Blue. Whew!
(I forgot Lapis Lazuli.
That's it: I'm through.)
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Composed and illustrated in 2019, each verse of poetaster Ulysses ("Uly") Poe's illuminated nonsense lyric "What A's ...