Surrogate Snarks: An ABC Of MAGA Monsters

'Tis far from few, 

requested to 
relate their fav'rite lark, 

who'd favor us 

with answer thus:
"Mine's hunting of the snark." 

 Solo acephalus 

 Which fool'd forget 

 each pain, each fret, 

 each nearly fatal sally

 they'd sweated besting, 

 then arresting 

 awful acephali...? 

Who'd not confess

each strain, each stress 

(tho' railing's not his wish) 

he'd spent to pore 

through bushes for

the beastly bishop-fish...

...and then mislay 

his trebuchet* -- 

such weapoons proving handy

as men march'd forth, 

dead-heading north

to catch the cru'l chromandi...? 

    *In America, read, "...and then forget his trebuchet." 

When young (just three: 

too gung ho...? Oui),

I took it on the chin:

the Kids' Krusade! 

(Mistakes were made 

when driving down the djinn.)  

Though now she's dead, 

I've heard (or read) 

of one (d'ya think I'd kid ya...?) 

who'd grab her truncheon

after lunch 'n'

slay ten men: Echidna! 

     (a work in progress)

Big Green Box

Early in the morning post the vernal equinox, 
I waken'd to the crowing of a pair of Plymouth Rocks,
their cock-a-doodling not unlike twin arias of Bach's.
These cocks and I reside in my enormous turquoise box.

     (More verses and images to come; a work in progress)

Jesuses, Gentle & Orange: Pray Do Not Get 'Em Confused! Another Agony In Eight Fits

Say "Hey!" to Gentle Jesus aka The Nazarene.
Don't pray to Orange Jesus aka The Tangerine. 

The first one's in a manger born (no rooms left at the inn).

The second one is born in Queens and sports an orange skin.

Say "Hi!" to Gentle Jesus who turns water into wine.

Bid "Bye!" to Orange Jesus, who's with grabbin' pussy fine.

The first's a man of faith and hope -- and charity to boot.

The second launches charities then pockets all the loot.

Say "Yo!" to Gentle Jesus who's a healer of the sick. 

Say "No!" to Orange Jesus, wheeler-dealer --and a dick. 

The first's a Jewish carpenter who some say walks on water. 

The second harps that, if he could, he'd doubtless date his daughter.

Say "Yah!" to Gentle Jesus; heed his, "Children, come to me." 

Say "Nah!" to Orange Jesus; shun his university.   

The first's call'd Mighty Counselor, My Lord, the Prince of Peace.

The second's a misogynist -- who'd love to date his niece. 

Say "Oui!" to G! He feeds good folks with sev'ral fish 'n' loaves. 

Bend knee to Orange Jesus who deports good folks in droves. 

The first one is a friend to all; he's ev'rybody's brother.

The other one, I'm sad to say, would even date his mother. 

Say "Yay!" to Gentle Jesus. Lamb of God he's also call'd.

The other guy, call'd Ham of God who won't admit he's bald,

is likewise known as Scam of God. (His shakedowns sometimes stall'd,

where 'pon he's call'd The Sham of God, tho' God's, no doubt, appall'd.) 

Say "Howdy, Gentle Jesus," He's the Way, the Truth, the Life. 

Kow-tow to Orange Jesus -- like his current lady-wife. 

The first, who's punish'd for our sins, tells followers he'll rise.

The second one, who's POTUS, tells us 30,000 lies.

Say "Stet!" to Gentle Jesus. (Now I'm running short of rhymes.) 

Say "Nyet!" to Orange Jesus who's the Hitler of our times.

So: which loves those who after justice hunger, yearn and thirst...?

It ain't that guy exclaiming, "I should be Pope Don the First." 

     Fin     

The Final Four of "What A's NOT For...Still" Letters W Through Z

Winking Wilbur Wrights...? 

 

Wait, Watt.* No way's W** for four

winking Wilbur Wrights whilst wicked
warlocks -- wan-wigg'd -- wildly wave one's
worthless warrantee: 

*George D. Watt, together with iso-initial'd fellow Mormon Parley P. Pratt (see lines for letter P above), develops Deseret alphabet c. 1855. 

**Pronounced in two syllables, as in "Dub-yah." 

Xerox'd xerophytes...? 

 

   

X...? No, Xaver,* X ain't for four

Xerox'd xerophytes. X is...? (E)x-

actly: "ximply xwarmin'" xanthic

xylocopidae: 

 

 

*Franz Xaver Gabelsberger invents a shorthand and tags it with his own name c. 1817. 

Yakitori'd yaks...? 

 

Y...? No, Yeli,* Y's NOT for four

yakitori'd yaks. Yeah, yeah, you

you-know-what: Y's yakISH, yet's your

yashmak'd young'un's yak:

 

 

*Xia dynasty scholar Yeli Renrong invents Tangut script in 1036. 

Zipper'd zodiacs...? 
 

 

Z...? No, Zobo,* Z's NOT for four

zipper'd zodiacs. Zorillas...?

Zebras...? Zebus...? Zorses...? Zut! Z's

Zizi's** zaftig zack: 

 

*Liberian Wido Zobo invents Loma syllabary c. 1935. ** Oslo Cooper ("Ozzy") Bartholomew, call'd "Zizi" by his grandmother, is fond of his many pet zacks -- one of which is shown here with Ozzy's grandfather.

     Fin 

Coburn Copes: An Alphabet

      "My boy, you see me astonished." 

          -- Charles Coburn 

Hollywood actor Coburn, playing imaginary rococo-tongued con artist "Colonel" Harrington who is paterfamilias to the Eve mentioned in the title of Preston Sturgis's classic screwball comedy "The Lady Eve," delivers the above line to fellow Tinseltown thespian Henry Fonda playing the fictional fall guy Charles Poncefort ("Hopsie") Pike in the selfsame film. In the lines below Coburn's Colonel voices an abecedarial array of reactions, positive and negative, to a selection of famous fictional characters from classic literature and film. 

     "Some folks 

talk to the fauna; he's waltz'd with 'em, too. 

     Oh, yes:

Androcles sees me Astounded. 
     Bloody 

hell! Be there nothing this nothing will do...?

     Perhaps

Bartleby sees me Bemused.
     I am 

sadden'd: the Sagamore's last in his line.
     Oh, yes: 

Chingachgook sees me Confounded. 
     Reading 

Joyce, I suppose erudition is mine.
     Ah, but 

Dedalus sees me Disused."

 

Androcles and the Lion by G.B. Shaw; Bartleby the Scrivener by Herman Melville; The Last of the Mohicans by James Fennimore Cooper and Ulysses 

by James Joyce 

     (More to come; a work in progress)

  

Eglentyne sees me...   

     (The Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer)  

Frandaboo (?) sees me... 

Gilgamesh sees me...

     (Gilgamesh by Anonymous) 

Hannibal sees me... 

          (The Silence of the Lambs) 

Ishmael sees me... 

     (Moby Dick by Herman Melville)

Jabberwock sees me... 

     (Alice Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll)

Katisha sees me... 

     (The Mikado by Gilbert and Sullivan)

Lemini sees me... 

     (Black Narcissus by Rumer Godden)

Michaeleen sees me...

     (The Quiet Man from John Ford) 

Nicholas sees me... 

     (Nicholas Nickleby by Charles Dickens)

Oliver sees me... 

     (Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens)

Passepartout sees me... 

     (Around the World in 80 Days by Jules Verne) 

Quatermass sees me...

Robin Hood sees me...

Sherlock Holmes sees me... 

     (The Holmes stories by Arthur Conan Doyle) 

Turandot sees me...

Undershaft sees me... 

     (Major Barbara by G. B Shaw)

Voldemort sees me... 

     (The Harry Potter books by J. K. Rowling)

Wigglemuch sees me...

     (The Wiggelnuch by Herbert Crowley)

Xavier sees me...

Yellowrock sees me...

     (Skinwalker by Faith Hunter)

Zampano sees me...

     (La Strada from Federico Fellini)

Even More "What A's NOT For...Still" Letters S Through V

Saccharine serapes...? 

S, Sequoyah*...? No, NOT for four 
saccharine serapes. Simply
stated: Swirlin' Swami's somewhat
silly silken sash: 

 

 

*Native American polymath aka George Guess invents Cherokee syllabary c. 1819. 

 Turreted Topkapis...? 

 

T...? No, no, Thoth.* T's NOT for four-
turreted Topkapis.** Ten to
two 'tis tireless Ted ("The Toiler")
truckin' ten-ton trash: 

 

 

*According to tradition, to this mythical deity is ascribed invention of Egyptian hieroglyphics c. 3000 BC. **The gate to Topkapi palace, of course, bears only two turrets. 

Unshorn Ursulines...? 

 

 

U...Ufilas*...? No, NOT for four 
unshorn Ursulines. U's undress'd
uptight Uncle Uly's** (ugh!) un-
sightly underpants: 

 

*This Cappadocian missionary is believed to have invented Gothic alphabet c. 350 AD. **Poetaster Poe is the younger brother of this poem's narrator's mother. 

Vowel-free valentines...? 

 

V...? No, Vikulharc,* NOT for four 
vow'l-free v_l_nt_n_s. Vay! Vay! V's
vicious vole's (de-)vouring ver-r-r-ry 
vocal Vivian Vance: 

 

 

*This Albanian scholar invents Vithkuqi alphabet in 1845. 

     (continued elsewhere)

Prognosis Pro POTUS: An Alphabet

      Tumblin'
Ass-over-teatray, he's
Banish'd abroad, whence he's
Cold cock'd then 
Dry dock'd. (Drumpf's
Epic'lly 
Flaw'd. 

     (a work in progress)

More "What A's NOT For...Still" Letters O Through R

Overlapping otters...? 

 

O...? No, Ogma,* O's NOT for four 

overlapping otters: Only 
one, one-octave (often oily) 
orange ocarina: 

*To this legendary Irish chieftain, according to tradition, is ascribed the invention of Ogham writing c. 1875 BC. 

Pharaoh's playful daughters...? 

 

 

P...? Nope, Parley,* P's NOT for four 
Pharaoh's playful daughters: Pin plu-
poorly pleated pants, please, posh pa-
trician Palestrina! 

 

*Mormon Parley P. Pratt co-develops Deseret alphabet c. 1855. 

Quiv'rin' quiff'd Qaddafis...? 

 

 

Q, Quijada*...? No, NOT for four 
quiv'rin' quiff'd Quaddafis. Quare 
quereris, quaint quizzical quin-
duplicated quadrupeds...? 

 

*John Quijada creates experimental constructed language Ithkull between 1978 and 2023. 

Raga-riffin' Rafis...? 

 

 

R, Ron Read...?* No, R's NOT for four 
rag-recordin' Rafis.** Rarer,
really: raging, ruffl'd, rather 
rakish rude Rhode (Ryeland...?) Reds: 

 

*Ronald Kingsley Read shares prize awarded to four contestants designing Shavian alphabet in 1959. 

**Mohammad Rafi, called The Greatest Voice in Hindi Cinema, reigned for 30+ years as a world-famous Bollywood playback singer. 

      (continued elsewhere)